Finding Jordie: Things aren't always what they seem. (The Love Lies Bleeding Series Book 1) (6 page)

“Finally,” she said, and I could feel her smile against my shoulder. “I love you, Jordan. You’re my best bitch. We will get through this.” She pulled away from me and slapped her hands on my thighs, leaving them there.

“I love you, too, and thank you.” I patted her hands and hopped up. “Emma will be home soon. Time to shower and rejoin the land of the living.”

“I swear I know him from somewhere, though. I can’t place it, but I will.” She went on and on about this as we headed down the fire escape. She continued to drill me about exactly what Nathan had said to me and analyzed every last detail while I showered.

“Okay, enough. Moving past it, remember?” I reminded her as I towel-dried my hair.

“Right. Okay, next.” She mockingly saluted me and decided to fill me in on the next vacation she was in the process of planning. The girl loved to travel, and travel alone. She’d been all over the world and this next trip she’d been planning was to Egypt. “So be prepared to be without me for two weeks in January.”

“Holler,” I said as I finished dressing.

“Mom? Mom?” Emma called from downstairs.

“Up here, honey.” I shouted down to her.

“Welp, I’m outtie, biotch. Love you.” Rachel air kissed me on both cheeks before she left.

“Hi, Aunt Rachel, bye, Aunt Rachel.” I heard Emma breeze past Rachel on her way up the stairs.

“Bye, Emma. Love you.”

“L.Y.T.,” Emma yelled just before she appeared in the doorway.

“Hi, honey.” I gave her a hug and a kiss, squeezing her tight.

“Aunt Kelly said she didn’t want to double park so she’ll call you later.”

“Okay. Is all your homework done?”

“Noooo, I’ll be in my room. Oh, I’ll show you the boots when you get downstairs.”

In her room a few minutes later I checked out her new boots. “Cute,” I agreed as I took one out of the box.

“Hands off! They’re my find!” She snatched it out of my boot-greedy hand, laughing.

“Fair enough, you deserve it. That was quite a bargain.” I winked at her. “I didn’t get much sleep when I got in from work. You okay with me taking a short snooze?”

“I’m not two, Mom.” She rolled her eyes at me as she sat at her desk, pulling out an oversized textbook.

“Wake me when you’re finished.”

“All right.”

I lay in my bed. No matter how hard I tried to keep my mind off him, it drifted back to Nathan. I couldn’t stop analyzing the look on his face when he’d said he should leave. He hadn’t looked angry or standoffish. He’d looked sad? No, not sad—almost as if he pitied me. That infuriated me more. I didn’t need pity. Furious, I fell asleep.

After dinner Emma and I walked home. She gave me every detail of her weekend in Jersey. When she finished, she looked up at me. “What happened to your lip?”

Telling her some drunken asshole cold-cocked me wasn’t on the top of my list. “I bumped my face on the bar.”

“Yeah, sure. You and Aunt Rachel started a fight club, didn’t you?”

I laughed and shook my head.
Definitely my kid.
We were on our way up the steps by then.

“Okay, shower and bed time. School in the morning,” I announced as we came through the front door. My phone beeped in my purse so I fished it out. “One new text” flashed across the screen.

*You doin okay?*

Who the hell was this?
I texted back, *Stupendous, thanks. Who is this?*

*Nathan*

I immediately closed my phone and tossed it on the couch without responding.

Later that night, after Emma was asleep, I picked up my cell and plugged it in before I headed to bed.

But I couldn’t sleep.

The events from the weekend finally caught up with me and my mind was in a tizzy. Should I have answered his text? How did he get my number? Maybe he really was a nut job. I laughed at the thought of that beautiful face being crazy. It was believable, though, when he smiled.
Stop. He isn’t worth your thoughts.
I forced my mind to shift to something else, anything else.

I found myself thinking about Jason. I didn’t do it very often. I had an uncanny ability to shut myself down when it came to him. As I drifted off to sleep, the memory made its way to my dream.

I woke suddenly, sweating and gasping for air. I checked the clock—it was one thirty-seven a.m. My throat felt like sandpaper. I needed a drink. My heart was still beating wildly and my eyes were damp. I headed downstairs quietly to the kitchen, grabbed the OJ from the fridge, and chugged it straight from the bottle. “Ahhhhhh.”

I searched for my smokes and then went back upstairs and climbed up to the roof.

Looking out into the lights of NYC never failed to leave me mesmerized. It was a quiet night in the East Village, and I could hear the sounds of people leaving the bar. Rachel should be closing up soon. The noise rose as the bar door opened and fell nearly silent again once it closed. Two men conversed as they made their way to the street. I couldn’t see them yet, but I could hear them.

“Bro, it’s two a.m. Look, all the lights are off. She wasn’t inside so she’s obviously in there.”

I could see them finally—it was Nathan and his friend.

The friend pointed to my building. “Asleep, as I’d like to be. I have a show tomorrow, rehearsal at nine. I’ll be dragging my ass as it is.”

“You didn’t see her.” Nathan paused. “And she hasn’t answered any of my texts.”

“Seriously, Nate, take a hint.”

What the fuck did he mean, “take a hint?” Nathan was the one who’d left. I didn’t kick him out.
Oh, that pissed me off big time, and before I knew what I was doing, I blurted out, “And what hint is that exactly?”

Uh oh. Word vomit
. I immediately regretted the words, covering my mouth.

Nathan looked up at me. “Jordie, you’re okay.” It was a statement, not a question.

I answered in an animated, sarcastic tone. “I told you, I’m super.”

“Actually, you said stupendous,” he corrected me with a smile. “Can I come up? I need to talk to you.”

“No, Emma is asleep. Ya know, my kid?”

“She sleeps on the roof?” He smiled teasingly.

I clenched my teeth. “Give me five minutes.”

He laughed at me again, and his friend patted him on the back and said, “Good luck” before walking away.

I practically ran back to my room, brushed my teeth to rid myself of the OJ slash ashtray breath I was rockin’, and searched the hall closet for the baby monitor that I kept for Girls Night Out on the roof with Rachel in case Emma woke up or something. I could hear everything in the house through this thing. I took a few deep breaths as I walked downstairs to buzz Nathan in. I opened the door a crack and watched him double-timing it up the front stairs.

When he reached the top step, he stopped and smiled a wide, bright smile. “Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey.” My phone beeped. I moved in front of him to the breakfast bar to pick it up.

“Seven New Texts.” I stared at him, bemused.

“Really? Seven texts?” I flipped the phone open and closed it back up so it would stop beeping.

“Aren’t you going to read them?”

“No, why? You’re here now. You can tell me yourself.” I shook my head ever so slightly. “But let’s get upstairs first.” I gestured with my hand to the hallway.

I led the way to the fire escape and up to the roof. I flipped a switch and the rooftop lit up softly with white lanterns. The white Christmas lights that hung around the perimeter of the rooftop started twinkling.

“This is some place you have here, Jordie.” He took in the view as he ran his long fingers through his hair.

“Thanks.”

“You must be one hell of a bartender.” He looked over the side and then back up at the view of the New York City lights.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m not just a bartender.”

He eyed me quizzically. “Oh? Mind if I ask what else it is you do to afford all this?” He motioned his arm around.

“My pimp, duhhh.” I rolled my eyes at him and busted out laughing because the way his jaw dropped I was pretty sure it came unhinged. “I’m kidding! Jesus. The bar is mine. I don’t just work there. After Jason died, I received his hazard pay, some life insurance, and a ridiculous amount of money from the government. So I moved back here and bought this building and the bar. I needed to do something wise with it, not piss it away. I had a baby to raise alone, with no life skills. So I stuck with what I knew.” I kept it brief. I didn’t want to dump all my baggage on him at once.

“Which was real estate and drunks?” He chuckled.

“Nooo,” I quipped back. “The New York City night life and buying shit cheap. I love sales, I love bargains, and I hate paying retail for anything. I found this building on the foreclosure list. The bar, too. Apparently the previous owner didn’t know how to maintain his books and pay taxes. His loss, my gain.” I shrugged. “So I decided to rent out one of the apartments and live in the other just in case the bar didn’t work out as I’d hoped. So I had some sort of backup plan with income.” I shifted to face him. “Luckily though, it turns out NYC loves my bar enough to name it one of its favorite hot spots. My employees have been very dedicated, and it wouldn’t be half the success without them. Especially Rachel. I’m not her boss, though. She’s a sister to me.” I let out a small laugh. “Rachel is her own boss. She’s one hard-headed chick, and I love every inch of her.”

We were sitting on the same chairs Rachel and I sat on earlier. I could feel him staring at me.

“Pretty damn impressive if you ask me.”

I could feel his eyes still penetrating my skin. It was unnerving, yet intense in a good way.
What is he thinking?

“Quit staring at me.” I turned to look at him. “I feel like I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something, damn.” I laughed nervously.

His face was so serious. “You are so beautiful,” he said in a breath-like whisper, as if he didn’t even realize he was speaking.

“Really? I’m sure it was my beauty that sent you high-tailing it out of here last night then.” My tone was harsh and my eyebrows were mashed up and crinkled in the middle above my nose.

“About that,” he began.

I held my hand up. “I don’t want to hear it. You saw baggage and ran. I get it. I have a lot of baggage.”

“Is that what you think? Honestly?”

“Uhhh, well, what the fuck else could it be, Nathan? You saw the picture, I explained, and poof, you were gone.”

He shook his head and pursed his lips together like
he
was angry, really angry.

“No, you don’t get to be the angry one here,” I barked at him.

“Jordie, I’m not angry. I’m aggravated you thought I was that shallow and crass, but angry? No.” His eyes were bright blue and locked with mine. “I didn’t
want
to leave... but if you could have seen...” He struggled to get the words out and turned his stare to the ground. “The pain that was so clear on your face... I didn’t want to intrude on that private moment you were having or about to have. You looked as if someone was shattering your world all over again, and as much as I wanted to hug you and be whatever you needed at that moment, I couldn’t. I knew there was no way in hell that I could come close to what you needed. So against my own will I forced myself to leave.” He rubbed his hands on his pants nervously.