First Class to Portland (5 page)

“Go get dressed, Janie. Let’s go have the dinner we missed
last night!”

*****

Matt pulled his Lincoln rental car into the driveway of
Janie’s house only to discover darkness; not a light on in the house anywhere.
The porch light was on and he had to assume she was out because it was only
7:30pm. He climbed out of the car and went and knocked on the door just to make
sure and as he had already guessed, nobody answered.

He walked back to the car and got in and sat, waiting, again,
for the woman who had stolen his heart to come home so he could tell her he
couldn’t live another minute without her.

The drive from his hotel to Janie’s had been interminable.
He had gone over in his head what he was going to tell her, how he was going to
kiss her, how he wanted her to react. When he had pulled into the driveway his
heart had sunk at the realization that he was going to have to wait, again!

Pulling out his phone, he figured he would try to keep his
mind occupied with email as he waited.

*****

“I swear to God I almost punched him!” Katy laughed as she
told Janie about Danny’s offer of drinks just an hour before. “He will not get
the message through his thick head that I am NOT interested!”

Janie shook her head. “You’ve always had to fend off the
men,” she smiled. “You should be used to it by now.”

Katy laughed and said, “But they’re all toads! I need to
find my prince!”

“Fairy tales don’t always end well, you know. Just look at
my prince! He died at the ripe old age of forty-one. That isn’t happily ever
after in my book.”

“I know,” Katy sobered. “But there is another great guy out
there for you, you know. And I think you should give him a chance to say what
he has to say.”

“I don’t know that he has anything to say.”

“Just wait and see what happens. Life isn’t set in stone
Janie.”

The waitress dropped off their check and Katy grabbed it.
“This one’s mine.”

“The gifts just keep coming,” Janie laughed.

“Sorry I have to call it an early night. Working the
weekends suck but I love the extra money.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Janie said. “I have some cute
little Victoria’s Secret outfits I want to try on anyway,” she giggled.

“I am so glad you bought some fun stuff today. You need to
embrace this whole shopping thing,” Katy said. “It really is a lot of fun.”

Janie laughed and had to admit that she was starting to
enjoy it. Now she needed some fun places to wear her new purchases. As they
walked out to the car, Janie looked down at the new outfit she had put on this
evening when Katy had ordered her to get dressed. Her black jeans were snug on
her hips and in combination with her black pumps made her feel tall. The blue
sequined, top hung off her breasts and she noticed a couple of the men at the
bar watching her as she walked past them to her table. It was a significant
change to the way she would have dressed if she had been able to coax Robert
out of the house for dinner. Her mom jeans and a sweatshirt with tennis shoes
would have sufficed. But it was a new Janie now and she was going to embrace
her.

Katy drove them back to Janie’s house and as they turned the
corner onto her street, Janie grabbed her best friend’s hand and squeezed.

“Thank you for always being here when I need you,” she said.

“Of course! I am ALWAYS here for you. And I know you’re here
for me too.”

Janie smiled and was grateful they had remained friends all
these years. They turned into the driveway and Janie was immediately overcome
with curiosity, as they pulled up next to a Lincoln Navigator. She racked her
brain to think if she knew anyone that drove that make of car and came up with
nothing.

“Who’s here?” asked Katy.

“No idea.”

The Lincoln’s driver’s door opened and long legs stretched
out and Janie’s heart lodged in her throat when she recognized Matt standing
and closing the door.

“Oh shit!”

“Janie? Hear him out. Please?” Katy pleaded with her friend.

“Don’t leave me,” Janie panicked.

Katy smiled and knew she couldn’t stay. “It will be okay.
Just let him talk. I am sure there are things he needs to say.”

Janie looked at her friend and opened the door. She nodded
and got out, slowly closing the door behind her.

“Matt,” she said, standing a few feet from him. “This is a
surprise.” She walked past him and headed for the front door. She saw the
headlights of Katy’s car back out of the driveway and turn into the street. She
was alone with him and she was petrified.

*****

Janie unlocked the front door and walked inside, holding it open
for Matt to follow. Once he stepped into her house, she realized that it was a
bad idea. His smell engulfed her and she had to close her eyes it was so
potent. She felt him brush past her in the small hallway and her body stiffened
at the slightest touch. She didn’t want him this close because she was afraid
of what she would do. She was afraid that her heart would be broken all over
again. She was just plain afraid.

“Can I get you a drink?” she asked in her most casual voice.

“No thank you.” He seemed stiff and uncomfortable.

Janie led him into the living room, instantly aware of the
small room and the sparse furnishings.

“Um, most of the furniture has been donated to Goodwill,”
she explained. “I’m selling the house and it seemed an appropriate time to get
rid of stuff.”

Matt sat in one of the two wingback chairs in front of the
window. “This is fine,” he smiled.

Janie sat in the other chair and crossed her legs, swinging
her foot.

“You look good,” he smiled.

“Thank you. And thank you for the bracelet. You didn’t need
to buy me anything.”

“I wanted you to have it, to remember your trip, to untie
the white ribbon and open up the blue box.” He smiled and Janie’s heart all but
melted.

How she had missed that smile. How she had missed his smell.
She was all but intoxicated. She straightened herself in the chair and willed
herself to remember why she was mad at him. But her resolve weakened the moment
he spoke again.

“Janie, I know this must be a surprise, me showing up like
this. But I couldn’t stay away. I had to see you again.”

Oh? You needed to see me?
Janie chewed on the inside
of her cheek and looked down at her foot swinging in the air.

“There were things I should’ve said before you left and I
didn’t have the balls to say them. I was worried that you didn’t feel anything
for me but after I talked to Katy I had some hope that…”

“What? You talked to Katy? Why would you talk to Katy?”
Janie’s foot stopped swinging and she turned to face Matt square on.

“She called me but I didn’t get the message until after your
flight had left and she told me that…” Matt stopped mid-sentence as he looked
at Janie’s face and saw she was furious.

“So she called you before I came home?”

Matt was uncomfortable. This was, perhaps, the wrong way to
have started this conversation.

“Well that doesn’t matter now. I want you to…”

“It does matter,” she interrupted. “What did you talk about?”

“She told me I was an asshole and an idiot for letting you
walk out of my life. And she was right. But I didn’t think that you were
interested after you gave me the brush-off that morning and so I assumed you
just wanted a little fling and then be done.”

“You thought
I
wanted a fling?” Janie could feel all
of the emotion she had been holding in check for the last three weeks come
bubbling to the surface.

Matt knew he was on dangerous ground by the tone of her
voice. If this was going to go anywhere close to the way he had imagined he was
going to have to choose his words
very
carefully.

“Janie, I’m sorry. I’m the ass and I really screwed up in
New York and it appears I am making a mess of things here now too. Can I
explain? Please?”

Janie exhaled slowly and relaxed her muscles. She nodded and
Matt continued to speak.

“From the moment you ran into me at the airport I have not
been able to get you out of my mind, not while you were in New York and not
since you left. I wanted to spend time with you, get to know you but I also wanted
you to understand who I was and how I was with women. I didn’t want you to get
hurt, I didn’t want you to get the wrong idea and so I laid down the ground
rules and you said you would abide by those rules. Katy explained that’s why
you said the things about it being just a fling, and if my memory serves me
right, that ‘it would be unbearable if one of us held some kind of ridiculous
notion that this could be anything more than just a brief interlude’, because
you were protecting yourself.”

Janie closed her eyes and remembered the pain she had felt
as she had spoken those words to him, knowing that she didn’t mean it, any of
it, that in fact, she was already in love with him. It had been one of the
hardest things she had ever done, pretending to be nonchalant about their time
together.

Matt kept talking. “Janie, when I told you that we could
have a good time with no commitment, I meant it. But that was before I got to
know you and before I realized that I wanted to keep seeing you, even after
your time in New York came to an end. I should have said something, and in
fact, I was going to, but then you spoke first and I believed you. I had that
bracelet with me to give to you, but decided not to after hearing your speech.
It seemed inappropriate.”

He closed his eyes and lowered his head and Janie wanted to
pull him to her and tell him it was okay, that she loved him and she forgave
him. Instead, she chewed on the inside of her cheek and remained in her chair,
unable to rescue him because she was still so unsure of her own feelings and
emotions. She did love him but she was also angry and the last three weeks had
taught her that she needed to take care of herself first. She had never done
that. When she was a child, she had helped to take care of her two younger
sisters and as an adult she had taken care of Robert and the boys. It was time
she took care of herself. And she was starting now. If they had any hope of a
relationship, as she was beginning to think that’s what Matt wanted, then she
needed to be honest about how she felt. They needed to start off on the right
foot.

She mustered all the courage she could and spoke softly. “I
did say that. And yes, Katy was right. I was protecting myself. You had told me
you weren’t looking for any commitment and I opened myself up for heartbreak
anyway.” Janie stared at her shoes, not able to look at Matt. Her memory of him
had not done him justice. He was beautiful and his dark blue eyes were piercing
her and if she gazed into them she would be lost. “All I had needed from you
was one word at the airport and I would have done anything you asked,” she
continued. “But I walked to the gate and knew you were not interested in
anything more.” She was so close to tears she could feel her throat tightening
and knew she would crack at any moment. 

“Janie,” he whispered and slipped off the chair to kneel at
her feet. “I am so sorry. I thought I was doing what you wanted.” He stroked
the top of her foot and she froze. Then he bent over and kissed it.

Once again his touch sent shivers all the way through her
body and she held her breath as he looked up and their eyes locked.

“Please forgive me,” he pleaded. “I love you Janie.”

Her jaw dropped and she thought she must have misheard him.
Matt searched her face for a clue as to what she was thinking but she didn’t
speak.

“I love you,” he repeated. “I don’t want to live the same
old life I had. I want a new life with you in it, with you at the center of
it.”

Janie’s resolve disintegrated and she reached for him, her
fingers caressing his cheek. Matt covered her hand with his and kissed her
palm.

“I love you,” he whispered again.

*****

“And then you said what?” Katy yelled into the phone.

“I told him I was tired and that it had been a very
emotional day and could we continue tomorrow.”

Katy was floored by Janie’s response.

“I can’t believe you did that!” she said.

“Well, I still can’t believe you talked to him and never
told me,” Janie replied.

“I’ve already explained that. I knew you would be mad but I
thought he should know he can’t be a prick and get away with it. That’s when he
told me, you know, that he’d been wrong, but you’d already left.”

Janie sighed, not wanting to yell at Katy again in the same
conversation. “We are meeting for brunch tomorrow.”

“And then what?” Katy asked.

“I don’t know. I love him but there are still questions I
have about Beth.”

“I told you he didn’t sleep with his ex-wife,” Katy was
emphatic. “Beth is not in the picture.”

“You weren’t there Katy. You didn’t hear them. I need to
hear him say it to my face.”

Katy sighed into the phone. This was definitely not the same
girl she put on a plane over a month ago. Janie was stronger, and also a little
wiser, and definitely had more backbone. She was going to be okay. But Matt was
going to need to fight for her, something he had probably never done before.
But once Janie committed to him, she would be his for life. Janie could have
her fairy tale ending. She just needed to realize that she deserved it. 

Matt had barely slept. He didn’t know what to make of
Janie’s reaction to his apology and subsequent declaration of love for her.
Once again, she seemed wounded, scared. He had left when she had asked him to,
hopeful when she had agreed to meet him for brunch. He had arranged with the
hotel to have it served in his suite, so that they could continue their
conversation in private. And he acknowledged to himself that he wanted her in
his hotel room because he desperately wanted to make love to her. Foolishly, he
had hoped that’s how last night would have ended. But he realized, once again,
that Janie wasn’t like any other woman he had ever met. He could not assume
anything with her. So this morning had to go very well. He was not leaving
anything to chance.