Fireflies and Magnolias (34 page)

“I do, but you kept that secret for over a year, princess. Omission is a lie all its own.”

She lowered his head. “I thought you’d understand. That you loved me enough to forgive me.”

His scoff was punctuated with him kicking one of the empty feed buckets across the barn. “Well, you were wrong. Now leave.”

The short distance to the front of the barn felt like a marathon. The horses were all agitated now, and even the tabby barn cat whose name she didn’t know had gone into hiding.

“I do love you,” she said, turning to face him one last time. “I’m sorry you don’t think that’s special enough to fight for.”

Those million, broken pieces of her heart seemed to vanish as she gazed out into the night and started walking away from him.

“I’ll never regret our time together,” she said and hoped he’d heard her.

She shouldn’t be the only one with a broken heart.

Clayton grabbed a bottle of the closest bourbon on the shelf, unscrewed the cork, and downed half of it before he could talk himself out of it.

His mind screamed, telling him he should have known. No woman could be trusted. If Amelia Ann was capable of this level of deception, anyone could betray him.

Tortured by memories of her crying, of all the moments of pure despair he’d seen her suffer over the last couple of days, he drank the rest of the bottle. Sitting alone in his study, he leaned back against his desk.

He wouldn’t be able to sleep in his bed tonight. Probably not for many nights. It had been the first place they’d made love. Her first. She’d given herself to him completely, but she hadn’t breathed a word about the secret in her soul.

Sick from the liquor he’d drunk and even sicker inside, he fished out his phone and texted Rye.

Cancelling Megan’s assignment. Confirm.

He wondered how Rye was taking the news. Had he forgiven his sister like Tammy seemed to have done the other night? How could anyone forgive a betrayal like that? Women. They were suckers. All of them. They didn’t realize that some things were beyond forgiving.

But he did. He’d had two of them give him the bitterest of lessons.

His phone chimed, signaling Rye’s response.

Fine.

One word. That was it. Time to call Megan and end this. End everything.

She picked up on the first ring. “Clayton.”

“We’re done. You can pack up your bags and head home. I’ll be in touch about your final payment.”

“But what happened?”

“We found the leak,” he told her, hearing the slur in his own words.

“Clayton, are you drunk?”

“Very. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t find the leak.”

“But how?”

“Why the leak came forward, my dear, and told us everything. So we don’t need you pumping Gunner anymore. You leaving him will have to serve as his punishment for his role in this nasty business.”

He clicked his phone off and threw it across the room.

It was over. Their long hunt hadn’t netted the tiger they’d been pursuing after all.

No, she’d come forward and told all.

Why did it have to be the woman who’d captured his heart?

If Amelia Ann could have knitted a cloak out of her tears, it would have been a mile long. She called Daddy and Tammy to say she wasn’t coming to Sunday dinner, but she knew she didn’t need to call Clayton to cancel. They were finished.

She sat home alone while everyone else gathered at J.P.’s house, and she cried uncontrollably the whole time.

She was isolated from her family again.

And Clayton would never join her for Sunday dinner.

Tory called later to tell her that she had been missed at the gathering. When she asked about Rye, her sister-in-law only hesitated for a moment. It was enough. She knew Rye still hadn’t forgiven her. Perhaps he never would.

Susannah called too, and she poured out the whole sordid tale to her friend. But no amount of understanding and compassion, no kind words could soothe the pain she felt.

On Monday, a very formal Georgia called to say she would to be handling everything related to the concert from now on, including Susannah’s collage. Georgia thanked her for her help, and the call ended there.

Her devastation knew new depths, and more tears flowed. She’d poured so much energy into the concert, but even though Clayton knew how important it was to her, he’d cut her out there too.

She went through the motions in all her classes. It was easier to be engaged at Community because she believed in what she was doing there, but even Felicia asked about her sadness and lack of spark. She’d said it was a family matter, and her boss left it at that.

Tammy and Daddy called her every other day to see how she was doing. Tammy only asked about Clayton once, and it had taken her a good thirty seconds before she could respond, “It’s over.” Her sister expressed her regret.

Regret.

Yes, that was something she was pretty much feasting on right now, and she didn’t like it one bit. Her dreams made her restless. In some of them, she made love with Clayton again, but then he left their bed without a word once they were done. Others involved Rye yelling at her.

By the end of the week, she’d lost five pounds and looked years older. She was a wreck.

And she hadn’t even apologized to Mama yet, something she’d finally decided she needed to do.

She called her mama on the following Saturday morning and asked if she could drive up to Meade to see her on Sunday. The pause on the line was the only indication Mama was shocked.

“I’ll come to you, Amelia Ann. You have a lot on your plate with school and all. No need for you to drive the whole way out here by yourself.”

Mama putting herself out? That was a first. “I don’t mind.”

“No, let me do this. It’s the least I can do for you. Where shall we meet?”

Well, that was telling. Mama didn’t expect to be invited to her home. “You can come to my place.” She gave her the address.

“I can be there anytime that’s convenient for you.”

This accommodating version of her mama only made her feel worse. “How about eleven?” That would give her mama plenty of time to drive up in the morning.

“Perfect. I’ll look forward to seeing you then.” Then another pause, before she said softly, “Goodbye.”

She worked late that night on some paperwork for Community. Tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling in her bed held no appeal. It was hard not to think of Clayton when she was in her bed, which made it harder to get enough sleep.

She missed him. God only knew how much. But all hope had died inside her after their last encounter. He would never forgive her.

Sunday morning, she put on her makeup. Did her hair. Donned her best Sunday dress.

Mama had a way of blowing in like one of those gulf-stream hurricanes. It didn’t matter that you knew she was coming. Mama Hollins was a force of nature, and there was no way of preparing for the devastation she could wreak. One slight arch of her brow could blow the top of a house down. And her disapproving stare? Well, it could flood an entire city in under an hour. And now Amelia Ann would have to tell her what she’d done…

The part of Amelia Ann that felt she deserved to be punished looked forward to her mama’s visit. Perhaps she’d feel less guilt the more other people hurt her.

She put on her best protective armor, the kind she’d fashioned growing up under her mama’s thumb. When the discreet knock came at the door, she pushed past her weariness and answered the door.

Her mama had a new hair cut, and her blond hair tumbled softly around her face. She looked more approachable somehow, but it didn’t inspire Amelia Ann to lower her armor one bit. Appearances could be deceiving after all—she herself was proof of that.

“Amelia Ann,” her mama said, wringing her hands before thrusting them out awkwardly. “It’s good to see you.”

It was an awkward hand clasp, but Amelia Ann was grateful Mama hadn’t gone for air kisses. She’d always hated those.

“Please come in,” she said, releasing their hands. “I’ll make some tea.”

Mama stepped in cautiously, like a sinner fearing God’s thunderbolt on his first visit back to church.

“No rush. You have a beautiful home. Thank you for inviting me.” She dug into her purse and produced a small box wrapped in gold paper and a white ribbon—her favorite colors.

Amelia Ann stared at it blankly.

“It’s only a hostess gift.”

Her eyes pleaded, and Amelia Ann found herself accepting the present. When she opened it, her chest grew tight. Four coasters were nestled in a sea of diaphanous white and gold tissue paper. On them was the symbol of the judicial system—Lady Justice holding her scales.

“Your daddy tells me you’re doing some very important work at a local legal clinic. I thought you might like these.” She tried to smile. “At least I hoped you might.”

They were the first acknowledgement her mama had ever given about her chosen profession, and it moved her. “They’re wonderful. Thank you.”

A quiet hush fell between them, and she realized she couldn’t go through with this theater of small talk and tea.

“Mama, I have something to tell you.”

She only nodded.

“I was the leak,” she said in an even voice, one that had grown numb from speaking those words. “I let others believe it was you, and I wanted to apologize in person.”

“I know you were, sugar,” her mama said softly.

For a moment, she was sure she’d heard her wrong. Then shock slammed through her system. “What?”

Her mama put her purse down on the couch and crossed her arms over her chest. “After Tammy visited me to accuse me of being the leak this past summer, I got to thinking about it. You were the only female relation besides me who knew about Rye’s settlement with Sterling.”

Everyone had assumed it was Mama or one of their cousins Mama still gossiped with.

“But…why didn’t you tell anyone it was me? You could have saved your own neck.”

Her face bunched up then, and she looked years older. “Because I was a bad mama to you all my life, and protecting you this once…well, it was the least I could do.”

Amelia Ann sank down onto the couch. Of all the things she’d expected… “But you would never—”

“Put you before my reputation? Before, no.” She sat beside Amelia Ann on the couch. “But when you’re left alone to stew over your sins, things have a way of looking differently. I wronged my family in more ways than I can ever make amends for, and I’m sorry about that. I know the words aren’t much, but they’re all I have. You wouldn’t talk to me, so the only thing I could do for you was keep my suspicions to myself.”

A headache formed at the base of her skull. “I’m having a hard time taking this in. Mama, I understand having nothing to say but words of apology and knowing they aren’t good enough. I’ve…blamed you for so long…I didn’t know how to do anything different, but after today…”

She held out her hand to the woman who’d given birth to her, the woman who’d wielded a scalpel to try and shape her into her own image, and her mama grabbed it like it was the answer to her desire for absolution.

“I’m sorry, Amelia Ann. So sorry. I’m changing…not all the way, but slow steps.” She looked down in her lap. “I’m going to sell Hollinswood.”

Amelia Ann gasped. “But it’s been in the family—”

“What family?” her mama countered. “None of you are around, which I totally understand. Your lives are here. It will be hard to let it go, but I’ve realized leaving Meade might be the only way I can change the rest of the way. It’s too easy to…slip back into old patterns there. Care what other people think. And that doesn’t mend bridges with your daddy or our family. That’s what I want the most.”

Sell Hollinswood? Leave Meade? These were radical steps. Then she remembered Daddy saying her mama had been changing. The words he’d chosen hadn’t been big enough. This wasn’t only change. This was a
revolution
.

Hadn’t she thought to herself that her mama was a force of nature?

“You never did do anything halfway,” she told her mama, a bit shocked not to see her wedding ring on her finger.

“Hmm…for a long time I didn’t realize it, but I’ve come to see you’re the same way. Your daddy says you’re a regular crusader when it comes to justice. Your Granddaddy Crenshaw would have loved to see that.”

Mama had never gotten over her daddy’s decision to divorce her mama, so she rarely spoke his name.

“It’s nice to hear you say that, Mama.”

“I know it’s not much, but if you ever need anything, you can count on me. I know I have a lot to atone for, and trust isn’t built overnight, but I’m here for you, Amelia Ann.”

The little girl inside her, the one who’d always just wanted her mama’s love and acceptance, rose up in grief. “I didn’t believe you’d changed,” she whispered.

Mama pressed a hand to her mouth and cleared her throat. “Realizing what Sterling had done to Tammy was like a smack across the face, let me tell you. I had to take a long look at all the things I’d been running from. And realized I was wrong…so wrong. I can’t say it’s been an easy process, what with your daddy leaving me, but…I think God might have had a hand in it. Some of us need a good smack in the face to set us back on the right path, and I was so far on my way down the wrong one…”

Waves of emotion rippled through Amelia Ann’s heart. She’d never dared believe her mama could change so much.

“So you can forgive me?” Mama asked, turning so their knees bumped.

Amelia Ann still felt the anger and grief of the girl she’d been. But she didn’t want to hold onto it anymore. It was like a tattered cloak she’d worn too long. She remembered Daddy saying it was impossible to forgive one hundred percent in one moment. But it had to start somewhere. She could start today.

“You don’t have to answer me now,” her mama said. “I know I’ve given you a whole heap of hurt. Just think on it.”

She knew how she wanted to live her life from now on, and she decided to let the light into this dark room. “We might have lot to work through, mama, but I forgive you. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life at odds with you.”