Flare (45 page)

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Two weeks and one day later Ash sat with Heather in an empty train parked at their station, dimly lit and quiet.

“You want to leave?” she asked.

“I do.”

“But they need you,” said Heather. “Just like they need me, and—”

“I take a solar panel that’s 99 percent efficient, and I bring it up to 99.5 percent efficiency. I take a sewage system designed to last a hundred years with minimal effort, and improve it so it will last two hundred years with no effort.”

“Do more, then,” said Heather. “You could write a symphony on piano. Or a book of poetry, or start painting again. They’ve made it known that we’re not here to just
maintain
this place, but that we should
add
something, something that will stay in humanity’s new history.”

“I don’t feel the need to add anything to this place,” said Ash. “Even if it becomes part of our new history.”

“Why not?”

“Because they have others down here to do just that. There are enough virtuosos in our district alone to write a hundred books of poetry and compose a thousand symphonies. They say they need me, but they have too many others to really mean that. I know they can do without one more prodigy.”

Heather shook her head, and for the first time in his life Ash saw that she was disappointed in him.

“Is it because of Courtney?”

“Why do you ask that?”

“Because if it is, it’s a bad reason,” said Heather. “I’m not trying to disparage your feelings for her, because I really liked her and would have traded my place with her if I could. I would have done this for you, and I mean that.”

Heather took a deep breath and looked Ash straight in the eye.

“It’s a bad reason to leave for her, because Courtney’s gone, most likely dead, and if she’s alive you’ll still never find her,” said Heather. “It’s like there was a storm at sea and she was thrown off the boat. The water’s now calm, but I can’t let you jump back in weeks later because you think she might still be afloat.”

Ash shook his head.

“I’m not leaving just for her, though I have thought about her every day since I’ve been here,” said Ash. “I need to leave with or without her in my future, but yes, I would like to see her again, and I will look for her.”

Heather nodded in acceptance.
She’s understanding me like she always does, and perhaps for the last time,
thought Ash.
Heather doesn’t question the fact that I knew Courtney for less than a month, that I bonded with her in extreme circumstances, or that I’ve never had a real relationship before. Heather may say I’m foolish for leaving, but she won’t question my motives, and she won’t say that what Courtney and I had wasn’t real.

“You imply that your presence is of little consequence down here,” said Heather, “but if you leave this place, your life will be worth even less. The world outside has
nothing to offer—nothing
. No matter how smart you are, you will do nothing on the surface, because there is nothing that
can
be done up there. If you leave this place, you might as well kill yourself now, because you’re entering a world with no potential.”

“The surface has potential,” said Ash.

“How do you know?”

“Because I’ve read about it in the Salvation’s archives,” said Ash.

Heather was taken aback at this.

“I’m not implying that this place has been concealing anything, because they haven’t,” said Ash. “But I dug deep into the archives here, and all Metatron knew was that the flare was coming. No one here knows
why
it’s here, and no one knows how long it will last.”

Ash paused to gather his thoughts.

“Everything is possible now,” said Ash. “The flare might wipe out everyone on the surface or it might vanish in a decade and leave patches of people spread out. The Salvation might never be able to leave for the surface, or it might emerge to find an abandoned earth. The people here might ascend to the surface only to find hostile societies that live much as humans did fifty thousand years ago.”

“And the Salvation has prepared for each scenario?”

“More thoroughly than you can possibly imagine,” said Ash. “War, desolation, even a world with a new set of species … Metatron has prepared for it all. Whatever happens, this place will be ready.”

“Then you should be here when we emerge,” said Heather. “Even if the flare ends in two centuries you’ll be there in some shape or form, but only if you stay down here. If you leave, you’ll die and that will be the end of you.”

“This place has prepared for every scenario,” said Ash. “But those on the surface have not. They don’t know what I know, and if I can just tell them—”

“Stay for me,” interrupted Heather, her voice cracking.

Ash was startled by the request. Her disappointment had turned to vulnerability, and her jaw was now quivering. She composed herself and then spoke.

“Stay for me, because you’re the one thing that I have,” said Heather. “You’re my brother, and I know that a brother’s bond isn’t the same as a life partner, but I
have
no life partner. Even if I did, I’d still prefer you, because you were the one thing that was always mine, the brother with limitless potential.”

Heather stared at Ash with an intensity he’d never seen before, from her or anyone else.

“Why do you think I protected you when no one else did,
every single time
? Why do you think I never got jealous when Dad spent every second with you and forgot that I even existed? Why did I celebrate your successes and never begrudge them, not even one? And when life didn’t turn out as you planned, why did I take you in without asking for anything in return? Tell me, Ash, why did I do all this?”

Ash had no response.

“I was there for you because your potential is my own,” said Heather. “We’re more than just siblings, we’re twins, two halves that shared a womb and entered this world as one. I was happy to stay on the sidelines, cheering you on because I knew one day you were going to do something extraordinary. Your piano would be heard by millions, or your work would cure a disease, or your writing would be read forever. You could do anything, and I never envied that because your potential was too
important
to envy.”

Heather looked away.

“And then life happened, and things didn’t turn out the way they were supposed to,” she continued. “Your piano wasn’t heard by millions, and your work didn’t cure diseases. You couldn’t even hold a job to support yourself. I wasn’t much better, mind you. I got a house, affairs with a few incomplete men, and not much else. I played out my hand, and it didn’t end up that great for me either.

“But
you
could never play out your hand, because you always had that
potential
, and I saw it too, even while you slept on my couch and spent your days in dark depressions. Your skills never quite deteriorated, and your potential was always
there
. I felt that my own life wouldn’t amount to more than it was, but yours
might
. There was nothing to show me that it would, but I knew that you just
might
be more than you were, and I’d make an impact through you.”

Heather smiled, though only slightly. Ash saw her eyes glistening, and her jaw continued to quiver.

“And then the flare happened, and after it did, against a thousand obstacles we made it to this place,” said Heather, “a place that can help take your abilities farther than I’d ever thought possible. This isn’t playing your piano for millions, Ash, this is
everything
! This is our
species
, and our entire future! I may be here as just another doctor, and I may be forgotten as one, but I’ll do something through you! Do you recognize that even here, my entire being
still
lies entirely within you, and what you can do for this world? Do you realize that if you leave, this place will become my coffin? It will be just like my old home, a comfortable shell for me to grow old in and then die alone, with nothing to leave behind.
Nothing
.”

Heather cried a single tear, and swallowed it back up before looking at Ash.

“If you leave, you’ll die and I’ll die with you. If you leave, I’ll die alone.”

Heather stared at Ash, no longer crying. She had meant what she said, but her one tear had already fallen, and she had no more.

“I’ll be with you,” said Ash.

“No you won’t.”

“I will, in a sense.”

Heather squinted her eyes, incredulous but willing to listen.

“I’m going to the surface, but I won’t be gone forever. I’ll survive, because I’m smart enough to survive. You want importance? You want potential? There are two worlds left on this earth, and I’ll be the only one alive who will serve as the link between the two. There are still survivors on the surface, and I’ll be the only one to tell them there’s something beyond what they see in front of them. And though I’m going to Hell above, you’ll be my one link to Heaven below, and I’ll find you again. You know I will, because I know how to get through the system here. I’ll be able to find a way to contact you, no matter how smart they are. You know this to be true.”

Heather nodded in agreement.

“And they won’t punish you for my absence,” said Ash, “because they don’t punish their own citizens, not ever. And because …”

“Because why?” she asked.

Ash smiled and looked at the train around him, unlit but still white and smooth in the darkness.

“Because they must know what I’m doing,” said Ash. “They’re too smart to be outwitted, to have one of their citizens leave their control.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying if I leave, it will still be part of their plan,” said Ash. “I don’t know what the plan is, but I’d believe it to be good, and you’d be a part of it too.”

Heather nodded in understanding. Her single tear had dried, but she was now frowning.

“Besides looking for Courtney,” said Heather, “what are you going to do up there?”

“I’ll build shelters, fix cars, and I might try to help found a functional city, or a group of cities if I’m able,” said Ash. “I’ll take what I’ve learned about society down here and bring it to the enclaves I help build on the surface.”

Heather thought about this, and her frown turned into a smile, albeit a small one.

“I believe it,” said Heather. “If there’s anyone smart enough to found a city with his ideas, it would be you.”

“I’ll do more than that, too,” said Ash. “Perhaps most importantly, I’ll bring awareness. I’ll spread the idea that the flare may end, and that there’s hope. Perhaps that’s what the world needs most of all.”

/***/

Ash ascended the stairs in his suit and stood in front of the heavy door with the helmet in his right hand and a full silver backpack in his left. He paused for a moment and thought about how the angels hadn’t interfered with his plan. If he was indeed their most prized citizen they wouldn’t have let him go, or they would have at least stopped him and begged him to stay.

They know what I’m doing.
This has to be part of their agenda, and they know it’s the right thing.

Ash thought of Heather one last time. He had said with confidence that he was going to see her again, but he also knew that nothing was certain in this world anymore. He could die, get lost, or meet his end in a thousand different ways before he found a way to return to his sister.

But destiny splits us apart
.
Children grow up and leave home, parents die and leave forever. Ultimately, the only thing that remains is our memories of each other.

Ash thought of Courtney, and how much he wanted to see her again.
If I ever find her,
it will be a long time before I do. Wherever she is, there’s surely twenty abandoned cities and a thousand hostile enemies between us.

Ash knew he didn’t have an easy road in front of him. He’d have to depend on some strangers and avoid others that might be hostile. He’d have to walk in the full fury of the sun and sleep hidden in the night. He’d have to find shelter in caves and loot dead families’ homes for supplies.

But if she still lives, I’ll find her.
And I hope she still lives.

Ash took a deep breath and put on his backpack. It was quite small against the oversized suit, like a child’s backpack, but its connectors snapped in tightly, and he put on his helmet after they did. He was now in darkness, and reached down with his right hand to feel for the door handle.

He thought of Landini, and of Rachmaninoff.
Blind Landini wouldn’t have made it here, and some say Rachmaninoff’s big hands came from Marfan syndrome.
He wouldn’t have made it in either.

Ash could almost hear the two composers’ music playing together in his head, Landini’s joyous notes picking up the pace of Rachmaninoff’s concerto, bringing it up to an impossible crescendo as he opened the door. The music played even as he felt the sun white hot, cooking the world into a hazy red and shining angrily through his facemask, reminding him that it could kill him at any moment.