Finding Dell (16 page)

“Now, put on your dress so I can see how much of a knockout you are going to be tonight.”

A banner near the DJ announced the Blue Iris Winter Formal. The banquet hall was paneled in dark wood and chandeliers
hung low from the ceiling. Half a dozen tables were set up around the room, clothed in blue linens and topped with spindly arrangements of irises.

Slender girls in expensive, sparkly dresses flitted around the room, carrying tumblers of clear liquid and laughing raucously at unfunny comments.

I was suddenly self-conscious in my polka-dot dress. The hem grazed my knees and my heels weren’t high enough. I felt matronly in the room of gorgeous girls with expensive short dresses and stilettos.

On my arm, Sebastian smiled easily and often. He trotted off to get me a drink, and I was struck by a self-induced panic that I had no one to talk to in the banquet hall but him. I bit my lip until I remembered to pull a smile across my face that would remain in place for several hours.

When Sebastian returned, he carried a glass with vodka and lime, just like all the girls were already clutching. We edged our way into the outer circle of a thunderously loud group. In the center, one boy had taken off his shirt and was dancing to the shouts of the crowd with his necktie dangling. Sebastian clapped along with the other brothers, but I couldn’t envision him doing the same.

Beautiful girls huddled in small groups and took photos. As I watched them I realized the prettiest girls wore blue flower leis around their necks and their feet were bare. Little piles of heels lined the walls of the banquet hall as the girls removed their shoes and joined the dance floor.

As the night wore on, I clutched my warm tumbler of vodka. Sebastian had a few beers, but he loyally never left my side even though I could tell he wanted to dance. Finally, I ushered him onto the dance floor with his brothers for a few songs while I stood on the edge of the expansive area.

I leaned an elbow on a bar-height table and set down my watery drink, watching it leave a dark blue ring on the tablecloth. While I watched Sebastian shout inside jokes and laugh with his brothers, I tried to replace him in my head with every guy I’d recently been interested in.
Would my drink slosh out of my glass as I waved my hands in the air if I were dancing with Cam?
No, I couldn’t picture Cam dancing, ever.
What about Will?
He might cut loose for a few minutes but then get a faraway look in his eye that said he had better things to do.

Sebastian returned to my side during an intermission, breaking my gaze with Will’s distracted blue eyes that danced in my head.

“You’re the classiest girl here,” he said as he took my hand. “I mean it. That’s the reason I asked you here tonight,” he said, lowering his voice. “I could tell when I met you. The fraternity elders are here tonight and I wanted to make a good impression. You’re that kind of girl.”

Flattered, I thanked him and blushed.

He was so close that when he kissed my cheek gently a moment later, I wasn’t surprised.

Sebastian didn’t drop me off at Paso Fino when the formal ended. I tried to persuade him with images of celebratory drinks with his frat brothers after the formal, but all I got was a gentle scolding about the shortening of the word “fraternity” to “frat,” and a companion at my side when I unlocked the door to my room.

I pushed the door open just an inch and hesitated. “Look, I have to wake up early tomorrow. . .”

“Don’t worry about it,” Sebastian said as he reached behind me and pushed open the door the rest of the way. “We’ll just talk for a little while.”

He moved past me into the room and I frowned at his back.

As I padded across the rug to toss my heels in my closet, I hoped he would take the hint and leave early. Instead, I glimpsed his foot nudge the door until it quietly swung closed. I winced when I hear the door click into place. I crossed the room to sit next to him on the bed.

I couldn’t smile genuinely, so I just drew my mouth into a taut line that I hoped had an upward curve to it. When I settled next to him, he took my hand and turned my face to his own. He shook his hair out of his eyes and gave me a tender kiss. He kept kissing me and I went along with it, hoping he wouldn’t try to pull me down onto my bed.

Sebastian deepened his kiss and pulled me closer to him, my fuchsia dress rustling with tulle underpinnings, and I burst into tears.

Startled by my outburst, Sebastian let go of his grip and I buried my face in my hands, smearing them with the black eyeliner that ran down my cheeks. I had never kissed a guy and cried before, at least not at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled between choking sobs. “This is so unlike me.”

Sebastian pushed his hair from his eyes and looked at me carefully.

“You’re not ready for a relationship,” he said. His voice blurred the lines between a statement and a question.

Tearfully, I shook my head. “I’m sorry to waste your time. You’ve been nothing but good to me and I’m a mess.”

Sebastian nudged my wet cheek with his knuckle the way my grandpa might do. He stood from my bed and surveyed the room, taking in the details for the last time. I spied my reflection in the mirror across the room and was horrified to see mascara streaking across my temple, into my hair.

“Thank you for coming to the formal with me tonight. I had the most beautiful date there.” Sebastian made his way to the door, his hand resting on the knob. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Dell.”

Sebastian slid out of the room without another look back and I cried harder still.

I curled into a tight ball on my bed and debated taking a long, hot shower to wash away my tears. Too exhausted to move, I instead lay in bed in the brightly-lit room. I didn’t have the energy to turn off the overhead light.

The door flew open with a clatter and I gasped as I turned, expecting to see Sebastian in the doorway again. Instead, Natalie stumbled into the room, supported only by Jesse’s arm around her waist as her feet dragged and knees buckled under her. Her neck lolled forward and her hair covered her face as Jesse hauled her across the room and let her go in a graceless tumble onto her bed.

“What’s going on? What’s wrong with her?” I asked as I wiped at my cheeks.

“Nothing. She drank too much.”

I eyed her heavy, limp arms with growing panic.

“She’s not moving, Jesse.”

The taffeta in my dress crinkled loudly in the quiet room as I slid off my bed and knelt next to Natalie. I pushed her tangled brown hair from her face and felt her hot breath on my hand.

“She passed out,” he said. “She doesn’t know her limit. Thinks she can drink like one of the guys. I figured you’d be able to take care of her.”

“What were you going to do if I wasn’t here? Leave her alone?”

With sharp eyes, I turned my attention to Jesse, who was standing near the door. He shrugged. Natalie moaned and I
turned back to her. She made a choking, gurgling sound in her throat and her shoulders convulsed as she started to cough a watery bile from her mouth.

“Oh, God.”

I clambered to my feet and pulled on her shoulder to turn her from her back to her side. The bile flowing from her mouth dripped down the side of her comforter until she let out a gasping cough and her limbs released their tension and went limp from exertion.

“Jesse, please help me.”

My hands were shaking as I pushed Natalie’s wet hair back from her face. When there was no answer, I turned to find the room empty, the door closed silently behind him when he slipped out.

Natalie’s body began to shudder as she started to heave again. I pulled the trash can from under her desk and placed it near her as she retched. I realized tears were streaming from my eyes. I eyed my phone as I held Natalie’s head toward the can.
Should I call the hospital?
I wondered.
Does she need to have her stomach pumped?

I felt feverish as I picked up the phone and dialed with shaking fingers.

After four rings, a sleepy baritone voice answered. “Dell? Why are you calling so late?”

His voice. He hadn’t answered my calls in months.

I swallowed deeply, burying my teary voice. “I . . . I need help. It’s Natalie. I’m scared. Could you come over?”

“I’ll have Ruby let me in when I get there. Ten minutes,” Will said.

The line clicked silent and I dropped the phone to the carpet. Natalie moaned weakly on her side, her knees curled into her chest.

From the closet, I pulled a clean shirt from a wooden hanger and returned to Natalie’s side. I coaxed her to sit up. Her arms were heavy as I lifted them above her head to remove her ruined shirt and replace it with a fresh one. I peeled off a sagging false eyelash strip that clung to her cheek. As I combed her knotty hair with my fingers and unclipped her strands of fake hair, I wondered what had happened to the Natalie I once knew. When we fell into friendship last year, she’d despised heavy drinkers and was afraid to take a shot, scared of how quickly the concentrated drink would hit her. She had been a natural beauty, and she didn’t ooze desperate sex appeal like she did now. Her tongue was sharp, but in a hidden, humorous way, and it was never directed at me. Now, her edges had become razor-fine and it was hard to remember why we were best friends at all.

When the door opened a few minutes later, Natalie breathed in ragged gasps with her body draped over my lap, her head resting in the litter of polka dots on my dress. Will entered with concerned eyes, Ruby behind him. She stood in the doorway with her hand clamped over her mouth.

“Jesse dropped her off, so I don’t know how much she drank tonight. How do I know if I need to take her to the hospital?”

Will crossed the room and knelt in front of me. His breath was hot on my bare knee as he eyed Natalie.

“She’s breathing regularly, and her skin isn’t cold,” he said as he touched her arm. “Has she thrown up blood?”

I shook my head, terrified at the thought.

“I don’t think she needs to get her stomach pumped, but we’ll need to stay up all night and watch her to make sure.”

“Could you help me move her to my bed?” I asked. “Her sheets are ruined and I don’t want her lying on them all night.”

Will lifted Natalie’s arm and pulled her to her feet. He placed her on her side on my bed and I crawled in next to her, stroking
her hair. Ruby moved the trash can to Natalie’s side once again.

I glanced up to see Will and Ruby huddled by the door, whispering in low tones.

“It’s late. You can stay in my room tonight. I have an extra bed,” Ruby said to Will quietly.

“No, thanks. I’ll stay here.”

They looked back at me and I turned to Natalie again and pretended to study her while I really wanted to look at Will.

Will ushered Ruby out of the room but she stopped in the doorway with apprehensive eyes.

“I’m right next door if you need anything.”

With a weak nod, I acknowledged her offer and she closed the door softly.

Will left the bright fluorescent lights burning overhead as he hoisted himself up onto the edge of my bed.

“Thank you for coming, but you don’t have to stay for Natalie now.”

“I’m staying for you, Dell.”

He reached across the blue sheets and held my hand, burying his knuckles into the crisp taffeta of my party dress.

“We’ll keep each other awake while we keep an eye on her. Tell me what you’re asking for this Christmas,” he said. His thumb caressed my hand in a soft stroke.

“Um, some new art supplies. Some shirts, some books.”

His hand was on mine as if nothing had happened between us and I had trouble concentrating.

“Are you ever disappointed?” he asked. “What, with your birthday the same week as Christmas, you probably don’t get the attention you would if you were born another month.”

Over the last few months, my main source of disappointment had been Will. I coughed and Natalie stirred beside me.

“It bothered me more when I was little, but now I’m used to
it. I wish I could spend it here, though. I’m jealous of everyone who gets to throw a big party for their birthday.”

“Yeah, I had a great time on my birthday last year. It was my favorite night of the year.”

He narrowed his eyes as he looked at me, and I wondered if he was going to wink. His birthday was the first time we fell asleep holding hands, making it my favorite night of the year, too. His gaze seemed playful now, despite the seriousness of the call that brought him here.

Instead of meeting Will’s eyes, I gazed down at Natalie when I felt my cheeks threaten to turn pink. Her forehead was creased as she slept next to me, her breathing heavy and labored.

“I bet your Dad gets a pair of New Balance shoes under the tree this year,” Will said.

My eyes widened. “What makes you say that?”

“Oh, I can just see your mom wrapping up some new sneakers for your dad to open up on Christmas morning. Maybe with some tube socks, too.”

Noticing the growing smile that fought at my lips, Will broke into a grin. “I’m right, aren’t I?”

I dissolved into giggles and finally relaxed a few degrees, my body melting into the bed. It felt wrong to laugh when Natalie was so sick, but the tension from earlier started to disappear as I watched Will smile easily and continue to hold my hand.

“You’re right about my Dad’s presents,” I admitted.

Will turned to examine me. I flushed under his gaze, secretly thrilled with the prospect of his undivided attention, even though we were supposed to be watching Natalie. He seemed to look through me, into me, despite the months spent apart. He’d never met my parents, but somehow he knew them intimately, too.

I was spending the night with the two people who mattered
the most to me, despite everything we’d done to ruin our relationships. Somehow, everything had changed, but the way Will looked at me was just the same.

When I woke, my arm was stretched across the bed to grasp Will’s fingers and the warm spot where Natalie had been was now cold with emptiness. I struggled to sit up and the taffeta in my dress announced that I was awake. I didn’t want to wake Will, who had slept upright with his fingers entwined in mine and his back resting against the cinderblock wall.