Finding Willow (Hers) (2 page)

I run the tip of the dick up and down her lips, teasing her clit, before finally plunging deep into her.

“Oh God!” she gasps in between her throaty moans. “Right there! Yeah, baby! That's the spot!”

The harder I fuck her, the more the strap-on rubs my aching clit, and the more my body is ready for release again as I take out my fucked-up life on the pussy of this twenty-one-year-old extra in my latest film. The more I think about her, the more I realize she’s me, seven years ago. Using sex with anyone and anything to get out of her own head for a couple hours. I can't even hate her, because I am doing the same thing at the moment. But damn, she is a fucking fantastic distraction.

“You like that? You like it when I fuck you?” I whisper into her ear, and I feel her body start to shake under my touch. Her mouth opens and scream after scream exits as she gasps for air in between each shout. One last thrust into her, and my swollen nub sets me off. I collapse against her gorgeous set of tits, and I feel content for the first time all day.

I roll off of her, reaching for the robe beside the bed. Without making eye contact, whatever her name is slips back into the barely there black dress she had on when I picked her up after filming and struts out the door. She doesn't look back. We both knew what we came here for, and we got it.

As my body still recovers from the aftershocks of the orgasm, I sprawl out across the lonely king size bed. Maybe one day someone will stay the night?

I'm at a loss in life. I look over at the nightstand next to my bed; it’s strewn in shit. Cell phone, condoms, lube, my journal, Hostess cupcake wrappers, a couple empty bottles of soda, and, of course, an empty Gray Goose bottle. I love vodka. If you drink enough of it, life goes away. The memories disappear. The pain subsides. That is, until the alcohol isn't enough.

That’s typically when I start snorting coke. A line here and there never killed anyone. It takes away the pain that the vodka won't. Yeah, I’m fucked up. My life has been fucked up, ever since the first time he touched me.

That first time, I was eight, and afraid. My parents left for a night full of partying, sticking my best friend, Seven, and me with her older brother, Blue. It wasn't anything we weren't used to growing up. In fact, our parents were rarely around at all, so we just grew used to it.

Seven had fallen asleep, leaving me with the twenty-one-year-old man. Looking back, who would leave a man that age watching two little girls? Big brother or not, it wasn't right. My story proves that.

We watched some Disney movie, sitting side-by-side on the couch together. I didn't notice the bulge in his pants, but then again what fucking eight-year-old little girl would even look at a man's crotch? I wasn't naïve. I knew what sex was. Only because our parents were so whoreish about it, though. Kind of like I am today. I could have lived an entire lifetime blocking out all those memories. Which I did for almost a fucking decade. Until I decided therapy would be smart. Hypno-fucking-therapy. I'm just glad I don't remember shit else.

“Star, I want to show you something,” Blue said as he reached into his pants.

“What is it?” I asked innocently. My attention drifted between his movements and The Little Mermaid. I really liked Ariel; her bright red hair made her so unique. I was blonde, like a lot of people. I wasn’t unique. I didn't stand out.

“Look, Star.”

His words were gentle, soft almost. Blue had never been this nice to me or to Seven. That was when I noticed. He didn't have any pants on. They were gone.

His... his... oh my! His boy parts were in his hand.

“Look, honey,” he cooed at me. “Why don't you touch it? Don't be afraid, Star.”

That’s how it all began. Acceptance. Love. A misplaced need to be cherished by another person. I didn't know until years later that what he was doing was horrible. It was bad. It was something no one should ever do to a child. Fucking ever. But it happened to me, and it tainted me for life. I was a carefree little girl until Blue ruined me, and still continues to ruin me to this day.

Maybe I’m just as fucked up as everyone says I am, because I let him in my life. And when he calls, I willingly fuck him with everything I have.

I don't think I will ever know why, but I do know that what he did to me is exactly why I chose to make a career out of fucking.

“Are you even listening to me, Star?”

My manager rambles off something about a new film that Lovestruck Entertainment wants me for. I scroll through my phone, typing out a text to Paisley, my baby sister.

Sup Kiddo

I miss my sisters. Over the years, we’ve all drifted too far apart. Paisley lives in Florida, and Journey still lives in Woodstock under the thumb of our parents. She’ll probably never leave.

I continue to ignore my manager, Katy, as she drones on about the new porno.

“Star, you aren't listening to a damn thing I’m saying!”

Okay, so now she’s pissed and has my attention. I’d be lying if I said I didn't think she was hot when she gets pissed off. Her bright blue eyes and pouty lips pull me in, even while she’s yelling at me. Today she looks like your run of the mill school girl. Short black skirt, white button down shirt, hell, she would be perfect with pigtails. Instead, her red locks sit on top of her head in a messy bun with a pencil sticking out of it.

“Sign me up.”

I wave her away and she pushes down her black cat-eyed glasses and I continue texting. Paisley replies with an extravagant story about some sexy biker she hooked up with for Biketoberfest in Daytona. I wish she would’ve just gone to college like Seven. She could have taken over the world with her impressive intelligence, instead of slipping into the same nomad lifestyle we were raised in. The sad part is, none of us will ever be able to give it up completely. As much as I despise it, it’s all I’ll ever know.

“What is going on with you, Star?”

I'm strung out; that’s what’s wrong. Coke isn't cutting it anymore, and as much as I want to turn to harder shit, I just can't.

“You need to go to rehab again, Star, don't you?”

This is typically what it comes down to. It sounds like a good idea. Maybe I could actually keep my shit together this time around. Doubtful, though. What bothers me the most is the fact that Seven will be disappointed in me. Everyone else's opinions can suck a fat dick.

“Yeah, Katy. I think I need to give it the good ol' college try again. Maybe I can get it right this time?”

I push a strand of hot pink hair out of my eyes and stand up from the chair. My jeans used to cling tightly to my ass, but now, the curve of my butt is disappearing. The blue My Little Ponies shirt clings to my D cup breasts, something I’m glad the drugs haven’t started to take from me.

“Don't forget you’re filming this weekend,” she reminds me.
Glory Hole Queens
, starring yours truly. The joys of my job.

My phone beeps and I expect it to be Paisley. Instead it’s Evan. My ex. The ex who walked out on me because I made out with my best friend in front of him. I thought guys were supposed to like that shit? Instead, he flipped in a jealous rage. For once in my life, I’d finally thought I found someone to love me, but he only loved me when we were fucking like rabbits. Everything else was just added baggage that he didn't want to deal with.

I shouldn't have fooled myself into thinking anything with an investment banker would work out. You can't turn a whore into a housewife, right?

Want to get together tonight?

I really should say no, but I don't want to. Maybe we can fix the mess of a relationship we had? I’m a glutton for punishment because I know how this will end. But I text him back anyway.

Sure, meet me at Seven's at 8. I'm staying at her penthouse while she is away on business.

If he says no because of the Seven factor, I am done with him. There is no way I’m cleaning my own penthouse tonight so I can entertain him.

My mind drifts back to Seven. I haven't heard from her all day. I know I’ve been trying to avoid her since the whole Evan breakup thing, but she’s never this quiet. A series of disasters flies through my overactive imagination. I picture her dead somewhere in London. Her plane crashing over the Atlantic. Her private driver killing her in a fiery car crash.
Fuck! Make it all stop!

The phone vibrates again, and I pull up Evan's reply.

See you at 8.

“Hello, Star.”

I damn near jump out of my skin as I turn to match the face to the voice. A voice I don’t want to hear. A voice I certainly don’t expect to hear in the lobby of Seven's building.

I find myself face-to-face with Blue. His dark eyes are encircled with pain. He’s aged horribly, and his dreadlocks are gone, replaced by a shaved head. The tattoo on his neck is visible, a shooting star with the quote, “forget what hurt you in the past.” Hysterical, considering our history.

I try to hide my shock, as well as the fact that I’m frightened of him.

“I wasn't expecting you, Blue.” It’s true. He has some serious balls showing up in his sister’s building. She would flip her shit, and that is putting it lightly.

“I wanted to see you. I know Seven’s out of town.” The corner of his lip turns up in a grin. I can see the age lines all over his face, surrounding his mouth and eyes. He looks far older than he truly is. He looks rough. His lifestyle is catching up with him, just like mine is.

How the fuck does he always find this shit out?
He always corners me at the worst time imaginable, when Seven is long gone. It’s like he keeps dibs on her so he can get to me without any obstacles. It’s been like this forever.

“I have company meeting me shortly, Blue. Sorry.”

I walk to the elevator and press the up button and wait. It seems like the elevator is taking an exceptionally long time to come. I think it’s just because I know he is standing behind me.

“That’s fine. I’ll join you.” He’s baiting me.

I turn, and he catches my chin in his hand. A shiver creeps through my body and I want to vomit. Is it his touch, or is it the fact that my body is slowly starting to go through withdrawal?

“I'm sorry, Blue, but that is not an option. Have a nice night.”

The elevator door opens, and I step inside. Just as the doors begin to close, Blue jumps into the elevator car with me.
Fuck!

“I don't think that’s a good idea.” I barely choke out the words. My anxiety level is through the roof. I’m trapped, and he is a mere two feet away from me. I want to scream, but even if I did, no one could hear me. Not that anyone would help me anyway. No one has ever rescued me from the arms of this fucking monster. Not as a child, and not now as an adult.

“I've missed you so much, princess.” He takes a step closer to me. I move back, pressing up against the mirrored wall of the elevator. “I made this trip especially to see you. You don't want to disappoint me, right?”

My usual internal battle begins. I hate him. I love him. I want to slit his throat with the heel of my fucking stiletto. I want to fuck him like he’s the last man on earth. I am just as fucked up as he is deep down, which is why this disgusting charade has continued for all these years. I deserve everything he’ll give me tonight. Which I know will include a number of cum shots.