Flare (22 page)

“What kind of animals?”

“I don’t know for sure, because they’re far away. But they look like the animals that shouldn’t be here, like deer, wolves, that kind of thing.”

“Mammals,” said Ash. “They can’t possibly be resistant to the sun.”

“Yeah. Shelled insects, maybe, but deer and wolves are soft like us. Where do they go during the day?”

Ash considered this. The desert landscape was barren and dry, but he believed Courtney wasn’t just seeing illusions. The horizon was unfilled, but if they saw a herd of deer grazing in the distance, it wouldn’t surprise him at all.

“I don’t know where they go during the day,” said Ash. “But I’d like to find out.”

“Yeah,” said Courtney. “Maybe they have the answers.”

The words sounded a bit contrived, but Ash knew they contained truth. If some animals had survived this event, it was important to know how they had done it.
There are answers hidden all around us,
and the animals hold a few of them.

/***/

They found droppings near the town. It was deer scat, and Courtney held a piece between her fingers and analyzed it.

“It’s fresh, so they were here a few hours ago at most,” said Courtney. “It’s moist, but not too moist. They’re probably eating dry grass, surviving on all the plants out here.”

“True,” said Ash. “But we’ve got to get the medicine we came for. The sun will be up sooner than we think.”

Courtney nodded, and they walked into the city.

/***/

They found a drugstore quickly, and it looked promising. The windows were smashed in and it was dark inside, but it had been only lightly looted. It had everything a drugstore would have, from conditioner to sweaters, from metal canes to candy bars, and it smelled musty. The pharmacy was in the back, and as they approached, the smell became acrid and overpowering. They looked beyond the pharmacy counter and saw nothing but rows and rows of prescription drugs. It was dark back there, and though the stench became overpowering, Ash pushed forward. He put his shirt around his nose, and Courtney did the same.

They saw two dead bodies tucked away behind the far counter. Ash reasoned that they were probably hurt by the flare and came back to the drugstore, and had then died. The pharmacy was far enough in the back that light wouldn’t reach it, and the bodies had decomposed naturally. They didn’t know if there were any more dead bodies in the darkness, but Ash knew that they had to press on.

He followed instructions like Heather had said, and filled his backpack with sterile gauze and then found the various pain relievers she’d listed. His instinct was to flee, but he stayed longer and went through the abandoned prescriptions and found an antibiotic she had told him to look for, one that didn’t require refrigeration. He went through more of the prescriptions, found two more doses and put them in his backpack as well.

“We’ve got what we came for,” he said. “We can leave.”

/***/

It started to pour on their way outside, big, pounding bullets of water crashing down on them like rain wasn’t supposed to, with an unforgiving force that threatened to push their bodies into the earth below. The dry dirt became mud, and Ash worried that he’d slip and spill the supplies he had gathered for Heather. He had placed everything in plastic bags, but if he tripped it still might end up ruined. He wanted to be the leader and valiantly plow ahead like Heather had asked, and he wanted to look good in front of Courtney, but it was raining too hard and he feared that he’d slip. He decided to tell Courtney, and she didn’t seem to mind.

“We can go slow, no problem!” she yelled through the raindrops. “The water’s warm, at least!”

Ash did notice that the rain was just the right temperature. It fell down relentlessly, but when he closed his eyes it came down on him like a shower, and it felt nice. It had already drenched them, and the rain was hitting them too consistently to ever let them shiver in its absence. They walked slowly, with Courtney walking by his side. Ash focused on each step, making sure that he didn’t step on a rock or into a mud hole that would swallow his entire leg, and though each step required focus, he was soon able to relax and enjoy the warmth that now covered him. He looked up to see Courtney shirtless, her topless body obscured by mist from the ground. She took off her pants as well, and soon she was nude, beautiful, black and thin, a pixie-spirit dancing in the rain. She reached into her backpack on the ground and procured a small plastic bottle.

“I’m gonna take a quick bath!” she yelled. “You want some body wash?”

“Sure,” said Ash quietly, before yelling it again. “Sure!”

Courtney smothered herself with the gelled soap, bending over to use her body as a shield so she could get a lather before it washed off. She soaped her underarms and small breasts, then legs, and then everything else. Ash felt shamed by his discomfort with the situation. Courtney wasn’t shamed in the least, her soft smile gleaming in the rain and soap clinging to the crevices of her body before rinsing off into the ground. Ash stood there, clumsy and clothed, hovering near her like a creep, like a man who wasn’t supposed to be this close to a girl like Courtney.

Without thinking, he took off his shirt. His upper body was broad compared to hers but his frame felt just as thin, turned into wiry sinew by the time spent walking and foregoing meals. She handed him the body wash and he put it in his hair, but it drained out before he could get a lather.

“Kneel down!” she yelled through the raindrops.

He knelt, his pants soaking into the mud and his feet finding a groove behind him. Courtney hovered over him and made a little canopy, and then put the gel into his hair, rubbing it into foam before it was rinsed away.

“I think it’s shampoo
plus
body wash, all in one,” she said into his ear.

Courtney handed him the bottle and he stood up, still half clothed. He washed his torso, then took a deep breath and took off his pants. The rain made a barrier between himself and Courtney, but he was still naked with her, outdoors under the unnaturally warm rain. He took the gel and put it over his body like he normally would, working faster under the water, and finally unashamed to put the shampoo in every crevice, just as if he were showering alone.

There’s no embarrassment in this world any more.
There are no ungainly bodies looking out of place next to Courtney’s supple frame, no scarred faces ugly next to her flawless skin. There’s no indignity to walking into a drugstore filled with dead bodies, and there’s no disgrace to looting the room’s supplies. Least of all, there’s no shame to being naked in front of another and scrubbing the natural odors from one’s own body. There’s just the living and the unliving, and you’re either one or the other.

/***/

One hour later the rain stopped, and they realized that they might be lost. They could see the outline of the town in the background, but the night sky was too faint to grab hold of any landmark and orient themselves. Courtney’s compass pointed in one direction, and Ash’s pointed in another. Courtney checked her compass again and it pointed in a third direction, and then a fourth. They figured the sun might have messed with the magnetic poles of the earth, or it might have just interfered with their compasses. Regardless, they were disoriented and clouds filled the sky, so the stars weren’t there to guide them either. They had six miles to go, or maybe four or ten.

They talked about their situation and decided to pick a direction and stick with it. After an hour of walking, it still looked the same, and Ash began to worry. The RV was supposed to be in front of them. Heather had a flashlight and Ash reasoned that they should be able to see it on the horizon. He scanned the skyline in all directions looking for that flashlight, or at least a faint echo of it, but he couldn’t find anything. Still, Courtney kept a calm air about her, unflappable and nonjudgmental. Perhaps she didn’t feel lost, perhaps she didn’t fear death, but she was relaxed and it made Ash feel relaxed as well. Ash felt that he could lead her to the very edge of the sunrise, and she wouldn’t even raise her voice.
Maybe she’s immune to the sun and can walk in the day.
She sure acts like it.

“We’re lost, and we won’t make it back, at least not before the morning,” said Courtney, without a hint of disappointment. “We’d better set up for tonight.”

“My sister needs us,” said Ash.

“I know,” said Courtney. “But she’ll survive the night, and so will we. She’s not worrying about us.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“She knows you,” said Courtney. “And she knows you’re smart enough to do the right thing.”

/***/

They couldn’t find a shack or an abandoned car in which to spend the night, so they decided to wrap themselves up and bed beneath a tree. Courtney and Ash took the lead blankets and spread them out on the ground, and then took duct tape to join them. They’d have to wrap themselves tightly, until it would feel like they were sharing a body bag. They practiced getting in together and situated the folds so they could get fresh air. It was a tight fit, but they could make it.

The sky became streaked with red, and Ash tucked himself in with Courtney. Ash was happy to be close to her while clean, and wished he had washed his clothes as well. He wanted to be immaculate for her, to match her effortless beauty, to be the strong one that would protect her from the sun outside. He knew how deadly and hard the day would be, and he knew that he was surrounded by forces that would crush him with a glance, but he wanted to protect her nonetheless.

/***/

They spent the daytime in the darkness of their lead curtains, listening to the sounds of the scorched earth outside. They heard the wind’s constant howl as it brought dried foliage over them, scraping their makeshift shelter and threatening to tear it apart at any moment. They heard the insects come and go, and Courtney worried that a bug might creep into their cover and bite or sting them. Ash held the curtains in tight, and told her that if the covers weren’t completely sealed, the bugs still wouldn’t hurt them. She asked how he could be so sure, and he responded that the insects that survived weren’t spared for their acidic stings or poisonous bites. They were spared for their ability to repel sunlight, and nothing else. Chances were the ones outside were harmless.

“If you can live in the harsh sunlight,” said Ash, “that strength allows the rest of you to become soft. The insects won’t need to come in here, and if they do, they won’t bite or sting.”

Courtney laughed because she knew Ash’s reasoning was merely conjecture, and Ash laughed too, but it made them both feel better. If a shiny-backed scorpion crawled into their bag they’d be in trouble, but for now they felt better.

/***/

Ash was nodding off when Courtney whispered into his ear.

“Do you miss the world before?” asked Courtney.

“Yeah,” said Ash. “Why do you ask?”

“Because I do too,” said Courtney. “I know I talked about how I didn’t miss it, or at least not anyone besides my brother, but that’s not entirely true.”

“What do you miss?”

“Nothing in particular, but I guess
things left undone
,” said Courtney. “Things I didn’t do but could have.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know,” said Courtney. “I guess … I didn’t ever quite find my place. That’s why I had volunteered at the prison. I was looking for something …”

“You have a place now,” said Ash. “With us.”

“I guess,” said Courtney. “And you’re going to this Salvation, but … I don’t know if I can go there.”

“Of course you can go there.”

“I can’t solve any of those riddle sheets you showed me,” said Courtney. “None of them.”

“I don’t know what this place is, or even if we’re doing the right thing,” said Ash. “But they’ll let you in.”

“I know it’s a good place,” said Courtney. “But I also know they won’t let me in.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

Without thinking, Ash crept closer and put his arms around her. She crept in close in response, folding into his frame naturally, as if she’d done it a thousand times before. She gave no more words but remained against him and moved until she settled into a position where they could both breathe easily.

She was the first to fall asleep, and Ash was left alone with his thoughts. He thought about his father, and all those he had known that had surely perished in the flare. He thought of his sister’s lover, Dr. Shaw, and the anguish the man must have felt knowing that he had left his wife and children to die by themselves. Ash thought of the man’s last days, trapped in the gelatinous shell of a body, unable to see or hear, and Ash wondered if the man had time for regret.
Courtney regrets the things left undone,
but
what if you’ve done the wrong things, is that worse?

Ash thought of the man’s children, too young to understand what was going on, and the man’s wife, living her last moments oblivious to her husband’s whereabouts, or perhaps completely aware and filled with the hard feeling that her whole life had come to this. All her schooling, all her decisions, every single moment she had spent building up her life, had all come to that.

Ash thought of his father and the strange ignorance that death brought. A scholar who died in the 1850s would be unaware of Gandhi’s movement, and if the scholar had died three thousand years earlier, Jesus, Alexander the Great, and the Black Death wouldn’t have registered either.