Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero (30 page)

“What happened? Something with Andrew?”

The concern in her father’s voice unleashed more tears. His image shimmered as he strode to her and reclined against the desk, his hands gripping its edge.

She sucked in a gulp of air. “Andrew’s okay.”

Her father remained quiet, waiting for her to continue.

“Daddy, I’ll always be alone.” Fresh tears burned her eyes as she spoke for the first time her biggest fear. She had pushed people away because she was afraid they would do it first. Andrew and she were alike in that respect.

“No, you won’t.” He clasped her arms and drew her to her feet. “You will always have me and your mother. I know that I haven’t been the best dad in the world, but I do love you.”

With her head against his shoulder, she remembered Andrew’s encouragement to talk with her father about how she felt growing up. She swallowed hard, but her throat was still tight and dry.

“Dad, I’d like to talk to you about something.” Her voice was raspy.

“What about?”

She pulled back. “Not being perfect,” she blurted, her breath bottled in her lungs.

His brow wrinkled. “I know you aren’t perfect. No one is.”

“But you were never satisfied with my accomplishments. You always wanted me to do better.”

“Of course, I wanted you to do better. I want the best for my daughter, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t proud of you.”

“What if I don’t get Oklahoma Teacher of the Year? How will you feel?”

He looked as though she’d punched him in the stomach. “You don’t think I would be proud of you anymore if you don’t win the next level?”

She nodded.

“You couldn’t be more wrong, Sadie. I’ll be disappointed that the committee couldn’t see you’re the best in the state, but I’ll still be proud of you. I—” Her father’s eyes grew round. He twisted away and began to pace, plowing his fingers through his hair. “I never said it, did I?”

“No.”

He stopped and faced her. “I’m sorry.”

Never once in his life had her father told her he was sorry. Her throat closed, emotions buried for years surfacing.

“Your mom says that’s something I need to work on. I’ve made quite a few mistakes with this family. Reverend Littleton is helping me to see that I shut down after your little brother died. I turned away from your mother, from you. I never properly grieved his death.”

“Oh, Daddy.” Sadie rushed to her father and hugged him.

He held her tight. “I’ve caused you a lot of tears, haven’t I? I hope you can forgive me.”

“We’re family.” His comfort soothed her troubled soul. She knew they still had a long way to go in developing the kind of father-daughter relationship she dreamed about, but this evening was a start.

“Am I the reason you’re crying right now?”

“No.” She could hear his heart pounding and drew strength from him. “I wish Andrew could have come tonight.”

“What happened to him?”

“Business called him away from Cimarron City.”

“I’m sorry about that, Sadie, but with a man like Andrew, who is dedicated to his work, that kind of thing will happen. You have to learn to accept that.”

It might have been possible for her to accept his work schedule, but Andrew wasn’t giving her a chance. He was pulling away. She had heard it in his voice. She needed to protect herself before there was nothing left to protect.

A pile of papers sat on Andrew’s lap, but all he could seem to do was stare out the airplane window at the dark night—and see Sadie’s face when she heard her message from him. On the ride to the airport he could have gone by the restaurant and talked with her personally instead of taking the easy way out. But he’d been afraid if he had seen her disappointment he would have stayed, and he couldn’t. He was the one at IFI who was supposed to get the negotiations with the union back on track.

He rubbed a hand down his face, wishing he could scrub away the disgust he felt toward himself. He hadn’t wanted to hurt Sadie, but he knew he had. He had warned her he wasn’t a settling-down kind of guy—but for a while there he had pictured himself with Sadie as his wife, living in a house with a white picket fence, a dog and children. These past few weeks, since the NewYear, he was reminded of the type of work schedule he had. There was no room in it for a wife and family. The only decent thing left for him to do was end it with Sadie.

His chest hurt with the thought. But he was no good at relationships and long ago he had stopped dreaming about having a family. Work didn’t demand an emotional commitment, people did.

This time last week Sadie had been summoned to Mrs. Lawson’s office because there was a problem with Chris. Now she stood in the middle of IFI’s large lobby, undecided whether to see Mrs. Lawson first, or Andrew. She peered at the doors that led into the mail room. Business first. While the reason she was here to see Andrew was certainly not pleasure, it was personal.

With determined steps she covered the distance to the mail room and thrust open the door. Sadie waved to Chris as she headed for Mrs. Lawson’s office. After one sharp rap the woman admitted Sadie.

“I won’t keep you long, but I was in the building and wanted to check on Chris and the problem we discussed last week. Are things better?” Sadie remained by the door.

“Chris seems to be conducting himself properly.”

“Are there any other problems I should know about?”

Mrs. Lawson shook her head. “He’s eager to learn and works hard while he is here.”

Surprised at the softening in the older woman’s features, Sadie relaxed her taut body and smiled. “I’m glad he’s working out.”

Mrs. Lawson returned her smile. “Yes, better than I thought when Mr. Knight approached me about this program.”

Sadie turned toward the door, glanced back and said, “Thank you, Mrs. Lawson. If you have any other problems concerning Chris, please free feel to call me.”

Sadie briefly spoke to Chris before leaving the mail room. Her gaze slid from the glass doors that led outside to the bank of elevators. She knew that Andrew had returned home sometime yesterday because he had left her a message on her answering machine, congratulating her on becoming the teacher of the year. Nothing else was said, and the silence after his message had been deafening.

What to do? Andrew was a friend, and when she was in a building where a friend worked she always stopped by to say hello. Her rationalization worked for all of one minute, but she knew by the time she had punched the button for his floor that she really wanted to see him to put an end to this roller coaster ride she had felt herself on these past few months.

“Hold the elevator,” a woman called.

Sadie pressed her finger on the open door button. Jollie stepped onto the elevator, surprise evident in her expression.

“So the rumors are true,” the other woman said.

“What rumors?” Sadie asked, knowing what Jollie was going to say.

“That you and Andrew Knight are an item. Is he another bachelor we’re gonna lose for next year?”

“We are friends. He’s safe,” Sadie said, realizing she would probably have to get used to that idea, except that she didn’t think she could be Andrew’s friend. Being around him and not showing her love would be too much for her to handle. She wore her emotions on her face, and she wasn’t that good an actress.

“Then why are you here?”

“I have a student working here.”

“Yes, I heard, in the mail room. In fact, Chris comes into my office every day. What a breath of sunshine. All the employees like him and look forward to his afternoon visit.”

Sadie responded to the woman’s words with a smile, glad that something was going right. “He likes working here.”

“I’m going to have an opening in my department soon. Would Chris be interested in working in receiving?”

“I’ll talk with him about it.”

“He’ll have to apply, but I hope he does. I know how difficult Mrs. Lawson can be to work for, and if Chris is doing okay for her, he’ll be an asset for my department.”

“I’ll get with Andrew about it.”

“Great. See you at our first organizational meeting for the auction.” The elevator doors slid open, and Jollie left.

The next floor was Andrew’s, and Sadie quickly exited the elevator. She couldn’t believe her good fortune when she saw that Mrs. Fox was away from her desk. Without debating, she went to Andrew’s door and knocked, entering his office when she heard him say, “Come in.”

Andrew glanced up from a pile of papers he was reading. Surprise quickly followed by joy flitted across his features, only to have a neutral expression descend by the time she’d crossed the office.

“How did you get past Mrs. Fox?”

“Easy. She wasn’t out there. How was your trip? Successful?”

“Yes, the negotiations are back on track and should be wrapped up in a few days.”

“I’m glad.”

Silence fell between them, thick and heavy like a sudden summer storm. Sadie sat before her legs gave out on her. The width of his desk separated them, but she felt as if they were worlds apart. She searched for the right words to say, but his unreadable look wiped all thoughts from her mind.

“Andrew, I find being direct the best way to go through life,” she began, her mouth parched as though she had stuffed wads of cotton in it.

“I find that a good philosophy.”

“Then I think we should talk about us.”

“Us?”

Her gaze coupled with his. “You and I both know there is an us, or there was until just recently.”

Andrew surged to his feet. “Yes. We do need to talk.” He strode to the large picture window that afforded him a wonderful view of Cimarron City. “I told you from the beginning I had no time for a relationship, that my life would be tied up with my work. That hasn’t changed, Sadie.”

His back was to her, and she needed to see what was in his eyes. She walked to him and leaned against the windowsill, fingertips digging into the ledge. “So what was December all about?”

“It was a lull in my busy schedule because of the holidays. Even IFI slows down at that time of year.” He ran his hand through his hair, then rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t want to disappoint you again like I did Saturday night.”

“I see.”

“Do you? Do you really see?”

“Yes, I do. You’re afraid to make a commitment. I believe you use your work as an excuse to justify to yourself that you have no time for anyone in your life. That’s easier than risking getting hurt in a relationship.”

“You have it all figured out.”

“No, far from it, but I do know one thing. I’m not perfect. I have faults, and that’s okay. I used to think it wasn’t, that no one could see my flaws and still like me. These past few months I’ve come to realize differently. I have to be with a man who will commit to me one hundred percent. You can’t do that, and I think you’re right that we should end whatever we had between us.”

Andrew straightened, quickly scrambling to conceal the anger that flashed in his eyes. “Good. Then we agree.”

Sadie started for the door, determined to remain in control. “Oh, by the way, Jollie wants Chris to apply for a position in the receiving department when it opens up.”

“I’ll look into it.” His reply was cold.

At the door she paused and said, “I’m gonna ask you again. Have you thought about what you’ll have in, say, ten or twenty years? Will it be enough to satisfy you? What happens when you retire and there is no more work?”

With those questions spoken, Sadie slipped out of the office, feeling Andrew’s penetrating stare shimmer down her back. She had to go back to school for a meeting.
Please, Lord, give me the strength to make it through the rest of the day without falling apart.
She uttered the prayer over and over as she felt her heart shatter into a thousand pieces.

A
ndrew started to knock, hesitated and dropped his arm to his side. Turning away, he walked a few paces down the hall, then stopped and twisted, staring at the door. When Sadie had left his office the day before yesterday, he’d felt as though she had sucked the air from the room and taken it with her. Her questions still rang in his mind, demanding answers he didn’t have. He needed help and had run out of places to go.

The door opened, and Reverend Littleton appeared in the hallway. “Andrew? What brings you to the church?”

Andrew stared at the man, two nights without sleep dulling his mind. He couldn’t get Sadie out of his thoughts, especially the devastation he’d glimpsed in her eyes that last time he’d seen her in his office.

“What’s wrong, my son?”

Andrew flinched. He could remember Tom saying those very words to him when he’d first lived with Tom. Over the two years he’d lived with Tom, he’d learned to put his trust and faith in the man and the Lord. Then Tom had been taken away just as quickly and disastrously as his family, and he’d felt himself floundering for a safety net.

Tunneling his fingers through his tousled hair, Andrew approached the reverend. “I need your help.”

Reverend Littleton stepped to the side. “Come into my office and let’s talk.”

Seated in a comfortable chair across from the older man, Andrew closed his eyes for a moment, gathering his scattered thoughts into a coherent pattern. Finally, at four in the morning, he had come to the conclusion he needed more in his life than what he had. Sadie was right. There was nothing there that would mean anything in the years to come.

Andrew took a deep, cleansing breath. “How do you find your way back to God?”

“Son, I think you’ve taken the first step today by coming here and asking that question.”

“This is an unexpected visit, Andrew. Is something wrong with the union negotiations?”

Andrew remained standing in front of Mr. Wilson’s desk. “No, I’ve come to withdraw my name from consideration for the presidency of IFI.”

“May I ask why?”

“My goals and plans for the future have changed these past few months.”

“They still involve IFI?”

“Yes, but not as its president. I want to start a family.”

Surprise flitted across Mr. Wilson’s features. “Are congratulations in order?”

“I haven’t convinced the lady yet.”

“If I know you, Andrew, that’s only a technicality. Who do you like as the next president?”

Andrew pulled up a chair and sat, more relaxed now that he had told Mr. Wilson his wish. “Charles would be excellent.”

“Would you be willing to take on a different role at IFI?”

“What?” Andrew asked, wary that he would be trading one all-consuming job for another.

“I want to divide your job and expand the special projects part. With you heading that section, someone else can oversee the human resource department. I like this project you’re doing with Cimarron High School and their vocational program. Connected to this position, of course, would be community awareness of IFI here in Cimarron City as well as globally. Image in today’s market is everything. What do you think?”

Andrew shifted, leaning forward, enthusiasm building inside him. “I like it. Tell me more.”

The hairs on the nape of Sadie’s neck tingled. She scanned the gym at the University of Oklahoma, her gaze skipping from Special Olympics participant to coach to spectator. She saw familiar people, but no one staring at her. Still, the sensation someone was looking at her plagued her as she walked with her team toward the court they would play on.

She placed her gym bag on the floor. “Let’s stretch and warm up first.”

The eight team members formed a circle. Chris went into the middle and demonstrated one stretch. Everyone followed his lead. Sadie bent over and touched the floor along with her players. As she straightened, again the feeling someone was staring at her inundated her. She looked from side to side. When she glanced behind her, she saw him.

Andrew smiled at her, nodding his head in greeting.

Shock swept through her. Andrew was dressed in gym shorts and a T-shirt with a whistle around his neck. He would be their referee. Her shock quickly turned to confusion. Why wasn’t he working? Just because it was Saturday didn’t mean it was a day off for him. He had no days off.

Ignoring his heartwarming smile, she focused her attention on the stretches her students were performing. But each time she lunged, reached or twisted, she couldn’t shake the prickly sensation Andrew was following every move she made.

Halfway through the exercises, she slipped away from the circle to confront the man. She marched up to him, fisted her hands on her waist and demanded, “Why are you here?”

“I’m volunteering.”

“Don’t you have work to do or something?” She winced at the panic in her voice and wished he hadn’t heard it. She knew he had. A gleam entered his eyes.

“No. I took the weekend off.”

“Why?”

“To volunteer at the Winter Games for Special Olympics. I thought that was obvious.”

“Nothing about you is obvious. Are you refereeing our game?”

He nodded.

“Then I’m gonna protest.”

“Why?”

“I’m sure this is a conflict of interest.”

“You don’t think I can be fair-minded?”

“I—” She suppressed her retort. “Yes, I guess so.”

“Besides, all the other referees are busy, and they’re shorthanded as it is. I thought you would be happy to see me. You’re the one who convinced me that Special Olympics is a good cause to donate my time to.”

She narrowed her eyes, wishing they could pierce his thick skin. He was enjoying her discomfort at his presence. “You could have volunteered for one of the other sports being played at the winter games.”

“But I know how to play basketball. I thought that was important if I was gonna referee.” He peered over her shoulder at her team. “They have five more minutes before the game starts. I need the captain to call the coin toss.”

“I’ll send Chris over.” Sadie marched to the circle of players, aware of Andrew’s gaze assessing her, and told Chris to meet with Andrew.

Chris’s face lit with a bright smile. “Mr. Knight is our referee?”

“Yes.”

“That’s great. He’ll get to see me play. I told him about this.”

So that was how Andrew knew about the winter games. Sadie wanted to discover just how much Chris and Andrew had talked about this weekend. Did Andrew mention her? Why was he here? As her thoughts began to run rampant with all the possibilities, she put a halt to the questions. Showing up for one day didn’t mean anything. Special Olympics was a great cause, and she was tickled pink Andrew was giving his time to something other than work. But that was all. One day isn’t a lifetime commitment, she reminded herself as she prepared her team for the start.

The game was excruciatingly slow. The seconds dragged into minutes, and Sadie could hardly keep her mind on her team. Her gaze kept returning to Andrew in the middle of her students, looking as though he was enjoying himself. He appeared relaxed, the tense lines in his face gone.

“Spencer, in?” Donnie tapped her on the shoulder and pointed toward the court.

“Okay, but remember that goal is the Chargers’. Don’t shoot at that basket,” Sadie said, waving toward a hoop.

The score was tied eight to eight with their opponents getting some help from Donnie, who had made a basket for the Chargers. When Donnie ran onto the court, Sadie shouted, “Remember this is our goal.” She pointed to the north end again.

In Donnie’s excitement at getting another chance to play, he rebounded the ball and immediately took a shot at the Chargers’ goal. The ball circled the rim and dropped through the net. Moaning, Sadie buried her face in her hands while their opponents exploded with applause. She thought of taking Donnie out and decided not to. He loved to shoot baskets and was quite good. Maybe he could make a few for them, too.

Two minutes later, the score was eleven to ten in the Chargers’ favor. Andrew blew the whistle, announcing the end of the game. Donnie went up for a shot and made yet another basket for the Chargers. Thankfully this one didn’t count. The team shuffled off the court, their heads hanging. Donnie still stood at the basket, rebounding and shooting.

“Coach, we should have won,” Chris said, throwing a narrow-eyed look toward Donnie.

“Everyone gets to play. You know that, even Donnie. He made five of our baskets.”

“Yeah, and seven for them.”

“Did you enjoy playing?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all that counts. We’re here to have fun and make new friends. Now, we have some time before our next game. Why don’t you get some water and rest?”

“Can I have my face painted?”

“We’ll do that later.”

“Good. I want Sooners here.” Chris pointed to his left cheek. “And Cowboys here.” He gestured to the other side of his face.

Sadie laughed, tousling his hair. “Covering all your bases,” she said in reference to the two big universities in the state. Chris was a huge fan of both.

Sadie returned to the court to retrieve Donnie before the next teams played. He didn’t want to leave. Andrew came up behind Sadie and caught the ball as it bounced off the rim. Donnie frowned at him.

“Sorry, buddy. The next game is gonna start soon. You can shoot some baskets later.”

Donnie stared at the ball clutched in Andrew’s grasp, then stomped off to sit on the sideline. Sadie started to follow her student.

“I’m not refereeing this next game. I have a break. Can we talk?”

His question halted her progress toward the sideline. She didn’t turn and face him. She didn’t want to look into his eyes and find her resolve to get on with her life melting. “I’d rather not. I have strategies to form. We have to win all the rest of our games to win the tournament.”

“You should have no problem winning if you just leave Donnie under your goal, tell him not to move and get the ball to him. Problem solved.”

She heard the snap of his fingers and whirled, her anger rising. “And your specialty is solving problems.”

“Yes—except my own. I haven’t done a very good job there.”

She placed her fisted hands on her waist. “And what problems do you have? I thought you had your life all planned out five years in advance.”

The sound of balls slapping against the floor and hitting the backboard, the cheers when a person made a basket, the murmurs of voices in the crowd filled the air. Scanning the area, Sadie saw the next teams coming onto the court her students had been playing on, but none of that mattered. Her whole being focused on Andrew several feet away.

“A big one.” He shortened the distance between them. “I’ve made a mess of my life. I’ve discovered the plans I made don’t fit the new me.”

Her eyes widened. “The new you?”

He grasped her arm. “Can we go somewhere less public to talk?”

Again she took in her surroundings, her students sitting with their families drinking water and talking. “I can’t go far. We have another game soon.”

“How about outside in the corridor?”

“Andrew—”

“Please, Sadie, this is important.”

The beat of her heart picked up speed. Hope began to blossom in her, and she had to stamp it down before she got hurt any more than she already was. “Fine. I can spare ten minutes.”

She followed him from the gym and down the corridor until he found a less crowded area. The sound of people cheering could still be heard, but Sadie felt as though the rest of the world had disappeared with only her and Andrew left. Her emotions lay bare and exposed. But as she recalled the life he’d chosen, she shored up her defenses and faced him in the alcove.

“What is it you need to tell me?” she asked, hearing the steel thread running through her words.
Dear Lord, I have to be strong. I can’t deal with another rejection.

He drew in a deep breath, glanced away for a few seconds, then directed his look at her, an intensity in his gaze. “I was wrong. I thought I could live without you. I can’t.”

Sadie raised her hand to stop him from saying another word. “Don’t, Andrew. You were right from the beginning. It won’t work for us. We want different things from life.”

“No, we don’t. I’d convinced myself I didn’t need anyone to make me happy. That work was a good substitute. Then you came along and forced me to examine my life. I didn’t like what I saw, what I’d become. I want what Tom had taught me was important—family, God.”

Tears burned in her eyes. She’d longed to hear those words ever since she’d met him. Still, years of holding her emotions inside for fear of being rejected kept her quiet.

“When Tom died so unexpectedly, in my grief and anger, I turned away from the Lord, from all that Tom had shown me. Give me a chance to prove I can make a commitment, Sadie. I love you and want to spend the rest of my life proving to you what a good husband and father I can be.”

Tears streamed down her face. Emotions clogged her throat, making it impossible to say anything.

Andrew caressed her cheek with his forefinger, brushing her tears away. “I met with Mr. Wilson and withdrew my name from consideration for the presidency. I made it clear to him that my priorities have changed.” His touch lingered, one hand cupping her face while the other clasped her arm to bring her closer. “Say something.”

Sadie swallowed hard. “I’m afraid, Andrew. Work has driven you for years.”

He brought his other hand up to frame her face. “Have faith in me, Sadie. People can change if they want it bad enough, and I want this very bad.”

She inhaled then exhaled slowly. “I don’t think I can do anything else. I love you, Andrew Knight. God has taught me the importance of faith and giving people second chances. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

A smile transformed his serious expression. He feathered his lips across hers, then deepened the kiss while winding his arms around her. “You’ll learn one thing about me hasn’t changed. When I set my mind to do something, I do it. We will have a good life, Sadie Spencer.”