Feather Bound (25 page)

Quietly, I slid back up onto the bench and shut my eyes against the world. For Hyde to have suffered so deeply, for me to have used him, cursed him, and loved him all without knowing any of it... it killed me. My chest felt hollow, my heart scooped out and smothered.

My eyes snapped open. I turned to Hyde, watching him avoid my gaze. “She found out, didn't she?” When Hyde frowned and looked away, I stood up. “Beatrice knows. The envelope she handed you. That's what she's blackmailing you with. You just said it yourself, didn't you? You'd have done anything to make sure nobody found out. So when she did, you gave her the company in exchange for her silence. But…” I swallowed hard, the tears welling up again. “But that wasn't enough, was it? She wanted… she wanted more.”

Hyde kept his back turned to me.

“Oh God. Hyde!” I jumped up and threw my arms around his waist, pressing my forehead against the back of his neck. His soft hair caressed my skin as I squeezed and squeezed and let the tears drip into his shirt. “Hyde…” My fingers dug into his stomach.

“See? That's why I didn't tell you.”

Gently, he pried me off of him and turned around to face me, holding my hands in both of his. “Deanna. Just do me this one favor. Promise me you won't tell anyone.”

“What?” I shook my head. “What are you talking about? We should go to the police!”

But his hand squeezed mine, a little too tightly. “Please,” he whispered. “Please, I'm begging you. If it leaked to the press… if everyone knew… I just can't.”

“And this is how you're going to do it? Be a slave forever?” I gazed up at him, pleadingly. “I don't understand. Please Hyde. What… what am I supposed to do?”

His smile was one of the saddest I'd ever seen. “Forget me, Deanna. You know as well as I do. I should have stayed dead.”

20

CONFESS

 

About two weeks after my mother's funeral, I'd stopped writing. I was eight. The stories I used to write for fun: those sweeping epic tales about orphans in workhouses, or melodramatic teenagers, or gnomes, and sometimes all of them at once. I stopped. The pen had become too heavy in my grip.

I picked up a spatula instead, then a duster. I took my mother's place because nobody else would. Dad had been too busy drowning his tears in beer. Adrianna had used frivolity as a shield against reality – and Ericka, her boyfriends. Back then, I figured if nobody would deal,
I
would take care of things. I would handle it by myself.

So I dealt with things. I handled them all on my own. And it'd become an instinct so powerful that I didn't notice the fresh new bars caging me in. I'd locked myself in hell without even knowing it.

Hyde…

I sat on the couch in the dark and stared at the television screen, turned-off, the clock on the wall ticking away. I wanted to be loyal. I wanted to do as Hyde asked and respect his wishes. It was his life, after all. It was his choice. Who was I to take it away?

Just do what he says
.
The thought had become a powerful drive, an order. Be loyal. It was as if I'd been silenced by the swan's curse.

But Hyde was suffering. He was dealing with things, handling them all on his own. Like me. He'd glimpsed the bars caging him in hell and simply shrugged, defeated. Like me. And now he was asking me to forget him.

Forget him?
Can I?

I fell onto my side, smothering my face in the arm of the couch.

“Deanna?”

I lifted myself up and peered over the couch to see Ericka coming down the stairs – she'd been so quiet, I hadn't even noticed, but she was already halfway down. I turned back around.

“What's wrong? Why are you…” A long yawn broke her sentence. “Why are you sitting here in the dark? It's one in the morning.”

“It's three in the morning.”

“Is it? That's even worse!” I heard the fridge doors being pried apart. “On the upside, François hasn't woken up once tonight. I think he likes it here.”

Twisting around, I watched her as she rummaged through the fridge contents, passing over leftovers to pluck out a can of cheap condensed milk. “Ericka, exactly how long are you going to be staying chez Davis?”

Her head shifted in my direction before she straightened back up, and then she was off to the cupboards. “I'm going back tomorrow. As much as I love being home, we really should be returning to Manhattan. I already told Charles.”

“I'm surprised he let you stay here for so long.” I threw my arm over the back of the couch and leaned in.

“Oh…” Ericka pulled out a case of chocolate from the cupboards and shrugged. “No, he didn't mind… I don't think. What with all the insanity surrounding the Edmund Rey embezzlement case, he's probably been too busy to miss us.”

And too busy to call. Granted, it wasn't like I'd been locked inside the house, but since the time Ericka had arrived I hadn't heard them talk once. From what I could tell, Ericka hadn't exactly been taking it upon herself to fix that.

“You… really love it here?”

Ericka smiled at me as she heated the water. “Yeah... I guess I do. Leaky faucet and all.”

“Funny. When you were living here, you couldn't wait to get the hell out.” Harsh, I know. It just came out.

Ericka stayed silent for a little while, but once she finished mixing her hot chocolate, she walked over and sat next to me. “You're not wrong,” she said. “I did want to get out. And then I found this cute rich boy who kept showering me with pretty things.” She laughed and sipped her chocolate.

I pulled my legs up onto the couch, holding my ankles with frigid hands. “The grass is always greener, I guess.”

“I've been talking to Dad a lot.”

I'd noticed. “About what?”

“Hmm.” Ericka peered into her ceramic mug, its horrid fluorescent pink blinding in the dark. And yet that was the mug she'd been using, consistently, since she got here. “My life. His life. Past mistakes. Sometimes it feels like everything went wrong when Mom died. Like we were…” She lowered the mug onto her lap. “All looking for a way out. Freedom.”

“You got yours, though. You got the whole Cinderella treatment.”

At this, Ericka gave me a wry smile. “I wonder about that.”

“Then why not just leave?”

Ericka brought her mug up to her lips, letting the ridge sit there. “There's François to consider, after all, but… I don't know. I guess in the end, I depend on Charles for a lot of things.”

Actually, as a child, I'd always thought that there was something grotesque about
Cinderella
. The reason was there in script, written in the deep, dark lines shadowing Ericka's eyes. From one cage into another.

“Things started out well enough, though.”

“Why didn't you ever tell us anything?” Better yet, why didn't
I
ever tell
them
anything? About Mom, about Anton, about anything?

Ericka twisted around, letting her side sink into the couch cushion. “Well, I guess I'm telling you now.” She swirled her mug around, staring off to the side with a thoughtful smile. “Feels good, actually.”

I stared at my toes. It would feel good, wouldn't it? Yeah. It probably did. It was the freedom more than anything else. I was sure of it. I was tired of cages, tired of lies. Tired of peering through the bars, desperate and lonely, while pretending I could handle it all. And Hyde. I was sure he was too. I knew his secret wasn't mine to tell, but I couldn't just sit by and let someone take advantage of it. I had to help him. He deserved freedom. But first I had to find mine.

“Ericka… go get Ade.”

“What?”

I took the mug from her hands and placed it on the table. “There's… something I need to tell you.”

21

INFILTRATE

 

“I will kill him.”

“I just can't...”

“His life must
end
.”

“We should call the police.”

“I'll gut him myself!”

“I'm calling the police.”

“Guys!” I stomped on the ground to get Ade and Ericka's attention. None of this was unexpected, of course. After the initial period of silence had come the babbling, pacing and uttering of death threats, and while I especially appreciated Adrianna's bloodlust, I really didn't want to wake Dad. Telling him... still didn't feel quite right. I guess I wasn't quite ready for that. “No police.”

Ericka's hand was already on the home phone's receiver. “What? Why not? That's the first thing you should have done!”

I looked down, shifting on my feet. “I didn't have any proof. I still don't. And if Anton finds out, I don't know what he'll do. He threatened me, remember?”

“So what?” Ade snarled. “We just sit on our asses? Forgive and forget? This bastard's head should be slowly decaying on a
pike
!”

I sighed. “No argument there.”

Dropping the phone back onto its base, Ericka sat down, staring through the black expanse of the television screen. “You're a swan. You're… Deanna… how could you not tell me? Either of you?” She rubbed her face, which droplets of tears had already begun to stain. “Do you really think that little of me?”

“I'm sorry,” was all I could say.

“Look, I know some guys.” Ade folded her arms over her chest. “Over in Hell's Kitchen. If we do it right we can make it look like an accident.”

Tempting. “Look, I'll figure out what to do with Anton later. Right now, I need your help.”

“Ah. Hyde,” said Ade. “That poor bastard.”

I hadn't told them everything. It wouldn't have been right. But if I was going to save Hyde from Beatrice, I would need help.

Ericka tapped her chin with a finger. “What are you going to do? If it's true that Beatrice has Hyde's feathers, then he shouldn't be able tell anyone about it. And you don't have any proof of that either so involving the police–”

“I don't need to involve the police. Besides, Hyde doesn't want this getting out. All I have to do is get his feathers back.”

“Get them back?” Ericka narrowed her eyes, incredulous. “And how do you propose to do that?”

“Easy,” Ade answered instead. “Beatrice probably has his feathers stashed somewhere in her house. I mean, that's how it works, right? That's how swans know where to go every night. Oh,” she added quickly, because she must have noticed the look on my face. “Uh, not that we want to think about what he does with Beatrice every night–”

“Yes, let's not,” I snapped.

“But still,” Ade continued quickly, “the point is that if we want to get Hyde's feathers back, we need to walk straight into the cougar's den.”

“Adrianna!” Ericka clutched her nightgown collar nervously – a poor substitute for pearls. “That's trespassing. If Beatrice catches you, she could press charges. And how would you even manage to get in? The whole idea's insane.”

I thought about it.

Not long.

“What the hell,” I said. “I think I've got a cat-suit lying around somewhere.”

“Hey, the guy gave me a year's worth of DVDs. It's the least I can do.” Adrianna's smile turned wicked. “All right, then. Suit up, bitches.”

 

“I can't even believe this,” I said, shaking my head as Ade sent her text. “Didn't you kick him the last time you saw him?”

All the fretting had made Ericka tired, so she'd already gone to bed promising to talk some sense into us in the morning. But the operation had already begun.

“Maybe he forgot?”

“Probably didn't.”

Ade thought for a second, before shrugging. “Maybe it doesn't matter to him anymore.”

“Probably does.”

“Maybe ass matters more.”

Bingo. We waited. We stayed awake for two hours, but Ade's phone didn't buzz.

“He probably doesn't even remember you.” I crossed my legs on her bed. “No offense.”

Ade grimaced. “Ew, none taken.”

We were about to move on to plan B when, at precisely half-past six, a text came in:

“Really now.” Ade shuddered. “Ew.”

Indeed shuddering was an appropriate response. I followed suit. “You know, he still probably doesn't even remember you.”

“He will.” Ade got up and, grabbing her hair straightener, started over to the bathroom.

“Wait!” I leapt up and followed her. “We're going
now
?”

“Not ‘we',” Ade replied, straightening out a row of curls. “Me.”

I watched as smoke curled off her hair, fogging up the bathroom windows. “What? No way, we're doing this together. We have to!”

With a sigh, Ade placed the straightener on the sink and turned to me. “Dee, there's no way I'm letting you go anywhere near the psychopath from this day forward.”

“You think I want you going anywhere near him?”

Ade laughed. “Please. I can handle myself. Besides, you've been the one doing the heavy lifting all this time. It's my turn. I promise I won't actually kill him.” She winked as she picked the straightener up again, raising it to the opposite side of her head. “Trust me, kay? Let me do this.”

Trust Ade. It was about time I did.