Finding Zach (28 page)

“Yeah, it’s me. I just wanted to call and see how your first day of school went.”

“I can’t believe you remembered the date.”

“Yep. I recall you were kind of excited about it even when you were trying not to be for my sake,” Jerry’s voice was wistful. “So how was it?”

“Good. No, great. I think I’m really going to like it. It’s gonna be a shitload of work, but that’s okay. It’ll be easier once I get into the routine.”

“That’s great,” Jerry said, and David could hear the smile in his voice. That was one of the things he’d always loved about Jerry. He couldn’t hide his feelings to save his soul, even over the phone.

He opened the refrigerator to get out the baby spinach and radicchio. “Yeah, I think it is.”

“I’m glad. How’s Zach?”

David sighed faintly. “Fucked up. But he’s improving.”

“Yeah. PTSD is like that. When I was doing PT with the hospital, I worked with a lot of returning vets. It was grueling for me; I can’t imagine what it must be like for them. That was part of the reason I went into sports medicine instead. I just couldn’t handle the stress.”

“Yeah, you always were too soft-hearted,” David said affectionately.

“And you always wanted to take care of everybody,” Jerry shot back, just as affectionately. “But I’m glad to hear he’s getting better. Are you guys… you know, together yet?”

“Yeah.” David opened the cabinet and took out the salad bowl. “Just this weekend. It’s not going to be easy, though.”

“No, I never thought it would be, Davey.” Jerry’s voice had gone serious. “I warned you about that, remember? But you’ve never really wanted anyone but him, so you better God-damned make it work.”

“Yeah. I know. I am sorry, you know.”

There was a knock at the back door, and David opened it. Zach came in with the pizza in a paper bag, started to speak, and stopped when he saw David was on the phone. Instead, he just waved with his free hand and moved around David to put the pizza on the table.

“Yeah, I know you’re sorry. That’s the hardest part,” Jerry said wistfully. “We were good together and I know you loved me, and you know I love you. But sometimes love just isn’t enough, is it?”

“No,” David said. He put the bowl down and walked to the far side of the kitchen, leaning against the breakfast bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. “Sometimes it’s not. God, Jer….”

“I know.” Jerry took an audible deep breath. “That’s the other part of why I’m calling, Davey. I just need to ask one more time: is there any chance in hell for us? Is there any way you’re coming back to me?”

David swallowed and put his hand over his eyes. After a moment, he said raggedly, “No. Not… no.”

“I didn’t think so. That’s okay. I knew that.” Jerry let out a soft exhalation, then said, “I wanted to tell you before you heard it from any of our other friends. I’ve started seeing someone. He’s not you, but he’s a good guy. I think we have a future, or at least the possibility of a future.”

“Do I know him?” David asked in a low voice.

“No. I met him at Kathryn’s. He’s an accountant—and despite that, a funny guy. You’d like him.”

“Right.” David laughed, a short, sharp, humorless bark.

“Seriously,” Jerry said. “In a year or two, I’ll introduce the two of you.”

“Fuck, Jerry,” David said miserably, “how the hell did we get here? It was so great in the beginning…. Was it really all my fault?”

“Yeah,” Jerry said, “but I knew that going into it. So it’s equally mine. And don’t think of it as fault or not fault, failure or not failure. It’s just the way the world works, David, my love. ‘Merry meet and merry part, and merry meet again.’ That’s what life is about. We’re just at the merry part stage.”

“And merry meet again,” David echoed. He swallowed. “Okay. In a year or two, introduce us. And I’ll introduce you to Zach.”

Zach looked up from where he was studiously cataloging the contents of the refrigerator. David tried to smile at him and managed a quirk of the lips.

“I’ll look forward to that. In the meantime, Davey, keep in touch, please? I don’t want to lose you completely.”

“You won’t.”

“I love you, Davey.”

“Love you too, Jer.”

Z
ACH
tried not to flinch at the words David whispered into the cell phone, or notice that David’s dark eyes were glittering with unshed tears. He turned back to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of beer, not even paying attention to which one it was.

Behind him, David said in a voice thick with the tears he was refusing to shed, “I’ve got to change. I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Take your time,” Zach mumbled.

He waited until David had left the room before sinking down on one of the kitchen chairs and putting his head on the table. “Fuck,” he said aloud. This wasn’t good. Jerry had apparently gotten a new boyfriend and David was not taking it well.
Shit,
he thought.

The back door opened and Annie came in, a cloth grocery bag in either hand. “Oh, hi, Zach,” she said, puzzled.

Zach looked up. “Hi,” he said.

“Is Davey home?”

“Yeah. He said he was going upstairs to change or something. I brought a pizza.”

“I see that. Looks like someone started a salad.”

“Yeah. Taff did. But he got a phone call. I think it was bad news.” Zach heaved himself up out of the chair. “Maybe I better go home.”

“What kind of bad news?” Annie put the bags down on the counter and started putting the groceries away.

“I don’t know. It was his boyfriend—Jerry? I think he broke up with Taff.”

Annie frowned. “David and Jerry broke up a long time ago, Zach. Well before he came back here.”

“Maybe,” Zach shrugged. “But I guess it’s for good now. He’s got a new boyfriend and Taff was pretty upset. I better go.”

“No,” Annie said decisively. “You better not. Go up and see if Davey’s okay. I’ll finish the salad and put it and the pizza in the fridge. You guys can heat it up again later if you want it.”

“He won’t want me hanging around,” Zach said. “Not now.”

Annie blinked. “Now why would you say something so incredibly stupid, Zach? You’re a bright boy, and that was just plain dumb. Go see to David.” She gave him a gentle push.

He hesitated a minute, then at her stern expression, turned and went up the stairs.

D
AVID
’
S
door was ajar; Zach pushed it open gently and stood watching a moment. David sat motionless on the floor by the bed, his arms around his knees, his head down and his cell phone held in both hands in front of his knees. The screen was blank. Zach sighed soundlessly, then sat down on the floor next to him, leaning back against the box spring. David didn’t move. Then Zach lifted his arm and draped it over David’s shoulders, and David started to cry, at first quietly, then louder and more fiercely, until he was shaking with the force of his wracking sobs. Zach didn’t say anything, just sat holding him while he cried. He took the cell phone from David’s nerveless fingers and reached up to set it on the nightstand, then put both arms around his lover and held him.

Finally David’s sobs eased and he lay quietly back against Zach’s shoulder. Zach smoothed the honey-blond hair back from his forehead. “You okay?” he asked softly.

“Sorry,” David muttered.

“It’s okay. Jerry’s got a boyfriend, huh?”

“Yeah.” David wiped his face with his hand. “Stupid of me to get upset. It’s not like I didn’t expect this to happen. I mean, he’s sweet, and gorgeous and smart and anyone would be lucky to be with him. And I did leave him, not the other way around. But it still hurt. Isn’t that stupid?”

“No,” Zach said, and kissed him. David’s lips were damp and salty and soft; he sighed faintly and leaned into Zach, putting an arm around his neck. Against his mouth, Zach said, “But he’s not the only one who’s sweet and gorgeous and smart, and I am so fucking lucky you chose me instead of him. God, Taff.”

“Shut up and kiss me,” David murmured, and Zach obliged. They necked a while, sitting on the floor, then Zach eased away and got to his feet, bending to lift David in his arms. “Fuck,” David said in disbelief, “you
are
strong.”

“Yeah,” Zach shrugged, and set David down on the bed and pulled the linens away from the bottom sheet. “I see your comforter’s a little small for this bed.”

“Yeah, I probably need a new one, anyway. I think Mom made it for me when I was like six.”

“It smells like you.”

“Is that good or bad?”

“Good,” Zach said, and unbuttoned David’s oxford shirt before pushing him gently down on the pillows. He opened the shirt and ran his hands down David’s chest and abdomen. “Pretty,” he said. “I like that you’re not all bumpy and muscular. Just lean and sleek. A ‘wee sleekit beastie’.”

“Great,” David said in mock despair. “And I’m not so wee. I’m almost as tall as you are. I’m just not muscle-bound like you. And what’s next? You’ll say you like the fact that I don’t have any hair on my chest?”

“You do.” Zach used his fingernails to pluck one of the fine, almost invisible strands. David batted his hand away.

“Ouch, that hurts!”

“Whiner. Besides, I don’t have that much either.” Zach made a face. “Guess neither of us have a lot of testosterone or something.”

“You have plenty for me,” David said. “Besides, guys with hairy chests usually go bald. I like the fact that your dad still has lots of hair.”

“Got a thing for Dick, Taff?” Zach grinned down at him as he unbuttoned David’s khakis and slid them down his legs.

“Just yours,” David murmured as Zach bent to kiss David’s belly. He ran his hands over Zach’s head. “Your hair’s growing,” he said, still in that sleepy murmur. “I can almost get my hands through it.”

“Time for a haircut.” Zach kissed David’s hip, then nuzzled his groin, his cheek against the curve of David’s cock. “God, you smell so good. Makes me want to eat you up.”

“Come up here,” David said, patting the comforter at his side. “I wanna kiss you.”

“Not yet. I’ve got something I’m interested in here.” He slid his arms under David’s thighs, lifting his hips. “Push that pillow under your butt.”

David obeyed and Zach let David’s rear settle on the pillow, but kept his upper arms under David’s legs, holding him so he could gently mouth David’s balls. David groaned faintly. “Feels so good,” he mumbled.

Zach smiled and rolled David’s balls in his mouth, playing gently with them with his tongue. He tasted so good, spicy and musky, salty and sweet, all at the same time. David shifted, his hand coming down to curl around his cock and rub his thumb across the head; Zach reached up and put his hand over David’s. “Let me take care of you for a change, Taff,” he whispered. “Let me….” And he dragged his tongue over the silky skin of the tip of David’s cock. David moaned again, and Zach slid his mouth down to bury his nose in the soft curls at the base, his free hand cupping David’s testicles. David turned his wrist beneath the hand that held his and laced his fingers through Zach’s, holding on tightly as Zach swallowed, taking David deep.

David lay under Zach’s hands and mouth, exhausted from the crying jag and lost in wonder at the gentleness Zach was showing him. Sex with him before had been fierce and athletic, and David had loved Zach’s hungry passion. But he didn’t realize that he wanted this kind of loving, too, had missed it ever since he’d broken up with Jerry. When he finally came, it was still powerful, but slow, more a wave running through him than the electric shock of climax that rougher, wilder sex brought; a deep, easy, rippling sensation that had him arching his back and rocking up into Zach’s warm, welcoming mouth.

Zach came up beside him then and lay on the pillow, smiling at him. “Was it good?” he asked.

David smiled lazily back at him. “Amazing. Where did you learn to do that?” As a kid, Zach had been sweet-natured, but he’d changed so much since his return that David hadn’t realized that Zach could still show a tender side. How had he managed to keep the gentleness he’d always had as a kid through the long night of his captivity?

The smile faded from Zach’s face and his eyes went shuttered again. “I just did what felt good,” he said coolly.

“Shit,” David said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything….”

“I know.” Zach swallowed hard, then said, “Esteban didn’t make me do that much… only a couple of times. I think he was afraid of me in that way. I mean, he didn’t make me do it until he knew for sure he’d broken me, but afterwards, once when I was, he sort of patted my head and I couldn’t help myself. I growled at him.” He shuddered. “He hit me then, but he didn’t make me suck him off any more after that. I was glad. He smelled bad.”

David rolled over and put his arms around Zach. “Never again,” he said fiercely. “From now on you belong to
me
, Zach Tyler. And you make the choices, okay? I loved that.
Loved
it. But it’s always gonna be your decision, got it?”

Zach gazed back at him with solemn eyes. “Why are you so good to me, Taff?” he asked in a small voice. “Why did you give up Jerry for me? Why did you come back here when for all you knew I could have been a ravening lunatic—more of a ravening lunatic than I already am?”

“I had to take the chance,” David said. He smoothed his fingers over Zach’s face, feeling the tiny scars along his jawbone, the rough sandpapery whiskers on his cheek. “I had to know if your captivity changed that one important thing about you.”

“Which important thing?”

“Whatever it was that made you kiss me that afternoon. I’m hoping it was love.”

“I’ve never kissed anyone but you,” Zach said abruptly.

David blinked. “What?”

“I’ve never kissed anyone but you. That kiss—that was the only time I ever kissed anyone. Until Saturday. I didn’t
want
to kiss anyone but you. I still don’t.”

“Good,” David said, and kissed him. “Do you want to make love?” He slid his hand up Zach’s jeans-clad leg.

“No,” Zach said with a grin, “I want to eat pizza. Get under the blankets and I’ll go get it.”

Chapter 20