Finding Christina (Wild Rose #2) (6 page)

“But being on medicine as early as possible protects you and your child.” Patrick reminded her. “You wouldn’t have known you were pregnant until you probably felt movement or started getting bigger. The chance of you getting sicker was there, or infecting your baby. I know how you got to the hospital wasn’t the greatest way to go, but you at least know where you stand now.”

“It doesn’t make me feel better, but you’re right. I am glad I know what’s going on with my body and that I am treating my HIV. Why didn’t I feel worse? Shouldn’t I have felt worse?”

“Some people just brush it off, they just think they are tired, or getting sick. With your drive to get into Yale, you probably ignored being tired and kept pushing. You would have hit the wall eventually, Christina.”

“Is it okay if I go back and lie down?” she whispered, her voice weak.

“Don’t forget to take your medicine.” Patrick cautioned.

“I’ll get some water and take them now.” Christina smiled sadly.

“It will be okay,” Addie promised.

“We’ll get you into those doctors soon, okay?” Patrick offered as Christina pulled a glass down from the cupboard and filled it with water.

“That would be great. I appreciate all you’re doing for me.”

“Oh, give me your cell phone and I’ll slip out and find you a charger. I have to go into work tonight, but I’ll make some calls and Addie can drop you off at the doctor’s while I’m working, right, babe?” Patrick touched Addie’s leg and she nodded.

“Sure, I’ll be glad to. The kids and I could go to a play place or something while she’s at the doctor.”

Christina sipped her water slowly and smiled tightly at the couple. “Thanks.” She bent and looked through her purse, locating her phone and handing it to Patrick. “I’m going to lie down.”

“We’re right in here if you need us. Are you hungry?”

“No, thanks, Addie. I couldn’t eat.”

“Are the medicines making you nauseated?” Patrick asked, concern knitting his brow.

“A little,” Christina admitted.

“Take some crackers with you then.” Addie suggested. “I have some saltines up in the cabinet. Nibble on them if you’re up to it.”

Christina meandered back to the kitchen and pulled the saltines from the cupboard. “Thanks.” Shuffling into her room again, she closed the door and leaned against it with a soft sob.
I can’t believe the weak bastard killed himself.
Groaning, she opened her bag from the hospital and pulled out her medicines and took them with a few sips of water before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

What has become of my life?

Flopping back on the pillows, she closed her eyes.
Let this all be a dream and me wake up and it be over. Please.

“Christina?” Patrick shook her shoulder and her eyes flicked open.

Nope, it wasn’t a dream.
She groaned as she sat up slowly. “What is it?”

“I am sorry to wake you, but I wanted to let you know that the doctor can see you tomorrow morning. I’m going to be heading into work in an hour and dinner is done. Addie is hoping you’ll come eat. I know your stomach has to be bothering you, but you need to eat to keep your strength up.”

Christina’s eyes focused in the dusky room on the doctor, who was dressed in scrubs and ready for his shift. “Okay,” she mumbled, her voice still husky with sleep.

She watched as he left the room and rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hand. Finally mustering up the energy to go to the bathroom, she cleaned up and splashed her face with water. Shuffling into the dining room, she found leftovers on the menu. Little Aaliyah grinned brightly as she sat down beside her.

“Hello, sleepyhead.” One of her front teeth was missing and it made her already charming grin almost irresistible.

“Hey there.” Christina smiled back at the little girl.

“How are you feeling?” Addie asked, worry evident on her kind face.

“Tired,” Christina admitted.

“Here, eat something.” Addie took her plate. “What do you want?”

“Maybe some rice and I guess a little turkey. No offense to your wonderful cooking, but nothing sounds good.” Christina finished lamely.

Addie opened her mouth as if to speak and Patrick interrupted. “Don’t push her, Addie. Her stomach has to be bothering her.”

“What about a smoothie?” Her eyes brightened and she passed Christina the barely filled plate.

Christina placed the plate in front of her and took an experimental bite of rice. “No, don’t go through the trouble…”

Addie was already in the kitchen pulling out the blender and working on a smoothie before she could object. Patrick leaned forward and hissed, “You’re her new project. She’s going to baby you to death before you leave.”

Christina tried to smile back, but she knew that the expression didn’t meet her eyes. “I’m just not that hungry. My stomach hurts.”

“It’s going to,” Patrick murmured sympathetically. “Just try to eat.”

Christina choked down a few mouthfuls of the rice and a bite of turkey. The whirr of the blender made her jump and before she could register what was happening, Addie brought over a glass of pink smoothie. “Here you go, a strawberry goji smoothie.”

Christina took an experimental sip and smiled at the pleasant taste. “Thank you.”

She managed to drink half of the smoothie and eat most of the rice and turkey. Addie seemed pleased with herself. “I can save the rest of the smoothie for later, if you’re hungry. Just slip in here and get you some. It’s got lots of good nutrients in it.”

“Thank you.” Christina smiled warmly at the older woman.

Patrick checked his watch and sighed, wiping his mouth with his napkin. “Well, family, I’m off to work. See you soon.”

Christina stared as the family hugged each other and jealousy burned through her.
I’ll never have a family like that.
She jumped as Patrick patted her shoulder.

“Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Addie will text me and let me know how it went.” He walked to the front door, pulled on his coat and left for work. The children left the table and went off to play.

Addie sighed as she sat back down at the table. “Thirty-six hours.”

Christina’s brow furrowed. “For what?”

Addie smiled and took another bite of her dinner. “Before he comes home. He works thirty-six hour shifts.”

“Oh.” Christina had never realized doctors worked such long shifts. “That sucks.”

“But he gets to have more time off. So it evens out.” Addie explained.

“I think I’m full. Can I help you clean up the kitchen?”

“You’re my guest,” Addie argued.

“But I’m not helpless. You are letting me stay here, the least I can do is help you clean up.”

“Okay,” Addie finally agreed.

Christina pushed back her chair and stood. Moving quickly, she picked up her plate and Aaliyah’s and took them into the kitchen. Scraping off the plates she opened the dishwasher and stuck them inside. Addie followed into the kitchen and the two women worked together to clear the table and put away leftovers.

“I’m going to get the kids ready for bed,” Addie stated as she dried her hands on the Christmas themed towel hanging on the stove.

“All right. I might go lie down.”

“If you feel up to it we could watch a movie? Aaliyah goes to sleep at eight and the boys lie down and read until nine.” Addie offered.

“Sure, that sounds nice.”

“The remotes on the coffee table, just see what you can find.” Addie strode to the back of the house and Christina could hear the children cleaning up their playroom.

She meandered into the living room and plopped down on the couch. Picking up the remote, she turned the TV on and flipped through the channels until she found something to watch.

Addie strolled in about fifteen minutes later and flopped on the couch with a sigh, her auburn hair flouncing. “Well, that’s done.”

“Can I ask you something?” Christina started, not knowing how comfortable the woman would be with her question.

“Sure.” Addie stretched her arms above her head and yawned. “What’s up?”

“Is Aaliyah adopted?” Christina blurted before she lost her nerve.

“Yeah, she is.”

“Do you love her any different? I mean, what’s it like to be adopted I wonder?”

Addie crossed her legs and pursed her lips for a moment. “I love her just as much as my boys. We are so lucky to have her.”

“My friend Grace was sorta adopted by her grandparents. I think I told you that.”

“Yes, you mentioned that.”

“How does adoption work?” She continued.

Addie ran a hand through her hair. “Ah, we adopted Aaliyah through the foster care system. We had to do a home study and be matched with a child. Why? Are you considering giving your baby up for adoption?”

“I was just curious.”

“Oh, okay. Well, I hope I was able to answer some of your questions.”

Christina yawned and clambered off the couch. “Oh, you did. I think I’m going to go get ready for bed. I’m really tired.”

Addie smiled and wiggled her fingers. “Enjoy your rest.”

Christina picked up her phone from the charger and darted into her room.
Would I consider giving my baby up for adoption? It would make my life so much easier…but I got rid of one baby before by force…could I stand giving up this one now?
Lying back on the bed, she skimmed her hand over her barely there pooch and chewed at her bottom lip as she thought.
I don’t know if I could give this baby up. Things might be hard, but I don’t know if I could do it.

She turned her phone on and checked to see if she’d had any calls or text messages from anyone. There was one text from Grace, from Christmas day.

G:
Hey chick. Merry Christmas. Hope you got all you wanted this year! Talk soon, love ya!

A sad smile touched Christina’s mouth and she blinked back tears as she told her best friend another lie.

C:
Got signal out here in the boonies. I’m great, my Christmas was wonderful. I hope yours was. Love ya, slut.

As she pressed send, bile rose in her throat and she raced for the bathroom, where she lost the pretty pink smoothie from dinner. With a quivering hand she pushed her hair back.
Gross.
Shakily standing, she shuffled to the sink and rinsed out her mouth. These medicines were making her feel terrible.

A soft knock came at the door. “Are you okay?”

Christina opened the door and smiled weakly. “I’m okay.”

“Do you need anything?”

“Oh, you know, to not have HIV would be awesome.” Christina chuckled softly.

“I wish you didn’t, honey. Let me get you a ginger ale. Maybe that will help you feel better.” Addie padded through the house and was back mere seconds later with a cold can of soda. “Here you go.”

Christina took the cold can and rolled it between her hands. “Thank you.”

“Go on and rest.”

“Thanks.” Christina slipped into her room and popped the tab on the can of soda. Taking a sip, she placed it on the nightstand and crawled back on the bed. Her phone vibrated and she picked it up, grimacing as she saw Grace’s name flash on the screen.

G:
Mine turned out great. Dad surprised me with a new car! I couldn’t believe it! He said he didn’t get to do it when I was 16, so he’s doing it now. Grandma and Grandpa (still so weird to call them that) came down and we’ve been spending a lot of time together. There is some work we still have to do, but they are both trying. I haven’t seen even a bit of ugliness toward Dad from them. They know what he does and neither have said a word. I think because they don’t want to lose me, they’re keeping peace. But hey, it’s a start, right? I so wish you could’ve come down here, but I understand that your mom was sick. I hope she’s feeling better!

Christina sipped her soda again as nausea roiled her stomach.
Ah, hell. Another lie. Oh, Grace, if only I hadn’t lied, I would be in the mansion in Phoenix with you, enjoying my Christmas, safe from the realities of my life for a little bit longer, but alas, here I am. I lied and it bit me in the ass. Mom was never sick. I just didn’t want to face you. Because I can’t bear for you to look at me as the horrible person I am. You deserve a better friend than me. But I’ve fooled you into thinking I am a great person. I only had your best interest at heart with Drake. I didn’t want to see you get hurt. I know what it’s like being used by an older man. Not that Drake was like Earl, by any means, but I wanted to protect you, like no one bothered to protect me. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Not that I can ever tell you that.
She groaned and guzzled more of the spicy drink, wincing as she burped. Her finger paused over the keyboard of the phone as she decided what to say.

C:
I am so happy for you, Grace. You seem happy.

G:
I am. How about you?

Christina smiled for her friend’s good fortune.
Ah, Grace. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I can’t ruin that for you.

C:
I’m great. Mom is feeling better. We had a blast around the tree.

Tears filled her eyes as she thought of her Christmas morning spent with a family she barely knew.
That’s what families do. The Cotters. Grace’s family. Not mine. My baby deserves something like that. Something real. We both do. Maybe one day we’ll have it.
Her phone buzzed again.

G:
I am so glad!

C:
Well, I gotta go inside, it’s cold out here and I’ll lose signal. I’ll catch you when I get back to school. Be good or be good at it!

G:
Take care!

Christina shut her phone off in disgust and rolled to her side.
My lies are going to drown me. I feel the water splashing around my neck now.