Finally (Mature Men, #3)

Mature Men 3: Finally

©2014 Marilyn Lee

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Copyright Page

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Loving Large 2—Yours, Now and Forever Excerpt | © 2011 Marilyn Lee | All rights reserved

Falling For Sharde Excerpt | ©2010 Marilyn Lee | All rights reserved

In Blood and Worth Loving Excerpt | © 2009 Marilyn Lee | All rights reserved

Marilyn’s booklist:

Marilyn’s Bio:

Further Reading: Living for the Moment

T
homas Darkwater

I'd just climbed out of the pool and reached for a towel when my cellphone rang. After announcing my brother Michael's name and number, it said: answer ignore. I glanced towards one of the patio tables where my phone lay. I wasn't in the mood to talk but I knew if I didn't answer Michael or one of my three other brothers would drive over and let himself in. And since I didn't want company any more than I wanted to talk, I walked across the tiles and said, "Answer." I heard a tone and then spoke again. "Hello, Michael."

"Hey, Darkwater. Where are you?"

I could hear music in the background and remembered he'd invited me to his place for a party. "I'm home," I said, wrapping the towel around my waist and sat in one of the chairs at the table.

"Come join us."

"Thanks, but I'm really not in the mood."

"Are you alone?"

The question annoyed me. "Why do you ask?"

"Because if you're sitting home alone on another Friday night, it's time you reevaluated your situation and faced facts."

I frowned. I knew what he meant by facing facts. "I'm alone by choice, Michael," I told him.

"I know that, but since when have you chosen to spend so many Friday nights alone when there are countless women eager to spend time with you?"

"Look—"

"You don't need to be alone or to do this alone, Darkwater. You know we're all here for you."

By "this," he meant getting over having been dumped by a woman who I'd foolishly expected to love me forever. "Yeah, I do know that, Michael, but I'm okay."

"Not if you're sitting home alone again."

"I'm alone tonight but I've been out four times in the last week."

"If you like, I'll go talk to her and try to pave the way and—" he said, totally ignoring my reminder.

I shook my head. "You know, I'm really not in the mood for you to tell me again how you think I feel about Sherlyn and what I should do about it. And how many times do I have to remind you that I've had plenty of dates since things ended with her?"

"I know you've had dates, but I also know none of those women made a dent in your feelings for her or in how much you're hurting."

How much I was hurting? One of the downsides to having brothers who knew you so well was the fact that they did know you well and didn't mind calling you out when you were being less than truthful. "Michael—"

"I know you don't want to hear this, Darkwater, but if I don't attempt to make you see sense about just letting her walk away from you, who will?"

If not him, then one of my three other brothers, all of whom were convinced I was in love with Sherlyn—no matter how many times or how fervently I denied it. I sighed, closed my eyes, and leaned my head back against the chair. "Will you stop beating that damned dead horse? It's over."

"Only because you didn't do anything to change her mind."

"What the fuck would you have had me do, Michael? Beg her to take me back?"

"Given how you feel, yes. Why not?"

"I'll tell you why not; because I'm not going to allow her or any other woman to strip me of my pride."

He inhaled slowly and I knew he was deciding how to respond before he finally spoke again. "You know Dad always said pride and a happy relationship couldn't coexist together. He always said one had to give way for the other."

Our father had been lucky enough to marry the only two women he really wanted. I'd never learned the secret of his success. Granted, I'd never lacked willing women to warm my bed and satisfy my lust, but had dismally failed with the only woman I'd really wanted.

Despite my best efforts, Sherlyn had brutally kicked my ass to the curb without a single care. Although Dad had struggled to make financial ends meet, his romantic and emotional life had been happy. In contrast, I had no financial worries but had never managed to find and hold onto the emotional happiness he'd enjoyed. "I loved Dad as much as you did, but just maybe he wasn't always right."

"He was right about that, Darkwater. He never allowed his pride to stand in the way of making peace with the women he loved. And his reward? He was happily married to the only two women he ever loved. I'm thinking he considered not religiously clinging to his pride worth the trade off."

"I'm sure he did, but—"

"What good is your pride if holding onto it keeps the two of you apart? I know you were happy with her and she sure as hell looked happy with you."

Agitated, I snatched the phone off the table and stalked along the pool tiles. "She was so damned happy with me, in fact, that she kept her ex-fiancé's picture on her nightstand. I had to look at him every time we...and to make matters worse, she started to call out his damned name during sex."

"She did that? Damn, Darkwater!"

"Yeah! Damn! Having what you think is your woman calling out another man's name when she comes leaves you in deep shit...especially when you can't hope to compete with him because he's dead and will be forever perfect in her mind and memories." Whereas I'd hurt her more than once, as she'd frequently pointed out.

"Damn, Darkwater. What happened between you two sucked, but I'm sure that's a sin you've committed yourself at some point."

Yes. I'd occasionally called out the wrong woman's name in the heat of passion, but not with anyone who mattered. I'd never done it with her. Even with my eyes closed and in the grip of orgasm, I'd never once mistaken her for or even thought of another woman while with her.

"I know that must have sucked, but it really doesn't change how you feel about her."

"That's for me to decide, Michael and clearly I've decided it does change everything."

"Darkwater—"

"Now if you're finished preaching to me, I'm going for another swim."

"Why didn't you ask her to move his picture if it bothered you?"

"If it bothered me? Of course it bothered me looking at it and knowing she was still in love with him."

"Why didn't you ask her to move it?"

"I should have, but..."

"But what?"

"But I wanted her to care enough about what I thought and felt to move it on her own," I admitted.

"And when she didn't?"

"I decided asking her would have made me feel even more vulnerable than I was already feeling..." I paused and took a deep breath, realizing I felt an incredible measure of relief finally almost admitting to someone Sherlyn was and always had been far more than a fling.

"I know you don't want advice, Thomas, but I think you should tell her how you feel."

"Why? It's over."

"I watched her closely when I went to see her, she didn't look any happier about the end of your relationship than you are. Am and I have talked about it more than once and we're both sure you can rekindle the relationship with a little effort."

"Michael—"

"Come on, Thomas. I understand that what I'm suggesting would be very difficult because I'd have a hard time doing it. Hell, in the face of all reason and logic, we're all in the same emotional desert."

That explained why none of us had ever been in a satisfying, long-term relationship. We didn't "do" emotions. "But we shouldn't be."

Michael sighed. "I know. Mom and Dad were so open with their feelings...surrounding us with joy and affection and always making us feel loved. And we knew they loved each other and yet every blasted one of us has issues when it comes to expressing our emotions in our personal relationships."

I nodded. "Small wonder none of us ever got it right like they did or like Dad did with Am's mom."

"You're the oldest, Thomas. You could change that. You could put yourself out there...admit and expose your emotions to Sherlyn and show us how to let go by winning her back."

Or I could have my heart shattered into pieces too small to ever put back together again. The thought held very little appeal. I shook my head. "What would be the point when she's still in love with him?"

"Am doesn't think she is."

"Am doesn't know nearly as much as she think she does."

"Maybe not, but I'm betting after fifteen plus years of friendship that she knows Sherlyn far better than you do, Thomas. And she thinks you can win her back."

"She's not in love with me anymore and has insisted I stay away from her." I paused and took a deep breath. Even after four weeks of sleeping around, the knowledge of how little I meant to her still stung the hell out of me. "How does that translate into her just waiting for me to make an effort to win her back?"

"She loved you for years and for all your show of indifference, we always expected you two to end up together."

His words stunned me. "What?"

"The guys and I always knew...or thought we did that once you'd had enough of the good life, you'd settle down with Sherlyn."

"What? I never said or did anything that would lead any of you to that conclusion."

"We're not best friends for nothing, Thomas. We knew how you felt about her even when you were in deep denial." He sighed, took a deep breath, and I could hear the pain in his voice when he continued speaking. "And we ached for you when she fell for Don. Frankly, we were surprised you didn't make your move once her grieving was over."

"But it's not over and she still loves him."

"Am seems to think she's still in love with you."

"Am is wrong. She told me countless times that she was no longer in love with me."

"And it never occurred to you that she just might be protesting too much?"

"Actually it did, until she started calling out his name instead of mine. That's when I got a nasty reality check."

"That must have stung like hell, but—"

"It did more than sting." I took a deep breath, realizing it was time to admit the obvious—at least to Michael. "It hurt like hell."

"That's all the more reason to give your relationship another chance. Even if she still has feelings for him, he's dead. You're alive and capable of winning her back. Given how you feel, isn't she worth the effort and worth taking a risk for?"

That was a question I didn't want to answer. "Look, Michael, I know you mean well, but this is something I have to deal with in my own time and in my own way."

"Thomas—"

"I don't want to hear anymore, Michael. Do me a favor and go back to your party. I've already admitted the breakup hurt. She hurt me, but it's nothing from which I can't recover. I just need a little more time to come to grips with—"

"The fact that you love her and you let her get away from you twice?"

"I never said I loved her."

"You didn't need to. She managed to hurt you because you love her. So let's cut the shit. I know you love her, but what I don’t understand is why you won't do something about it."

"I told you she's still in love with him and I'm not going to give her another opportunity to tell me I'm no more than a piece of meat to her. Do you have any idea how it feels to hear that from a woman you...care about?"

"No, but—"

"Then leave it alone, Michael!"

He sighed. "Fine. I tried."

"Yeah." I nodded. "You did and I appreciate it."

"If you need to talk, you know I'm available anytime."

"I do and I appreciate that too. I've had better days, but I'm okay. Really. You and the guys don't have to worry about me."

"Actually, we do, Thomas. You need to admit how you feel and deal with it."

Damn he didn't give up. "This conversation and discussion is over. Enjoy your party, Michael." I hung up feeling too restless and agitated to do anything but dive back into the pool. I swam until I felt too tired to do anything other than fall into bed.