Family Ties (10 page)

In an effort to make him feel welcome, Annie offered him a glass of wine, and he smiled and said he would prefer a cup of tea. It was a welcome change from the vast quantities of beer Katie’s friends always consumed when they came to visit.

The two young people followed Annie into the kitchen while she made the tea. Katie helped herself to a Coke, and Paul chatted easily with Annie. As she served him tea, Paul explained that his parents were Iranian, from Tehran, but they had all been in the States since he was fourteen. He said he still had family there but hadn’t been back to his native country for a visit in nine years, since they left, and added that he was an American citizen, as were his parents. He spoke without any trace of an accent and seemed very polished and adult and also very respectful in the way he spoke to Annie. Katie’s eyes shone brightly every time she looked at him, and Annie’s heart fluttered a little as she watched them.

They were young and very sweet, and Paul was clearly a wonderful young man, but Annie was concerned that their cultures were very different. Katie looked like she was in love, and if so, Annie couldn’t help wondering how his parents felt about Katie, with all her pierced earrings and tattoos and her very liberated ways. She was too young to take any romance too seriously, but if in fact she was serious about this, Annie wondered if Paul’s parents were concerned. In terms of their origins, Katie and Paul came from two different worlds. And Katie looked a lot wilder than she was. Annie was used to it and knew what a good kid she was. But for strangers who didn’t know her, Katie’s look could have been quite a shock, particularly for the parents of a boy as polite and conservative-looking as Paul.

All Annie could hope for her was that this was a happy romance but not a lasting relationship that would challenge them too much. But the look in her niece’s eyes said something very different. Annie had never seen her look like this at any boy. And Paul was not a boy, he was a man. Annie could easily see everything that Katie loved about him, but that didn’t mean that a serious relationship between them at their age would be easy. And Annie knew that relationships were challenging enough without adding extreme contrasts to the mix, and backgrounds that were so culturally different in their traditions. It was hard enough to make a relationship work with someone who had grown up in all the same ways.

Annie was still thinking about it when she went back to her room and sat staring at the plans on her desk. She didn’t know what to think—it was the first time she had ever seen her in love, and she was worried for Kate. They were both fine young people, and she didn’t want them to get hurt.

Katie and Paul watched a DVD in the living room and ordered pizza. And Annie didn’t see Paul again before he left. She had quietly closed her door to give them privacy, but she was worried about it all night and had called Whitney to confide in her.

“What are you so freaked out about? She’s not marrying him, for God’s sake,” Whitney scolded her. Talking to her about the kids was always a reality check for Annie. Whitney was always practical and sensible.

“But what if she does marry him? He’s a Muslim. She’s a very rebellious, totally liberated American girl. I’m sure his parents must be concerned about it too, if they’ve met her. Marriage is hard enough without adding cultural and religious differences to it.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, don’t be so old-fashioned. People marry into different cultures all the time. And who says they’re getting married?” Whitney laughed at her and tried to give her some perspective. Annie was already imagining them married. This was Kate’s first serious romance. “First of all, he sounds like he’s totally Americanized. And she’s not marrying him. They’re both kids, and they go to the same school. This is dating, not marriage. She’s twenty-one, and he sounds like he’s intelligent. You said he’s handsome, decently dressed, and has lovely manners. He sounds like a great guy. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. He sounds terrific. And if you want to have a laugh, think of the heart attack they’ll have when his parents see Tweety Bird and Tinkerbell tattooed on her arms, not to mention the ten earrings on her ears. I don’t think they’ll be calling you tomorrow to arrange a marriage. Why don’t you just relax for a while?”

“I’m worried about that too, about his parents, I mean. What if they don’t appreciate what a sweet kid she is and judge her by her looks, which I’ll admit, even scare me at times? I hate her tattoos. And she
is
serious about this. I can feel it. I know her. I can tell. She’s reading books about his culture,” Annie said in a subdued voice. “That’s fine with me, but not if she’s doing it so she can get married.” Annie was getting way ahead of herself. All she could think of now was the future and the potential difficulty of integrating their two worlds.

“Okay,” Whitney said calmly, “when I was fourteen I wanted to be a nun, and my brother wanted to convert to Judaism so he could have a bar mitzvah, and have a big party to celebrate. None of those things happened, and I don’t think Katie is going to move to Iran. Besides, he’s an American. He probably doesn’t want to live in Iran either, for whatever reason. This is his home now.”

“He says he still has relatives there. An uncle and aunt, and a lot of cousins. What if he moves back and she goes with him?” Annie didn’t want to lose her to anyone, in any country. Katie was still her baby.

“I have a cousin in Iceland,” Whitney added. “I’m not moving there. Annie, you have to let go. You did a fantastic job with them, they’re wonderful and your sister would be proud of you, but they’re grown up. They have to live their own lives and make their own mistakes. Maybe one of them will marry someone you hate one day, but I don’t think any of them are ready to get married yet, not even Lizzie, and she’s old enough. And if they really fuck it up and do make a horrible mistake, which can happen to anyone, from any culture, you still have to sit back and watch from the sidelines. It’s their life. What you need is a life of your own. You can’t hang on to them forever and live theirs or stop them from making mistakes. That’s the deal. Once they grow up, they belong to themselves, not to us. It’s horrible, and I’m going to hate it with my boys when one of them comes home with some raving bitch, but it’s going to be their life, and their turn, not mine. Annie, you’ve got to get a life. You put in sixteen years for them, you fulfilled your vow to Jane and then some. Now get off the bench and get back in the game yourself. I want you to find a guy.”

“I don’t want a guy. I’m happy the way I am. I want them to be happy, and I’m not just going to sit here with my mouth shut if they screw up their lives or make some dumb mistake.”

“You can’t stop them,” Whitney said firmly, and Annie hated hearing it and even more knowing she was right.

“Why not?”

“Because we don’t have that right. It’s not healthy for you, or for them. They’re grown up, whether you like it or not. You made your mistakes, let them make theirs.”

“What mistakes did I make?” Annie asked, sounding surprised.

“You gave up your life for them,” Whitney said gently, and Annie didn’t answer. She had, but it had been the right thing to do at the time, and she had no regrets about it. The last sixteen years had been the best years of her life. And the hardest thing for her to adjust to was that it was over now. She had done her job. It was time to open the cage and let them fly, even if Katie wound up living far away or in a different culture. If that was the choice she made, no one could stop her, nor had the right to. Not even Annie.

“I don’t know if I can just sit back and watch,” Annie said honestly.

“You have no other choice,” Whitney said simply. “Your job is over. They’re going to lead their own lives no matter what.” It was a bitter pill to swallow. It was hard enough living with the empty nest. Watching them make decisions that might cause them unhappiness later was even harder. “You’ve been lucky so far, and you’ve done a good job. I don’t think they’re going to screw it up now. And if they do, you can’t stop them. All you can do is help them pick up the pieces later, if they let you. And Katie could be just as unhappy marrying a guy from Paris or London or New Jersey.”

“I hate this part,” Annie said miserably, “where what they do now impacts their future. The stakes are so much higher as they get older. It was so much easier when they were little.”

“No, it wasn’t. You were scared shitless you were doing it wrong with someone else’s kids. You’ve just forgotten.”

“Maybe I have,” Annie said sadly. “He’s a nice boy,” she said about Paul. “I like him. I just don’t want her to wind up halfway around the world, living in Tehran. I don’t want to lose her.”

“Have a little faith in Katie. She’s not going to want that either. She’s very close to all of you, and she’ll probably wind up living in New York. Besides, Paul lives in New York, and so do his parents. Stop imagining that she’s marrying him and moving around the world. You’re driving yourself crazy for nothing.” Whitney tried to calm her down, and Annie knew that what she had said was true. As agonizing as it was, she was going to have to learn to let go one of these days, and maybe that time had come, whether she liked it or not.

She was sitting on her bed thinking about it when Katie walked into the room. Paul had left. She had a dreamy look on her face and smiled shyly at her aunt. Annie’s heart sank when she saw her. She had never seen anyone so in love. And being that much in love put her at serious risk for a broken heart if things didn’t work out as she hoped. And at twenty-one, no romance was likely to be forever. The last thing Annie wanted for her was to see her get hurt or even disappointed. She would have liked to keep her in a cocoon and protect her for the rest of her life.

“He’s a nice boy,” Annie said cautiously, not sure what else to say to someone who looked like she was floating on a cloud. “He has beautiful manners, he’s intelligent, and he’s very good looking, and he seems like a nice person.”

“He’s a wonderful person,” Katie said, instantly defending him, as though she thought she had to.

“I’m sure he is,” Annie said quietly, venturing into dangerous waters. “But he comes from a very different culture. It’s something for you to consider.” Katie glared at her with instant hostility in answer, ready to go to war, which was what Annie was afraid of. She didn’t want to lose her yet to, or over, this boy or any other. Nothing was worth that.

“What difference does it make? He’s American. He lives in New York, and he’s not going back to Iran, except to visit. His life is here, just like mine.”

“That’s good. But he may have different ideas than you do. His family isn’t American, or his relatives in Iran. I know you don’t think so, but that makes a difference. If you married him, how would you raise your children? What would he or his family expect of you? You’d always feel like an outsider or a foreigner. Katie, if you’re serious about him, you have to think about that. You come from different backgrounds. It worries me for you.” Annie was as honest with her as she could be in voicing her concerns.

“I can’t believe how bigoted you are. What bothers you? That his skin is darker than mine? Who fucking cares?”

“Of course not. But I’m concerned that his ideas are different than ours, maybe too different. His parents may think so too, about you.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Katie said with a look of youthful contempt. “You don’t even have a man in your life. You never have. You live like some kind of nun, for chrissake. What do you know about loving someone and building a life with them?”

“Not much,” Annie admitted with tears in her eyes. Katie had hit hard, and low. “I just want you to understand what you might be headed for. It’s true for any relationship. Backgrounds, family customs, and traditions do matter between two people, even if they love each other. I just want what’s best for you.” She didn’t respond to the rest of what Katie had said. She didn’t say that she had lived like a nun because she raised three kids at twenty-six, and the man she’d been in love with at the time had dumped her because she had taken on three children who weren’t her own, or that she hadn’t had time to take anyone seriously since, because she was too busy driving carpool and going to the orthodontist and soccer games. She said none of that and focused the conversation on Katie and Paul, where it belonged.

“I’ll do what seems right to me,” Katie said, staring at her in fury, and Annie nodded, remembering Whitney’s warnings to her an hour before, that it was their lives and they had a right to make their own mistakes and she had to let go. She was trying, but it was hard. And who knew if her relationship with Paul was a mistake? Maybe it wasn’t.

“I love you, Katie,” Annie said quietly in response, and with that Katie stormed out of her room and slammed the door. All Annie wanted for her was a good life.

Annie lay in her bed that night, thinking about Katie and what they’d said. And she wondered if she was wrong. Maybe she had no right to say anything. Paul seemed like a good person, maybe that was enough. Maybe coming from two different cultures didn’t matter and she was wrong. What right did she have to tell Katie who to love and how to live? Maybe Katie would be happy with him. Who was she to judge? And Katie was right about some of it. Annie did live like a nun. For all intents and purposes, her life as a woman had ended at twenty-six. And at forty-two, it seemed too late to get it started again. She had traded a life with a man for them, and she didn’t regret the trade. She had no history of relationships to draw from. And all she knew about the Iranian culture was what she’d read. It wasn’t the life she would have chosen for Katie, but she had a right to choose it for herself.

And as Annie lay in bed, she thought about Ted too, and wondered about the mystery woman who was distracting him. He had seemed dazed through all of Christmas and had disappeared on Christmas night. She had never seen him like that. And she was convinced that Liz was wasting her time with men like Jean-Louis. Liz was having fun and enjoying her career, but guys like Jean-Louis were never going to take care of her, they were too obsessed with themselves. It was hard watching the three of them grow up.