Fifty Shades of Jamie Dornan (6 page)

‘Keira smiled and tolerated them at first, but when they talked so loudly over her conversation, she started looking daggers at them. After the torch shining incident and the rude way they were teasing her about her posh voice it all got too much.’

Keira and Jamie left the party to go to a nearby bar but the two men followed and, in a menacing move, sat at a table opposite them. ‘She could probably sense a confrontation brewing so she grabbed Jamie and left,’ a friend recalled. ‘She made the best of the rest of the weekend – but this definitely put a dampener on things.’

As soon as they returned to London, Jamie and Keira were seen recovering at London’s swanky eatery Nobu, where they indulged in comfort food and some much-needed romantic time out. ‘They were holding hands over the table in a discreet section. But there was no mistaking the look of love. They were laughing so much it was heart-warming,’ an onlooker told a newspaper.

However, behind the scenes, all was not well. Jamie was shaken by the experience and his hatred of the press had already
taken root. Keira also openly admitted that she wasn’t the easiest person to live with, as she worried incessantly about the cinema releases of her two latest films,
Domino
and
Pride and Prejudice.
‘I’m naturally pessimistic. I don’t get carried away with things. I can be a moody cow,’ she revealed.

Acting had at that point devoured her life and several years later she admitted that the time when she was dating Jamie was incredibly stressful. ‘I wish I hadn’t been [such a hard worker]. Life would have been so much easier,’ Keira told
Harper’s Magazine
. ‘I was spending so much time being neurotic and beating myself up that I thought actually, if I didn’t, I might get further by just going, “Oh, f**k it”.’

Instead, it was her relationship that took the hit.

Jamie and Keira finally split in August 2005. Traditionalist Jamie could no longer cope with her fame and they had started to argue about the fact that he was struggling to accept Keira being the breadwinner. ‘There is a big pressure when you go out with someone like Keira. You can feel a bit second-rate and that’s what started to happen. It’s not like I was bringing the bread to the table – and that can start to affect everything,’ he said. ‘The man is meant to be the Alpha in the relationship on the money and power front and clearly I was not. You feel you have to be dominant in other areas and that leads to problems. If the person with you in a relationship has more power in terms of occupation, they don’t want to think, “Oh, he must find it really awkward because I make loads of money”.’

Jamie and Keira were having crisis talks on an almost daily basis and they finally decided to part ways. Friends were
adamant that his career in acting also played a role in their split. ‘When Jamie announced he wanted to broaden his repertoire and try acting as well as modelling Keira was really supportive. While the idea of them both sharing the same profession was romantic, the reality is they were starting to see less and less of each other,’ a friend explained. ‘When she comes back from a shoot she shuns showbiz parties and enjoys a quiet life with people she loves around her. But with Jamie trying to crack the big time he’s not often around. That’s very hard for a young couple to withstand.’

As newspapers scrambled for stories, Jamie’s agent also released a statement confirming the break-up. ‘Keira and Jamie had decided to call a halt to their relationship in its current phase but they remain completely committed to each other as friends and will continue to see each other in this capacity,’ it read.

It was true to say that both Jamie and Keira were still young and, with the next natural stage for them being marriage or children, it was also a case of wrong place, wrong time. ‘We all need romance in our lives but marriage and living happily ever after is not something I think about at the moment and certainly won’t for a while,’ she told a newspaper a week after their split.

Clearly heartbroken, she also went on to describe handsome Jamie as her ideal man: ‘I’d go for someone who is a little bit brooding and somebody you can have a good conversation with, a good fight with, who will always keep you guessing and make you laugh. And he has to have good shoes.’ But Jamie was gone. She had asked him to move out of her Maida Vale flat and, having
handed back the keys, he was now living in a nearby apartment close to Notting Hill with his sister Jessica.

While he was enjoying spending some time out of the spotlight, with evenings in and home-cooked meals, Keira was drowning her sorrows with friends. After she was spotted looking the worse for wear on a night out in London, a friend said, ‘She’s been on the town with the girls for a couple of boozy nights out. And although she’s still distraught, it’s done her the world of good.’

‘I’m lucky in that I have a great group of mates and I can do my talking to them,’ she told
Now
magazine at the time. However, hot on the heels of the story of her split with Jamie came the ‘news’ that Keira had fallen in love with a new man: Kaz James, the frontman of band Bodyrockers.

The actress had met the handsome Australian at a
Vanity Fair
party earlier in the year and had allegedly been spotted enjoying a string of dinner dates with him since finishing with Jamie. ‘Keira really likes Kaz, they are really into each other. She doesn’t want to rush into a full blown romance though,’ a source said at the time.

A month later, rumours of a love triangle were sparked when Jamie and Kaz came within minutes of a face-off at the premiere party for Keira’s
Pride and Prejudice
film. ‘It was like a scene from a Jane Austen novel,’ one newspaper mused. ‘She sent Kaz to her suite at The Dorchester hotel to wait until the wee hours for her arrival. A clever move because just moments after she gave Kaz his marching orders, Jamie arrive at the bash.’

However, the rumours appeared to be just that. Keira claimed
that she had never met Kaz, while he admitted some months later, ‘We never dated. People said, “Oh poor Kaz”, but she never had the chance to break my heart.’

Keira, who in the meantime was still filming the two
Pirates of the Caribbean
sequels, was astonished to hear of the stories back home about this alleged new man in her life. ‘I only know about him because I’ve become rather obsessed with it and I keep looking on the internet. But I never met him. Never! Apparently he’s dumped me now. It’s the easiest break-up I’ve ever been through!’ she said.

Keira was, however, struggling to cope without Jamie in her life and both of them were devastated about the break-up. Vowing to be friends, it wasn’t long before they met up, and the chemistry between them was hard to dismiss. On a day out in the West End together, the couple enjoyed a heart-to-heart while strolling through a park, before doing some shopping. They also stopped to peer into an estate agent’s window to look for a new apartment, before cuddling in a taxi on the way back to her flat.

Although friends dismissed their so-called two-month reunion as nothing more than sex, Keira admitted that it wasn’t as easy as just saying ‘goodbye’ to Jamie. ‘Things change slowly and it isn’t simply a matter of moving on,’ Keira commented days after their split. ‘A relationship, as everyone knows, is complicated.

‘It’s not black and white – it’s various shades of grey. So there’s no way to explain what happened in a paragraph. There’s no way you can explain a relationship. To anyone reading this I’d say “Try it”. You’re looking at a whole set of complex issues.’

A friend of the couple had another take on their brief reconciliation: ‘Jamie knows Keira’s a free agent. To be honest, she just rings him up whenever she fancies a bit of exercise.’ However, it was clearly a bit more than that. A month after being spotted out together in the capital, Jamie admitted that they were back together and this time he was determined to make it work. ‘He can’t bear to think that he let one of the most beautiful women in the world slip through his fingers,’ a friend confided.

‘No matter how long you’ve been with someone, you’re wary of letting your guard down. You don’t want to say you love them or admit you’re wrong. Things are never as straightforward as they seem,’ Jamie himself said. ‘Let’s just say that I hope things work out.’

Sadly, they didn’t. By the New Year, it was quite clear that things weren’t right and Keira ended it once and for all. ‘The person who finally said, “Okay, that’s it, I’ve had enough” was Keira,’ he revealed, insisting that it was a lot more complicated than just being ‘dumped’. ‘But I think it was a culmination of factors and of course we’re both so young. It has been my only long-term relationship. The word “marriage” scares me but who doesn’t think of that kind of thing after a certain amount of time? But I’m too young.’

It was an inevitable conclusion to all those who knew the couple personally. Always ambitious, Keira had badgered her parents to find her an agent when she was just six years old and made her first TV appearance at eight. By the time she was sixteen, she’d already starred in Brit film
Bend It Like Beckham
and was commanding £3 million a movie. Her rise was meteoric
– unlike Jamie’s who was infinitely more modest in comparison. ‘Sometimes I don’t know whether it was really Keira or me who ended that relationship,’ he said. ‘It was the culmination of many factors. Because of all the media attention and everything that goes with it, it was not always an easy relationship. We’ve both got a lot going on.’

His palpable sense of loss – a grief – also started to revive feelings that he’d experienced after his mother’s death when he was just sixteen. As well as Keira exiting his life, he would also be saying goodbye to her mum Sharman, someone who had been a big part of his life over the past two years and had become a confidante and good friend.

In an incredible admission – and one which showed the true extent of his feelings for Keira – Jamie said that he had found it harder losing his lover than facing his mother’s death to cancer. For the young model, the devastation of splitting from his girlfriend, knowing she would go on and find happiness elsewhere, was impossible to cope with. ‘Losing Keira is a very different kind of grief,’ he said. ‘The strength I got from losing my mum isn’t helping me deal with it. When you feel that you’ve lost someone, it’s very hard.

‘To be honest, I am not as strong in love as I am in the face of death. Obviously losing my mum was a horrible thing and it’s still horrible to this day. But I knew a lot more horrible stuff would happen and it has, to be honest.’

Jamie was hurting. He’d never experienced true love like he’d felt for Keira, nor had he experienced such gut-wrenching heartache when they split. While Keira spoke of regret, Jamie
seemed sad and vulnerable. ‘I’m coping fine,’ he said at the time, ‘but I do feel very hurt at times. Things could be worse, couldn’t they?’

He had been under no illusion that his beautiful girlfriend’s filming schedule took precedence over playing happy families but he was now left with the deep frustration of being referred to as ‘Keira Knightley’s ex-boyfriend’.

As he had done in the years following his mother’s death, it was time to take stock and strike out to succeed in his latest quest: to become an actor in his own right and secure a record deal. His band was poised to sign a recording contract with Sony and, in a statement to the press, his agent revealed what the now world-famous clothes horse had up his sleeve: ‘Jamie is an actor but he’s also a musician. His primary focus is his music.’ When it was suggested that the male model had until now been best known as Keira’s boyfriend, his spokesman replied caustically, ‘Well, I would dispute that.’

If there was one positive thing to be taken from his heart-shattering split, it was that Jamie had a renewed determination to prove the world wrong – he was not just a six-pack bit of arm candy. ‘I know I must protect myself,’ the ambitious model told a newspaper a few months later. ‘Don’t worry my barriers are up – I’m ready for battle!’

‘
O
ur sex scenes were a lot of fun, my chest was naked but I kept my pantaloons on below! Kirsten had to perform in bed wearing slippers while holding a fan which was bizarre,’ a single-and-loving-it Jamie gushed. ‘She’s gorgeous. We had no problems with our sex scenes.’

His first foray into acting opposite Hollywood beauty Kirsten Dunst, playing her courtier lover in
Marie Antoinette
, couldn’t have gone any better. She was beautiful, the on-screen chemistry between them was electric and the male model was overjoyed that this relatively modest role in a costume caper seemed like a giant step into the movie industry. Moreover, the production was impressive and sumptuous. The crew were given unprecedented access to Paris’s impressive Palace de Versailles and some scenes were shot in Vienna; the wardrobe was created by Italian costume designer Milena Canonero and the shoes were made
by fashionistas’ favourite, Manolo Blahnik. Even luxury French bakery Ladurée was drafted in to make pastries for the film – including their trademark multi-coloured macaroons.

Jamie was justly impressed. ‘I was watching the filming on the monitors and next to me was one of the best directors in the world, I had to pinch myself!

‘The director Sofia Coppola had everything under control and I think she made a great job of the film,’ he told
The Sun
newspaper.

The whole experience had given him a flavour of what a future on the silver screen could hold and he was desperate for more. Although his agent immediately vowed to find him new acting projects, it was decided that, in the meantime, Jamie should plough all his energy into music.

Single and with the media still referring to him as being ‘the man Keira dumped’ or ‘Keira’s ex’, Jamie was ever more determined to get the girl out of his mind and secure a record deal. ‘It’s quite frustrating actually, I was doing what I was doing long before I met Keira. I’m in the studio the whole time at the moment.

‘I believe something good will always happen if you don’t try too hard, if you plan things you just get disappointed.’

Meanwhile, Jamie’s reputation for being a playboy bachelor had started to gather pace and his association with Keira was starting to fade. Those in his inner circle hoped that the dating rumours which seemed to be following him, as one of the best looking men in the fashion industry, would also help with a little self-promotion for the model-turned-pop star – and ultimately sell records.

His admission of fancying his co-star Kirsten during their raunchy sex scenes hit the press, as did stories that he had been on a string of dates with actress Sienna Miller. ‘Jamie is going to be a teenage pin-up when Marie Antoinette comes out,’ one journalist swooned. ‘His looks are totally dreamy and since Keira dumped him he’s the guy everyone wants to be seen with. Sienna is no exception, they’ve been out to dinner and she’s in love.’

Jamie, who had by then turned twenty-three, struck up a friendship with stunning Sienna after they became neighbours in London’s Notting Hill, soon after he parted ways with Keira. He had moved into the apartment that he shared with his father Jim; this was an arrangement that suited them both, since his dad was regularly flying over from Northern Ireland to visit hospitals in the capital.

Sienna, meanwhile, had recently moved out of her boyfriend Jude Law’s nearby house, after splitting in a blaze of publicity caused by the revelation that he slept with his children’s nanny. They were both in need of some cheering up and, with a host of mutual pals, they quickly became friends with plenty in common. ‘They meet up regularly at the Electric private members’ bar,’ a friend divulged. ‘They both sit there supping pints together and have a bit of a laugh. They both need it.’

However, Sienna wasn’t the only one purported to be bedding handsome Jamie. Also hitting the headlines was a rumoured fling with Hollywood actress Lindsay Lohan. Jamie was now well aware of his playboy reputation and, although clearly amused by the attention, was quick to dismiss the claims: ‘I know the girls I’ve been linked with but that’s all there is to it. If you’re seen out
together, people automatically think you’re a couple. Of course that’s not the case. I’d be a very lucky guy if they were all true!’ Keen to prove that he was happy with his single status but would be ready to move on if the ‘right one’ came along, he added, ‘I make the best spaghetti in the world. If I was trying to impress a girl I’d probably whip up some pasta and serve it with a nice bottle of red. But there’s no one special at the moment.’

‘Off-screen I’m not usually very good at seduction,’ Jamie admitted in another interview to
The Sun
newspaper about his role in
Marie Antoinette
. ‘I’m shy but I had to become Axel in the film so I used a few cheeky smiles which hands up I’ve used off camera too. But there’s no Mrs for now.’

Truth be told, Jamie was ploughing all his energy into music, focusing on securing a record deal with his childhood band, an ‘Irish folk duo’ called Sons Of Jim. After his first split with Keira, Jamie started to heavily promote one of the band’s tracks – ‘Fairytale’, which was available for download – and during one interview, he admitted that he was still in love with his ex. ‘Sure I like my loved ones to hear my music and if that’s Keira then alright,’ he said.

Music industry insiders then claimed that the band’s profile was about to ramp up a notch, with Sony Records interested in signing the pair. Record bigwigs were said to be watching in the wings to see how their singles sold through their band website before making their move and handing them a deal. Jamie and his former schoolmate David Alexander felt confident that they had enough experience: they had performed on/off for five years and recorded tracks together for eight. It was therefore just a
case of trying to prove to those that mattered that they could turn their passion into a career.

It was the ideal time to do it – Jamie was dabbling in modelling and had enough time on his hands, while David had been studying law at Newcastle University but was desperate for a future in music. Now was the time to start presenting themselves more formally as a band, so they started to tour Irish and London bars and clubs. Jamie also wasn’t shy in boosting publicity for the band and was happy to explain how ‘Sons of Jim’ came about, describing, as mentioned previously, that the band name was in honour of their fathers. ‘Dad’s an amazing guy,’ Jamie told
The Sun
newspaper. ‘My mum died from cancer of the pancreas when I was sixteen. She’d been ill for about a year and a half – afterwards Dad helped me pull through the grief. He’s the strongest person I’ve ever met.

‘It’s lovely that I can respect him through the name of the band.’

Everything about their music so far had been independent of a label. They had posted their singles on their MySpace band page, where they interacted daily with fans on a busy message board. Although in the early days Jamie and David had ‘mucked around’ recording tracks back in Ireland, everything had changed in late 2004 when they caught the attention of legendary music producer Brian Higgins. Famous for producing songs for Girls Aloud and the Sugababes, Higgins thought the boys had real potential and invited them both to his studio in Kent where he ran his famous Xenomania production house.

The studio was legendary. Higgins had set it up to establish ‘a
Motown-type set-up’ with the artists, writers, musicians and the entire recording business all under one roof. Venturing inside the inspirational creative hub gave Jamie just the impetus he needed to finally take his music seriously. It was exciting, intriguing and, best of all, he was about to work with some of the biggest names in music. No-nonsense Higgins was notoriously picky about who he would work with and in an interview with
The Observer
, surrounded by gold discs, in the same month he started working with Jamie he said, ‘If you’re a production house, you’re supposed to work with anyone and everyone: that’s the rule, but if we don’t feel excited by the prospect of the artist, then the record’s going to be shit […] if we’d made records for everyone we’d been asked to over the last couple of years, I’d be a husk of a person by now. There’d be loads of money around, but the music would be terrible, and the depression would be raging through me.’ Jamie was clearly one of the lucky ones and admitted at the time, ‘For the last three months I’ve been working with a really big producer in London called Brian Higgins and we’ve been recording.

‘That’s what I’ve always wanted to do, even before modelling, and, luckily, modelling opened the door for that to be more accessible.’

Higgins immediately set the boys to work and collaborations followed with some world-famous writers and producers – for example Tim Kellett, whose then twenty-year music career included playing keyboards for Simply Red and working with a string of artists such as The Lighthouse Family and James Morrison.

In early 2005 Sons of Jim joined KT Tunstall on her UK tour in a bid to warm them up for a future inside the industry. Jamie and David began to feel that there was a conceivable chance they could finally get signed to a label, and the experience was incredible. The six sell-out gigs, including dates in York and Liverpool, cemented their aspirations to try to make it big, as they got first-hand experience of what life on the road was like for the Scottish recording artist, whose single ‘Suddenly I See’ had hit the Top 20. ‘Touring with Katie was brilliant fun; she’s quite incredible. We did six dates with her, so not a huge tour together,’ Jamie remembered. ‘Watching her do what she does every night was a real treat, and she was completely lovely as well.’

Hailed as ‘one of the success stories of 2005’, KT’s debut album
Eye To The Telescope
had gone multi-platinum and stayed in the Top 10 UK album chart for an impressive two months. In the meantime, Sons of Jim’s profile was slowly improving as they made their debut TV appearance on Irish channel UTV’s
The Kelly Show
, where they performed the track ‘Fairytale’. The pair’s husky vocals, with Jamie on guitar, drew rapturous applause from the studio audience. In an all-too-common move, the TV host declared, as he introduced the band, that Jamie had split from Keira just ‘a few months ago’. It was clear the model-turned-musician was still coming to terms with the split and having it so publicly rubbed in his face must have made the pain all the worse.

In fact the misery he felt during that period of his life was starting to show in his songs and when Jamie sat down to write
new single ‘My Burning Sun’ in December 2005 with songwriter Ali Thomson, the feelings were still raw. Fed up with dark, gloomy winter days and ‘smothering feelings’ of isolation, they wanted to write an uplifting track. ‘“My Burning Sun” acknowledges the way a particular person can reach you and transform your outlook, making life brighter,’ music magazine
Billboard
described the music. In the track, Jamie wrote, ‘I’m sitting here watching nothing I start to drift away/Thinking about the future, though my clouds are grey/A cigarette and some chocolate don’t ever pacify/There’s gotta be some daylight through the darkest sky/You could make it alive.’

Although the single wasn’t released for another year, it still managed to slip under the radar for the obvious links it could have drawn to Keira, with the lyrics clearly reflecting his residual feelings for his famous ex.

Despite this oversight, it still managed to create a stir when it was made available for download from the band website in 2006, having been released on their own label Doorstep, aptly named after their favourite sandwich shop back home in Belfast. Jamie, clearly excited about the band’s potential success, explained how they had got lucky in a newspaper interview, ‘Management caught wind of the demo we’d made and so Dave finished his law degree and for the past year we’ve been concentrating on it.

‘While he was doing his finals we supported KT Tunstall. Things started to take off a bit and now we’ve released a single.’

On the back of it, the folk duo were starting to perform at a number of prominent acoustic venues across London and
reviews were beginning to come in thick and fast. ‘While the pair admire the post-punk and ska influences of English bands such as the Kooks, they have eschewed this achingly hip path,’ one critic raved after hearing the track. ‘Instead, Dornan’s confident voice anchors a traditional-rock sound reminiscent of Counting Crows. Their lyrics, meanwhile, are more romantic and fey than say the spikiness of the Arctic Monkeys.’

However, it was at a showcase in May 2006 that one of Jamie’s songs, ‘Only On The Outside’, was picked out by critics for looking like it was describing his relationship breakdown to Keira. It therefore became clear to Jamie that no matter how hard he tried to distance himself, it was going to be near on impossible to shrug off the interest and intrusion that his ex-girlfriend generated.

The run-up to the show at London’s Teatro club had indeed been tough for Jamie, as Keira had found new love in the preceding few months with her
Pride and Prejudice
co-star Rupert Friend. While she – the glittering film star who was set to earn £50 million within the next two years – was appearing arm in arm with handsome Friend at the Oscars, Jamie had been performing to a modest crowd in an upstairs room in London’s private members club The Cobden. It was yet another reminder of the discrepancy in their status.

In this latest track, ‘Only On The Outside’, Jamie sang, ‘I can see your fancy friends trying to steal your innocence/you’re so weak around them.’ He reportedly told
The Mirror
afterwards, ‘The song hurts so much when I sing it. It’s about the difficult times in a relationship. We were so in love.’ Prominent articles in
the press followed, claiming that Dornan’s ‘song for Keira’ was about his ‘heartbreak’ for the pretty star.

Exasperated, he decided to publicly dismiss the stories as false. Jamie was not one for speaking officially to newspapers, choosing instead to keep his life as private as possible, but this time he wanted to set the record straight. ‘Considering Dave and I write together, I can’t work out how it could be true,’ he said. ‘People read into the lyrics what they want, I have no control over that I’m afraid. It wasn’t difficult to sing because it was about Keira. I just meant that because it’s so high I found it difficult to reach the notes!’