Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) (3 page)

Chapter Three

Kellan

The first thing that hit me like a ton of bricks was her
familiar, decadent scent. The cool night breeze carried it straight to me, as
if luring me to her like a stray dog on a leash, starving for it's next meal.
And maybe I was...starving for her. I would be a masochist to admit it.

I could tell I'd woken her. Her hair was mussed, and she was
standing in simple pajamas, taking me back to the many mornings I'd seen her
wake up in my bed in the same state. My cock twitched at the memory of how many
times I'd been unable to resist taking her before she'd had the chance to slip
from my bed so many of those mornings.
Down
boy.
You're here for answers, not a
late night rendezvous.
My gut
suddenly churned at the thought of taking advantage of Hailey's vulnerability
in her time of need.

Abruptly breaking into my thoughts, she barked out,
"What in the hell are you doing here?"

She was angry, and I could understand her frustration; shit,
I was frustrated, too. "I have questions," I stated, pinning her with
my stare.

"No." she answered harshly.

"No?" I asked perplexed. "No what?"

"No to your questions...whatever they are."

"You haven't even heard them," I said, my voice
rising.

Furrowing her brow, she replied, "I don't give two
shits about your questions, Kellan, and I sure as shit don't want any answers
from you. Every word that comes out of your mouth is a lie! Looking at you
makes me sick," she bit out with distain, before trying to slam the door
shut in my face.

Wasn't going to happen. I wedged my foot between the door
and the frame, slamming my hand against it hard, and shoving it aside, as I
backed Hailey into her own home. My own icy stare was met by her look of fear,
as I stalked towards her, catching her by the arm, and pushing her against the
wall in the hallway. The all too familiar monstrous side of me had decided to
rear it's ugly head. Deep down, I knew my lack of empathy and heated emotions
were a dangerous combination. But it was the only way I knew how to survive.
It's simply who I am.
 

As she began to tremble in my grip, I brought my face within
a fraction of her own, gritting out, "You don't listen so well,
Sweetheart. I warned you once about calling me a liar, didn't I?" Her eyes
went wide with panic, and she quickly nodded, as a picture fell off the wall,
shattering as it hit the floor. Behind the broken glass sat a picture of Jordan
and Hailey in a tight, loving embrace. Their smiles were wide as she held a
small bouquet in front of herself, standing in a flowing white gown. I swung an
incredulous glare to her, biting out, "Fuck this," as I shoved her
away, and strode out the door.

******

Hailey
/
Kellan

Jesus, where did it all go wrong? And what in the hell had
just happened? I had stayed up the rest of the night, pacing the floor, asking
myself the same question over and over again:
Do
I want answers? The simple fact of the matter is, nothing said
can ever change the past; what's done is done. We can't go back to yesterday,
and there will never be a tomorrow between us. Those fires should have burned
out long ago; and when Jordan died, I wished to hell that those smoldering
fires, simmering just below the surface, had died along with him.

******

Hailey

I'm sitting on a nondescript, tan, steel chair, in the front
of the stale smelling room of the funeral home. The carpet is a shade of sky
blue, and the walls are paneled half way up, split in the middle by a chair
rail, stained in a rich honey oak, and accented by a lovely paisley wallpaper
design running the rest of the length to the ceiling.

The scent of dozens of arrangements of flowers fills the
small space, as the sounds of people milling about in the waiting area loft
through the air.

I sit staring facile at the ground, waiting patiently for
the next person to come and take my hand, offering up, "If there's
anything I can do..." or, "He was a good man," and the likes. I
paste on a polite smile, nodding at each passer-by, after they've said goodbye
to Jordan in each of their own ways. Some pass by quickly; others stand for
long moments, as if silently having a final conversation with Jordan. I haven't
bothered, or maybe I haven't the strength, to go to him, yet.

He'll be buried in the only suit he owned; the suit he wore
on our wedding day. A pin striped navy suit, with a simple white button down
shirt, and a matching navy tie. Gail thought the idea was dark and depressing,
but I assured her I wouldn't be able to stand to look at it hanging in our
closet, and I certainly wouldn't have the strength to give it away. No, it was
best this way.

The throngs of people that pass by me are sad, weary, and
many of them are teary eyed and sniffling, while I sit here, numb; trying to
push the thoughts out of my mind of how I will survive on my own.

Lost in my thoughts, I barely register that the white noise
of the crowd has died down, and I am abruptly pulled back to reality as a
sudden charge in the air blankets the room, paralyzing me. Suddenly feeling too
hot, too cold,
trapped
, I quickly
gather my purse and weave through the crowd, not bothering to apologize for
bumping into people.

I scurry into the waiting room, frantically searching for
Georgia, and my eyes land on...him. He is here, and he's too close. His back is
turned to me, he's engaged in conversation with Jordan's parents, and I feel as
if the air has been sucked from the room. He's too close. I stand on my
tiptoes, searching the crowd, seeking out Georgia. I can't stay here.
Where is she?
I hear the restroom door open, and in the split second before
I run to her, Kellan cranes his neck toward the sound, his eyes colliding with
mine, and I am frozen. My mind shouts a self-preserving warning at me...
Get out!

Quickly breaking my gaze with Kellan, I run to Georgia, as
she leans down with concern etched on her face, asking, "Hey, are you
ok?"

I briskly shake my head back and forth, as I whimper out,
"No! I have to go," and quickly turn to rush out the door.

Jordan's mother, Kate, calls after me, "Hailey! Is
everything alright, dear?" I don't bother to answer her question as I
rapidly exit, feeling Kellan's glare follow me.

******

Kellan

"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," I
balked.

"Just say what's in your heart, son," Gail said
soothingly.

"You do realize you're nowhere near old enough to be my
mother, don't you?"

"Well I spent the better part of a decade cleanin' up
the messes you got yourself into...seems pretty close to me," she scolded.
Gail was right; she was like a surrogate mother to me. Even though she was only
ten years older than me, she'd known me since the day I started working at
Jim's bar. I had barely known my own mother as long as I've known Gail.

I rolled my eyes in resignation, as she pinned a white
carnation to the lapel of my suit, and as I took the podium and cautiously
scanned the crowd, filled with eager eyes looking to me, my gaze fell on
Hailey. She sat in the front row of the small church, just a few feet away from
me, with her hands folded in her lap, her shoulders slumped forward, and her
eyes cast down to the floor. She appeared almost as lifeless as the man that
lay directly in front of me, just moments from being taking to the cemetery,
and lowered into the ground. In a sad, sick way, I realize my Eulogy will
literally be the final nail in his coffin.

******

Kellan

"I have many memories of Jordan Carson, but the one
that sticks out most in my mind is the time he stole my girl." There were
some audible gasps from the crowd and Hailey looked up to me with pleading
eyes, as Georgia gave her a sidelong glance and squeezed her hand tightly.
"Believe me, he had a good reason," I explained, as the crowd looked
at me in obvious confusion.

I continued, "For those of you that know me well, you
know I'm not the easiest guy to get along with, to put it mildly." A few
nods and knowing glancing were exchanged between the onlookers.

"But one day this pretty little thing fell into my lap,
and after a few weeks of trying my hand at the whole relationship thing, I knew
she wanted more than I could commit to." The crowd was gaping at me with
rapt attention. I cleared my throat and shifted uncomfortably. "People
naturally assumed she and I were a couple, and I guess I did little to make
them, or her, think otherwise." Under the scrutiny of the audience, I was
beginning to sweat.

"It was our senior year in high school, and prom was
nearing fast." The crowd seemed to visibly relax in unison. "The young
lady that had latched onto me had been dropping hints about me asking her to
the prom for days, shamelessly. The pressure was on, and I finally caved in to
appease her, against my better judgment. As the date approached, something in
me panicked, and I started to avoid her, though somewhere deep inside, I knew
she must have been confused as hell, and her heart must have been
breaking." I looked to Hailey with trepidation, and our eyes locked for
the briefest of moments before I regained my composure and returned my focus
back to my speech.

"Jordan was like a coon hound, and drilled the
information out of me until I finally relented and told him I had no intentions
of following through with the date. I told him I didn't have the money for a
tux or flowers, and was embarrassed to admit it when I'd asked her. I'd stopped
taking her calls, and two days before the prom, I 'mysteriously' came down with
a near-death illness preventing me from going to school. The poor girl was
destroyed, and Jordan, being the true gentleman he always was, swooped in with
his good 'ole boy charm, and swept her off her feet. The two even went out on a
few dates afterwards, but in the end, parted amicably.

"What Jordan did that night wasn't any huge favor, or
something he would consider honorable. It was just...Jordan. Jordan was kind,
caring, and never asked for anything in return. His life was cut short- way too
short, but in the time he was with us, he impacted every one us here today in
ways we'll never forget. This is for you, brother." I turned off the
microphone, walked away from the podium, and stood in front of his casket. On
top of his lifeless body, I placed the cross necklace his mother had gotten me
for Christmas one year, and tucked a handwritten letter into the front pocket
of his suit jacket, careful not to disturb the perfectly arranged handkerchief
sticking out of it. Not bothering to linger, I turned on my heel, walked to my
car, and got the hell out of there.

Chapter Four

Hailey

After the crowd had dispersed, going through the same ritual
as the night before, each of them patting my hand and offering up their
condolences, I asked Georgia, who'd been like Velcro attached to my side, if
she could give me a few minutes alone with Jordan before they took him away.

It felt appropriate to weep, but the tears wouldn't come. I
wanted to say something out loud, put it out there on wind, as if my words
would be lifted to him, but it seemed odd to talk to a lifeless body. Jordan
wasn't here with me; he was gone already.

Jordan, I'm going to
miss you so much. Who's going to cook the pancakes, now? You know I always burn
them. Our anniversary is coming up, and I was going to buy you that watch...you
know, the one we saw at that jewelry store at the mall. I know you really wanted
it. I saved up some of my tips just to buy it for you. Why did you have to go
in and try to be the hero? You were MY hero...wasn't that good enough? Oh,
Jordan, I have so many questions I'll never have answers to...

My eyes suddenly catch a glimpse of the envelope Kellan had
gingerly placed in Jordan's pocket. His Eulogy was touching, but really, what
more could he have to say to Jordan? My mind raced with the possibilities, and
I became overwhelmed by my curiosity. I bit my lip hard, and turned to see
Georgia approaching me. It was now or never. Seconds before she came to rest at
my side, I leaned down to brush my face against his cold skin one last time,
and whispered, "I'm sorry," as I inconspicuously pulled the envelope
from his pocket and shoved it into my purse.

I looked up into Georgia's concerned filled eyes, saying,
"We should go. Everyone's probably waiting on us."

******

Kellan

I think the precession was longer than the actual funeral,
which was quiet and quick, thankfully. I hung back casually, away from the
crowd, as the preacher gave a short blessing, finally bringing the ceremony to
an end. It pained me to watch tears dampen Hailey cheeks as I unnoticeably
honed my gaze in on her. Instinctually, I wanted to run to her, and swipe them away
with my thumbs, but it wasn't my place.

After the funeral, as much as I just wanted to go back to
the hotel, pack my shit, and drive back to Reno, I figured I owed Jim and Gail
a proper goodbye. But the last thing I wanted was to have to face Hailey again.
I'd have to make it short and sweet.

I packed my belongings in record time, took care of my bill
at the hotel, and stowed my items in my trunk.
Make it quick and get the hell out of Dodge.

The short drive to the bar, where Jim and Gail were hosting
a meal after the service, did little to calm my nerves, and the thought of
walking through the front doors, facing half the town, and having to put on a
charade, was too much to bear. I decided to park around back where I could
enter discreetly, and get this over with as quickly as I could.

I eased my car near the back of the building, feeling the
crunch of shale beneath my tires, and came to a smooth stop, careful not to
kick up dust onto my baby. As I exited, making my way to the back door, and
wrenching it open, as I'd done hundreds of times before, I took a deep,
cleansing breath, and headed for the office, feeling as though I were a
prisoner heading for the gas chamber.

Hearing the faint voices inside, I rapped quietly on the
door, as Jim bellowed out, "It's open." I eased the door open enough
to fit through, and slid inside, closing it behind myself for privacy.

While Gail remained seated, Jim stood, and proffered his
hand to shake mine. As he held a firm grip on my hand, he said in a somber tone,
"You did real good today, Kellan. Proud of ya."

I nodded, not wanting to continue down the path of the topic
of conversation, and said matter of factly, "Well, I'm heading out,"
as I motioned my thumb over my shoulder.

Jim looked to Gail and said, "Hon, can you give us a
minute?" She gave him a polite nod, reached up to me, kissed me on the
cheek, and brushed past me, closing the door behind her.

Jim huffed out a sigh, and sat back down in his seat,
leaning back and lacing his fingers behind his head. This was the same position
he normally took up when I used to work at the bar, and was about to get
lectured. Great. His eyes volleyed toward the couch in front of his desk, as he
asked, "Can you take a seat? There's something I wanna talk to you about."

Jesus, this didn't sound hopeful, and the last thing I
needed was more bad news. I placed my hands on my hips, and turned my head to
the side, before I returned my gaze to his, as he motioned his head towards the
couch. I sighed, and took a seat with apprehension, before I said, "Look,
Jim, I really gotta get going...it's a long drive, and..."

He held up his hand to halt my explanation, cutting in,
"I need you to stay another day."

"What? Why?"

"I told you...I need to talk to you about
something," he grumbled.

"So? I'm sittin' right here. Talk." I unclasped my
fingers that had been resting between my knees, and ushered my hands towards
Jim to spill the beans.

He shook his head back and forth before he leaned forward,
pinching the bridge of his nose, and letting out a long breath. "This
isn't the time, Kellan."

"What difference is twenty four hours gonna make? If it
has something to do with me, just get on with it. I have a job waiting for me.
I have responsibilities. I..."

"Do you hear yourself, Kellan?
I, I, I...
today is about Jordan. Can you, for once, think about
someone other than yourself?" Jim huffed out.

I snapped my mouth shut, and gave Jim a skeptical glare,
before I finally said, "Fine. I have a few personal days. Nine a.m.
tomorrow. Say what you have to say, and then I'm out of here." Jim gave me
a sly smile and a curt nod, as I stood to leave, and made my way out of the
door.

******