First Down (Texas Titans #3) (20 page)

Bernie pulled a file from his briefcase. “Are you absolutely sure about this old apartment building, Gray? I’m afraid it might be more trouble than it’s worth. This guy seems a little too anxious to unload it.”

Grayson felt all the oxygen leave his lungs as he struggled to find an answer that would shut Bernie down without making Alana suspicious. “Meet me in my study. I’d like a word with Alana.”

Bernie shrugged before making his way down the hall.

Alana was wiping down the granite countertop when Grayson slid his arms around her waist, burying his face in the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry about that. Bernie doesn’t have a filter. He says whatever’s on his mind whether anyone’s interested in hearing it or not.”

“It’s okay,” she said, busying herself.

“Alana, I don’t want to let you go.” He kissed her neck. “I think we could have a really great thing here. Don’t you?”

She tossed the cloth aside before turning into his arms, linking her hands behind his neck. “I don’t know. I want to believe we could, but I’m scared.”

“So am I,” he admitted. “Taking a chance on someone, risking your heart, is scary as hell, but I’m willing to take a chance if you are.”

Reaching up on her toes, she kissed him tentatively. “You make me want to believe in you.”

“When I tell you what I’m feeling here is real, you can believe it.” He brushed the back of his fingers over her cheek as he gazed at her. She was so breathtaking that he searched for the words to convince her so much more than her physical beauty drew him in.

She pressed her palms against his chest, smiling up at him when she realized how hard and fast his heart was beating.

He wasn’t ashamed to admit he was nervous. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much to lose. “Women like you don’t walk into my life every day. In fact, this is a first for me.”

“For me too,” she admitted. “I was in love with my husband, but it didn’t feel like this.”

Grayson held his breath as he waited for her to continue. He knew they were on the precipice of the moment he’d been waiting for, and he feared if he said or did the wrong thing, like magic, she would disappear.

“Being with you feels so easy. It’s never forced. You make me laugh.” She grinned. “My cheeks hurt from smiling, and…”

“And what?” he whispered, feeling his heart expand with an emotion that felt familiar and foreign at the same time.

“You make me think about the future. I haven’t been able to do that in a long time.” She gazed out the patio doors when a bird flew into the window. “For the longest time, I felt dazed, confused, and terrified. I barely managed to get through the day, and I couldn’t stand to think about tomorrow.”

“It’s hard to imagine you like that,” he said, slipping his hands through her hair. “You’re so passionate, so excited about the little things that most people take for granted. Hell, you even seem to like painting.”

“Do you know why?” she asked, tipping her head back to look him in the eye.

“Why?”

“Because, for the first time, I get to make all the decisions. I don’t have a decorator who goes to my husband for approval while she treats me like a piece of ugly old furniture she’d rather get rid of.”

It pained Grayson to think of Alana married to a man who allowed anyone to treat her that way. He knew anyone on his payroll or in his inner circle would treat Alana with the respect she deserved, or he would make them sorry.

“It may seem silly to you, but choosing where I live and what color I paint the walls is kind of a big deal to me. It’s freedom and the new life I’ve been wanting for so long.”

Grayson knew her life could only get better with a landlord who was willing to spend money. “I really should deal with Bernie now. Can we continue this conversation in a bit?”

“Sure, but I wanted to let you know I’ve decided to take the job.”

Grayson smiled, relieved they were taking another step in the right direction. “What changed your mind?”

“Bernie.”

“How?”

“He asked about us, and it made me realize I don’t care what anyone thinks as long as we know the truth.”

He wanted to tell her he was falling in love with her, but he knew he needed to come clean about everything before he did. “I feel exactly the same way, baby.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll be as quick as I can.”

She reached for his wrist before he pulled away. “Wait. Do you mind if I slip into the hot tub?”

“Of course not.” The image of her waiting for him in the hot tub was the only incentive he needed to wrap the meeting up in record time. “If you need a swimsuit—”

“I don’t think I will.” His shock must have registered on his face, because she giggled. “Unless of course you want me to wear one?”

“No, God, no.” He grabbed her hips, making sure she understood her effect on him. “I hadn’t planned on having another drink since I assumed I’d be taking you home.” He left a trail of moist kisses on her neck as he bent her over the counter. “If you’re planning to spend the night…”

“Is that an invitation?” she whispered.

With a ragged laugh, he said, “It’s more like a plea.”

“In that case, I accept.”

***

Alana waited for the remorse to come as she immersed herself in the hot water, but it didn’t. Instead she felt a delicious sense of contentment. The timing was right, the man was right, and the universe had lined up to bring them together when she needed him most. It should have frightened her to acknowledge, even to herself, that she
needed
him. But during their last conversation, her mother had told her that needing someone didn’t mean you were weak. It meant you were strong enough and brave enough to be vulnerable. Alana held on to those words as she allowed herself to fantasize about a future with Grayson.

Several minutes later, Grayson came out with two glasses and a bottle of wine. He was wearing a towel low on his hips, and Alana tensed when she saw the deep V disappearing beneath the towel. It was dark, and his property was landscaped to ensure privacy, but she was still nervous. She’d never done anything like that before.

“You look incredible,” he whispered, setting the glasses and wine down. He gently massaged her shoulders as she tipped her head back to kiss him.

She knew the water concealed her body, but the heat rippling over her skin reminded her of her nakedness. “I hope you didn’t rush on my account.”

He chuckled as he tossed the towel aside. “You better believe I did.”

His silhouette nearly stopped Alana’s heart. She’d never considered herself a sensual woman—with Ronan, sex had been borne of duty instead of desire—but she had a feeling Grayson was about to introduce her to a side of herself she didn’t know existed.

Once he settled in the water, he pulled her closer and encouraged her to straddle him. “Do you know how many times I’ve thought about having you right here?”

Alana felt too breathless to respond.

His tongue traced the shell of her ear before dipping inside. “Imagined what it would feel like to be buried deep inside of you…” His breathing was as ragged as hers as he molded her breasts with his hands. “To hear you moaning my name…”

Alana whimpered, wondering if any of his neighbors were outside. At least two acres separated them from the nearest house, but a curious bystander with a good set of binoculars could be watching them. She tried to care, but with his mouth making liquid pool between her legs, she couldn’t.

“Have you ever made love outside, Alana?” His hands moved from her breasts to her back, kneading and massaging the tense muscles and leaving her wanting more.

“No.” She rolled her head back as he nipped the tender skin of her neck before caressing it with his tongue.

“Hmmm… I’m your first. I love that.”

Everything felt like the first time with Grayson. He had a way of wiping the slate clean and making her forget everyone but him. Holding his face, she took the initiative and kissed him deeply. Whether he knew it or not, he was helping her believe in herself and second chances.

“Wow,” he whispered, breathing heavily when they broke apart. “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

She looked him in the eye, wondering whether he was ready to hear the truth. “When I came here for that first interview, I felt so scared and alone. Even though I had my friend here, it was terrifying to think of leaving the only home I’ve ever known.”

He brushed her wet hair off her shoulders. “Is Arlington starting to feel like home?”

Alana felt the tension emanating from him. No matter how hard he tried to play it cool, her answer was important to him. “It is—because you’re here, Grayson.” She kissed him when he smiled. “That first night, when you came after me on the track, I realized you wouldn’t let me run away from my problems. You were right there, forcing me to face what was bothering me. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I need someone like you in my life.”

“I didn’t realize I needed you either.” He held her face as he drew her in for a kiss. “I was happy with my life until you showed up and made me realize I could be a hell of a lot happier.”

Her heart swelled, because being with him made her happy too, and that didn’t scare her as much as she’d thought it would. He could easily crush her if he walked away, but she was determined to live in the moment and enjoy every second with him instead of worrying about whether he would still want her tomorrow.

“I know we may not have forever, but I’d like to enjoy whatever time we have together.” She thought her words would please him, but instead he got dark and introspective. “Did I say something wrong?” She shifted, carefully lifting herself off of him, and moved to sit on the bottom step.

After a beat of uncomfortable silence, he said, “Why do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

“You’re always talking about the ending before things have even begun.” He distracted himself with the wine, pouring some into each glass before handing her one. He swirled the merlot in his glass before looking at her. “You’re so ready to write me off, to assume I’m only looking for a good time. I want more than that.”

She’d allowed herself a few stolen moments to think about a future with him, but the nagging voice in her head kept telling her it would never happen. Men like Grayson were never happy with one woman, and she had the battle scars to prove it. “Please don’t make any promises you can’t keep. I don’t need to hear them. All I’m looking for is someone who enjoys spending time with me as much as I enjoy spending time with him. It doesn’t have to be any more complicated than that.”

“We’re here now.” His eyes skimmed the swell of her breasts. “Am I to assume you’re looking for a one-night stand, a casual affair, what? What do you want from me?”

She didn’t know why he was so unsettled. She was giving him what every single guy wanted—an easy out. “I want a friend.”

That explanation seemed so simplistic, but it cut to the heart of what she wanted. She wanted a
best
friend who would fall asleep next to her, hold her when she cried, and love her even when she hated herself—someone who would stand beside her during her darkest moments and squeeze her hand while they welcomed their baby into the world. Alana didn’t realize she’d been lost in thought until Grayson moved closer, taking her wine glass and setting it on the edge of the hot tub.

“Tell me exactly what you’re thinking right now. Don’t censor it,” he whispered fiercely, lowering his mouth against her ear. “Because I’ll know if you’re holding out on me.”

She was afraid he could feel her heart hammering as he closed his strong arms around her. Letting her eyes drift closed, Alana rested her head on his shoulder, wondering if she had the courage to tell him what was in her heart. “I want the fairy tale, the happily ever after.” She choked back a sob, and Grayson held her tighter. “I want a man to tell me he loves me and really mean it. I want him to look me in the eye, to connect with me when we make love. I want to know I can trust him and that he trusts me.”

Grayson tugged on her hair gently until she was looking him in the eye. “I want to give you everything you want and more.”

Alana shivered at the intensity in his voice and the compelling gaze that wouldn’t let her look away.
He’s serious
.

“I don’t want meaningless sex. I don’t want to wonder if you’re out with someone else when I’m away because we’ve never
defined
our relationship.” He made finger quotes in the air. “I want to define it now. We want the same things. Family and friends are important to us. So is business. We both love to travel. We think fitness is fun. Face it, we’re compatible. We click. You get me, and I get you.”

She loved that he seemed able to put into words exactly what she was thinking.

“I don’t want a casual lover who couldn’t care less about me when I’m not around. I’ve been there, done that. I’m ready for more.” He kissed her cheek, brushing his stubble against her jaw. “I want lazy Sundays in a bed with a woman who makes me laugh. I want to enjoy a great dinner at home on a Saturday night, because there’s no one else I’d rather be with.”

Alana felt tears streaking her face, but she made no move to brush them away. She wanted him to know how deeply his words affected her.

“I want you, Alana. Just you.”

“I want you too.”

Grayson could barely breathe as Alana inched down on his shaft. He’d offered to get a condom, but she told him she was on the pill.
Trust.
She’d used that word again when she’d suggested they make love without the condom, and his conscience told him it was time to tell her the whole truth about the background checks and real estate transaction. When she kissed him, he couldn’t find the words.

He kept his eyes open as she stretched to accommodate him. The water swirling around them provided a cloak in the darkness, but the only thing he could think about was the perfection he’d found.
Love
. That word came to mind as she gripped the edge of the tub, teasing and torturing him with every thrust, until he feared his head would explode.