Fight or Flight (18 page)

Jay never broke eye contact as he unzipped his outer hoodie, and then a second. He only tore his gaze from hers long enough to rip his t-shirt over his head. Then he sat there.
Staring at her. Waiting. Shivering.

Em was shaking too, but she couldn’t be sure if it was from nerves or the cold. Despite the frigid temperatures,
her palms were sweaty as she slowly peeled her t-shirt over her head and discarded it on the ground beside her. Immediately, she wrapped her arms around herself in a defensive posture she’d mastered but had never really done her much good.

Jay’s eyes never wavered form hers. “Good, baby. Now get over here.”

She could do this. She needed to do this. Jay needed her to do this. She could be strong . . . for him. She could. She wasn’t a
useless
coward
. Not anymore.

Jay wrapped his second hoodie—the one that had been spared most of the dampness from the rain earlier—over his shoulders, keeping his
arms tucked inside. Slowly, Em scooted toward where he sat, until he reached out and reeled her the rest of the way in.

In one smooth move, he had them both lying on the ground pressed together—chest to chest—with nothing more between them than her bra. Em’s heart was pounding so hard she was certain he must be able to feel it against his own. Jay slipped his arms around her and maneuvered the zipper until it was pulled up her back, zipping them both inside together.

“The most important thing to keep warm is your chest. From there warm blood will pump and take care of the rest of your body.” Em didn’t bother asking how he knew all of that. She was too busy trying to breathe.

It felt as though all of the oxygen in the world was suddenly trying to force its way into her lungs through only a straw sized opening. She couldn’t decide if it was too much oxygen or not enough. Jay’s hands, his body, all touching her bare skin, being that close to him without the protective layers between them, feeling him . . . It triggered something. Em forced her eyes shut to try and regain control, but that only made
everything worse.

Jay’s arms holding her close, his hands rubbing soothing circles into her back—they changed.
They turned bigger, sweatier, rougher, more demanding . . . and
he
was there.
He
was all around her. On her. In her . . .

“Open your eyes!” The snap in Jay’s voice forced Em to obey. His alarmed face consumed her vision. “It’s me, Em. It’s just me. I’ve got you, baby. I’ve got you.” His hands were rubbing those slow circles again. This was Jay touching her. “Deep breaths, baby. Come on. You can do it.”

Jay’s chest pressed against hers as he took a deep breath and held it. It took a moment, but Em managed to mimic him. “Now release it slowly.”

Em watched Jay’s lips pucker as the air gradually slipped from her own. 

“Again.” Jay took another breath and this time it was a little easier for her to do the same.  Jay’s touch was soft, and comforting. Not at all like
his
.

They repeated the breathing exercise a couple more times and she could feel her body
relaxing as Jay’s fingers grazed up and down her spine.  She pressed her face into his chest and inhaled his familiar scent.
Jay
, this was Jay.

“Good girl,” he continued to croon into her hair, quiet words of comfort. “I’m so proud of you, baby. I’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you. Never again, baby.
Never again. I’ve got you.”

His words and the warmth coming from his body eased her muscles one at a time. Gradually, her breathing evened out as her body melted into his. He was right. It was definitely much warmer like this. Her body felt hot both outside and in.

Jay’s touch caused tiny tingles to dance over her skin. A reaction she’d never experienced before, and she wondered if she could do the same to him. Cautiously, she trailed her hand down his chest and around his waist. The ragged breath Jay took told her he wasn’t entirely unaffected by her touch. Steeling her courage, she dared to take it further, slipping her hand around his back and upward over his spine.

When her fingers drifted over the raised, jagged skin of an old scar, Em gasped and Jay’s
entire body tensed. She stilled, afraid she’d gone too far. After a few strained moments, Jay resumed silently rubbing her back. He hadn’t asked her to stop, hadn’t pulled away, so she continued as well. Time after time, her fingers grazed over one long, vicious feeling scar after another. Dozens of them covered his back and shoulders, and it made her heart ache.

Each time she touched one, she’d feel his muscles bunch and stiffen, but he never tried to stop her or hide them from her. One after another, he allowed her to discover the secrets he kept hidden from the rest of the world. She didn’t ask, and he didn’t offer an explanation. He would share the truth with her when he was ready. For now, this was more than enough.

After counting each one—thirty seven in total—Em softly traced each mark from start to finish, wishing she could erase them and the painful memories behind them with just her touch. When she finished, Jay sighed, burying his face in her hair, and they both fell asleep wrapped in each other’s warmth.

He woke her twice more to perform their ludicrous exercise routine, and by the time the
sun broke over the horizon Em was more than ready for the night from hell to be over. Good thing, too, since Jay dragged her up again almost immediately and out into the light. They found a position on a low brick wall where they could sit and bask in the sun’s first rays, thawing their bodies from the outside in.

Jay’s hands rubbed life back into her arms and legs, and then his lips took care of the rest. By the time they broke apart a warm tingle flushed through her bloodstream and left her gasping for air.

Chapter Thirty-three

Jay

Em didn’t know much of anything—besides what he’d shown her—of the streets. That left it to him to figure this mess out, and come hell or high water he was going to do better than last night. Jay had spent most of the night wide awake. Unable to sleep for fear that one or both of them wouldn’t wake in the morning. He’d watched her breathing quietly beside him and every time she started to shiver, he’d woken her up and forced her to move around.

Holding her beautiful body that close had
been a rigorous test of endurance. He still ached from the restraint it had cost him. When her tiny hands had explored his body . . . Christ, he didn’t think he’d ever be the same again. And when she found his scars. He wished she never had to see those. That he could keep that ugliness hidden from her forever. She already had enough ugly in her life, he didn’t need to add to it. But she hadn’t shied away. Hadn’t demanded an explanation. Hadn’t pitied him. She’d just touched him—and more than just his skin. She’d touched his soul last night when she’d traced each one as though she were trying to heal it. If anyone could heal his scars, it was Em.

Thankfully it had been so damn cold; otherwise things might have gotten away from him. She had her own scars, and the last thing he wanted to do was move too fast. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t even ready for what he’d made her do last night—he could practically see the bad memories it stirred up, clouding her eyes—but there hadn’t been any other option. Someday, he’d heal her scars, too.
But not today. Today they had more immediate problems to worry about.

Free didn’t seem to be a feasible option. If
they wanted someplace relatively decent to crash, they were going to have to pay for it. Paying meant money and money meant work. That, of course, meant a whole other set of problems, but those were problems Jay could handle. Another night under a friggin’ bridge was not.

“I know where we need to go.”

“You do?”

Damn, he wished every word out of his mouth didn’t make her look so hopeful. Most of the time, he ended up feeling like a disappointment. But the fact that she still trusted him . . .  It did something to him.

“Yeah, let’s go.” He wasn’t going to let her down. Not this time.

The parking lot of the Home Repair Depot was already swarming with people. This was going to be a longer shot than he’d anticipated. And
none
of them were going to be happy to see him.

“Listen.” He pulled Em to a stop and planted her on the patchy grass running along the sidewalk. “I need you to stay here. Whatever
happens, don’t move.”

“What is this place?”

“This is where I find work. Sometimes people looking for help with different projects come by here and hire on day laborers. If I can score a job, I might be able to earn enough cash to get us a place to crash tonight. It won’t be the Ritz, but—”

“What about me? Aren’t there any projects I could help with?”

“No offense, Em, but you’re a girl. You really wanna get in a car with some stranger and go back to their place to do who knows what?”

Em’s brow scrunched in that perfectly adorable way of hers. “That doesn’t wound any safer for you to be doing.”

“I can handle myself.” She wanted to argue that she could handle herself, too—he could see it on her face—but they both knew that wasn’t exactly true. “Besides, even if there was a chance in hell of me letting you do that, which there absolutely is not, no one would hire you. They’re all here looking for people to do manual labor. I’m not trying to be sexist here, but females are called the weaker sex for a reason, Em. How many girls you see out in that parking lot?”

Em stubbornly surveyed the lot and he couldn’t help grinning at her. He already knew what the answer would be . . .

“There’s one!”

And that most certainly was not it. “What?”

Jay followed Em’s line of sight until his gaze settled on the tall, lean blonde standing amongst the others like she was just one of the guys. Crap, he’d forgotten all about Al. Mostly because she really was just like one of the guys. The girl was persistent. She showed up almost every day and never—as far as Jay knew—actually got hired by anyone. That never stopped her, though. He couldn’t help admiring that about her, even if she was a bit of a hard-ass for his tastes.

“She doesn’t count.”

“Why not?”

“She’s just there to hang out. She never gets work.”

“Then why can’t I just go with you to ‘hang out’?”

“Because.”

Em just folded her arms and stared at him.
Girls. He’d never understand them.

“Because no one cares if she’s there. She isn’t competition. They’re not going to be as thrilled to see me show up. I don’t want you mixed up in it. Just stay put. If I get work, I’ll let you know and we’ll figure out a place for you to go until I finish up, okay? Please, Em?”

He knew he had her with the ‘please’. She may not like it, but she wouldn’t tell him no.

“Thank you.” He risked a brief kiss to her forehead, but there were too many others around to invite thoughts about anything more.

Chapter Thirty-four

Em

“I love you.” Jay’s lips brushed her ear as he whispered the only words that could calm her raging nerves.

Plopping down in the grass, she watched as Jay made his way toward the large crowd lingering in the parking lot. He’d explained why she couldn’t be out there with him and it made perfect sense. What didn’t make sense was why he thought it was okay for him to put himself at risk like that. Sure, the money would definitely help and spending another night under a bridge
wasn’t high on her list of things to do again.
Ever
. But the whole situation had her stomach in knots.

She didn’t have to worry long. The moment Jay set foot in the parking lot, all hell broke loose.

“Hey! What are ya doin’ here, Jay?” Some guy wearing a red hoodie and looking like part mountain man, part Sasquatch shouted, drawing the interest of several others.

“Just lookin’ for some work.
Same as you.” Jay was harder to hear, obviously trying to avoid any more unwanted attention.

“You shouldn’t be here, man.” Another Hispanic looking guy stepped forward. About
a half dozen others followed—including Sasquatch—closing in on Jay. He said they wouldn’t be happy to see him, but this looked like a little more than
unhappy
.

“Look, I know—”

“You obviously don’t know
shit
. We told you to get lost, you greedy bastard.”

“I get it, alright? I just need—”

“We all
need
, man. You can’t just come in here and take whatever the hell you want and leave the rest of us with nothing. That ain’t how this works and you damn well know it.”

Half way across the parking lot, the guy took a swing at Jay, which he easily avoided and landed a return blow with impressive accuracy. Em noted all of this while running as fast as she could toward them. Confrontation—especially physical confrontation—had always been her greatest fear, and for good reason, but the moment she saw that first fist fly she was moving without a single thought as to what she would actually do once she reached them.