Fated: An Alpha Male Romance (20 page)

He shook his head. “Not if you’re cheating with a God-damn saint.”

Then his expression changed, reminding me of the look on his face from the afternoon he’d hired the professional ballroom dancer. There were a few moments that he looked almost human, and I found myself feeling sorry for him during those times. He’d been no different than I was. We were both children who were once innocent, but over time were molded into little caricatures with preset destinies. There’d been way more to gain on his end, but he was no less a victim.

“Hear me out, Alexandra,” he added. “Marry me. It won’t be anything like what I presume you’d have with Ethan, but that bridge has been burned. Get over it. Just know that I’ll never hit you and I’ll try not to talk down to you. I’ll even give you considerably good looking children. Then, after a spell, I couldn’t care less if you decided to venture out and find what you think you’re missing. As long as you do it discreetly.”

There wasn’t a hint of insincerity on his face.

“Do you really think that you could be okay with that?” I asked him. “Don’t you want love?”

“Love is overrated, Alexandra. Look around you — this isn’t the magical world of Disney. Marriages are now business mergers. People are starting to realize more and more that ‘happily ever after’ is a construct. It’s not about personal happiness; it’s about economic security and genetically viable offspring. The world’s not the same from when your parents were in their youth.”

In that way, he was incorrect. The discussion that he was having with me was what I pictured happened between my parents, but without the actual words. My mother was raised to be my father’s partner, but not his match. My father’s aim had been to find a woman to carry on his arm that had no blemishes in her background and came from a stellar family. With my mother, he’d knocked that goal out of the park.

“And how long do I have to make this decision?” I asked.

“Well, the wedding is only a couple of days away.”

I fished my robe from the bathroom. “Ok. I’ll be right back.”

“And where are you going?”

“I need to speak to someone.”

He groaned. “Dr. Stewart? Thought he wasn’t taking your calls?”

I slipped out without a response.

Thankfully, because Ethan
always stopped and had conversations with virtually everyone, I learned from the evening janitor at the office that he’d left for the airport nearly a half hour before I arrived. The man hadn’t known why, but he’d been pretty certain that there was still a chance that I could catch him if I left immediately. He’d also said that Ethan mentioned that he was on his way to Florida, which wouldn’t really do much to narrow down the flights that I had to look for, but it was still worth a shot. If I was even going to consider accepting Roderick’s second proposal, then I had to see Ethan first.

I broke all kinds of speeding laws driving to the airport and quickly made my way around the terminal loop, angrily honking at anyone in my way driving below the speed limit.

I parked and raced through the terminal and into the area designated for departing flights. I looked up at the monitor and, as expected, there were tons of flights headed to Florida. I had no idea which city Ethan was headed to, or even if the janitor had been right in the first place.

Not knowing in which direction to head, I remained still and looked around for his face. I looked for anything that might lead me to him: a scent, a sound, a stirring in the pit of my stomach, or even the tickling of the fine hairs on my arms as they stood on end. I didn’t have to wait very long.

“Alexandra?”

I turned around and sucked in a breath. It had been the longest I’d ever gone without seeing him and now he stood as satiation for my thirst. He was wearing a navy blue shirt with the sleeves rolled up to reveal his forearms, and casual khaki brown shorts. I looked into his eyes expecting to find anger or disgust, but neither were present. He just looked at me in confusion, no doubt waiting for me to utter something instead of staring at him as though he wasn’t real.

“Ethan. Hi.”

“Hi,” he echoed.

The words “I missed you,” were battling with the seal of my lips to slip out, but I didn’t want to make things awkward. After all, it was my fault that I could no longer find home in his arms.

“I have a question,” I began. “I won’t take up much of your time because obviously, you have somewhere to be.”

He tipped his head to the side. “Technically, but take your time.”

“Hypothetically speaking,” I started for a second time, “say that my grandmother’s punch really did what she claimed it could do. Could you be with me knowing that one day, the ‘potion’ could wear off and your feelings for me could disappear?”

His brows came together. “What’s the real question, Alexandra?”

I sighed and tried again. “I guess what I’m asking is, do you think what happened between us was real?”

His gaze traveled to every corner of my face before it was stolen by a distraction behind my head. Then, he tipped his head down and ran his fingers through his hair before meeting my eyes again. “I’ve thought about it,” he said. “I’ve thought about how intense everything seemed and how being with you caused me to do things that I always said I would never do.”

I slowly nodded. Being with him had also caused me to do things that I’d only ever dreamed of, act in ways that I had only envied, and find a comfort that was only rivaled by my closest personal relationships.

“As a doctor, I have to believe in logic,” he went on. “Logic says that our body cleanses itself. We only shared that pitcher one time, so the likelihood of whatever was in it being sustained in our system for months on end are slim to none. However, our brains are built for both logic
and
creativity. The other side of my brain says that there are things that cannot be explained by science, numbers, and formulas. It says that we are limited by what we know and what can be explained, although we experience numerous unexplainable things every day. That part of my brain believes that two people can be fated to each other. So yes, I do think that what we could have had would have been real.”

He lifted the handle of his suitcase, but I put up a hand to stop him.

“Ethan, I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I realized that I never apologized for everything I’ve caused.”

“You didn’t make me fall for you.”

“But, I should’ve been up front and honest with you. I’m terrified about life outside of my window. Backing out now could ruin a lot of things, including Rick’s campaign and—”

I stopped as a slow, wry curve appeared on his face. Despite it being a smile, I could still sense the small flint of anger powering the expression.

“You’re still doing it,” he said.

“Doing what?”

“Asking for permission.”

“I’m not—”

“Yes, you are,” he interrupted. “Alexandra, just once, think about what would be best for you. Not best for society, your parents, or Roderick…just
you.
The only person you need permission from is yourself. Even if, at the end of the day, you made the decision to be alone, make sure that it’s your own damn decision. Anyone who expects you to be who
they
want you to be, and not who
you
want to be, doesn’t deserve the consideration you’re giving their opinion.”

As I watched the anger dance across his face, I realized that he wasn’t upset with me. He was upset for the same reason that I was; I’d gone right back to the lifestyle that I’d claimed I so wanted to escape from. There was also a major difference between a life with Roderick and a life with Ethan. There
was
life with Ethan. Marrying Roderick would relegate me to being a robot for the rest of my life. A Stepford. A piece of plastic…like my mother.

I pulled in a breath so deep that my lungs felt crushed.

“Did I give you what you needed?” he asked.

“Yes,” I answered. In more ways than one, he did.

We stood in complete silence for a moment, playing a game of tag with eye contact. It was like the food science class all over again. I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want to exit the terminal without him.

“Ethan,” I began, my throat quivering. “At this point, do you think there could still be anything between us?”

His chest expanded in his shirt. The knuckles that were wrapped around the handle of his suitcase turned white. He glanced up at the flight monitor and the muscle in his jaw pulsed.

“The envelope that my grandfather gave me was a letter from my mother,” he said. “She was writing to let me know that she was released early from her sentence and relocated to Tampa. She was in prison for murder.”

My face blanched.

“Yeah, murder,” he continued. “She killed one of her boyfriends. The night before it happened, she’d said that we were going to escape in the middle of the night to get away from him. Just me and her. She’d even promised that she would be a better mother once we left. But just like that,” he snapped his fingers, “all of that went down the drain when I woke up to police lights flashing outside of my window. Next thing I knew, a man in uniform was trying to shield my eyes as he escorted me through a bloody crime scene. As I got older, I understood the weight of what happened.”

The people moving around us seemed to disappear as his despair bled into mine. All of a sudden, I could feel his six-year old anguish. I could feel his unanswered questions stretching inside of his body like a rubber ball about to burst.

“So, that’s where you’re headed?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m taking my own advice for once. Instead of trying to blame everybody else for their decision to not be with me, I’m taking responsibility for choosing myself. So, no Alexandra.” He looked at me and the grey in his eyes flickered. His brows softened. “I don’t think there’s any chance left for us.”

I couldn’t stop my hand from going to my chest as his words pierced my flesh, broke through my ribcage, and made a clean incision into my heart. My quivering throat shrunk to the size of a straw. The tears forming in my eyes scorched like acid.

“Oh,” was all I could manage, and it stumbled forth from my throat enshrouded in a burst of dry sand.

“I…have to go,” he replied.

I searched his voice for any sign of weakness, and his eyes for any indication that he hadn’t meant what he said, but I was too rattled. I could barely register that we were standing in the middle of an airport.

“Oh,” I said again, stepping to the side. “You do. I’m sorry.”

He gripped the handle on the suitcase and began to walk past me. When we were side by side, he turned to face me at the exact same moment that I looked up at him. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs and wrap myself around him to prevent him from leaving. There was no life without Ethan. As Grandma Evelyn had said, I could have possibly mentally thrown myself into a relationship and be satisfied to a certain point, but that would have only been accurate if I’d never met Ethan. Everyone had that one person in their life, whether the relationship worked or not, that changed everything about them for the better. That introduced them to things that they never before knew they needed and experiences that would forever go unrivaled. That was Ethan for me. Ethan was it for me. There was no point in looking for love if he and I were completely done.

He continued on and I watched him until he disappeared. The minute that he left my sight, the incision in my heart stretched. On unsteady legs, I ambled back to my car and sat there for a few minutes, letting my sorrow consume me.

my blurry tears
were still able to guide me home. I noticed my father’s silver Mercedes in the driveway and it brought with it a different feeling of dread. Leaden legs were somehow able to pull me out of the car and into the house, and both he and Roderick were standing in the kitchen as though I was the guest of honor that they’d been waiting for. Roderick’s face was apologetic, but my father looked pissed.

“Where have you been?” he asked, noticing my puffy eyes and heavy shoulders.

“Out,” I answered, brushing past them to the stairs.

I heard my father’s voice ring out the minute the bottom of my foot hit the first step. “You stop right there, Alexandra. Turn around and face me when I’m talking to you.”

I did as I was told. There was no longer even an ounce of the urge to fight left in my body.

“Now, where have you been?” he repeated.

“Out,” I repeated. “If you have a question, just ask it.”

His face reddened. “Alexandra, Roderick told me everything. He told me about your errant behavior and your relationship with Dr. Ethan Stewart. Alexandra, how could you? After everything your mother and I have given you? After everything you’ve accomplished?”

I groaned. “Daddy, no offense, but I don’t want to talk about this. Ever.”

A sound rumbled in his throat that made me think of an angry dog baring its teeth.

“Like I said before, Alexandra, don’t think that I will lose you like I lost Gia. I treasured watching the two of you grow up. I put so much effort into protecting you from the evils of the world and making sure that your lives were perfect. Look at how Gia repaid me.”