Fallout (74 page)

ALL GASSED UP

Horribly overpriced chains

purchased and “how to install ’em”

tutorial complete, we hit the highway.

Normally, the yeasty scent

of the Schat’s Bakkerÿ bread

on my sandwich would strike me

as pretty much heavenly.

Today it’s making me slightly

nauseous, a fact that Trey, who

is inhaling his own sandwich,

can’t help but notice.
Have you

decided what to do about that?

I want to sound defiant, but

the best I can accomplish

is a miserable, “Do about what?”

Trey shrugs.
I can’t pretend to

be your friend, let alone your

dad. We barely know each other.

But I am a pretty good judge

of character, and I can see

you’re a special kind of girl.

Special kind of girl? “What

does that mean?” And am

I as pea soup green as I feel?

Don’t get all huffy now. All

I meant was, you’ve got a look.

In prison, we’d call you a fish—

someone new to the scene.

I figure you’re new to getting

laid. Probably how you ended up—

Before I know what my mouth

is doing, it opens and out spills,

“I know how it works! I wanted to …”

We both realize I’ve said too

much. Trey is quiet for a time.

Finally he says,
You can’t keep

someone who doesn’t want

to be with you. Not that way.

Not any way. Believe me, I know.

ON THE FAR SIDE OF BISHOP

The highway begins

a long, lazy climb up

toward Mammoth

and June Lake. Up

toward the clouds.

Ten or so miles up

the grade, snow

starts to fall in soft

flurries. It doesn’t

seem to bother Trey,

who continues, Y
ou

probably don’t want

to hear this, but I’m

going to tell you anyway.

I was so in love with

your mother, my heart

could barely hold it

all. The crystal, yeah
,

that was an issue
,

right from the start.

Messes with your head.

When we went to jail

for trafficking, we had

no choice but to do

time, crashing hard.

I was glad to be clean

when they let us go.

Especially when I found

out she was pregnant

with you. I proposed

right away, and you

could have knocked

me over with a burp

when she said yes.

It was the happiest

time of my life. When

you were born, I thought

nothing could tear us

apart. And then we let

the monster back in.

Part of me was so

scared for you. More

of me wasn’t scared

of a goddamn thing.

And Kristina? She had

more balls than any guy

I’ve ever known. What

she didn’t ever have

enough of was love.

Not for me. Not for you.

Not for anyone who

came before—or after—

us. She used who she

could to get what she

wanted. And then she

tossed them like trash.