Farmer Wants a Wife: Love and Friendship, Book 3 (24 page)

“Would you like to come to my place for a drink?” Tyler asked.

“It’s been a lovely day, but I’m tired and they say we have an early start tomorrow.” She shot him a quick glance and died a little inside at his transparent contentment. “Tyler, I need to tell you something.” Her heart beat a fraction faster, and her stupid stomach dipped and lurched like a boat in a storm. She curled her hands to fists and hid them in her lap.

“Sounds serious.”

She sighed, the sound heavy, full of gloom.

“Should I pull over?”

Maybe that would be best. “Yes.”

“Sounds really serious,” he teased.

Tears welled in her eyes and she blinked hard. Once. Twice. Somehow, she managed to keep them from overflowing. Crying wouldn’t help one single bit.

He pulled over on the outskirts of Clare and switched off the ignition. In the resulting silence, panic clawed at her, fought with the need for honesty. Above all, Tyler deserved her candor.

“Jennifer told us this morning she’s changed her mind about the filming schedule. We’re wrapping up this weekend. Tyler, I’m going home” She couldn’t face him, so she spoke to the front window. “Nolan has to choose either me or Lucy. They’ll film him as he arrives at one of our houses.”

“But I thought—fuck,” he muttered.

Susan didn’t even wince.

“Marry me,” he said. “Tell Nolan you’re off the market and marry me.”

The sting in her eyes became too much and the tears broke her mental barrier, flowing down her cheeks unchecked.

“Suzy.” He reached for her hand and linked his fingers with her hot and sweaty ones. “I love you. Stay in Clare with me.”

“I love you t-too,” she said, her voice faltering over the words. She tugged her hand away. “But I can’t move to Clare.”

“Why not? We love each other. We can have a good life here. Have more children. Do you want children?”

“Oh, Tyler. I want that more than anything, but I love my life in the city. My job. My friends. I like Clare too, but as a place to visit for a little while. I…I’d start to resent you if I had to move here permanently.”

“But I can’t leave.” Tyler’s words, his stark disappointment, knotted her throat.

She swallowed and swallowed and swallowed again, hating the pain she was inflicting, hating the situation, hating herself.

“I can’t leave Eric to run the farm alone. Eric and Josie are my family. I can’t leave them in the lurch.”

Susan gulped. “Maybe if you asked them—”

“What would I do in the city? I don’t have any qualifications. I have a daughter to think about,” he said. “I thought you liked it here. I thought you loved me.”

I do,
she wanted to say, but she held her silence because nothing she could say would make this right.

Tyler rubbed his hands over his face. “Fuck,” he said finally. He started up the car, and Susan stared at the blurry streets as they drove through the town.

They didn’t speak until Tyler pulled up in front of Nolan’s house.

“Are you sure?” Tyler asked.

“Yes.” Susan turned away and fumbled for the car door. She grabbed her bag and scrambled out, slamming the door before she straightened her back and strode to the house. Tears ran freely down her face and a sob broke free. She’d known telling Tyler wouldn’t be easy, but she hadn’t expected the pain that would crash over her, wrenching her heart and making her want to crawl into a dark hole.

Tyler drove home on autopilot. If he hadn’t had responsibilities at home, he would have detoured to the pub and tied one on. He thought…he’d never considered…
fuck
!

Nolan’s vehicle sat outside when he pulled up. Great. Just what he wanted. The only bloody good thing about this was that Susan wouldn’t consider a relationship with Nolan either. For the same reasons she’d rejected him.

He pulled himself out of the car and headed inside. Voices came from the lounge, but he ignored them to check on Katey. His daughter slept on her side, a multitude of dolls and soft toys tucked into the bed to keep her company. He studied her for a long minute, the ties of parental love making him ache. As much as he loved Suzy, he’d survive. They’d survive. He knew because he and Katey had done it before.

Silently, he stepped out of the bedroom and pulled the door closed. Facing the inevitable, he entered the lounge and came to an abrupt halt. He’d expected Nolan, but not his father.

“What’s up?” he asked, in no mood for socializing.

“Tyler,” Josie said in a chiding manner.

He straightened from his defensive hunch and tried for a welcoming grin. He suspected it was more grimace, but he’d made an attempt.

“Would you like a beer?” Josie asked.

Beer wouldn’t do. Not tonight. “Do we have any of that whisky left?”

Her look was searching and followed by sympathy, which made his gut roil.

“We need to talk,” his father said. “It’s easier to talk to both of you at once.”

“I’ll leave you to it,” Eric said, starting to stand.

“No,” Tyler snapped. “You and Josie are my family. You can stay.”

Eric sent an uncomfortable look at Tyler’s father.

Samuel Penrith gave a curt nod. “I deserve that. It’s okay. I’m sure I can count on your discretion.”

Josie returned and handed out drinks. Tyler’s hand curled around the tumbler of Scottish whisky. A healthy double.
Thank you, Josie
.

His father climbed to his feet. He took a few steps before halting behind an armchair. His big hands curled around the headrest, his knuckles turning white with the force of his grip. “I should have told you this a long time ago, but I promised your mother. Appearances are important to her.” He shook his head. “Before we moved to Clare, we lived in Ashburton in the South Island. Elizabeth is a demanding woman. I loved her, but our marriage was up and down. Rocky.” He sighed as he stared at his hands. “Full of drama. During one of those downs, I had an affair. I didn’t love Rochelle, and it didn’t take me long to realize I was a fool for jeopardizing my marriage. Elizabeth didn’t know about the affair, and I didn’t mention my slip. I’m ashamed to say I put my fling at the back of my mind and set it aside.”

Tyler gulped more of his whisky. Why was he telling them this? His father’s expression slunk into rueful and the foreboding slapped at Tyler, the urge to move striking him with hammer blows. Instead, he remained rooted to the spot like a mighty kauri. This was old history. Hell, he didn’t even like to think about his parents
doing
it. What kid did?

His father took a sip of his beer, his gulp loud in the edgy silence. He cleared his throat, his gaze fastening on the label of the beer bottle. “Things were going well between Elizabeth and I. We were happy. We had Nolan and we were trying for another baby. Then…” He seemed to drift for a moment before recalling where he was, his mission. “A year had passed since my affair. Rochelle and I hadn’t had any contact since we parted. Out of the blue, a lawyer contacted me. Rochelle and her parents were in a car accident—killed at the scene. There was a baby—my baby. Tyler, that baby was you.”

White noise roared through his brain. He stared at his father, watched his mouth move, didn’t hear a thing. A hand settled on his shoulder, yanking him free of his stall.

“Tyler,” Josie said, concern a furrow on her brow. “Are you all right?”

Tyler swallowed hard, turning to her. “Elizabeth isn’t my mother.” God, now so much made sense. The woman hated him, made no secret of the fact, except he’d never known why.

“Why did you take me?” he asked. His gaze slid to Nolan, and he could see his brother—half-brother—was as shocked as him.

“There was no one else. You were my blood. I couldn’t walk away.”

“What happened after the lawyer contacted you?” Tyler didn’t want to know, yet he couldn’t walk either.

“I had to tell Elizabeth the truth.” His heavy sigh seemed to come from the depths of his belly. “She didn’t take the news well. I told her I intended to raise you as my son.”

And Elizabeth hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He stared at his father, wanting more explanations. Nolan remained silent and watchful.

“It was a standoff, both of us determined to get our way. In the end, Elizabeth laid down an ultimatum. She doesn’t believe in divorce and told me she’d agree to have you in the house and raise you if we moved to a new town where no one knew our history. She didn’t want neighbors looking at her sideways or gossiping behind her back.”

Tyler closed his eyes and the roaring inside his head escalated. Elizabeth—he couldn’t think of her as his mother—had acquiesced to his presence. Grudgingly, he’d bet, and she’d never treated him like a son, never comforted him when he’d fallen and skinned his knees. Instead, he’d received a perfunctory order to clean up and stop crying. From Elizabeth, he’d learned independence.

The memories, the demands to behave, to do as he was told…the punishments when he didn’t conform to her standards. Every transgression commented on and the meting out of an appropriate punishment. After a while he’d given up trying to please her because nothing he’d done was good enough. Leaving for university had come as a relief, until Rebecca had become pregnant and his entire future crashed around his ears.

His eyes snapped opened, and he poured his fury into his glare at his father. “Why didn’t you stick up for me? Why did you let her treat me the way she did?”

“Guilt. The entire situation was my fault. My lust for another woman created the problem.”

“You didn’t have to take me. You could have had me adopted.” Pain underscored his words, and Josie’s arm went around his waist, trying to take some of his anguish with her loving touch.

“You’re my son,” his father said, as if that explained everything. He glanced at Nolan. “You’re both my sons.”

“You’ve a funny way of showing kinship. You never stood up for me. You let her treat me like a stranger in your home. Seen and not heard.”

“It was part of my agreement with Elizabeth,” his father said, his haggard face full of regret. “It wasn’t right, but it was the only way I could keep you close.”

“What about my real mother?” A mother he didn’t know. Right now he ached to fill the gaps in his memory, to learn about her.

His father gave a heavy sigh. “She was beautiful with long, dark hair and big, brown eyes. She was an art teacher at a high school in Christchurch, and she did portraits in the square, not far from the cathedral, on the weekends. That’s how I met her. I stopped to watch her sketching a portrait and she talked me into sitting for one. Things went from there.”

His artistic talent came from his mother. He’d always wondered since his father and Elizabeth couldn’t draw a straight line. A tiny spark of warmth bloomed in contrast to the chill wrapped around his chest. “Do you have a photo?”

“No, I’m sorry.” His father glanced around the room before he let his gaze settle on Tyler. “I should have told you this a long time ago. I should have stood up for you more while you were growing up. I know you’ll probably never forgive me—hell, I don’t think I’ll come close for making up for my behavior.” His chest rose and fell in another sigh. “If you want to talk, I’ll be moving in with Nolan once he has a spare room. I have a room at the Blue Gum motel meantime.”

Tyler gave a curt nod, physically unable to say a word of reply. The door slammed behind his father and Nolan.

“Tyler.” Josie tugged him around and stared into his face. “Are you okay?”

He shook his head. Talk about a prick of a day. First Susan and now this. “It’s late,” he finally said. “I might go to bed.”

“Tyler, before you go.” Eric stopped him with gruff words and a hand on his shoulder. “Josie and I think of you as family. As far as we’re concerned, you’re our son and we love you.”

“Eric is right,” Josie said. “We might not tell you often, but without you we’d have lost the farm. We know Rebecca wasn’t easy, yet despite that you stuck with her and then us when we were at our lowest.” She smiled at him, her face soft and eyes misty. “We love you, son.”

“Thanks. The feeling is mutual.” Tyler struggled for the right words, the right response. “I…ah…I’m knackered. It’s been a long day.”

“Night, Tyler,” Eric said.

“See you in the morning,” Josie said.

Their soft murmurs drifted after him as he sped down the passage, desperate for the sanctity of his room. He shut the door quietly when the urge to slam it had him trembling. Heaviness shoved against his ribs, and he clenched his jaw to hold back his shouts of frustration. Nothing had changed yet the ground shook beneath his foundations, shifting the balance of his life.

No point resenting Eric and Josie. The way he looked at it—they’d saved him and Katey. They’d made him and their granddaughter into a family, giving his little girl everything she needed. Love. Security.

Art and his dreams…

Well, he’d had to grow up and take responsibility for his daughter, his sick wife. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t paint in his spare time.

In the darkness, Tyler stripped out of his clothes and slid into bed.

He closed his eyes and Suzy’s sad expression when she’d told him she’d be leaving Clare floated through his mind.
Fuck!
As much as he hated to accept the truth, she was right. Forcing the issue would end up like his marriage all over again with two people who loved each other torn in two different directions.