Finding Willow (Hers) (18 page)

I never knew who owned it, or why they didn't choose to live in it themselves, but I always wanted it to be mine. I don't know if I want to buy it or not, if it will still have the same appeal as it did when I was a kid. But I guess we will find out when we pull up the long gravel driveway.

“This place is a fucking dive, Star.”

Journey looks at me with disgust as we round the corner of the heavily wooded gravel driveway. Years upon years of neglect clearly show around the property. The lush vegetation has grown over most of the driveway. Only a small one lane path remains, allowing just enough room to get up to the house.

The once beautiful wooden cabin is worn and old. Run down and dilapidated. Boards on the porch are missing and one of the windows on the side of the house leading into the grand room is broken. It hasn’t weathered well in the decade since I left Woodstock. In fact, it weathered just as well as I did.

Broken and damaged. Unwanted and neglected. We have a lot in common.

“It is beautiful, Journey. Full of a story to tell.”

I get out of the car and walk up to the house. “Each piece of damage tells a story. The broken window, the missing boards, that crack in the pavement. It is all the story of this house.”

She looks at me like I’m nuts. It is just a building. But to me, I can see myself in so many ways. I can see my own damage in each blemish.

It needs work, a lot of fucking work. But so do I. Could I possibly heal while rebuilding the house I always dreamed of as a child? Can I have my happily ever after in the woods? I don't know. But its damaged beauty is just too much for me to pass by. It’s a rash decision, but I want this house. Damn the work to hell. If I have to hire a small army to fix it up, I will. This is my opportunity at something I have always wanted, lusted after. And damn it, I will fucking have it!

“Whatever, Star.”

She shrugs and continues looking around the property with me. It sprawls out over acres of land as far as the eye can see. The small stream still flows behind the house; pine trees line the back yard in rows. The fall leaves are changing color and falling all over the ground; it is so beautiful.

“If you buy this place, does that mean you’re staying?” The excitement in her voice catches my attention, while I look at the small shed in the far corner of the yard. I turn around, and her face is bright with a smile.

“Yeah, I guess that, if I buy this place, I will stay a bit. At least long enough to make it beautiful again.”

Like that, the decision is made. I don't need long hours of planning or calls to Katy debating on whether or not to buy. I won't even call Seven for her input, because I know she’ll be completely against it. Her feelings for Woodstock will never change, whether I’m here or not.

I type out a short email on my phone to Katy, detailing my instructions for her to purchase the property. No questions, cash sale, done deal. Whatever red tape needs to be handled, she will take care of it. That’s what I pay her for. No one is going to talk me out of this. This is my dream and I am going to make it fucking happen.

As Journey and I pull down the driveway, heading to Maggie's for a sisterly lunch, my phone rings. Seven is on the other end and I cue it up to the Bluetooth system in the car and answer.

“Yo, yo!” I’m in a good mood. A really damn good mood.

“Someone sounds fucking chipper.” Seven is miserable. She has been for days. Ever since she started battling that nasty food poisoning over the weekend. I feel bad for her, because I have totally been there.

“I am. What crawled up your ass and died?” I want to laugh, but I know it would only make her feel way worse than she already does. No need to add insult to injury, that’s for sure.

“A fucking fetus.”

“What did you just say? I want to make sure I heard you correctly.”

I stop the car and throw it in park. I turn the volume up and listen carefully. Seven is silent on the other end of the phone. Like she doesn't want to repeat what she just said.

“I'm pregnant.”

And the world slips out from under me.

“Please tell me it is Levi's.”

Is that all I can fucking come up with? This isn't an episode of
Maury
; I really should be a supportive friend, but I am literally in shock.

“Of course it is fucking Levi's, Star! God!” Her voice is getting louder and louder through the phone line. I want to laugh, but I don't.

“So this means you aren't coming up here this weekend, huh?”

I’m sad because I really wanted to see her. I am disappointed because I didn't want to face our families without her. She is the strong one in the equation. I don't want to face this without her. These bullshit family meetings are few and far between, but they always mimic a cage match. I don't want to go, but I will, because I’m a dumb fuck who just loves to take shit from the people who created me.

“Nope. I just can't be in the car that long right now. I am throwing up shit I don't even remember eating. This is a fucking nightmare come true.” She never wanted kids, and I can only wonder how long it will be before she’s front and center at the abortion clinic. I want to ask, but I’m sure it is a touchy subject. She has to work this one out on her own. If she wants to talk about it, she will.

“I hope you start to feel better soon, Seven. You need me to come back to the city?” I feel useless just sitting here waiting for Davis to call with more information on Willow. I’m wasting time.

“You stay there and do whatever you’re doing. It is good for you; it’s what you need right now.” She’s right. If I went back to the city now, I’m sure I would get myself in trouble. There is just too much temptation to be able to stay clean and sober. Out here, I can crave a bump all I want. Because I can't find any. It is the best way for me to stay clean until the cravings start to finally subside.

“Well, if you need anything, you better call me.”

I can hear her gagging on the other end of the line. She mumbles something about going and the line goes dead. I feel for her, because I was there once. My hand rubs my empty stomach, and I frown. My mood is almost ruined when I realize how long it has been since Davis made contact. That probably means nothing but more bad news. They always say no news is good news, but in a situation like this, I just don't buy it.

“Well, ain't that some shit,” Journey pipes up from the passenger seat. I completely forgot she was there for the entire conversation. I pray she doesn't run and tell Seven's damn parents, since they are all one big happy fucking family.

“Don't you repeat a word you just heard. That was private, Journey. If she knew you were with me, she wouldn't have said anything.” I try to be as stern as I can, but it comes out ridiculous.

“I won't. Don't worry. God. I totally don't wanna go to Maggie's for lunch, either. Wanna go for a drive to this little lunch place I found? Your treat, of course!”

I can't help but laugh. Of course, my treat. I don't think this girl has worked a day in her life. I could use something besides Maggie's, too, because if we are being honest, diner food really isn't cutting it much anymore.

“I wanna stop at the motel and grab a sweatshirt on the way. I thought I had one in the backseat.” I’m fucking freezing. I always forget how cold it is this time of year.

I slow the car to make the turn into the normally quiet parking lot when I see someone standing at the door to my room. The person is familiar, and there aren't any cars in the parking lot. I continue driving, completely missing the turn. Journey looks at me funny, but doesn't say anything. I try to keep my eyes on the road, and watch the door of the room but safety wins out.

“Isn't that Blue?” Journey asks, as the man turns to the side, looking around. I can tell from his profile it is him, clearly looking for me. I haven't seen him since the night he beat the shit out of me. My body starts to break out into a cold sweat, and I know there is no fucking way I can go back to the tiny room I have been living in for the past week. He knows where to find me now, and I have to go back into hiding.

Will I ever fucking be able to feel safe again with him around? Maybe coming back to Woodstock wasn't the best idea. Or maybe he is just here because of this godforsaken family meeting. I will avoid him like the fucking plague until all is clear Friday, and just pray he leaves town.

“What happened with the two of you?”

I know she’s young, and she wants to know how shit really played out. She was maybe eight when I got pregnant and the drama erupted inside my family, but I don't want to expose her to the nastiness. I shrug my shoulders and try to ignore her. She keeps staring at me, waiting for some kind of reply.

“I was young and stupid. That is what happened.” Young, stupid, hurt, neglected, abandoned, and looking for love in all the wrong places. I often wonder if he would have just let me be as a teenager if I never willingly hooked up with him those couple times. Yeah, he violated me as a child, but it stopped for ages. Maybe I just fell off his radar until I had actual tits. I try not to put very much thought into it.

“Do you ever think about her?” I’m caught off guard again. Maybe hanging out with Journey today wasn't the best idea.

“All the time. I want to find her,” I admit it without realizing the kind of repercussions this could cause if she tells my parents. I pray she doesn't, but I know it is a very real possibility.

We pull into the parking lot of the small vegan luncheonette, and when I turn to face her, she is as pale as a ghost.

“I don't feel so hot. Do you think you could bring me back to my car? I don't wanna eat lunch now.” This chick better not chuck in my new damn car, that’s all I know. I head for the motel parking lot. I pray Blue is gone once I get back to drop her off. I’m sure he isn't just going to hang out there all day, as much as he wants to get to me.

Thankfully, when we pull in, he’s nowhere in sight. I park the car and wish my baby sister well. I’d like to know what sparked her sudden ailment; I feel bad that we couldn't spend more quality time together. I had really looked forward to catching up over lunch.

“I will see you on Friday, Star.”

I have to give her space, because I know she is very much like me. She’ll bolt and no one will see her for days. I don't want to be the cause of that, even though I apparently am somehow. I just don't understand how talking about Willow could bring this all to the surface. Maybe I’m just overthinking it.

I push open the office door, where River is standing behind the counter looking bored as hell. Nothing new. When he notices me, he puffs his chest up trying to look like his bad ass brother, but failing pretty miserably. Clearly he got the sensitive genes in the family.

“Some guy was here looking for you.”

“I need your help. I can't stay here tonight. Not until your brother is back in town.”

I go through the motions and fill him in on bits and pieces of my history with Blue. Nothing over the top, besides the beating he gave me not too long ago. I knew it was only a matter of time before he came looking for me again. This time I won't let him have what he wants. No means no this time; I don't care who he is. Or how bad of a fucking beating I will end up with.