FIGHT FOR ME (10 page)

Nothing except a reminder that it was well past midnight. She dialed Lucas’s number. The answering machine picked up. “Hi, Lucas, it’s me. I was just calling to make sure you’re all right. I’m worried about you. Let me know what’s going on, please, when you can.”

She disconnected the call.

“I’m going to go check on Emma,” Jess said. She seemed more composed now.

“I’ll come with you.”

The sisters walked to Emma’s room and opened the door a crack. She appeared to be sleeping peacefully, but as Jess started to close the door she sat up in bed.

“Mommy?”

“Honey, it’s us. We were just checking on you. Go back to sleep.”

“Mommy,” she insisted.

Jess walked up to her bed. “What is it, Em?” Ivy followed her.

“Is Mr. Fray going to die?”

Ivy’s breath caught in her throat.

“Why would you ask that?” Jess sat on her daughter’s bed.

“Because this is just like when daddy went away.” Jess and Ivy didn’t say anything. “I didn’t want daddy to go away,” she said. “When he said goodbye I told him to stay.”

“Me too,” said Jess, softly.

Emma started to cry, very quietly. “I don’t want Mr. Fray to go away.”

“Mr. Fray will be back in the morning,” Ivy said quickly.    

Emma looked up at Ivy. “Are you sure?”

“He told me he would,” she half-lied.

“Okay.” Emma lay back down and snuggled under the covers. “Mr. Fray reminds me of papa.”

“Really?” Ivy asked, smiling a little. She thought about what she remembered of Nikolai. He had been strong, but not quite as slender as Lucas. His hair was always cropped short and he would never be caught dead in professional clothes like a button up shirt. She couldn’t think of many things they had in common except they both worked out, were male, and had good bone structure.

“They are the same inside,” Emma said seriously.

Jess and Ivy glanced at each other.
What a strange thing to say
, Ivy thought.

“Time to go back to sleep; it’s super late. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.”

“I’m going back to sleep, too,” Ivy said. “Sleep well, Emma.” She left for the living room.

Emma’s sleepy ramblings made her feel even worse inside. She felt like there was so much more going on than she could fathom and that no one wanted to or even could tell her. Maybe she should have just gone back to the city when she had originally said she would. The sweet, quaint little town of Paisley was somehow more stressful than life in the city.

As she pulled the covers over herself and turned toward the dark back of the couch in order to try to fall asleep again, her phone buzzed. Heart beating painfully quickly, Ivy checked her phone.

There was a text from Lucas.

Things are fine. I’m back at home.

She texted him back right away.

Can we hang out after I pick up Emma tomorrow?

There was a moment before he texted back.

Sure. Talk to you in the morning. Good night <3

Frustrated with the whole situation and utterly confused, she set her phone on the arm of the couch so the alarm would wake her up in the morning, but didn’t text him back.

Chapter Fourteen

As soon as she saw him in the morning she pulled him aside. He reluctantly follower her around the corner from the door of the kindergarten, out of sight of the parents and kindergarteners chatting and playing outside.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. Everything’s fine.” Lucas looked tired, like he had been awake all night.

“You just left without explanation after getting that call. What was it?”

He looked at her. “Private,” he said, walking back toward the classroom door. “Don’t worry about it. Really.”

“Are you really not going to tell me?” Ivy followed him. She wondered if she was being too pushy. Maybe it really was something very, very private. “I’m just worried about you, Lucas.”

He completely ignored her and walked into the classroom. “Come on, kids. Time to start class. It’s eight thirty.”

He shut the door after the last kindergartener ran inside at his call, not meeting Ivy’s eyes.

Feeling a little sick, she started the short walk back to the apartment building. She wondered if she would still see Lucas after he was done with work. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to see him.

For the next few hours she wandered around Paisley. She had brunch in the café she’d had brunch in during her first weekend in Paisley, Antonelli’s. She found the bench in the park where she had run into Lucas. She sat there for almost an hour, leafing through a book she had brought with her but unable to focus on it.

She should have expected something like this would happen. If he wouldn’t tell her about his past, then it followed that he wouldn’t tell her everything about his present. It was two months into their relationship and he still hadn’t told her why he ended up in Paisley. It really shouldn’t be a surprise that there would be things in the future he would keep from her.

Frustrated, she put the book back into her bag and stared at the pond.

It was a cloudy day, the sky an unremarkable gray. The still water reflected the dirty color of the sky. Ivy couldn’t help but think that the pond looked like it was filled with dish water.

She saw a terrier that looked a lot like Kimbo run down the path in front of her. She looked up, wondering if history was about to repeat itself, but it wasn’t Lucas. It couldn’t be, anyhow. He was teaching.

The likely owner of the dog, a middle aged woman in a white track suit, pushed a baby stroller by her. “Hi,” the woman said.

“Hi,” Ivy returned, trying not to sound as sullen as she felt.

She got up and decided to start walking back to the elementary school. The weather sucked –it looked like it was about to rain, and she didn’t want to be stuck in the middle of the park if it did. Also, it was about time to pick up Emma.

What would happen after she got Emma? Would Lucas still want to spend time with her today? Their conversation led her to believe otherwise.

Most importantly, what was going on with him? Them?

This situation could go either of two ways. One, he could tell her everything and trust would be built between them. The other possibility was that he would tell her nothing and they would drift apart. Ivy bit her lip as she walked briskly through the downtown, toward the elementary school.

She wasn’t ready for their relationship to end.

* * * *

Lucas’s expression showed no trace of the conflict she had felt between them earlier.

“Why don’t we bring Emma over to my house?” he said, walking toward the parking lot. “She can play with Kimbo.”

“I wanna go! I wanna play with Kimbo!”

“Um.” Ivy looked from Emma’s excited face to Lucas’s somewhat blank one. The alternative was having him come over to the apartment until Jess got home, so she didn’t see what the harm would be in bringing Emma over to his house. Emma had come over twice before and had a great time. She and Kimbo got along amazingly well. “Yeah, why not.”

When she told Emma about the plan, the little girl ran over to Lucas’s ridiculously attractive car. Emma loved his Mustang.

Ivy expected the drive to be filled with Emma’s chatter, but the little girl stayed uncharacteristically silent. “How was your day?” she ventured.

“Good,” Emma said simply.

“Did you learn anything?”

Emma looked up worriedly at Lucas. “Yes,” she said emphatically.

Ivy smiled at Lucas, thinking it was funny that Emma was so worried about making sure she didn’t make Lucas feel bad. Her smile quickly fell away when he didn’t even glance at her. He seemed very distant.

They pulled into his driveway.

Emma unbuckled and jumped out of the car. “Kimbo!” she yelled, glancing around the front yard and the neighborhood. “Here boy!”

Lucas laughed. “He can’t come out here because he’s in the back yard. I’ll let him inside once we are.”

As soon as Emma was preoccupied with Kimbo, Ivy looked Lucas in the eyes. “Let’s go on a walk,” she said, her voice serious.

He walked toward the kitchen. “We can’t leave Emma in the back yard alone.”

“Okay,” Ivy said. “But we need to talk. Here works too.”

He blinked. “What do you want to talk about?”

“What happened last night.”

“Like I said, it was nothing.”

They met each other’s gaze. It felt like there was a concrete wall between them that Ivy had no idea how to cross.

His phone started to buzz. “I need to take this.” He walked into the living room. “Hello?” He put a hand over the receiver and talked in a low voice. Ivy watched, fighting the urge to cross her arms. “I thought we settled this,” he said. He glanced up at Ivy. When he saw her watching him talk, he walked out of the front door and started to pace in the driveway. Ivy stood in the doorway.

“You need to leave me alone,” he hissed. “Get off my ass. And stay the fuck away from me and everyone I know.” He hung up the phone and turned back toward the door, his expression dark. When he saw Ivy in the doorway, he froze. They stood there, looking at each other for a long time.

She knew that he was keeping something from her. He knew that she knew, and he knew that she wasn’t okay with it.

The look lasted a moment longer than Ivy was comfortable with. She looked down.

“Ivy,” he said, tapping his fingers against his legs. He looked upset; more upset than she had ever seen him. He looked equal parts distracted, worried, and pissed off. “Ivy,” he started again. “You can’t see me anymore.”

“What?” She stepped off the porch to face him in the driveway. “What the hell?”

His jaw tightened. “You need to stay away from me.”

She pressed for more details but he wouldn’t budge. He would only give her answers that were variations on “you can’t be near me.”

Exasperated, she threw her hands up in the air. “Fuck. Okay. Thanks for explaining.” She stormed back into the house. “Emma!” she called. “We need to go.”

“Do you want a ride back to your apartment?” he asked, his voice quiet. His expression had calmed and now he simply looked tired and resigned.

“No, no thank you.” She took a surprised Emma by the hand and they started the somewhat lengthy walk back to Jess’s apartment.

She didn’t look back.

Chapter Fifteen

The next day Jess, Emma, and Ivy got ready to drive for an hour to the nearest airport. Jess and Ivy’s mother was coming in from the Midwest for the weekend.

Ivy hadn’t seen her mother since Christmas, when she had flown out to the city and then gone to see Jess and Emma for New Year’s. She was actually very glad her mother was coming. They had always had a good relationship and she felt like she could tell her mother almost anything.

She would have a lot to tell about the whole Lucas situation.

The airport was mostly empty. It was Friday mid-evening and the sun was very dim behind the persistent clouds. Emma was in a bad mood and kept saying that she wanted to go up the escalator and get a pastry from the pastry shop visible at the top of the escalator.

“Em, we can’t go up there. You have to have a ticket to go on a plane to go up there.”

“But grandma is up there!”

“She isn’t up there yet, that’s why we’re waiting for her down here.”

Jess put a hand on Emma’s shoulder. “We’ll go out to dinner with grandma tonight and you can get something yummy then.”

Ivy nodded. “Want to share a slice of pie and vanilla ice cream with me?”

Emma stopped wiggling and seemed to think for a moment. “Okay,” she said finally. “But I want my own slice of pie.”

Jess sighed. “We’ll see, honey.”

Just then their mother came into sight. Emma screamed. “Grandma!” The thin, elderly woman with her short hair dyed blonde laughed and hurried down the escalator, past people standing.

When she reached them Emma gave her a big hug. Then Jess and Ivy took their turn.

“It’s so nice to see you, mom,” Jess said.

“How’s dad?” Ivy asked.

Her mother looked at her a little uncertainly. “Well, he’s not doing so well. It hurts him a lot to even get out of bed. He sends his love to all of you and wishes he could be here.”

“Of course,” Ivy said. She gave her mother another hug.

“We’re going to get pie!” Emma said, breaking the somewhat solemn moment.

“Okay, sweetie, but first we have to wait for my baggage.”

“Okay,” Emma said. She ran over to baggage claim and starting asking her grandmother if every bag was hers.

“No, it’s blue,” the woman finally insisted. “I’ll know it when I see it. But thanks for your help.”

While Emma kept all her attention trained on finding a blue suitcase, their mother put her hand on Jess’s shoulder. “How are you doing, honey?”

Jess looked down. “I’m all right. I’m really glad you’re here. This… this time of year has been harder than I thought it would be.” She looked up and her eyes were a little teary. “I mean, it’s been a year, yeah? I shouldn’t still feel this way.” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. Ivy took her hand.

“There isn’t any ‘supposed to’ in matters like this,” their mother said. “Everyone grieves in their own way, at their own pace. That’s why I’m here.”

After they had dinner together and unpacked their mother’s stuff, they had to figure out sleeping arrangements.

“You’ve been sleeping on a fold out couch for two months?” Ivy’s mother asked, sounding somewhat impressed.

“Yeah,” Ivy said. “But don’t worry, you get Jess’s bed. She’s going to sleep on a blow up bed out here with me.”

“I see,” her mother said. “I’m sorry to upset your sleeping arrangements.”

“It’s only a weekend,” Ivy said, coming down the hall after putting Emma to sleep.

Their mother wandered into the kitchen and turned on the sink. “Do you ever clean?” she asked.

      “Mom,” Jess said. “Don’t start this again.”

      Their mother found dish gloves under the sink and promptly started to do the dishes that were piled up on the counter.