First Mates (16 page)

“Whoa, back up a minute.” He sat on the couch. “I never really told you when I was baptized.”

She sighed as she sat down. “Well, when you told me about your battle with alcoholism that night on the cruise, you led me to believe you were saved when you admitted you had a problem and you started going back to church. I thought you ended your battle with alcoholism sometime after college, after you broke up with your girlfriend.”

“I tried to tell you tonight, the battle with alcoholism never ends. It'll always be there. And, frankly, I'm puzzled about your reaction to my aunt's news. I know I didn't tell you when I'd been baptized while we were on the cruise, but the only thing that's important is that I did declare Christ as my Lord and Savior and I'm saved now. Why should it matter if I did it ten days ago or ten years ago? I did it and in the Lord's eyes that's good enough.”

She sighed as she rested her forehead into her hand. “It
does
matter. I've noticed that new converts sometimes revert back to their old ways. I'm just worried about your turning toward alcohol for solace again.”

“I haven't had a drink since I was baptized. I was baptized a week after my sister died. When Pam died,
I didn't know what to do to deal with the grief. I'd never lost someone who was so close to me before.”

His voice wavered as he continued. “When Pam was sick on chemotherapy, I wished I could take some of that pain away from her. She was hospitalized near the end of her life, and when I visited her, she told me how her faith in Christ was seeing her through this ordeal. I'd always admired my sister's deep faith, and I often wondered if I had it in me to follow her example. She told me if she died, she wanted to make sure she left her Bible with someone who would take care of it.”

His jaw tensed as he continued his story, and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. “She told me to give the Lord a chance and see what I thought. So after her death, I decided to give Him a chance. So far, I'm glad that I have. I'm finding it hard to do God's will all the time, but I think I'm a better person for making such a big step in my life.”

She moved to the couch and touched his arm. “I'm glad you shared this with me. I know we agreed not to keep secrets from each other and I need to tell you how I'm feeling.” She paused. “I still question your faith. I don't mean this to be an attack against you personally, but you dedicated your life to Jesus after your sister's death. You were still hurting, and you wanted to do something that Pam wanted you to do. I still wonder if you might have been baptized just to please her, not because you sincerely wanted to.”

“I'm not a child, and I have a mind of my own. Pam might have pushed me in the right direction, but I would have eventually taken the right road to Jesus.”

“This is just so much information that I need to think about it.”

“Do you mean this changes things between us? You're holding my date of baptism against me? Rainy, that hurts.”

She continued to rest her hand on his shoulder. “I don't mean to hurt you. But you can't question my decision. You got baptized to please your sister's wishes, just as Jordan pretended to be a Christian to please me. What would happen if you were to have another tragedy? Would you turn to the bottle, or would you lean on Jesus?”

His intake of breath was so hard, he sounded physically injured. “I think it's time for me to leave now. I don't want to say anything that I'll regret. Perhaps we can continue this discussion later.” He closed the door and she heard him start his engine before driving away.

Tears dampened her face upon his exit. “Lord, what will I do now? Is Winston really serious about his faith in You, or is this just something he's doing to please the wishes of his sister? Have I offended him by implying he got baptized for the wrong reasons? Have I offended You, dear Lord, by questioning his faith, which could be just as strong as that of an old and seasoned Christian?” Her tears continued to run freely, and she wondered if they would ever stop.

His confession was confusing. Why had he not told her this while they were on the cruise? Was he trying to hide this fact about his Christianity? Was she making an issue out of nothing?

When she went to bed that night, she curled into a ball beneath her blue comforter. Her salty tears continued to fall as she prayed herself to sleep.

 

Rainy moved through the next few days as if in a trance. She dropped Amber off at day care before she went to work each morning. The only thing she was pleased about was that Amber's behavior problems seemed to diminish. Every evening, she made a new habit of sitting with Amber before bed, reading one of the Bible stories used in her church's Sunday school primer.

The following Saturday, she finally found some time to relax in spite of the bad weather. Rain pounded on the roof as she flipped through the latest issue of
Essence
magazine. Thunder clapped, and she barely paid attention to the words printed on the page. The television was tuned to a popular movie channel, but she couldn't concentrate on the show.

Her living room was littered with crayons, coloring books and toys. She smiled, relishing the silent house.
I'm so glad Amber is at Sister Mary's grandchild's birthday party!

She dropped the magazine on the floor and piled her pillows on the couch. She lay back and closed her eyes.

She missed Winston.

Their recent separation had been draining on her. His face popped into her mind at the most inopportune times. She was grateful that she was keeping Amber, because the diversion helped with her grief. She sighed
as she pressed her hand against her head. Should she call him and apologize?

The loud rap at the door resounded in the room. Her eyes fluttered open, and she shuffled to the door. “Sarah!”

Sarah breezed into the living room, her companion right behind her. Large drops of rain splattered the carpet. Sarah giggled, closing her umbrella. The stranger gracing Sarah's arm was about six feet tall and as bulky as a football player. He wore a pair of dark shades, and he carried a folded red-tipped white cane in his hand.

Rainy swallowed and stared. She finally managed to greet her surprise guests. Sarah's dark skin glowed, and she grinned as she carefully stepped around the toys on the floor and led her friend to the couch. The subtle floral scent of her perfume pleasantly filled the room.

“Me and Carl were going to the outdoor festival but it was rained out. Since we were in the neighborhood, I thought we'd stop by and say hello. Carl, this is my friend, Rainy.”

Rainy shook his hand and he turned his sightless eyes toward her. “I'm glad to finally meet you, Rainy. Sarah's always talking about you.” His grin produced two dimples on his cheeks.

“Where's Amber?” Sarah glanced around the empty house. She told her about the birthday party Amber was attending.

“Oh, well, I'm kind of sorry we stopped by then. You don't get much free time to yourself nowadays, so I'm sure you're enjoying this time alone.” Suddenly, Sar
ah's face was a few inches from hers. “Rainy, what's wrong?”

“It's Winston.” She glanced at Carl, unsure of how to proceed.

“Carl, me and Rainy are going into her bedroom to talk.”

Rainy hesitated, staring at Carl. “I don't want to interrupt your date.”

Carl grinned. “I'll be all right. Where's your remote? The game's on and I wanted to watch it. By the way, do you have anything to drink?”

She entered her kitchen and returned minutes later with a cola and a bag of chips for Carl. She changed the channel to his desired station and led Sarah into her bedroom.

“Rainy, this room looks awful!”

Rainy gave her room a thorough scrutiny. Her bed was mussed, and a vase of dead flowers rested on her dresser. “You know, Amber's been draining all my energy. She won't sleep on the pullout couch in the living room. She always climbs in bed with me, claiming she's scared. Then she tosses and turns all night. I love her, but I don't know how long it's going to take me to adjust to this life.”

“So that's why you look so drained? Amber's been keeping you up?” Sarah touched her arm as they sat on the bed.

Rainy rested her forehead on her hand. “No, not really. Something terrible happened last week, and I feel so ashamed that I didn't want to tell you and Rachel.”

“Oh? What happened?”

She finally found the courage to tell her about her confrontation with Winston. When she was finished, she felt tears streaming down her cheeks. Sarah gave her a tissue and she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “Do you think I was wrong?”

“Hmph, I'm surprised you would even ask me that. I can tell by your reaction that you know your actions were wrong.” There was a chill to Sarah's voice that was not softened by Rainy's tears.

Rainy toyed with the fringe of her blue silk comforter. “But don't you see? How can I trust that Winston is really a Christian? He's only doing this in memory of his deceased sister, not because he feels it in his heart.”

“Weren't you listening to the reverend at church last Sunday?”

She tried to reach into the inner recesses of her cluttered brain. She vaguely recalled Amber being restless during the service, and they had to make several trips to the rest room. “You know how Amber was acting up last Sunday.”

“Well, the subject was baptism. And he read Luke chapter three, verse three. When you're baptized, you're repenting for the remission of sins. Winston used to be an alcoholic. I've gotten to know him since you guys started working together in the church. I don't think he's had a drink since his sister died. If he told you this, then I'd believe him. Winston is no saint, but he's not a liar.”

Thunder rolled through the sky and the rain continued to pelt against the window. Fatigue settled into her bones, and Rainy longed to settle into the comforter and fall asleep. “I'm not doubting that.”

“Then what's the problem?” Sarah threw her hands up in the air. “Who cares if his sister's death made him see the light? It doesn't matter
why
he got baptized, as long as he is trying to live his life according to God's rules the best that he can. That's all God asks of us. You know we're all sinners.” Her voice was tinged with impatience.

“I don't know. There's just so much I have to sort through. I've already been burned once by false Christianity.”

“Oh, so that's what this is all about? You're still upset about being duped by Jordan. Well, Jordan is a liar, and you shouldn't trust him. But you shouldn't punish Winston for Jordan's mistake. Rainy, that's just plain wrong.”

“But don't you see? My experience with Jordan made me learn my lesson. I shouldn't trust men so easily.”

Sarah stood and paced around the messy room. “Hmm. Trust? As far as I can remember, trust should be earned, and Winston has earned your trust, don't you think? He's never lied to you. He told you about his battle with alcoholism, and his apprehensions about turning back to the bottle for solace. I think you can trust Winston.” She sat on the bed and took Rainy's hand. “You're one of my best friends, and I'd hate to see you
lose out on a good man just because you don't see things as they are.” She smiled and squeezed her hand.

Sarah tilted her head toward the living room. “Speaking of seeing…what do you think about Carl?” The noise from the TV sports game blared into the room. “He's kind of cute, isn't he?”

Rainy smiled, pleased with the diversion in conversation. “Yes. He talks like a sighted person, though. Watching a game? He can't see.”

Sarah shrugged. “I know. But he still enjoys the same things that sighted people do. He told me that through sound and touch, he sees things in his mind, and that's good enough for him. He also said that was God's unique way of allowing him to see.”

Sarah giggled and hugged herself.

“I'm glad that you're so happy.” Rainy squeezed her hand. “Do you think that he's the one? Maybe you guys could get married someday.”

“Whoa, hold on. We've only been going out for a few months, so it's hard to tell if he's the one. But I like him. He's stable, too. He's got a good job with the government and he has his own house.”

“You've been to his house?”

Sarah nodded, causing her earrings to clatter. “Yep. It's really cool. He has this special computer with an adaptive braille pad. He can read anything on the computer screen because it transposes into braille.” Warmth and enthusiasm tinged her voice.

“Well, I must say, it's been years since I've seen you so excited over a man. I hope he makes you happy.” She
hoped Sarah could find love and happiness, because Rainy didn't know if love would ever figure into her own life.

T
he next day, Rainy entered Friendship Community Church, sighing with relief when they made it in time. Rachel and Sarah approached, hugging Rainy and Amber.

Amber fingered her freshly starched and pressed white dress. “Do you like my dress, Miss Rachel and Miss Sarah?” Her large brown eyes were eager for compliments.

Sarah kissed Amber's chubby cheek. “You look fine, sweet pea. Let me take you down to Sunday school.” Rainy squeezed Sarah's shoulder as she led Amber away.

Rachel pulled Rainy into a secluded corner of the foyer. People assembled in clumps as their voices filled the wide space. “Did you see Winston? I didn't realize he was coming to church today. Is he thinking about becoming a member? Me and Sarah were just talking to him a few minutes ago, and he didn't look so good.”

Her heart thumped as she gazed at the sea of brown faces cluttering the foyer. She swallowed as she clutched Rachel's hand. “Where is he?”

Rachel adjusted her decorative yellow hat. “He already went into the sanctuary. But, girl, let me tell you, he looked so worn and haggard! You didn't tell us he's growing a beard.”

She forced herself to relax. Rachel touched her shoulder. “Hey, what's wrong? Did you two have another argument?”

She nodded so hard, her hair almost escaped from the bun at the nape of her neck. “I don't want to discuss it right now, but we had a terrible disagreement about a week ago.”

Rachel folded her arms in front of her full chest. “I'm confident you two will work this out. You both have a deep faith in God, and that's all you need.”

Rainy chewed on her lower lip as she glanced into the crowded sanctuary. Perhaps she could find a seat in the back, far away from Winston. Thunderous music spilled from the sanctuary as the choir broke into song. Rachel grabbed her hand. “Come on, let's go find ourselves a seat! I'm sure Sarah will find us soon enough.” Rainy followed Rachel into the sanctuary and they found a seat near the center of the church. She searched the aisles, breathing a sigh of relief when she didn't spot Winston. Perhaps he'd changed his mind and gone home or decided to leave and worship at his own church.

As the choir sang sweet songs, worshiping the Lord,
Rainy closed her eyes, issuing a silent prayer to God. As the service continued and the sermon was presented, she found her mind wandering on other things. Reverend Marshall was issuing his invitation for people to step forward when an usher slid a cream-colored envelope into her hand. Her heart pounded as she ripped it open. She sighed with relief when she discovered it was from Karen Marshall, Reverend Marshall's wife. It read: I'd like to see you after service. Please meet me in my husband's office after the benediction, if possible.

Moments later, Rainy strolled into Reverend Marshall's office. She walked around his quarters, checking her watch, feeling relieved that Rachel and Sarah agreed to take Amber to the pancake house for breakfast, where she would meet them when she was finished with the reverend.

She touched a volume of a set of religious encyclopedias. Dust coated her finger and she rubbed it into her hands.

High heels clattered on the hardwood floor. Karen Marshall entered her husband's office, sporting a yellow sheath dress. She resembled a high-energy canary as she hurried about the room, checking stacks of papers. “Oh, he's not here yet!” She clutched her hands and checked her watch. She ran her fingers through her short gray hair.

“Mrs. Marshall, who's not here yet? I got the message that you wanted to see me after service.” Rainy placed her small black leather purse on the desk.

Karen waved in her direction. “Oh, I'm so glad you made it. I know Winston is here today. I called him last night and he promised me he'd come!”

Her heart seemed to drop ten stories. Winston was coming here, into Reverend Marshall's office? Questions jumped through her mind as fast as popping kernels of corn. She opened her mouth, hoping to ask at least one question. Before she could utter a sound, Winston stepped into the office.

It had been a little over a week since their disagreement, and he looked just as haggard as Rachel described. She fought to resist the urge to hold his hand and kiss his cheek. His sadness cut through her like a knife. She'd hurt him, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Karen Marshall fluttered about the office before she closed the door. “Oh, Winston, I'm so glad you're here!” She pushed him into one of the thick leather chairs and motioned for Rainy to sit. “Rainy, I would have called you last night, but I'm so absentminded that I lost your phone number. Sending you a note during service seemed to be the best way to get you here afterward.” She pulled a pair of glasses from the desk and placed them on her thin nose. Pulling a stack of papers toward her, she faced both of them. Pursing her lips, she scanned through the papers. “I have here a copy of the script for the Christmas pageant. I'm sure my husband spoke to you two about leading this ministry.”

Winston cleared his throat. Rainy closed her eyes as she enjoyed the sweet tangy scent of his cologne. “Mrs.
Marshall!” His deep voice blended with her shaky tone. He looked at her, his hazel eyes full of sorrow. “I'm sorry. You go first.”

She squeezed the wooden chair arm. “Mrs. Marshall, Winston and I never gave Reverend Marshall a response about the pageant.” She paused, praying for her thundering heart to slow down.

Winston cleared his throat again. “Mrs. Marshall, we won't be able to lead the children's ministry. I'm sorry if we misled Reverend Marshall into thinking otherwise.”

Karen's small birdlike mouth pursed as she removed her glasses. “My goodness! Why not? Is it because you're not a member of the church, Winston? Are you uncomfortable getting more involved with this church when you have your own church?”

He shook his head. “No, it's nothing like that. I don't have a problem in doing God's calling in this church.”

Mrs. Marshall shook her head. “I don't understand.”

Rainy started sniffling. She quickly pulled a tissue from the box and blew her nose. She turned away, not wanting to expose her suddenly damp eyes.

“My goodness, Rainy, what on earth is the matter?” Mrs. Marshall's voice softened as she approached Rainy.

Winston's chair scraped against the floor as he stood. “Mrs. Marshall, could you leave us alone for a minute?”

Rainy stood, hoping her legs could withstand her weight. “No, don't leave us alone. I really need to get going.”

Warmth and sincerity shined from Karen Marshall's dark eyes as she gazed at the two parishioners. “I think I understand now. How about I leave you two here for a while? Rainy, nobody is forcing you to stay, but just remember you need to have faith in Jesus to work through your problems.” She paused as she walked to the door. “That advice goes to both of you.”

Rainy sighed as she turned away from Winston. “I had no idea you'd be here today.” She swallowed and walked to the window. Bright sunlight spilled into the room, illuminating tiny dust motes as they danced in the air.

He joined her at the window, placing his hand on her shoulder. “You not only need to have faith in Jesus, but you need to have faith in me. You need to give me…give
us
a chance. Our faith in God is already the most solid foundation for a relationship.”

Rainy squeezed her eyes shut. This was so hard! She'd missed Winston so much over the past week. Was she being foolish? Being with Amber helped to dull the ache that carved her heart. However, she knew she needed more than the love of a child to see her through this. “I still need some more time to think about this.”

He sighed. “Well, you can think about it if you want to. But don't think about it too long. I can't wait forever.” The soft warmth from his hand evaporated and his heavy footsteps sounded on the wooden floor as he exited the room.

 

Rainy continued to think about her unexpected encounter with Winston over the next few days. He
plagued her thoughts and dreams, and she constantly prayed for the courage to do the right thing.

She was still thinking about Winston when she returned home from work in the middle of the week, exhausted. She changed her clothes and sat on the couch and rested for a few minutes before Amber declared she wanted dinner. She sighed as she walked into the kitchen to give her the evening meal. As she scooped leftovers onto a plate, she wondered how much longer she could care for her beloved niece. She knew that once Amber was back home, she would miss her like crazy, but on the other hand, she wanted her freedom and her single life back. As she placed the plate in the microwave and pressed the button, her phone rang.

“Hello.”

Her brother's voice carried over the wire, deep and strong, with just a twinge of happiness. “Sister dear, how is everything?”

“Mark?” She clutched the phone, still in disbelief that her brother could sound so ecstatic.

“The one and only. I was wondering if you were ready to give Amber back now?” As if on cue, Amber left the table and pulled Rainy's blue jeans with her small hands.

“Is that Daddy? Can I talk to him?” Rainy gave her the phone as she finished dinner. Minutes later, she took the phone back from Amber. She hurriedly made preparations with Mark to return his daughter.

“You sound much better.” She sat at the table as Amber ate her dinner.

“Yeah, I've been to see Pastor John a few times, and I've started going to church again.” He paused and the heavy silence carried over the wire. “I've heard from Cindy.”

“She called you?”

“Yeah. She's back in town and she wants to see Amber. I didn't mention it to Amber since I don't want her getting her hopes up about seeing her mom again.”

Rainy sighed as she twisted the phone cord. “I can understand that.”

“So, how's Amber been acting?”

She gazed fondly at her niece as she continued enjoying her dinner. “Sometimes good, and sometimes not so good. You know how it goes with children.” Questions about Cindy's return swirled through her mind, but she didn't want to ask in front of Amber, and she figured she'd get better answers once she saw him in person again.

She rang off with Mark after agreeing to the arrangements to return Amber. Amber scraped the plate with her fork. “Aren't you going to eat, Aunt Rainy?”

Rainy shook her head as she sat in the chair. Perhaps she'd find the energy to eat dinner later. Since she'd broken up with Winston, she'd found her appetite had almost diminished. She felt sad, guilty and tired. The only bright spots in her days were her job and Amber.

When Rainy told Amber the good news, she jumped from her seat. “Yeah! I'm gonna see my daddy.” To celebrate, Rainy took Amber out for a sundae at Candace's Creamery.

Hours later, Rainy sat alone, thinking about her mistake. She was so embarrassed that she couldn't bring herself to apologize to Winston. After Amber was in bed, she wrote him a letter, asking forgiveness, and seeking the possibility of meeting next week to discuss the matter. She still felt scared and afraid, but hopefully she would learn to trust Winston and get over the experience she'd had with Jordan.

She mailed the letter the day before she boarded a plane to return Amber to Mark. She hoped when she returned that Winston would welcome her back into his life with open arms. If he didn't, she knew that she couldn't really blame him. She'd already caused enough hurt and pain with her actions and she knew that Winston had had enough trouble and heartache over the past year to last him a lifetime.

 

Winston pulled into his driveway, exhausted from his game of basketball. He found that playing the sport, as well as running numerous laps on South Beach, helped to exhaust him to the point that he didn't think about Rainy so much.

Sweat poured down his skin as he clutched his basketball under his arm. As he pulled the mail from his box, the wind blew and rain started pouring from the sky. He dropped a letter, and before he could retrieve it, it blew away. “Probably a bill,” he muttered as he walked toward his home. He saw the letter land behind a bush, and the return address caught his eyes. “It's from Rainy,” he breathed. He dumped the rest of his
mail in the foyer as the rain continued to pour from the sky.

The envelope and letter were drenched, but he did manage to decipher from the wet, mottled script that Rainy wanted to speak with him. He quickly dialed her number and was disappointed to get her answering machine. He recalled her late nights at the office so he called her work phone number and heard her voice mail state that she would be out of the office for part of the following week.

He slammed the phone down and paced his living room. It continued to rain, and he barely listened to the droplets of water as he tried to figure out a plan of strategy. He had to see Rainy and he didn't want to wait for her to return from wherever she was. Was she out of town, or was she merely taking a few days off? Was she having more problems with Amber? These questions plagued his brain as he paced his living room floor.

He finally returned to his car and drove to her house. The thunderstorm made his driving more troublesome, and he turned his windshield wipers on. About a half hour later, he pulled into Rainy's driveway and was disappointed to see that her car was nowhere in sight. “Where could she be?” he muttered.

He recalled Sarah's address. Minutes later he pulled into Sarah's driveway. Lights winked from the windows amid the torrid rain. He ran to her door and pounded on it. Minutes later, she opened it. “Winston!” He quickly strolled into the house and stopped as soon as he saw the chunky man with dark glasses sitting in
her living room. A decorated cake with candles sat on the coffee table and cups of steaming coffee filled the air with their aromatic scent. Sarah was decked out in a yellow dress and her face was made up. She glared at him, seemingly disappointed that her date had been interrupted. “Sarah, who is it?” The man's deep voice filled the room as he stood.