First Kiss (4 page)

Chapter 6

Beth shut the door to her room and stripped off her coat. She tossed it on her desk and collapsed on her bed. Her body ached from being tired and run ragged. She lay on the bed, breathing deep and trying to melt into the thin mattress.

Colin was there, in her head, asking her out again. She groaned and rolled over. She grabbed her pillow and crushed it against her face. She groaned again, listening to herself now that she was muffled. She sounded kind of funny. Was that what she'd sounded like when she'd given Colin the blowjob?

"Oh my god," she groaned. Why had she done that? She'd known she didn't want to be with him before that. Was Vanessa right, was she leading him on? Was she just making it worse?

"I'm so stupid," she mumbled and sat up. It was almost eight o clock. It felt later, thanks to how dark it got in Michigan in the winter. By five o clock the sun was down or almost there. Why anyone lived here was beyond her.

"Maybe they're running from something to?" Beth heard herself say.

She shook her head. Talking to herself wasn't going to help. She'd fallen into the habit when she tried to recover from the attack. Counseling had helped her stop and saved her from medication and a diagnosis that would have ended her up in a hospital.

She glanced at the door to make sure it was shut. The others were out watching some horrible reality TV. She wasn't sure if that was better than the cheesy movies Vanessa liked or not. Confident she had time to herself, she pulled her sweatshirt off and slipped her arms out of her bra. She spun it around and unclasped it before reaching for her night shirt. It was early, but she had to try to get some sleep.

Seeing Colin earlier hopefully wouldn't bring him back into her dreams. He'd faded out of them, leaving only Penny in all her sexy and terrifying forms. Why the waitress wouldn't go away she wasn't sure. She'd seen her for a little over an hour half a week ago. That was it. But she couldn't get her out of her twisted head.

Beth sighed through her nose and stood up long enough to drop her pants to the floor. She scootched her socks off on the floor and scooped her clothes up to toss them into her laundry basket. She pulled her sheets back and crawled into bed.

The bed felt right and the room wasn't too hot or too cold, but she couldn't get comfortable. She twisted on one side and then the other. She tried rolling onto her belly but the way her back arched reminded her that she still weighed too much. For a while her stomach pushed her back and made her bend. She'd lost enough weight that now her boobs were too big, making her back arch. They were going down too, but not fast enough. She was still a beached whale in a bathing suit, as far as she was concerned.

Colin must have been blind. That or he was hoping if he treated her nice she'd be an easy lay. Except she wasn't. She hadn't slept with him. But he still wanted to go out with her. She smirked. "What's that say about him?" she asked herself.

She sure as hell wasn't sexy, but he seemed to think so. At least a little. Maybe it was because of the blowjob. She'd gotten into it at the end, really working and focusing on making it good for him. He'd enjoyed it. Enjoyed it so much she'd made him cum before he was ready. He'd been right, it hadn't taken long at all!

So she could give good head. That's what she learned in college, how to suck cock. Beth sighed and rolled onto her back again. It was going to be another one of those nights where her brain wouldn't stop.

She glanced at the door. Her roommate had said she just had to shut it and Carla would know she needed some private time. Was that what she needed? She hadn't touched herself since the attack. Before the attack she never went more than a few days without it. Things had been different back then. She'd been in love and felt secure. She wasn't in shape or anything, but she hadn't been enormous either. Probably about like she was now, or maybe a little heavier.

Was that what she needed? A good orgasm to let her relax? She bit her lip and let her hand slide across her chest. She felt the bump under her shirt of her nipples. A simple touch and they responded, puckering and tenting her night shirt higher. It seemed that her body remembered when her mind didn't.

Beth sucked her lip between her teeth and slid her shirt up under the covers so she could touch herself. The feel of her skin against her sensitive breasts made her breath hiss through her nose. She sucked harder on her lip to keep from moaning. It really had been a long time!

Her other hand went to her untouched breast and her fingers rubbed and twisted her turgid nipples. She pinched and pulled on them, using her fingernails to elicit a gasp that made her release her lip from her mouth. She heard herself moan and clamped her lips together. She froze and listened, but could barely hear the TV through the wall or door.

Beth slid her right hand down and rubbed it across her belly. She felt the soft cotton of her underwear and dipped beneath it, until she touched the soft hairs. Before her attack she'd shaved herself daily. She liked it smooth, it was more sensitive and felt so much cleaner. After the attack—

Beth pinched nipple and had to stifle a moan. This wasn't the time to think about that. She slid her fingers into the folds of her vagina and explored with a soft touch. It was just like she remembered. Her fingers knew what to do and touched her in ways and places that should have made her pant and groan.

Instead Beth felt how dry she was. Her fingers stuck to her skin. This wasn't what it was supposed to be like. She pushed her hand lower and teased her entrance, working a finger inside and searching for the wetness that had always been there before.

Beth sighed and let her body relax onto her bed. It wasn't working. Something was wrong with her. Maybe it wasn't Colin's fault, maybe it was hers. Maybe she was broken. It had never been this hard before. When she fingered herself she was always excited already and thinking about somebody to get her juices flowing. This time she hadn't been doing that.

Beth bit her lip again and went back in time to Friday night. She remembered how it felt to kiss Colin— once she got passed his beer breath, that is. She remembered how weird and alien it felt to hold his steamy hard cock in her hand. How rigid it felt as she stroked it, yet how soft and rubbery it was at the top.

Then there was his smell and his taste when she went down on him. He smelled like a man. Cologne and a hint of sweat, but musky and manly after that. His penis was weird. Hard and soft and always moving. It throbbed and pulsed when she held it in her mouth and made it impossible to keep from drooling. Her jaw had ached and—

Beth groaned and stopped playing with herself. It was pointless. She couldn't get off. Not like this. How had it been so easy before? She'd experimented with putting things inside her before, from a hair brush to a zucchini, but she didn't think that mattered. Especially since she was still barely wet.

Before she'd spent all of her time with Crystal. Crystal had excited her. She'd trusted her and been there for her. Well, most of the time. Crystal talked to her and cared about her. Not in a romantic way, but as a best friend. Beth wanted more, but she couldn't tell her that. Not until it was too late and she lost her chance.

So Crystal and Colin were out. Thinking of Crystal either made her angry or it made her want to cry. She was getting better about it, but the best friend turned werewolf was still a sore spot. That didn't leave anybody. She sure as hell wasn't going to fantasize about a roommate!

Beth gasped as Penny's image flashed in her mind. She stood there, outlined by the lights shining on the stage and reflecting off the nude body stocking she wore under her teddy. She filled it out too, her breasts large enough to fill the lingerie but not so large they sagged. Transparent panels on the belly and sides teased at her smooth skin beneath. And when she'd walked away the nightwear rose between her cheeks in smooth curves that left her bottom exposed as well as most of her back.

Beth licked her lips and felt a tingle beneath her fingers. So that was what it took. She squeezed her eyes shut again and remembered when Penny had bent over to whisper in her ear. She'd taken her breath away when she did that. Colin's too, he'd seen right down her top with nothing but the waitresses jet black hair screening his view. He hadn't felt her breath or heard the sensual pitch of her voice.

Beth gasped and stiffened. That memory and her fingers combined to make her body tighten and exploded. A wave of pressure burst through her and made her tremble and tighten up all over again with each beat of her heart.

When Beth could think again she smiled and pulled her fingers out of her underwear. She tugged her shirt back down and curled up on her side. She wasn't wet like before, she was soaked. It felt good, a warm and sexy reminder. She smiled and snuggled into her blankets, letting the afterglow carry her into a slumber that she hoped would last the entire night. Later, tomorrow, she could worry about what fantasizing about Penny meant.

Chapter 7

Beth's book slipped out of her hand and bounced off her leg on the way to the floor. She winced and looked around at the people around her. A few of the other students glanced at her but most were busy putting their things away and standing up from their desks to leave the calculus class.

She fumbled with her bag until she was the last student. Beth sighed and fought the urge to yawn. Again. She slumped in her chair. She was burnt out and exhausted. Several seconds passed before a flicker of movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned in time to catch a shadow in the doorway that led to a storage room behind the professor's desk. The shadow moved, pulling back  until it disappeared from the open door.

Beth climbed out of her chair and slipped her bag over her shoulder. Why hadn't everyone left the class? She'd even seen Professor Tyler leave.  Was somebody trying to play a trick on her? She knew she was doing a terrible job of hiding her exhaustion. She heard people whispering and caught them looking at her. Some even pointed when they thought she wasn't aware.

She didn't know what was wrong with her. She was tired. Always so damn tired. Her orgasm the other night had given her some peace but it only lasted a couple of hours. Then the dreams came back.

Beth shook her head. She wasn't going to play this game. If somebody wanted to screw with her, she was going to let them know it wasn't cool. Or maybe it was one of Colin's frat brothers, since she hadn't agreed to seeing him tomorrow night yet.

She paused next to the desk and took a few breaths to sort herself. She gave herself a nod, building her courage, and walked through the open doorway to the storage closet. She turned and looked, but nobody was there.

"What the fuck?" Beth muttered. She shook her head and was about to leave when she noticed some of the boxes in the back had room between them and the far wall. She clenched her teeth and gripped the strap of her bag in a fist. "This isn't funny!" she called out and started towards the far end of the closet.

She took three steps before she could see there was nobody hiding. She stopped and her face heated. She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting off the pressure building inside of her that made her want to cry. "This isn't funny," she whispered again.

The door clicked shut behind her. Her eyes sprung open and so did her mouth. She spun, but before she could complete the turn the lights went off in the closet, plunging her into pitch darkness.

Beth lost her balance and hit the shelving unit loaded full of math tests and books. She grabbed for it and missed in the darkness. She hit the ground and scrambled backwards, sliding across the smooth linoleum until she bumped into the far wall. Beth tried not to scream but she heard herself whimpering with each breath.

"Too far!" she gasped. "It's gone too far!"

"Shhhh."

Beth froze. The hushing sound floated in the air and didn't sound like it came from everywhere and nowhere. "Who are you?" she stammered. "Why are you doing this?"

Beth gasped anew when she felt a presence beside her. Something real and solid. A substance that didn't touch her, but had a mass in the darkness. She was sure of it.

The voice spoke again, soft and silky and right next to her ear as a cool breath blew against her, "I miss you."

Beth scream and jerked to her feet. She tripped on her desk and fell over, taking it and the desk next to her to the ground. She blinked and looked around, she was in the classroom again. Alone.

Had she never left? She panted and kept looking around, her eyes finally settling on the open door to the closet. Another dream? Had she fallen asleep at her desk? She cursed and pushed the desk off her leg before climbing to her feet and wincing at the fresh bruises. She picked the desks up and dug her phone out of her bag. She'd been here almost twenty minutes after class.

"I can't deal with this anymore," Beth mumbled. She shook her head and let out a ragged sigh. She had to deal with it, she had no idea how to stop it. It was all in her head. She was going crazy and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

She walked through the classroom and paused at the instructor's desk. Beth bit her lip and stared at the open doorway. It was taunting her. Teasing her. Telling her that maybe her answers were inside. All she had to do was walk in and look. Just one little peak. There weren't any real monsters, just the ones in stories.

Beth snarled. "Fuck that," she mumbled. She'd seen real monsters. She'd been hurt by them. She went to the door and slammed it shut. Beth paused, her heart racing again, and then kicked it for good measure. "And fuck you!"

Beth turned and hurried out of the classroom. She had a week until her next class in that room. A week to get her shit together or check herself into a mental hospital. She wondered if Carla knew how to put a straight jacket on.

She paused at the main entrance of the building. This was her last class for the day but it was only mid-afternoon. Even with her nap, the sun was still up. It had snowed last night and this morning, but now the sun was shining in the western sky. And it was so damn bright. She fished her sunglasses out of her bag and slipped them on, then pushed through the doors and squinted while making her way across the campus.

Normally she'd hit the gym and then the cafeteria. Today she just wanted to go home. Her head was aching from the sun and she was too hot to bother with working out. Besides, she'd been too wiped out and stressed out to eat anything lately anyhow. It wasn't like she had extra calories to burn.

Beth shrugged off her coat and shoved it into her bag. She ignored the stares and even the honk of one car as she made her way back to her dorm. It didn't help. In fact, she got even hotter as she walked. She needed to lay down. No, a cold shower first and then she would lay down. And not because she was turned on, she was just aching and miserable. The damn headache felt like someone was roasting her over a campfire. All she needed was an apple in her mouth.

She pushed through the doors to her dorm and staggered in. Her shirt was sticking to her skin and she was having trouble catching her breath. She was out of the sun though, and that helped. She walked as fast as she could through the common area to the stairs. Hardly anyone used the stairs, plus they were cooler. And, she hoped, darker. Too many windows were letting in the sunlight. Her headache was slowly getting better, but she knew it wouldn't go away until she didn't have to deal with the sun at all.

"Beth?" Carla called from one of the couches. "Hey! Beth, what's up?"

"No time for the gym," she said as she waved to her. She kept going. Her goal was the metal fire door to the stairwell. Nothing else mattered. "Ran home from class."

"Beth?" Carla asked.

Beth pretended she didn't hear her and pushed her way through the door. She let it shut behind her and grabbed the handrail for the staircase. She sighed and squeezed her eyes shut before dropping to her knees. The metal edge on the stair barely fazed her.

"This is getting bad," she breathed. "Can I be allergic to the sun? Is that even possible?"

The throbbing in her head faded. She stopped panting and used the rail to stand up. She looked up at the stairs and nodded. Four flights to the third floor. She could do that. She lifted one foot and then the other. From there it got easier.

She walked into her bedroom and found Carla had beaten her there. The Latina was sitting down and staring at Beth's bed before turning to look at her. "Beth, please talk to me," she said.

"What?" Beth managed.

"Shut the door."

Beth stepped aside and let the door to their shared bedroom shut. "It's nothing, I just ran home from class. I'm going to catch a shower and—"

"Beth, stop it," Carla said. "What are you on?"

"What? On? I'm not on anything."

"I've only known you half the school year, but you're a good person. Yeah, we're supposed to party and have fun here, but you've been so focused. Don't throw it away on drugs!"

"Drugs?" Beth stammered. She shook her head. "I'm not on drugs. I don't do drugs."

"Look at you! You look like you just got out of a sauna."

Beth looked down at herself and winced. Her shirt clung to her and was dark with sweat. She shook her head. "I just came from class. Didn't even wear my jacket."

"I know! I didn't see it on you when you came through the door. It's cold out, why are you sweating like that? Are you sick?"

"Sick? I— I don't think so. Maybe? The sun is so bright and so hot. It hurts to look at it."

Carla nodded. "Let's ask Google!"

Beth groaned. "You're going to WebMD me into thinking I have a rare disorder that involves growing penises out of my ears."

Carla laughed. "Okay, That sounds like my roommate. And usually WebMD just convinces you that you've got some kind of cancer."

"I don't have cancer," Beth said. She frowned. "I mean, I don't think I do."

"Ok," her concerned roommate said. She drew her legs up onto her bed and sat cross legged before asking. "So what are your symptoms?"

"Can I change out of these wet clothes first?" Beth asked.

Carla grinned. "Excessive sweating, check."

"Carla! Come on."

"So change. We're both girls. I'm not checking you out, I promise. Strictly dickly here."

Beth turned away from her and sighed. "It's not that," she admitted. "I don't like other people seeing me."

"Fine, I won't even look," Carla said.

Beth turned her head and saw Carla had put her hands over her eyes. It looked ridiculous enough to make her laugh. "Okay, that's stupid."

"Yes, it is. But I want you to be comfortable."

"Just don't laugh or call me fat, okay?"

"Please!"

Beth bit her lip and turned to her dresser. She grabbed out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt, big clothes that would hide her body, and began to change. She'd barely gotten her shirt over her head before Carla laughed.

Beth spun on her, her cheeks flaring. "You promised!"

Carla held up a hand. "No! Stop, I'm laughing because look at you. You're not fat! I don't know why you hide inside clothes four sizes too big for you. You're not bulimic, are you? I've seen you eat so I know you're not starving yourself."

Beth glared at her until her eyes grew blurry with unshed tears. "This is not funny, damn it!"

"I'm not— oh! Beth, really, I'm serious! You look good. Better than me and my Mexican hips, that's for sure!"

"Your hips aren't—"

Carla shook her head. "Yes they are, but I'm okay with it."

"Carla!"

"Turn around and look in that mirror, Elizabeth Stenger. Not just for doing makeup, look at your body. Take those baggy jeans off too. Really look at yourself."

Beth hesitated until Carla pointed at the mirror. She sighed and turned back to it. It took her a few more seconds to build up the willpower to raise her eyes and see herself below the neck. When she did she forgot to breathe.

"This isn't possible," she squeaked after the lack of air in her chest made her light headed. "This isn't me!"

"Um, who is it then?" Carla asked.

Beth fumbled with the buttons on her jeans and let them drop to the floor. She stepped out of them and turned around, stretching her neck so she could stare in the mirror.

"I'm not into women, but I know a sexy ass when I see one," Carla offered.

"Shut up," Beth snapped. She stepped over to her bed and knelt down to reach beneath it and pull out her scale. She turned the digital device on and made sure it was set to zero before she stood on it and waited for the display to read. "Holy shit," she muttered.

Carla leaned over to the side and looked down. "Looks about right. Maybe a little heavier than I would have guessed. Probably all the exercise you do. Muscle weighs more than fat, right?"

"Carla—" Beth shook her head and turned to look at her roommate. "I've lost twenty five pounds."

"Hey, that's great!" Carla said. "Now slow down, okay, you get much smaller and you're going to start doing runway modeling and acting all air headed and shit. I won't be able to deal with that."

"No, I mean I've lost twenty five pounds this week!"

"Oh," Carla said and snapped her mouth shut.

"I haven't been eating much and I drink plenty of water, but I'm always thirsty," Beth said. She sat on the edge of her bed in her socks and underwear and crossed her arms. She glanced down and noticed the extra space in her bra cups now that her breasts didn't fill them as well. "I can't sleep either, but I fall asleep in class all the time."

"I've got it," Carla said. "You need to get laid."

"What? No!"

Carla frowned. "Tell you what, I'll head back downstairs and you do what you need to do. Take a nap...or whatever."

"Carla! Stop it. I'm not going to do that."

"Try it, you might be surprised."

"I did!" Beth's hand flew to her mouth after she slipped up.

Carla's mouth twisted up in a smile. "Oh you did? You naughty girl."