Filthy 3 (3 page)

I need a bump SO. FUCKING. BAD.

But then the noise drew me again. That sound of skin on skin. Grunting. Moaning.

I’m in Rhett and Sarah’s apartment.
 

A hideous feeling swept through my gut.
 

He’s fucking her. Right now. He’s fucking her while I’m in here.

I ran a shaky hand over my face and crawled out of bed. My limbs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds, but somehow I managed. Somehow my feet carried me to the door. I didn’t want to go out there. Everything in my brain screamed at me not to. But I couldn’t help it. It was as if I needed to see. As if I needed to be torn apart.
 

The door opened silently and I stepped out into the hallway right by the kitchen. It was all one big room, the living area separated by a breakfast bar from the kitchen. My eyes latched onto Rhett who was pounding into Sarah’s body from behind. He had her bent over the couch, so I couldn’t see her face, just her back, her hips where Rhett clung to her bare skin, and her ass pressed against Rhett’s crotch. He pistoned his hips slamming into her. His chest was bare, the name Josh, writhing on his skin as he pounded into her. His muscles rippled as he moved. The most beautiful male body I’d ever seen in my life. There was nothing like it. No comparing to it.

My eyes continued to travel up and up until they met his green ones. He stared back at me, his face this blank, hateful mask. His gaze burned me. Ripped through me. It hurt more than I thought I thought it would.

I shouldn’t have given a shit that he was fucking her. They were together. That’s what couples did. But I did care. Somewhere inside me there was a part that thought Rhett felt different since he found me—that he wouldn’t fuck her anymore. How stupid was that? I thought that the attraction between us was more than his cock being hard for me at inappropriate times. I thought it meant something. That after all this time, all the longing I did for him… I don’t know. My heart thrummed in my chest in time with his movements. He thrust harder and she screamed into the couch. His eyes never left mine. Pinning me to the spot. I was unable to do anything. To move. To blink. I was ensnared by the horrible vision before me.
 

Until it was over. Until it was
fucking
over. He clawed at her hips when he came. Pulsing inside her with a groan. She said some words in protest at his roughness, but I didn’t really listen. All I could see was Rhett and his penetrating gaze. Even when he came he didn’t look away from me. Something in his eyes was taunting. Daring. Rubbing it all in my face.
 

“Faye?” Sarah’s voice broke the spell and I looked away, down to where her head popped up above the couch. “Oh my gosh!” She twisted away. “I thought you had left. Rhett said you—”

But my feet weren’t rooted to the ground anymore. Instead I fled back into my room and slammed the door. I pressed my back against it and took big gulping breaths. Tears tracked down my face and I hated myself for them. Fucking despised myself for being so weak.
 

I was such a pathetic piece of shit. Letting my heart get tangled up.
In what, Faye? What is it tangled up in?
I rubbed my hands hard against my face. I needed a bump. But I also needed a cigarette and those I actually had some of. I rushed over to my purse and jerked one out, along with my lighter.
 

I didn’t even think twice as I rushed out the door, though unfortunately someone was on the other side and I slammed into them.
 

“Faye, I’m so sorry you had to see that.” Sarah steadied me with both hands. I shirked away from her touch. Her red hair was still messy from the sex they just had. The sex she had with Rhett. I closed my eyes, trying to push the thought away, but the image of him pounding into her popped back in my head. “Rhett told me you had left…and I’m just…” she hesitated eying me. “Are you okay?”
 

I knew I must look like total shit. I felt like it.
 

“I’m going to smoke,” I croaked, feeling utterly hopeless.
 

“Okay.” She nodded and gave me a small smile. “You sure you’re okay? Is there anything I can do for you?”

Yeah, just go fucking die!

I shook my head. Not trusting my words. But then it hit me.
 

“Wait,” I said just as she was turning away. “There is something you can do for me.” She turned back to me expectantly. “I need to use your phone.”

I exhaled smoke and laid Sarah’s phone down on the curb next to me. I’d made a phone call I never thought I would make. But I’d done it and there was no going back.
 

“You just gave her your phone and let her walk out?”

“Yeah, Rhett. Why wouldn’t I?”

Sarah and Rhett’s voices carried out to me and I smiled as he came around the corner frantically. His panic was quickly covered in his usual mask as his gaze landed on me.
 

“What did you need Sarah’s phone for?”

I eyed him, taking in his tan shorts and black t-shirt. His hair was freshly styled and still a little damp. The golden color glistened in the sunlight.
 

“None of your fucking business.” I sucked harder on my cigarette.

He narrowed his gaze and snatched the phone off the curb. “If I find out you called one of your whore-friends to come pick you up—”

“You’ll what, Rhett?” I asked dryly. “You’ll take me from my home? Force me into your car? Make me watch you fuck your girlfriend?”

“You didn’t have to watch.” A sinister smile spread across his lips and I remembered saying the same thing to him the night before.
 

“How long did you watch last night while I fucked Richard?” I asked.

His smile faded. “Not as long as you watched. Clearly. Seemed like you liked the show today.”

“Not as much as you liked giving it.” I took another drag on my cigarette.
 

“You’re right about that.”
 

“Guess I was wrong about her just liking missionary position.” Why was I bringing this up? I didn’t want to talk about it anymore, yet I was.
 

He smiled. “You’re wrong about a lot of things Faye. Sarah’s the best sex I’ve ever had.”

The way he said the words was like a knife to the gut, digging into me, ripping me apart. “I hate you,” I whispered. I’d meant for them to come out strong. But they didn’t. They sounded pathetic and sad.

“Quit being so dramatic.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m the one helping you.”

I exhaled, watching the smoke linger between us. “I’ve already told you. No one can help me.”

“You’re still being dramatic.”
 

I sighed and rubbed my temples. “I’m being dramatic? Me?” I let out a harsh laugh. “You know nothing.”

“Then enlighten me.” He put his hands in his pockets and leaned up against the side of the building. So casual. So relaxed. As if life was perfect and simple. He seemed to be suppressing a smile.

“I killed someone.” I stared up at him, the words bubbling out of me. “Two people, actually.”

He chuckled. “You’ll have to come up with a better story than that.”

“It’s not a story.” I turned away from him and pressed the cigarette to my lips again. Taking in the wide parking lot full of vehicles. “One night about a year ago a guy came up to me at the Truck Stop. He was alone and wanted to fuck me.” I chewed the inside of my cheek and tugged at the edge of my skirt, wondering why I was even telling this story.
He might turn me in.
I almost laughed at my own thought.
Let him try.
“So we made the deal and I got in his car.” I glanced up at Rhett. “Only he wasn’t alone. He had a friend in there and neither of them wanted to pay for the sex.”

He frowned down at me. “You’re being serious?”

“Does it really surprise you that there are men out there who want to fuck a prostitute for free?”

He narrowed his gaze. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I waved my hand at him and leaned back on my sore elbows, the concrete digging into the sensitive flesh. “They didn’t want to pay. So I didn’t want to fuck them.”

“So what really happened?” He looked concerned, worried even. The emotion looked foreign on his face.

I smirked. “What do you think happened?”

He shook his head.
 

“They raped me.” The words were empty and numb leaving my lips. I could see the images of what happened in my mind. Their skin, their hard cocks there before me. Entering me. Taking what wasn’t theirs. “And so I killed them.”

“Faye…” Rhett crouched down to my level.
 

“They thought they were so smart.” I focused my gaze on a red car parked just across from us. Red like the blood that ran out of their bodies. “They thought I would just lay there and take it. That I would let them fuck me and hurt me. That it would be simple. That they would just walk away from it all, another notch in their fucking belts.” I glanced over at Rhett. “But that’s not what happened.” I reached down in my purse and yanked out my knife, letting the blade click into place. “Only one them got to cum before I used this.” I could remember it like it was yesterday, even though it had been over a year ago. One had just cum in my mouth, burning my raw throat. His hand was holding my hair back, forcing my neck at a painful angle while the other one fucked me from ruthlessly from behind.
 

The angle was perfect. I was able to sink my hand down into my purse and pull out the knife.
 

“I stabbed one of them right above his dick. And the other one in the chest.”

“You’re being serious.” Rhett reached out and touched the blade with one hand as if to test that it was real.
 

“I am.” My voice shook with emotion.
Why did I tell him this? Why am I even dignifying him with a conversation at all?
 

“But…no one ever caught you?”

I shook my head slowly, keeping my gaze on him. “They took me out in the middle of no where to do it. I think they planned to beat me real bad and leave me there, maybe even kill me.” I touched my cheek, remembering how it had caved in under one of their fists. “I never heard if anyone found them.”

Rhett shook his head as if completely shocked by all of it. I expected him to berate me, to be sickened, to call the police—any or all of those, but he didn’t. “Why would you want to go back to that life? To a place where you have to kill to survive?”

I snorted. “That’s life, Rhett.”

“It’s not life, Faye.”

“You’re not going to call the police and tell them? Turn me in?” I hissed.

“Someone hurt you, Faye.” He clenched his fists. “Those fuckers deserved what you gave them.” He looked directly into my eyes and for a moment I saw the guy I once knew. The guy I thought I could love back when I was just a teenager.
 

The screech of tires made me jump, ending the moment. I glanced over to see a sleek black car idling right in front of where Rhett and I sat. Dread immediately set in. Horrible suffocating dread that only intensified the ache in my bones and in my head. I stabbed my cigarette out on the curb and forced myself to my feet in spite of my protesting limbs.
 

“Dad?” Rhett stood up next to me looking confused as Taylor climbed out of the car.

Today the devil had his hair slicked back, a white dress shirt hugged his muscular torso. His tailored pants were black and ironed perfectly. His shoes were shinier than Rhett’s hair.
 

Taylor’s gaze jumped between Rhett and I. I swallowed a lump in my throat. I knew what he was thinking. I knew what he saw when he looked at the two of us. He saw my betrayal. He saw his property in the arms of his own son. And he hated that. He seethed at the very idea. Jealousy ripped him apart from the inside out. No one else could see it. No one else knew but me. Because I knew him better than anyone. Even better than my own mother.
 

That jealousy ate at him like a disease, destroying him until he was nothing but a monster. A monster I was about to go home with. The monster who had brutalized me until I was unable to have children anymore. I was about to willingly climb in the vehicle with him for some fucking drugs. And even though I knew what I was in for. My feet still carried me toward the car. Toward Taylor.
 

I walked right up to him and threw my arms around him because I knew it was what he wanted, what he expected. And I knew he would give me what
I
wanted if I played by his rules. “Thank you for coming to get me, daddy.” The words rolled off my tongue the same as they had all my life, but the bitter, sour taste they left behind was more potent this time around.
 

“You called Dad?” Rhett still seemed confused when I let go of Taylor and turned around.
 

I nodded and opened my mouth to speak, but Taylor cut me off. “She’s coming home.” He put his hand on my shoulder. “For good.”

I didn’t miss the way he said it. The permanence in his words. But I could already feel it. Taste it. I rubbed my nose. The bump I would get. The pure, perfect coke. It would be worth it. It would stop the ache in my bones. It would end the pain. It would be enough.