Fascination (16 page)

Hydee found herself catching his mood, and surprised herself when she laughed.

‘Good girl,’ Gasper applauded. ‘Keep that chin of yours up, whatever happens. Promise me?’

‘Yes, Gasper,’ she answered softly. ‘I promise.’ And as she put the receiver on its rest, she thought how ironic it was that she should have fallen in love twice with men who did not want her, and now that Gasper had fallen in love with her,
she
did not want
him
—not in that way, at least. In any case, much as she liked him and valued his friendship, Hydee was under no illusions as to his basic character. He lacked the makings of a faithful husband as well as the vital attraction Carlos possessed to such a great degree.

Chapter Fourteen

As the days drifted slowly by, Hydee began to realise she had been steered into a path she had not really wanted to take. The wisest course would have been to go away immediately, remove herself from the Palacio and its unhappy memories. She had been influenced first by her concern for others—the children and their happiness at Christmas, and Ellie’s honeymoon. Second, she had heeded the advice proffered by Gasper, who obviously hated the idea of Isobella’s triumph if Hydee should leave her husband. Third, there had been the floundering disorder of her own mind when she tried to formulate plans for her future. The difficulty of finding a home and then a job, of resettling her life into some sort of routine and pattern, had all seemed too much for her. Those difficulties must be tackled sometime, there was no doubt about that, but for the present she would stay on at the Palacio, despite the hardship that entailed for herself.

She had seen little of her husband, who had gone to Lisbon on business and decided to stay there for several days. Isobella had called before he went, and the haste with which she departed had left Hydee in no doubt that her brother had admonished her for what she had done. In turn Isobella retaliated in the way Hydee had expected her to; but when approached by Carlos, Hydee had been more than ready with her answer.

‘And if we were kissing each other, what of it? At least we weren’t sleeping together!’

His teeth had snapped together and his dark eyes had smouldered like embers newly fanned. ‘Nor did Arminda and I sleep together. I’ve already told you, I didn’t stay with Arminda in the way you believe.’

Hydee let that pass, but it had remained with her, as it had when he first said it. Although she found herself believing him, accepting that he and Arminda were not lovers, at the same time she was agonisingly conscious of the admission he had made about caring deeply for the girl.

Hydee was in the nursery when Luisa and Ramos bounded in from school, full of life, eyes taking on an added glow as they saw Hydee there, busying herself with simple tasks, the one on which she was presently occupied being the tidying up of Ramos’s bookshelves.

‘Oh…. Is there anything to eat, Mama?’ Luisa stood before her, looking up, a dovelike expression in her eyes. ‘I like you being here when we come in,’ she said. ‘Sometimes you aren’t here, and it’s… it’s funny.’

‘She means strange,’ elucidated her brother knowledgeably. ‘The nursery seems like it is when we’ve been away on holiday and we come back—empty and sort of… cold.’ Ramos looked at Hydee and added, ‘Do you know what I mean?’

She nodded her head. ‘Yes, Ramos, I do know what you mean. I must try always to be here when you come in, mustn’t I?’

‘Papa said you have to go out sometimes.’

‘He did? When?’

‘I can’t remember. But I talked to him about it when you weren’t in one day. Caterina came soon and said she was making our tea and having it with us instead of you.’

‘You like Caterina, though?’

‘Yes. She’s nice, but we want you, Mama—always! Don’t we, Luisa?’

For answer the child hugged Hydee’s knees, rubbing her face against her skirt. ‘Mama will be here always,’ she stated. ‘She’s come to stay forever. Papa told us that when he and Mama got married.’

‘Yes, I remember.’

With a sigh Hydee put the child from her and rang for the tea to be brought up. When it was eaten, they went out to the garden and played ball on the lawn in front of the house. Hydee saw Gasper’s car bowling along the drive and after a moment left the children to play on their own.

‘Hello,’ he greeted her as he examined her face, subjecting it to an intent scrutiny. ‘How are things? I wanted to get over yesterday, but we had problems. My estate manager has taken ill and is in hospital in Lisbon. He might have to have an operation.’

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Hydee had met Henrique and liked him enormously. He had always treated her with the greatest respect, and never had she seen any of those covert glances which Bento so often sent in her direction. ‘Will it be a serious operation?’

‘Could be. However, let us hope for the best.’ He was standing by his car, tall and distinguished, clad in casual slacks of fine white linen and a forest-green shirt open at the neck. ‘Shall we go inside, or are you fully occupied with the children?’ His eyes slid over to them, his hand lifting. They waved back, but there was no eagerness to run to him. Hydee felt sad at the lack of affection between the children and the man they called uncle, and knew it was owing to their father’s disinterest in his cousin. Hydee found herself hoping that as they grew older, the children would come to see the good qualities in Gasper and not take the attitude of the rest of the family, joining them in lining up against him. Not that he was in any way troubled by the opinion of his family. Gasper took it all in stride, and his attitude was one of indifference not unmingled with disdain and a certain measure of pity. They were so self-centred, living in their own narrow but exalted world, concerned with no one but themselves and their circle of high-bred friends.

‘I can leave them,’ she decided. ‘They had their tea a few minutes ago.’

‘When do you expect Carlos back?’ Gasper inquired a few minutes later as they sat on a large gold velvet couch flanking the massive fireplace, drinking sherry.

‘I’ve no idea. We don’t communicate much these days,’ she added, and the sad inflection in her voice could not possibly escape him. He sighed exasperatedly.

‘He’s a fool if ever there was one! Arminda’s beautiful, but that’s about all she has to offer any man. She’s hard and mercenary, with a love of herself stemming from pride in her beauty and her station. She has no real concern for anyone else, and what she wants from Carlos is nothing more than the status of being a marquesa.’

‘He might be a fool, as you say, Gasper, but he happens to love her. And love is the most important thing. He can’t help himself any more than I can help myself.’

‘You still love him, in spite of everything?’

‘I shall love him until I die,’ she whispered. ‘What I feel for him is something very different from what I felt for Noel.’ She had confided in Gasper about Noel right at the beginning; he had said she was better without him, and she now admitted that Gasper had been right.

He stayed for dinner, and although profoundly aware of Bento’s disapproval, Hydee ignored the man except when it was necessary to give him an order.

‘I’d have that fellow out of here if I were Carlos!’ snapped Gasper when Bento had spoken to him in Portuguese and been admonished for it. ‘He’s insolent!’

‘I’m not worried about Bento,’ Hydee assured him in a soothing tone. ‘I shan’t be here much longer. I’ve told Carlos I shall definitely be leaving immediately after Christmas, so if he doesn’t replace me as nanny for Luisa and Ramos then, Caterina will have to look after them.’

‘I hope we shan’t lose touch?’

‘There’s no reason why we should,’ she said, managing to produce a smile. She was watching Felix drawing the cork from a bottle of wine with an expertise which revealed regular practice. ‘Perhaps you will take a holiday in England and we can meet.’

‘Undoubtedly I shall meet you in England,’ he declared. And then, lifting his glass after it had been filled, ‘Here’s to Christmas, and we’ll not think beyond that for the present.’

***

Carlos arrived home the following day. Hydee happened to be on the balcony of her bedroom as he slid from his car and glanced up, catching sight of her even though she instinctively drew back, hoping the stone balustrade would hide her from his view.

Within five minutes he was in her bedroom, stepping through the window onto the balcony. She could only stare in surprise, twisting her neck in order to look at him. His eyes studied her intently for a moment before he spoke.

‘Hydee, I’m going to ask you to stay here indefinitely.’ Moving to one side, he reached for the vacant chair, turned it to face her, and then sat down. ‘I’ve been thinking seriously about our situation. I never meant it to end like this—’

‘You must surely have known it would end like this if you had no intention of giving Arminda up,’ she cut in sharply. ‘Besides, do you suppose
I
ever imagined it would be like this?’ The pain of loving him and yet quarrelling this way was that of a dagger thrusting deep into her heart, but she felt she must resist any persuasion he might attempt to make. Getting away was becoming an obsession which made Christmas seem farther away than ever, causing the days to pass slowly, the nights in fitful tossing and turning. She spent the long hours counting the days off in the mental calendar of her mind.

‘If you go back, you have no one, Hydee,’ he persisted patiently. ‘I’ll give you money, of course—’

‘I don’t want your money!’ she flashed at him, insulted by the offer. ‘As for my having no one—why should you care? We’ll get a divorce, and that will be the end of it.’

‘Here in my country we don’t speak so lightly of divorce as you are doing,’ he chided.

‘It’s the only answer when two people don’t get along. Doreen had a divorce, and she’s a lot happier for it.’

Carlos frowned impatiently and made no comment; it would have been irrelevant anyway, Hydee now admitted as she waited for her husband to speak again.

‘You’d have come as a nanny, remember?’ She merely nodded, too emotionally upset to answer because she was thinking of her optimism when, after the first shock of being asked to be a mother and not a nanny, she had looked forward to a happy future. How little she knew at that time! How deeply she regretted not having taken her friend’s advice. ‘Well,’ Carlos continued, ‘I am asking you to
be
a nanny, to stay with the children at least until they no longer need you.’

Instinctively she shook her head, recalling her initial conviction that he would not try to keep her. ‘I can’t stay indefinitely. I’ll stay until Christmas is over, and then I’m leaving you, Carlos.’ Her tone was sad because she could not altogether hide her feelings, suppress her emotions, nor even control her expression. Carlos stared, a grimness playing about his mouth, his eyes dark, unfathomable. That he was emotionally affected was evident, and Hydee felt the stinging barb of jealousy pierce her heart because his thoughts must be with Arminda.

‘Christmas isn’t very far away,’ Carlos reminded her. ‘It won’t be long.’

‘Long enough for you to find a replacement for me.’

‘One does not find a replacement for one’s wife.’ Soft the tone now, and almost gentle, but the change only served to anger her.

‘Don’t!’ she flashed. ‘Keep your gentle tone for the woman you love.’

He seemed unable to find anything to say, and in the uneasy silence Hydee rose from her chair and stood with her palms resting on the heavy stone railing, her gaze on the crystal spray of the fountain, glistening like a cascade of pure white diamonds in the light of a moon that was almost full. The air around her trembled; even at this time of year perfumes floated on the breeze. The grounds were chequered with shapes and patterns and colours—jade and emerald, smoke-grey and dun where shadows veiled the moonglow. Misty clouds pressed down on the valley sides, presaging a cool, dewy aspect when the light of a new day crept into the valley.

Hydee shivered and turned, saying quietly, ‘I’m going in, Carlos. It’s late.’

He did not move, and she left him sitting there, hoping he would not stay long, although he need not disturb her, since he could go into his own room via the balcony. To her surprise, he was in her room less than two minutes after she entered it herself. Frowning, she snapped, ‘What do you want, Carlos?’

No answer, and suddenly his expression changed and he shortened the distance between them. Hydee stepped back, the colour receding from her face.

‘Don’t speak to me like that, Hydee,’ he almost snarled. ‘You’re my wife!’

‘In name only!’

‘You could be expecting my child.’

‘Your child?’ He had mentioned it before, but now the situation had changed. ‘Is that what you want?’ She shook her head instantly, denying her own question. ‘No, you’d never want my child, but it would keep me here, or so you believe. Well, let me disillusion you. I’d not stay even if I were having a child!’ Nor would she let him know, she thought, praying with everything in her heart that she had escaped an eventuality such as that.

He moved again, and she took another step back, bringing her legs into contact with the huge four-poster bed. ‘Go away,’ she ordered, eyes flashing. ‘I told you I didn’t want you in my room again!’ A mistake—perhaps not in the actual meaning of her words but in the way they were phrased, and also in the way they were delivered. Carlos’s eyes smouldered, narrowing to dark, menacing slits.

‘You’re my wife!’ he gritted. ‘If I want to come to your room, then I shall come anytime I like.’

Hydee’s disbelieving eyes were drawn to the slender brown hands coming up from his sides. She needed no extraordinary perception to guess what he had in mind. And yet part of her brain refused to accept the obvious, because for him to take her now would not only mean a lowering of his pride but also increase the contempt she already felt for him.

‘I’m your wife in name only,’ she repeated. ‘I’ve just reminded you of it.’ White to the lips now, she watched with fascinated eyes as his hands came forwards. But despite her position, which was one of near-imprisonment, for he was threateningly close, Hydee was galvanised into action, and even as his hands came out to grasp her arms, she pivoted on her heels, almost knocking him off balance by the urgency and violence of her manoeuvre. She sped to the door, but even as she reached it she felt his steely fingers close round her wrist and she came up against his muscular frame with an impact that left her panting and dazed. She stood staring up at him, tall and overpowering, masterfully arrogant, his body dominatingly flexed. A nobleman whose innate superiority was sustained even though his basic male instincts were swiftly reverting to the primitive.