First Stop, New York (21 page)

A waiter with a plate of new potatoes and roe whizzed by with a look of horror on his face.

“And I don’t care if I do scare the waitstaff. I’ve been holding this in too long!”

“Corliss, before you go on—”

“No, Max,
after
I go on!” She was unstoppable. “That’s when you can talk! Up to now it’s always been
after you went on
and that’s why now I get to finish
before you go on
!”

She realized she was losing the thread. She took deep breaths. She was finally standing up for herself. To someone who’d intimidated her since the first minute they’d met. It felt awesome.

“The thing is this, Max Marx: I worked harder than anyone on that show, and you know it. I was a devoted and loyal member of the team. For God’s sake, I even showed up the day after I was fired to deliver scripts! I’m either a total doormat or the paragon of competency!”

“Corliss, I—”

“And as for the blog, well, I can’t believe you’d think I’d ever betray you like that. As a matter of fact, I knew I’d see you here, so I printed out every blog entry, with date and time, and then I printed out the TNT report that I kept and compared the two with times and dates to show that I was off doing
your
dirty work when a lot of that blog stuff was posted online, so I couldn’t possibly be the person who wrote it!”

She swiped a wad of papers from her back pocket and thrust them at Max. “I used three different colored highlighters
to cross-reference dates and events so you could review it at a glance.”

“Corliss, that’s not necessary.”

“Oh, I think it is, Max. Because you know why? I want to prove to you that you’d be a fool not to rehire me if the show gets picked up. If for no other reason than I work for free.”

“Corliss, please—”

“There, I said it. You need me, Max Marx. Like the desert needs the rain. And this”—she pointed to the parched hills around them—“is the desert! And
I
am the rain!”

Corliss was exhausted from her speech. She even got a little teary. But not because she was sad. Exactly the opposite. She felt like she’d just taken the most amazing mud bath of her life. Her skin tingled and the inside of her head felt like a thousand production assistants had just scrubbed it with tiny happy brushes. Who ever knew that being courageous could be so exhilarating?

“So, Max, do you have anything to say?”

In response, Max took Corliss’s hand and started to lead her through the throng. “Come with me, Corliss. I want to show you something.”

A Screening Room in Michael’s House—Continuous

A cheer went up when Max entered with Corliss. Michael Rothstein and the cast—all dressed to the nines—were lounging on comfy couches around the room.

Corliss beamed. “Oh my God! You’re all here!”
Everyone except Anushka, who’s probably in some closet with Justin.

“Down in front!” barked Michael Rothstein. “If my wife
finds out we’re in here, she’ll do something that involves a big knife and one of my prized body parts.”

JB let out a whoop as Corliss approached the couch. Trent was too busy trying to feed Tanya popcorn.

“Stop that, Trent,” said Tanya, pushing him away. “Hey, Corliss!”

Rocco, as usual, kept his nose buried in some obscure Russian novel.

“And Rocco! Dostoevsky?” Corliss asked.

“Close. Turgenev.”

“Wow. It’s so good to see all of you.”

“Have a seat, Corliss,” said Max with a little smile on his face.

“Come on, people!” barked Michael.

Corliss scampered to a couch in the back.

Max stood against the wall, nervously running his fingers through his hair. “May I say one thing, Michael? Before we start?”

“Okay, but be quick about it, Marx!”

Max cleared his throat. “I know my methods during production were a bit unorthodox.”

“A bit?!” interjected JB. “You made unorthodox look orthodox!”

Tanya put her finger to her lips. “JB, shhh.”

“Anything for a pretty lady,” JB said, quieting down.

“Wonderful,” said Max, picking up where he’d left off. “As I was saying…a bit unorthodox, but maybe ultimately effective. Because I have good news. Very good, in fact. May I, Michael?”

“Sure, but get on with it.”

“Okay, then.”

Everyone leaned forward. Even Rocco seem intrigued by Max’s tone.

“
The ’Bu
has been picked up for a full season order of twenty-two episodes.”

You could have heard a pin drop. And then the room exploded. Trent chest-butted JB and sent him flying across the room. Rocco dropped his book in amazement. Tanya jumped so high, she almost hit the ceiling.

“Oh my God,” said Corliss.

“And I hope,” continued Max, “that my invaluable number-one assistant, Corliss Meyers, will do me the great honor of forgiving me my terrible behavior—and coming back to the fold. With, of course, a proper salary.”

Corliss ran to Max, almost tackling him in a hug, screaming her head off.

“What’s the matter with you people?” said Michael, picking a piece of lint off his pants. “You expected anything less? Now calm down with the screaming, oy.”

Everyone calmed. But they were reeling.

“So nice, good, happy,” continued Michael. “Are we done with the speeches now?”

“Yes,” said Max, smiling at Corliss.

“Good, let’s start the screening.”

“Shouldn’t we find Anushka first?” Corliss asked.

But the lights in the room had already started to dim. As everyone settled in, a panel in the ceiling opened and a screen lowered. On it appeared a logo that said, simply:

The ’Bu

PILOT EPISODE

EXT. A CHURCH HIGH IN MALIBU CANYON

A SEAGULL makes lazy circles around the steeple. We FOLLOW IT for a moment before we…

TILT DOWN

To an OLD STONE CHURCH. A flock of MOURNERS, dressed in the chicest black, mill about the entrance as a gleaming CHERRYWOOD CASKET is carefully tucked into a JET BLACK HEARSE.

PUSH IN CLOSE

On TESSA and TRAVIS. They are both trying to be brave, but as the hearse pulls away down the hill, Tessa bursts into tears. Travis pulls her close and she weeps into his shoulder.

TESSA

I can’t believe she’s gone.

TRAVIS

Don’t cry, Tessa. She wouldn’t
want us to be sad. She’s gone to a better place.

TESSA

Why didn’t I die in that fire?

TRAVIS

TESSA

TRAVIS

TRAVIS’S POV

The HILLS above them, scorched from the fire. Lifeless, desolate. RAMONE and OLLIE appear at their sides. Ollie stifles sniffles.

RAMONE

Ollie’s taking this pretty hard.

OLLIE

She was like a big sister to me.

TRAVIS

Everyone turns slowly to Travis.

TESSA

Travis, don’t be like that.

RAMONE

Tessa opens her arms and pulls Ramone into a tight embrace.

CLOSE UP on his clenched fist, which clutches Alecia’s singed charm bracelet. Travis glares at Ramone, obviously jealous of the attention Tessa is paying him.

TESSA

Somewhere Inside Michael Rothstein’s Mayan Temple—6:32
P.M.

: The
’Bu-Hoo

Well, kiddies,
The ’Bu
pilot had its first screening tonight. At Goth Roth’s place high in the hills. Unscheduled, unpublicized, uncut.
Oy
, as the Rothster himself would say. First, da good news.

CUE SOUNDS: drumroll, fireworks, hot sweaty monkey love

It’s a hit.

SEE KEY WORDS: mesmerizing, astonishing, stimulating in a funny place down there.

But! And it’s a big but (tee-hee!)…

Beware spoiler…

A certain troublemaker who tripled the network’s
insurance rates and slowed production to a dead man’s crawl (any ideas, people?)
dies
in the episode.

WHA-WHA-WHA-WHAT??

That’s right, DEAD. As in never coming back. As in burned to a cinder in the spectacularly filmed canyon fire. As in I see dead starlets. And without even one of those fab death scenes to play! You know the kind, where all the characters who always hated this character get to say how much they really loved this character. And this character gets to cry and wail and reach for the fading light in the sky above as it all goes
dim, dimmer, dimmest
…

Nothing, nada, zip.

But it’s not like she didn’t deserve it.

‘BU-HOO
-HOO.

Whatever
. Life goes on.
The ’Bu
goes on. And MBK goes on, too.

LINK TO
:
my big butt moving toward the nearest wet bar

Lates,
Bu-
sters!

Yours
Bu-
ly,

MBK

Sunset Tower Pool—8:42
P.M.

Corliss could see Anushka stretched out on a chaise at the far corner of the patio. Her head was mummified in a monogrammed Sunset Tower pool towel, but her awe-inspiring body was unmistakable.

The sun was just setting. As Corliss approached, Anushka sat up and unwrapped her head. “Oh, it’s you, Cor. Thought it might be another one of those filthy rich middle-aged guys who are always giving me their cards.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

Anushka chuckled a little. “Yeah, I likes me a silver fox every now and then.” She looked out to the sunset, letting the soft light hit her just right. She looked beautiful. “So what are you doing here, Cor? I thought you and Mingmei would be BFFs by now.”

“I couldn’t stay at that party, Anushka.”

“Yeah—sorry I even made you go. Now I know what it feels like to be fired. You don’t want to hang out with the peeps who’ve done the firing.
Whatevs.
”

“How did you find out?”

“Mingmei told me at the sturgeon bar. She handed me a cracker with two hundred dollars’ worth of beluga mashed on top of it and said, ‘I love that you die in the pilot episode.’ I practically spit caviar all over her couture. Then I left.”

“Yeah, I kinda heard.” Corliss didn’t know what else to say.

“Oh, well,” said Anushka, finally turning to face Corliss. “Dems da breaks. In life
and
Hollywood.”

“You tried to be good, Anushka, I know you did.”

“Thanks, Cor. I really did! So it’s you and me now. Two unemployed outsiders. Least I don’t feel so alone.”

“Well,” said Corliss, sitting next to Anushka. “Max offered me my job back—with a salary. Apologized for being psycho and everything.”

“Oh,” said Anushka wistfully, “that’s great, Cor. You deserve that.
Seriously
.”

Corliss could tell Anushka was being brave. “I didn’t say yes right away. I told him I’d think about it.”

“Don’t be stupid, Cor. It’s a great gig.”

“Maybe. We’ll see. It would only be until it’s time to start college in the fall.” Corliss could see people coming onto the patio for evening cocktails. Without fail, all of them looked over to check out Anushka. “What do you think you’ll do?”

Anushka sighed heavily. “Did you see how my boobers puff up when I do that?”

Corliss laughed.
At least she hasn’t lost her sense of humor—or healthy ego.

“Listen, Cor, in all seriousness, when I was lying here, I was thinking about stuff you said about psychology and, like,
whatever, how it’s helped you with insight into people, right?”

“Yeah?” Corliss didn’t know where Anushka was going with this.

“So I was thinking: That’s cool. Maybe I should go back to school and study it. Is that weird?”

“You? In school?” Corliss couldn’t picture it.

“Don’t look so amazed. I did two semesters at Pomona Tech Online after
Suburban Magic
ended.”

“No, it’s not weird, it’s just—”

“Just what?” said Anuhska, who all of a sudden looked like a little girl. “Your opinion means a lot to me, Cor. And lots of girls my age in the biz have done it—and then people take them more seriously. Believe it or not, that’s what I want. Of course, I also want to be Orlando Bloom’s sex slave, but there’s time for that, right?”

Corliss had to laugh. “I think it’s a great idea, Anushka. And I’ll help you.”

“You will?”

“Of course! I’ve got a pile of psychology books at Uncle Ross’s. They’re highlighted and everything. Want to come over? We can have the staff make something yummy and scare Uncle Ross by talking about female things.”