Family Affair
Authors: Caprice Crane
Praise for Caprice Crane’s novels
FAMILY AFFAIR
“Perceptive, touching, and always hilarious, this is Caprice Crane’s best work yet. It’s an irresistible story with equal parts humor and heart.”
—E
MILY
G
IFFIN
,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Love the One You’re With
“The phrase ‘You don’t marry the man; you marry his family’ has never rung so true.
Family Affair
is so full of heart and humor, you’ll want to squeeze into the family station wagon and sit shotgun for the ride.”
—S
TEPHANIE
K
LEIN
,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Straight Up and Dirty
and
Moose
“With a finely tuned ear for dialogue and a biting sense of humor,
Family Affair
is another winner. Crane is masterful at creating lovably flawed characters and placing them in hilariously relatable predicaments. I simply adored this book because no one does fiction funnier than Caprice Crane.”
—J
EN
L
ANCASTER
,
New York Times
bestselling author of
Pretty in Plaid
“An unflinchingly honest, fiercely funny, unexpectedly tender story of a marriage between two very appealing people you’ll root for every step of the way.”
—M
ELISSA
S
ENATE
, author of
The Secret of Joy
“Hilarious and sharp, with perfect emotional pitch,
Family Affair
provides everything Caprice Crane fans have come to expect—freshness, truth, and fun.”
—L
ANI
D
IANE
R
ICH
, author of
Wish You Were Here
“This is a clever and unique take on the romantic comedy—witty, touching, and often laugh-out-loud funny. I loved it.”
—A
LISON
P
ACE
, author of
City Dog
FORGET ABOUT IT
“So funny and wise, I forgot about my own problems while reading it.”
—V
ALERIE
F
RANKEL
, author of
Thin Is the New Happy
“So clever I wish
I
had amnesia so I could read it again for the first time.”
—J
EN
L
ANCASTER
“Another triumph for the author … Jordan’s transformation from subservient to assertive is incredibly fun and empowering.”
—
Romantic Times
“Savage wit and breathtaking tenderness … Caprice Crane has romantic comedy in her DNA.”
—J
EFF
A
RCH
, Oscar-nominated screenwriter of
Sleepless in Seattle
“Hilarious … delightful from start to finish.”
—S
TACEY
B
ALLIS
, author of
The Spinster Sisters
STUPID AND CONTAGIOUS
“Definitely not your mother’s chick lit … filled with one hilarious and clever surprise after the next.”
—
Romantic Times
“With this winning romantic comedy, former MTV head writer Crane delivers a first novel reminiscent of Laura Zigman’s bestselling
Animal Husbandry
. Crane makes light comedy, usually so difficult to create and sustain, look effortless.”
—
Booklist
“Crane’s … style of writing is both endearing and hysterically funny.”
—
Star Magazine
“A truly exceptional book—funny, twisted, clever, mean, and always brilliant.”
—A
NNA
M
AXTED
, author of
A Tale of Two Sisters
“So much fun … snappy dialogue … Crane’s giddy, playful prose feels fresh.”
—
Publishers Weekly
“Heaven Albright, the irrepressible and sexy heroine, is bursting with humor that is smart and infectious.”
—B
RIAN
D
OYLE
-M
URRAY
, co-writer of
Caddyshack
“Stupid and Contagious
is anything but stupid and is completely contagious. Infectious, riotous, and hip beyond belief, it’s a great read.”
—I
SABEL
R
OSE
, author of
The J.A.P. Chronicles
“A witty romantic comedy debut.”
—
Kirkus Reviews
“Smart and feisty! Milk-snorting funny and playfully intriguing! Love it!”
—K
AREN
S
ALMANSOHN
, author of
The Bounce Back Book
“Insanely funny and outrageous,
Stupid and Contagious
effortlessly captures the glorious awkwardness of becoming who you are, finding that special someone who drives you crazy, and ultimately following your dreams wherever they may take you.”
—E
RICA
K
ENNEDY
, author of
Bling
“Caprice Crane’s writing is so cool, I feel like the geek girl stalking her locker, trying to slide a mix CD through the slats before she spots me.
Stupid and Contagious
is hilarious and insightful. A book with its own soundtrack, this is one not to miss.”
—P
AMELA
R
IBON
, author of
Why Moms Are Weird
“Caprice Crane brings her respect for music and all of its universal sentiment into her stylish, page-turning, sharp-tongued debut novel.”
—L
IZA
P
ALMER
, author of
Seeing Me Naked
“Caprice Crane rocks! This is the best book I’ve read in a long, long time. Sharp, original, and wickedly funny, this is a must-read. I absolutely loved it.”
—J
OHANNA
E
DWARDS
, bestselling author of
How to Be Cool
ALSO BY CAPRICE CRANE
Stupid and Contagious
Forget About It
For my fabulous grandmother Betty Yaeger, whose antics are only forgiven because she firmly believes she’s the queen of England—or some facsimile thereof. The woman who at ninety-three years old said to my mother the night before her most recent birthday, “Why is everybody celebrating you?
I’m
the one who went through all the suffering and the labor.” A truly magnificent one-of-a-kind being, whom I adore despite—and
because
of—all she is. This one’s for you, Grandma.
Excerpt from With a Little Luck
“Blood’s thicker than mud.
It’s a family affair….”
—
SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE
First, and always, I thank my mom, Tina Louise, whom I love, cherish, and adore more than could ever be expressed right here. You are my heart.
Thanks to the rest of my tiny family, which actually leaves only my grandmother and my stepmom, Ginger Crane. I love you. This year was a hard one. (R.I.P., Dad. “Go placidly amid the noise and haste….”)
Well, and my dog, Max, my baby shih tzu, who is not so much a baby anymore but I keep lying to myself to keep him young. Max is the most handsome boy with the most stunning underbite that has ever graced a face.
Thanks to Sarah Self at Gersh, my awesome agent, who dubbed this “The Year of the Crane.” (Hopefully, I’ll get more than
one
, but I’ll take what I can get.) Thanks to Jenny Bent, for guiding me to Bantam/Random House, and to my amazing editor, Danielle Perez, for welcoming me to my new publishing home. And to all the other wonderful people at Bantam/Random House who are working so hard on my behalf.
Huge thanks to two friends who read and reread this book tirelessly: David Vanker, for helping me see the forest through
the trees and always reminding me of Thomas Mann’s quote “Only the exhaustive is truly interesting.” And to Chris Keeslar, whose magic extends far beyond his World of Warcraft game console.
And of course a giant thank-you to the rest of my dearest friends, who really are my family when it comes down to it: Rick Biolsi, Adam Carl, Denise Diforio, Glen E. Friedman, Dave Fruehe, Gilly Garrett, the Goodmans, the Gores, Jeff Judah, Devon Kellgren, Jacqueline Lord, Nez Mandel, the McNowns, Missy Peregrym, the Pruetts, Simone Reyes, Gabe Sachs, Jeff Schneider, Allison Schroeder, Michelle Sterne, Joe Vernon, Amanda Voelker, Kim Whalen, Scotty Wood, and Harley Zinker.
Last but certainly not least, the extraordinary Armstrong family: Jeremy, Nancy, Gordon, and the rest of the ever-growing clan. The partial inspiration for this book. Had Jer and I not broken up in high school … this could have been us. We certainly caused enough trouble.
Eric Clapton stole Pattie Boyd from George Harrison. This is common knowledge by now. What’s less well known is that Eric Clapton stole my father from my mother. Our nuclear family was another casualty of the undying allure of sex, drugs, and platinum-selling vinyl. I used to wonder what would steal my own marital happiness.