Finding Me (24 page)

“Oh…I’m sorry,” was all I could manage. I couldn’t believe that I’d gotten her here at all. Solely by thinking about it.

“Is there a problem?” Chris asked again. He sat up, his brow compressed into a frown and his eyes clouded with disapproval. “Why’d you call Sam here?”

I didn’t say anything. I backed away from him and moved closer to Sam.

“She thinks you’re a fake,” Sam said. She sat up straighter, threw her head back and laughed boisterously.

“How come you can hear her and I can’t?” Chris asked Sam. He looked at me intently. His eyes narrowed and his jaw set.

“Because she doesn’t want you to hear her,” Sam said, amused. She turned and smiled at me. “You’re extremely good at blocking. But chill, Chloe, it’s Chris.” She swatted my leg and shook her head again.

“Okay, we need to make a password. So you’ll know it’s really me,” Chris said, looking at both Sam and me. “Any ideas?”

“Sure,” said Sam. “What about the name Chloe gave us in Tierra? Great Eight?”

I smiled and nodded my approval. “Good idea, Sam.”

“Great Eight it is,” said Chris. “Sam, bye-bye.” He flicked his wrist. And then Sam disappeared. But not before her soft pixie laugh sounded in my head.

“Where’d we leave off?” He pushed me back to the bed. “I’ve finally got you to myself with full knowledge, no more secrets. I can’t stop. I need you so bad.”

“I...we have to go to school tomorrow,” I said, reminding him through the kisses he rained over my lips, my neck, my jaw. My will slipping as his tender kisses stripped my anxiety.

“Let’s not go. Let’s get away. Just the two of us. I haven’t had you completely to myself. Give me one day. Please.” His caramel eyes were smoldering. I bit my bottom lip for emotional support. As much as I wanted him, needed him, he wasn’t mine.

“I can’t skip school. My mother would kill me.” Then I thought about our trip this evening. “Oh yeah, well she’s not my mother. But she’d still kill me.”

“She’ll always be your mom. Don’t be so dramatic.” He bent and traced slow kisses across my neck.

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth. “I wonder if they ever planned on telling me.”

He sucked in an exhausted breath and sat up.

“I’m sure they were. They were just waiting for the right time.” I glared at him. He looked pissed.

“Oh really, they were just waiting until I moved out of the house and had kids perhaps? No, better yet, they’d tell me at Christmas on my eighteenth birthday, ‘Oh we meant to tell you, you’re adopted and your entire life has been a lie. Merry Christmas.’” I smashed my fist into my mattress.

“Calm down, baby. I’m here and I love you. So not everything has been a lie. Your parents are only doing what they think is best, I’m sure.”

“First of all, there’s no excuse for them to not have told me by now. I’m turning seventeen in a couple days. Second, you aren’t in love with me. Chloe. You’re in love with Amanda and I’m not her anymore. So please do us both a favor and stop saying that.” I regretted it the moment the words came across my lips. But it was the truth and it needed to be said.

He exhaled a long breath and his mouth turned down at the corners. “You’re Amanda in every way. Not just how you look. How you act, how you talk, how you look at me…how you make me feel.” How could I have said that when he made me feel like he did? But I knew the truth.

“Christopher Thomas, you’re so…so hot I could catch fire just looking at you. You come around right after my boyfriend dies and bat those get-lost-in-me eyes of yours at me. What girl wouldn’t fall? I’m so confused right now, but I do realize that I may be falling in love with a guy who’s in love with someone else.” I took a deep breath then exhaled it slowly. “I can’t live a lie anymore – my entire life has been one.” I reached up and touched the skin between his creased brow. “Every part of me wants to be with you, to love you, to let you love me. But it would be a lie. So I can’t do that. I’ll do what I can…to help find the ENO because I don’t want to die. But I can’t do that and be totally consumed with you. Or with trying to be your dead ex-girlfriend.”

His mouth fell open. He quickly closed it. “That’s a bit harsh.” Neither of us said anything for a minute. Then he looked up with a pained expression, as if I’d just pinched him. “You’re breaking up with me?” he whispered.

“Technically, we weren’t…”

“We were. Unless you’re in the habit of kissing any guy who asks.” I snorted.
I guess he has me there.
“Why don’t you sleep on this. I’m sure you’ll feel differently tomorrow. You’re trying to process all this tonight and it’s clouding your judgment.” He ran his tongue across his lips. His eyes pleaded. Begged.
Don’t do this
.

“Chris.” I shook my head. Don’t be a coward. Do what you have to do. “I can’t–”

“Baby. Please. Don’t do this.” He grabbed my face between his hands and peered at me with those all-consuming eyes. I shattered. Stumbled, stepped on my own heart and squashed it.

“Chris. Shit. Stop touching me.” I yanked away from him, jumped from the bed, and crossed the room. “I can’t do this. You’re not mine.”

In a matter of seconds, he was by my side. He grasped my hands and pulled me close. His eyes danced from shock to horror to sadness. I stepped back. He released my hands.

“Please, Chris. Respect my decision.”

He ran a shaking hand through his hair. I swallowed back the desire to touch him. To ease the pain in his eyes. He squared his jaw and took a deep breath. “If you feel you’ve got to do this... But I don’t agree.” Then he vanished.

I released an unsteady breath. A breath that I’d been holding for a while. I settled back in the bed and hauled the blanket up to my chin. Before I could contemplate my actions, he rematerialized.

He propped himself up beside me. “I’ll respect your decision,” he said. He took a deep breath and stared into my eyes. I looked away before his pain cut me in two. “I know you’ll regain your memory. Everything’ll be fine. I love you. That will never change. My love is strong enough for both of us for now.” I dared a glance into his eyes. He ran his tongue once across his soft pink lips. My heart ached, not understanding the actions of my brain. “Good-night.” He looked me directly in the eyes, then bent his head toward me. Just when his lips were nearly to mine, he turned and whispered in my ear, “Sleep well.”

“Thank you,” I whispered back as my heart beat sporadically at my chest. Then he vanished again. I lay in bed, hoping he would come back and kiss me good night. But he didn’t. The voices in my head and abilities were driving me crazy, but compared to my feelings for Chris, everything else was preschool.

Finally, exhausted, I fell into a fitful sleep.

When my alarm announced five-thirty, I thought I’d cry. I knew I wouldn’t make it all day at school. So I’d tell mother I had an upset stomach so I could stay home. I dragged myself out of bed and sloshed my way to her bedroom. As I walked by her office, I overheard her talking. She was explaining that she would be working on an important brief at home today.

I turned and went back to my room. As tired as I was, I would rather deal with my annoying classmates and Chris sulking than to spend any amount of time with her. I hadn’t decided when, or even if, I would let her know that I knew about the adoption.

Once I’d finished dressing, I made my way down the stairs quietly, not wanting to run into Mother.

Margaret, our cook, stacked huge pancakes on a platter at the breakfast table when I entered the kitchen. Margaret made the best, lightest, fluffiest pancakes ever. I could eat four or five of them in one sitting. But today, I couldn’t even finish one.

“What’s up with you, Bops?” Matt asked, with pancakes falling from his open mouth. “You usually eat like you’re storing up for winter.”

“I have a test I’m nervous about. Not that it’s any of your business, monkey boy.”
Gosh, hadn’t I used that excuse already?
I needed to vary my lies more.

“Again, worried about a test. What’s wrong? You’re hanging with Emily too much.” He laughed and a piece of pancake fell from his mouth to the table.
Barbaric.
“I think maybe she’s getting to you.”

“I didn’t think jocks had brains at all, so we both learned something. Sad thing is, that’s all you’ll learn today.” I rolled my eyes and hoped he’d stop talking because my head throbbed like someone had wacked it with a bat.

Mother’s voice sounded from the stairs. And I knew I wasn’t ready to face her. I would avoid her like white shoes after Labor Day for as long as I could. I jumped up from the table, knocking the syrup container over. The sweet syrup oozed out lazily. Margaret smiled, a knowing, kind smirk. Then she waved her hands to send me on my way. She understood. I snatched my bag off the chair beside me and crept out the back door.

~ ~ ~

Once at school, I immediately went to my first period class. I had no reason to stop at my locker. Chris would be upset with me anyway.
Had I done the right thing breaking up with him?
Yes!
He didn’t love me – he loved Amanda. If I never exhibited any other traits of hers, he’d bore of trying to make me into her.
What’s wrong with me?
With Chloe. She’s a cool chick, too.
Maybe I couldn’t kick butt like Amanda, but I could do other things.
Why hadn’t Chris tried to get to know me as Chloe?

I barely concentrated on what Mrs. Springer was teaching, so consumed with all that had happened. Between the situation with Chris, my un-parents, and my party in less than two weeks, I couldn’t think of anything else. Stumbling over questions I should have answered correctly, Mrs. Springer asked to see me at her desk after the bell rang.

“Chloe, you seemed incredibly preoccupied today. Is everything okay?”
When did she become so perceptive?
She hasn’t worked here long enough to know how I should act. Though it disturbed me, I couldn’t trust anyone.

“I’ve been consumed with some…umm…issues. I promise I won’t allow them to interfere with school again.” I eyed her for an adverse reaction to what I’d said. I held my breath.

“I understand life complications. I wanted to make sure everything was okay. If you ever need to talk, you can come to me, dear.” She smiled reassuringly. How nice. I wondered what the motivation was behind that invitation.
Is she digging for information?
I forced a smile. I’d have to keep my eyes open more around her.

“Thank you, Mrs. Springer, I appreciate that.” Regardless of the weird encounter with her, I needed to get a grasp on my emotions. Tune down my freak-o-meter a bit. I took a deep breath before I started for the door. I needed to change my attitude about all this.
How in the world am I going to do that?

As I strolled out the door, Emily grabbed me by the arm and half dragged me to her locker. “Hey, what’s up? Tee and I have been twisted about you. Are you okay?”

“What do you mean? I’m fine. You saw me yesterday in school. Why would something be wrong?” I frowned at her as she pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes at me.

“That’s it. We only see you in school now and we miss you. Are you that depressed about Zack or is this something else?” She gave me her usual scolding eyes.

“I’m fine, but you’re right. We haven’t hung in a while. Why don’t we hang out this weekend at my house?” I said, excited about the prospect of doing something normal.

“Awesome,” Emily said, “I’ll let Tee know in our next period class. It’ll be totally ultra. We can even go shopping for your party right after school today.” “Ultra” was a new word. I shook my head and wondered how she came up with this stuff.

“Okay, that sounds great.” I walked off so I could get to my locker, then make it to my next class on time. As I lugged my textbook from the locker, Chris walked up and caressed the side of my cheek. It sent a shiver of delight down that side of my body.
Play it cool, Chloe.
How could I play it cool when he could make a glacier melt in two seconds with one look.

“Hello. How do you feel today?” he asked, his sexy eyes taking a sweep of my body from head to toe. That look could make a statue spontaneously combust. And he had his usual heartbreaker smile plastered on his face.

He wore dark blue ripped jeans and a white Abercrombie tee that was fitted and showed his well-cut physique. I struggled to keep my thoughts clean and not give away how much I wanted to touch him. I bit the corner of my mouth and sighed softly.

“I’m fine. I’m surprised we’re talking…after our conversation last…um, this morning.”

He shook his head. Then he smiled with his mouth but not with his eyes. “I’m not that kind of guy. Never will be.” I choked back my response. There was nothing to say to that.
Could he be any more freakin’ perfect?
“I need you to make yourself available tonight for Raja. She’s coming to work with you on your power of persuasion.”

“Can’t. I invited Melissa and Emily over tonight.”

“Perfect. You can practice on them.”

“No. That’s not going to happen. The ‘them’ you’re referring to are my two best friends, not guinea pigs. I can’t perform experiments on them.” I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

“It’s not like I’m asking you to cut them up like frogs. Just persuade them to do what you want. All you have to do is say Raja is a friend of yours that you met at your mother’s job. A co-worker’s daughter. The two of you became instant BFFs and she had to come over to your sleepover – or whatever – to meet your other BFFs.”

I giggled at how he waved his hands excitedly as he said “BFF”. “Guess you’ve got it all figured out. But if anything goes wrong, you may have to have Phillip come in and wipe their memories. I don’t think my skills are good enough to work on two people at the same time.” I wasn’t convinced it would work at all but didn’t want to argue about it.

“Trust me. For once, please. I won’t let anything happen. I’ll be close by and will help you myself if you get in a bind.”

“If you say so. See you later.” I tried to make my face stone but it was more like Play-Doh. And Chris could mold my emotions into whatever he wanted. How pathetic. I missed him so much already. I walked off quickly.