Read Far-out Show (9781465735829) Online
Authors: Thomas Hanna
Tags: #humor, #novel, #caper, #parody, #alien beings, #reality tv, #doublecross
The scene that appeared was what Wilburps saw
as Nerber walked up Oakline Street to meet Adam Parker whom he
could see a block ahead at the intersection with Elmworm Street.
The focus is on a teen boy shooting hoops solo in a driveway on the
far side of the street as they passed him.
The zoom of the image revealed that the zerpy
was recording this from half a city block away. The recording moved
in for a variety of views of the moving young man, sometimes going
split screen with a full view and a close up of his expression as
he focused on his performance drill. There was never any hint in
his movements or expression that the teen noticed those passing by
on the sidewalk across the street. The door of the house opened a
bit and he smoothly took the ball and went inside. Through the
entire sequence there was no sound except that of the basketball on
the blacktop.
After a short appearance of the A.D.U. logo
the scene repeated but now snippets were cut and rearranged,
repeated when needed, and augmented with fairly obvious distorted
alterations. This time the teen stopped in the midst of his drill
to stare in awe at those passing by – who were visible this time in
a few bits that were not in the original sequence so there was no
doubt about the focus of his look of amazement. He clutched the
ball and ran into the house in fear. There was still no sound.
After a short appearance of the A.D.U. logo
the scene repeated but now with even more snippets of it cut,
rearranged, repeated, and heavily augmented with obvious
distortions and bits pieced in from other scenes. This time after a
short bit of dribbling and taking two shots at the basket the teen
spots those passing by and stops in obvious fear and awe.
In a high pitched synthesized voice the teen
would surely protest if he knew about this, he seemed to shout
without moving his lips, “Oh neighbors and all inhabitants of our
sad and weak planet, behold this amazing and awe-inspiring superior
being who does us the honor of passing by without destroying us
which he could surely do. We owe it thanks and should bow before
him but he so scares me that I am overwhelmed and must run to hide
or I will show too much my fear. Respect is all I want to show this
noble being that we can all see is so much better in every way than
any of my kind are.” Then he fled into the house.
That section of the screen blanked.
“That lays it on thick. If Hasley and his
associates send us the material only in the last form we’re limited
in how much more we can do with it. No, I say this is too much. We
put the pressure on and make them send us the raw footage. We’ll
make it clear that if they don’t use good sense and limit
themselves we’ll have to take over and do all the editing. They
won’t like that but
sib sog
, as long as we know what they’re
gathering – and getting a lot of it directly ourselves without them
even knowing it – we control what gets aired,” Ackack said.
“The techs need to get a bit artfully sloppy
when they produce new stuff to expand and fill in the holes in the
stories we want the scenes to tell. The inhabitant’s talk-talk was
too good, it didn’t sound like translated from real comments. Even
our dumb audience would hoot at it as fake,” Delmus noted.
“I’m not saying we don’t want to air episodes
with that much of it edited and augmented by us but we need to set
the policy right from the start that we, not the
Bang-Boom
Show
guys, control how much and what kind of changes get
made.”
“This could be the start of a major new part
of our entertainment industry so all those who follow us will
applaud that right from the start we made things work for the
distribution company, not the producers. Once a bad precedent is
set it too often takes the spilling of blood and guts to change it.
That removal of your enemies stuff is okay on screen for the masses
to enjoy but messy when you have to arrange it and then arrange for
those who you paid to do it to meet the same end themselves but by
surprise for three steps along the line.”
“At least this gives me bigger ideas about
how we can use the other things the zerpy records around them that
the contestant doesn’t interact with. I want to believe that will
be a big pile of usable sights we could build whole stretched out
story lines around. This makes me more certain of that,” Ackack
said.
“We still need to consider and decide how
much we should edit and augment the material so we don’t overstep
and lose the audience since it becomes too predictable. They’re not
smart but they do lose interest fast when it’s the same thing over
and over even if the particulars change. The guys at D.E.C. warned
the rest of us by having their show go from the top of the lists to
cancelled because they only changed the appearance of the fighters’
heads and the background scenery on screen and ran the same group
of encounters over and over. Their techs could give them four
thousand different heads and faces and go a good job of making them
look right in every shot but the audience soon realized they knew
the moves in advance and after the initial extra satisfaction with
that, they soon lost interest in it. We don’t want to follow the
D.E.C. path to has-beens hardly even remembered.”
“Okay. We make sure we get the raw feeds but
there’s still a lot for us to decide about. But
mitzelfinkeldork
, we’re deciders, that’s what we do.”
“With luck we’ll amass a big supply of raw
material that we can have the techs shape to fit most any story a
sponsor wants to pay to play inside the audiences’ heads with,”
Delmus said.
“That’s the kind of prospect that makes it
worth coming to the office every day.”
The Palace of Power Plays was a small but
fancy place in the very center of Ormelex City. It was identified
only by a small, simple sign to make the point that when you have
the big clout you don’t always have to flaunt it.
The Power Players executive office was a
large and colorful space without frills. Large view-screens
occupied much of one long wall with a large desk and control
console facing them. Various colorful patterns were on different
screen segments, pretty but not containing information. Gopgop, a
rotund male with an almost cubical head, and Uldene, a male with
his head spikes forming a Mohawk crest, lolled in nice chairs.
“Did the special guy check this place for
signal leaks today?” Gopgop asked quietly. “I can't talk openly if
I'm worried about my words getting to the wrong ears.”
“He did and as usual I watched him do it,”
Uldene replied. “He hates that I look over his shoulder to watch
the meter readings but that's the only way I can be sure he's
telling me the true factuals.”
“He lets it show that we pay him well. Wears
good clothes and does a lot of basking in the better spas. We'd be
dumb to trust such an important job to some resentful low paid
lackey but one of these days the obvious wealth of a guy with only
an officially midlevel job is gonna raise bothersome questions
among those we’d rather have ignore us.”
“We got yet another memo from the governors.
They want an update but what's to report? They get direct reports
from Amuse and Distract U so what are we supposed to add to
those?”
“They don't trust A.D.U. any more than we do.
Plus they assume, but we won't confirm, that we get behind the
scenes reports from spies who work in the A.D.U. offices.”
Uldene laughed, “I'm absolutely shocked that
they'd think that.”
“The governors come to us for help. They want
to explore the galaxy but can't find willing explorers likely to
survive that process. We humbly suggest they exploit the highly
competitive types by making it a contest - but one supposedly about
something other than checking out planets we might want to take
over.”
“Of course we only suggest that in return for
a sizable payment since that's what go-betweens and fixers like us
do to make things work.”
“Of course. Then we take the idea to A.D.U.
who in turn create an entertainment based on the idea - for which
they then pay us. We make sure the show's challenges require enough
interaction with the foreign species to evaluate whether that
planet is properly suitable for the governors’ purposes, including
that the dominant species can be easily subjugated. The contestants
may not survive or at least not get home but they don’t know that
since they're jocks, not technical types. Win for us; win for the
governors; win for A.D.U.; too bad about the contestants. Our life
is good,” Gopgop sighed.
“Making sure each contestant and zerpy sent
there contains a self-destruct packet was another of our critical
inputs. The governors don't want any risk of our technology or
body-working processes being closely examined by the planet's
creatures who might then be able to better defend themselves from
us.”
“The A.D.U. bosses are so happy to be able to
use the governors' experimental space travel ship to make this show
that they don't realize there's an agenda beyond keeping the
populace sedated with violent entertainments. They pay us to use
them for our purposes. Power playing is so much fun.”
“The research guy thinks he has identified
two other far away planets where we might survive and the dominant
kind might be easily conquered. Those could be the next locations
for challenge shows.”
“Are you ready to see what they’ve produced
so far?”
“Sure. It’s important for us to see it so
we’re ready to react to questions and to pressure them to fix how
and what they prepare so it fits our agenda,” Uldene said.
The two sat back and watched the
view-screen.
The A.D.U logo appeared, then it was replaced
by the smiling, eager Hostess, who said with the Ormelexian version
of a sexy giggle, “Hi, and welcome to the first broadcast of the
Amuse and Distract U Company’s newest big audience hit,
The
Far-Out Show
. I hope you're all set to experience the thrill a
millisecond excitement of an entertainment like nothing that has
ever been done before in the known universe.”
With no change of her expression, she
switched to speaking very fast as she said, “This statement is to
be understood as accurate for the normal experience of any living
members of our kind and of any other kind on our planet or other
planets that our official science board lists as known. No warranty
is given that such a thing may not have happened that the A.D.U.
Company's researchers have not been able to discover.”
She then returned smoothly to her normal pace
to say, “Our show's brave contestants traveled to a far out planet
to attempt a series of daring, exciting, and thrilling challenges
making contact with locals.”
Then the rapid pace again. “The following
show has been edited, altered, and augmented by A.D.U. to produce a
better audience effect.”
That all said she smiled, winked, and waved
at the camera.
The screen image changed to Wilburps's view
of Nerber as he spoke to Jake Billings on first meeting him. “How
are you this fine day, sir?” Nerber asked the man.
“I do not like sissies with their heads full
of holes so stuff falls out,” Billings grumbled.
“Your gibberish strains my translation
program. Can you be for real? Maybe you need to take your
medications so you do not too easily pick a fight.”
“What is your problem, Prissy?” Billings
demanded straining to see who was talking to him.
“You seem to mean to insult me but since this
is only our first encounter I will give you a break and not tear
you into many pieces as I could easily do, being of a clearly
superior kind.”
“Darned good thing for me since I am not
worth ten cents. I know I should fear and respect you, yet I am
tempted to test your skills and strength. I was gonna pick a fight
the way my kind attack one another every day but I cannot remember
what to do because we are really stupid.”
“I will tolerate you since you are all
talk-talk but little action.”
Billings gave Nerber an uncertain look but
then shook his head and tapped a finger on his left ear hearing aid
saying, “Which is worse, to hear or not to hear so you make
adjustments in things and still do not make sense when face to face
with a superior kind?”
Billings took out his wallet and looked in
it.
“You make big aggressive noises but your
limits hold you back. You amaze me but not in a good way,” Nerber
said calmly.
“Me neither. I am a sad mess.”
“It was a little bit amusing to meet you but
not a real pleasure.”
“I was thinking about using my teeth on you
but then I said that was not a good idea since you would be tough.”
Billing took a pair of eye glasses in a case from his pocket and
switched those for the ones he had been wearing. He laughed as he
looked around in the new glasses. “Okay! This is better. I will
never know why I did not cower in fear of someone of such a
superior kind right away but there is no benefit to me thinking
more about that.” With that he wandered away.
The image cut back to the smiling Hostess.
“Wow, wasn't that exciting? Right away the brave contestant is
being threatened by the inferior inhabitants of that far away
planet. Tune in again soon for the next-most episode of this
thrilling new program like nothing ever seen anywhere before.”
She switched smoothly to her rapid mode to
say, “All such statements are factual to the best knowledge of the
A.D.U. researchers as of the date of its preparation for
airing.”
Then back to her normal pace and an extra big
smile to finish with, “See you soon for the next-most airing of the
new A.D.U. hit
The Far-Out Show
.”
“It avoids most of the complaints and the
annoying doubts since everyone knows this all had to be
translated,” Uldene said.