Finally, Forever (14 page)

“That’s about twenty miles,” I say. I drop
her hand before my fingers want to naturally curl around hers.

As we drive, Dylan
informs me we need to stop at a gas station for camping provisions. She lists all the necessary food items: chocolate, candy, salt.

I want to add condoms to the list, but I kick the thought away. Besides, this is part of my plan. I’m not going to touch
Dylan in a campground full of couples and families and kids. I can’t rip her clothes off. It’s an extra security measure.

Otis Redding serenades us down the highway.
Sitting on the Dock of the Bay
might be the most calming song ever recorded. I mean, it has ocean waves and seagulls whistling in the background. And I still can’t unwind. Dylan’s bare leg is next to me and it’s always been my favorite arm rest while I’m driving. Her skin sings louder than the music. My fingers tighten around the steering wheel.

Dylan
is single.

Shit.

I turn up the music and drive and keep my eyes focused on the white highway lines. I try not to think at all, just keep my mind like a dry, barren desert. When we pull up to the campground registration, Dylan pays the $14 site fee. She tells me it’s the least she can do. She talks to the ranger about which campsites are the best. They all look the same to me, dotted with trees, lined with picnic tables, fire pits and water faucets.

She buys a bundle of firewood and when she jumps out of the car to get it, it looks like she has springs in her feet. She sees this as a vacation. I see it as a diversion.

Dylan gets back in the car and we loop around the campground. In the center is a community shelter with showers and restrooms. I park under a canopy of green leaves. I dig through my car console and find a lighter and Dylan releases her inner-Girl Scout and makes the fire.

I walk around the campsite, not sure where I am physically or mentally. It’s like I’m between places. The air is drier out here. I can breathe easier. I can start to sense the desert. Th
e wide open sky is a celestial light show. It’s our own planetarium.

I’ve decided that love makes people stupid. We never learn from our mistakes. I tried love once and I got burned. I tried it once more, just to see if I got it wrong, if the second
time around I would be smarter and stay further away from the flame or carry water to put it out completely. The second time around I crashed to the ground in a smoldering heap.

Yet here I am, at its
mercy again and I can thrash and flail and roll around, but I can’t put it out. I can’t escape its drawing heat.

When I get back to our campsite,
Dylan is sitting on a blanket next to the fire, poking it and making it jump and dance. I sit down on the picnic table bench, but the fire is making my skin too hot. I lean back and it doesn’t help. My brain is steaming. My body is as dry as firewood and Dylan is the flame.

I stand and back up to see which is disturbing me more, the fire or her presence. I glare at
Dylan and bring up the words simmering in my head.

“Nick is gay?”

She looks up at me.

“Why didn’t you just tell me the truth
, Dylan?” I ask her.

“I never said I was dating him,” she corrects me, as if this justifies everything.

“That’s no excuse,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” she says
slowly, her voice sincere. “Nick knows all about you. He’s seen pictures of you, so when he saw you in the parking lot, he was just trying to be a good friend.”

I shake my head. “Nick, the dog wh
isperer,” I smirk. “I really hate him.”

She smiles. “He’s not even a vet. He
still lives in his parent’s basement,” she admits. “Supposedly he’s inventing a board game that’s going to revolutionize the gaming industry.”

I stare at Dylan with shock.

“I wanted to tell you
about Nick,” she says. “But seeing you and Rachel together threw me off. I wasn’t prepared to see you, and then see you with a girlfriend? It was worse than jealousy. I was crushed.”

Rachel? Rachel.

Crap.

In all of the craziness
of last few days, I completely forgot about my own lie. I start laughing.

“How is that funny?” she wonders.

I look at the fire and my smile falters. It’s my last defensive play and I toss it into the flames. “I’m not dating Rachel.”

I look over at
Dylan and she’s studying me with a frown. I’m surprised to see anger in her eyes, but then I realize she doesn’t believe me.

“Get over yourself,
Gray. You know, you should carry a sign with you that says ‘facetious’ on it, so you can hold it up after ninety percent of what you say.”

“Rachel. Is not. My girlfriend.” I sound it out for her in phonetically perfect English.
Dylan’s eyes narrow and then they widen and I feel like I’m naked, standing in front of her.

“So it was just casual sex?” she asks.

I throw my hands up in the air. “I never slept with her,” I say.

She shakes her finger at me. “Don’t you dare use the gay line on me. It’s not funny. No way is that girl a lesbian.”

“She’s not gay. She’s completely off limits. First of all, she’s still in high school.”

Dylan
’s eyes are suspicious. “She looks way too old to be in high school. She looks like she’s at least nineteen. And a half,” she adds.

I nod in agreement.
“The over application of makeup can do that.”

Dylan
considers this truth.

“Second of
all, she’s my coach’s daughter,” I state.

“Oh,”
Dylan says and pieces this together. “That was your coach we had dinner with?”

“Yes
,” I say. “He offered to take me out to eat before I left town. We got pretty close this summer.”

She nods
slowly. “Well, Rachel has a crush on you. You can’t deny that.”

“She has a crush on every guy on our team. She doesn’t know any better. You were right when you said she wasn’t my type.
Horses?
Are you serious?”

Dylan
smiles. “You told me once you don’t have a type,” she reminds me.

I press my gaze
on her. “Summer flings are not my type,” I say and she nods. That much she can understand. I stare at the fire and listen to the wood crackle and pop. I tunnel my fingers through my hair.

“All I wanted to do w
as give you a ride to Flagstaff,” I say. “That’s it. Just one, simple ride. But nothing is ever simple with you, is it Dylan?  It all has to be one, big, crazy—” 

“Epic adventure?” s
he finishes and looks over at me. She has the nerve to smile.

“Adventure? I swear you’re the
only person I’ve ever met that gets less mature as you get older.”

She breathes out a sigh, but she doesn’t deny my claim.

“Since I’ve picked you up, I’ve almost died in a tornado,” I say.

She drops a piece of firewood onto the coals
and sits back down on the blanket. “I couldn’t control the weather,” she argues. “Besides they were only F-2 tornados. I heard somebody mention it at the gas station this morning. That’s practically a baby.”

“What’s an F-2?” I ask. 

“A tornado rating,” she tells me. “They’re categorized by their strength. They start at F-1, and go all the way up to F-7. Well, according to my uncle his farts are strong enough to be considered an F-0. But that’s just Wisconsin humor for you.”

I blink a few times at her. “Fart jokes?” my voice starts to rise. “
After everything that’s happened, you’re making fart jokes?”

“
Anytime is a good time for fart jokes,” Dylan argues. “Look at the positive side. At least at the end of day, we have a really amazing story.”

I cross my arms over my chest. “Is that really all you care about? Having a story at the end of the day?”

She nods without hesitating
. I look over at the fire and we’re both quiet for a few seconds.

“You should have told me
the truth about Rachel,” Dylan speaks up.

“I never lied about it,
” I point out.

“You indirectly lied,”
she argues. “That’s almost worse than lying because it’s premeditated.”

“You did the same thing,” I say
and take a step closer to her. “I was planning on coming clean today, but then we spent all afternoon in police custody since you decided to get us arrested.”

“Oh, now you’re rehashing the past?”
Dylan says, her voice rising. “Unbelievable.”

“It just happened an hour ago,” I yell back.

“I told you I was sorry,” she snaps back. “Besides, don’t you have to do jail time to even be considered for professional sports? Having a police record will only make you more credible as an athlete,” she says.

I glare at her.
“I’m laughing hysterically right now,” I say, my mouth tight. She turns and looks back at the fire.

I blow out an aggravated sigh.
I’m done with fighting. It doesn’t even feel like a fight, more like frustrated foreplay. My instincts are telling me one thing and my brain is telling me another. It’s a push and pull game in my mind.

I pace back and forth. The world is spinning. My mind is screaming with all the words I want to say but they’re trapped in my throat. YOU’RE PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL AND ADDICTIVE AND
AMAZING AND I CAN’T TURN THIS OFF. I CAN’T ESCAPE YOU. I CAN’T GET OVER YOU. I’M STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU. But I can’t say this out loud so I shout the frustrated abridged version instead.

“You’re insane!”   

Dylan watches me. Her face is calm and there’s a trace of a smile on her lips. “I love you too, Gray,” she says.

My heart
reacts to her words by jabbing against my ribs. “That’s not what I said.”

“Are you sure?” she asks.
“Isn’t that what you want to say, and you can’t? Isn’t that what you’re always fighting when we’re together?”

“We’ve been apart for
more than a year, and now you’re suddenly back in my life for one weekend. You can’t say you love me,” I argue.

She studies my face carefully.
“I know you better than anyone. I can tell by the way your lips are tightening up and your eyes are narrowing that you know I’m right and it’s pissing you off.” 

The
firelight is doing strange things with her face. Especially her eyes. I can’t read what she’s thinking. I look at her and suddenly I believe in something. I feel like I’m looking at Fate and Timing and Luck all moving into one tangible space.

I head towards her and get
down on my knees in front of her. Everything feels like slow motion. Even my heartbeat is pausing for breath. Movement has new meaning, every touch has complexity. Nothing is easy and it’s too easy.

I push her down on the ground and lie over her. My face is inches from hers. I can feel her chest rising against mine.
I can smell her smoky hair and skin.   

“This is when you should stop me,” I warn her.

She answers me by leaning forward and pulling my neck down closer. My lips crash into hers and my body follows and then my heart. I pin her body to the ground and my mouth makes up for a lack of words. It spills out all the truth.

I lean away and take
a deep, shaky breath and go back for more. Our tongues collide and I want to pull away but I can’t. Her mouth is a high and it’s getting me off. 

She pulls her hands around my neck and my hand moves across her chest and down
to her waist. Her hands move inside my shirt and slowly work their way down and play at the waistband of my shorts.

She
’s sucking on my bottom lip and I run my tongue over her top lip as if we’ve been starving for each other. My fingers slowly trace along her jaw and up to her cheek and back down again to her chin. I’ve been waiting so long just to touch her face.

I’m breathing harder and
I run my hand over her chest and push my way under her t-shirt but I can’t get enough of her skin so I start to lift it over her chest. I move my arm around her back to unfasten her bra and she reaches her hand all the way down my shorts, under my boxers, and I gasp.

We suddenly hear gravel crunching in the distance. Dylan tugs her shirt down and I glance up to see a couple walking by
our campsite. A flashlight beam is guiding their way.

I dip my head down to
Dylan’s neck and press my lips into her skin.

“So
much for your lousy avoidance plans,” Dylan says, her breaths deep. She always reads my mind. She bites on the bottom of my ear and it makes me groan with frustration.

“I don’t know why I bother,” I say, my voice gruff
, my heart slamming against my ribs. It doesn’t matter. Hands can still go places that eyes can’t. I press my mouth against hers and her teeth lightly graze my tongue and I’m lost in her crazy world full of twisting paths. It’s my favorite journey.