Floors: (17 page)

“It’s all fake, nothing is real,” Remi repeated over and over.

They heard voices, which they followed, and entered a dreary clearing with a long stone table.

“This can’t be,” whispered Leo, for the table was very full of people. All the long-term guests were there, even Theodore Bump and the Yanceys.

“
Mom
?” said Remi.

“Remilio!” She beamed with plea sure at the sight of her son. She stood up nervously, still in her maid’s uniform.

Clarence Fillmore was also there, sitting across from Remi’s mom.

“What’s going on here?” The question came from Leo and Remi at the same time.

“All the invitations were the same,” said Mr. Fillmore, holding up an envelope. It wasn’t tiny, like the one Leo and Remi had gotten. It was a normal size. A lot of the other guests held up their invitations, too, and Leo’s dad read his.

“‘Party on the eighth floor, tell no one! Arrive eight P.M. sharp.’”

“Really, I was only going to stop in for a moment,” Pilar said again, feeling awful for not telling her own son. “Mostly out of curiosity.”

Clarence Fillmore nodded the same, but little Jane Yancey felt differently. “I don’t know why the help get to come, especially
those
two.” She pointed in Leo and Remi’s general direction. “It’s a hotel, Daddy. It’s for
guests
.”

The chandelier over the table fell two feet and jerked to a stop, sending all the guests into a fit of screaming and laughter.

Jane Yancey glared at Leo. “Hey, Mr. Maintenance Man, your light fell down. Aren’t you going to fix it?”

There was one thing Leo and Remi were starting to realize about Jane Yancey: It took a lot to scare her.

A single bat flew over the table and disappeared in a burst of flame. When the smoke cleared, Count Dracula was standing at the head of the table. Jane Yancey rolled her eyes as Dracula spoke.

“Dinner is served.”

The restaurant staff was dressed in black — grim butlers and maids — and they began serving the first course.

Remi and Leo couldn’t help notice their parents were sitting across from each other, ignoring everyone else at the table.

“I think I’ll show Remi around the Haunted Room,” said Leo. “We’re not hungry.”

“But …” said Remi, thinking of how little he’d eaten all day. He looked at Leo and could tell he didn’t want to sit at the long stone table and talk to a bunch of grown-ups. Besides, they were there for a reason the others weren’t: They had to find a Flying Farm key card.

The two headed down a dark path sparkling with fireflies, and when they were out of earshot, Leo reminded Remi of Merganzer’s words.

“Don’t you remember, from the box?” he whispered. “‘When all are gathered, make your flight.’ This whole thing is a setup so we can move around the hotel unseen.”

“He’s helping us!” Remi said too loudly, which was followed by the sound of a witch cackling off in the woods.

“Not everyone’s here,” said Leo, who was less enthusiastic than Remi. “I didn’t see Ms. Sparks or Mr. Phipps.”

Remi punched Leo in a friendly sort of way. “Even Merganzer wouldn’t invite that old witch to a party, and Mr. Phipps goes to bed at, like, seven thirty. Dude’s probably sleeping.”

“Either way, we need to get out of here,” said Leo. “It’s what the box said.”

“Right,
focus
,” said Remi. “We got this.”

Just as he said
We got this
, a gathering of zombies started following them on the path. Two more appeared in front of them.

“We’re trapped!” yelled Remi.

“Remi, please, try to remember. It’s all
fake
.”

Leo walked up to one of the approaching zombies and brushed it aside. Its arm fell off and Remi shuddered, but Leo picked it up and tossed it into the gloomy trees. All the zombies followed after it.

“This is the weirdest hotel room
ever
,” said Remi.

“That’s what you said about the last one.”

“Yeah, but this time I really mean it.”

They arrived at the opening of a narrow tunnel, which would require getting down on their knees. A creepy slurping sound came from inside.

“No way,” said Remi. “Not gonna happen. Whatever’s in there will eat my face off.”

“For crying out loud, Remi,” said Leo, sitting down in front of the opening and patting the ground. “Come on, sit down. Let’s just take a break and get you back in the game.”

Remi sat on the far side of Leo, away from the opening, and a spider the size of a tennis ball drifted down in front of his face. Remi was having some trouble breathing until Leo batted it away with his hand and it went scurrying into the dark.

“You’re a braver man than I am,” said Remi. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“I’ve been in here with Merganzer about a hundred times,” Leo offered. “I’m telling you, it’s all mechanical.”

He glanced at Remi and felt sorry for him.

“The first time I came in here, I came close to peeing my pants.”

“You’re just trying to make me feel better,” said Remi.

“No, honestly. It was pathetic.”

Remi started laughing as the mechanical spider crawled up next to his leg.

“Hey, little fella,” he said, picking it up by its back as the legs searched for footing. Once he had a hold of it, the spider wasn’t so bad. The fact that it was robotic turned it from scary to cool in a hurry.

“Where’s your favorite place to go, besides the Whippet Hotel?” asked Remi, touching the legs and finding they were cold.

“The New York Public Library,” Leo said without the slightest hesitation. It came to him instantly, but saying it sort of made him sad.

“You like books, huh?”

Leo sighed deeply, listening to the fake wind rustle through the fake trees.

“Yeah, I like books. We didn’t — well, we
don’t
have much money. My mom used to take me to the library every Saturday. I think I liked the books more than she did.”

Remi knew Leo’s mom had passed away a few years back; his own mother had told him that much.
Touchy subject,
she’d said.
Tread lightly.

“Your dad doesn’t take you? I mean, you know, since …”

Remi felt like he’d totally blown it, but Leo didn’t mind.

“He has a hard time going to places we used to go. But I think he might finally be feeling a little better.” Leo looked off toward the table, imagining his dad talking to Pilar. He thought of the ring he’d gotten back for him. Maybe his dad was almost ready to start living again.

“You’re lucky,” said Remi, setting down the giant spider, which clung at his leg. “You get to live in this place all the time.”

Remi was nervous about saying anything more, because he’d always worried his friends would judge him if he told the truth.

“It’s a pretty good gig, I have to admit,” said Leo. “Where do you live? What’s your dad do?”

Remi didn’t say anything for a few seconds, and Leo thought maybe he should just crawl into the cave and forget about it.

“Staten Island. That’s where we live,” Remi blurted out. “After work we take the subway to Battery Park, then catch the ferry, then hoof it to a crummy old building, then hoof it up the stairs to a crummy little apartment. Dad’s not in the picture.”

There, he’d said it.

“Must take a while to get home,” said Leo, figuring it up in his head.

“An hour and a half here, an hour and a half back, but it’s a good job and Mom needs it.”

Leo was about to say he would talk to his dad and see if maybe something could be worked out, but before he could say anything, he saw Jane Yancey walking toward them on the path.

“I give her points for being brave,” whispered Leo. “Nothing scares that kid.”

“Wanna bet?” asked Remi, picking up the spider.

“You wouldn’t.”

Jane Yancey marched right up and stood in front of them with her hands on her hips.

“I bet you’re both too chicken to go in there,” she said, staring at the hole and hearing the noise.

“You got that right,” said Remi. “No way
we’re
going in there.”

Jane looked at Remi like he was the most pathetic kid on planet Earth and crouched in front of the hole. As soon as she started crawling inside, Remi set the giant spider on her back.

Jane backed out of the hole and stood up. She had a strange look on her face. The spider crawled up on top of her head, then down onto her face.

Then Jane Yancey screamed and ran away.

“I guess there
is
something that scares that kid,” said Leo.

“Come on! Let’s get out of here while the getting is good.”

Remi went first, then Leo, and before they knew it, they’d passed the foot-long slurping cave slugs and entered a small room with a glowing floor.

“There,” said Leo. “On the wall.”

“You’re sure this is going to work?”

“I’m never sure of anything in the Whippet, but the box made it clear:
slug cave, turn the goat two times around, push
.”

There were hieroglyphics of flying animals on the walls, one of which was a goat with wings far too small to lift it off the ground. Leo covered the goat with his palm, turned his hand twice, and pushed. The flying goat spun once, then twice, followed by a
baaaah
sound from the ceiling.

“Is that it?” asked Remi, staring up into the high arch of the cave. “The Flying Farm key card?”

Leo nodded. “Very rare. And very high.”

The key had descended out of a crack in the stone and fallen free, only to be caught on a bed of cobwebs high overhead. The key card had a dairy cow pattern on it, white with black splotches.

Remi piped in, “Let me guess — fake cobwebs from the fake spider crawling on Jane Yancey’s face.”

“You guessed it.”

Remi jumped but came up short by at least a foot.

“Get on my back,” he said. “You can reach it from up there.”

Remi leaned over and Leo climbed aboard, standing on Remi’s shoulders. He still couldn’t reach it, so he leapt into the air, knocking Remi into a ninja death roll. After they both tumbled onto the floor of the cave, they sat up, only to find Jane Yancey standing at the exit, her arms crossed over her six-year-old chest.

“You put that spider on my back. I
know
you did! I hope you had a good laugh because I’m telling my father, and when I do,
both
your parents are going to lose their jobs. What do you think of that, Spider Boy and Dumb Face?”

It was all Leo could do not to tie up Jane Yancey and leave her with the slugs, but he stayed calm, looked at Remi, and shrugged.

“Which one of us is Spider Boy?” asked Remi.

“Forget Spider Boy! You’re BOTH Dumb Faces!”

Remi knelt down next to Jane Yancey and looked her in the eye. “I think someone of your ability could be useful to us. Have you ever done any spying?”

Leo couldn’t believe his ears. “You really are a Dumb Face.”

Jane, intrigued by Remi’s question, looked at Leo. “Your
dad
is a Dumb Face.”

Leo realized the entire situation was becoming ridiculous. He would not stoop to Jane Yancey’s level. Instead of Dumb Facing her back, he said, “We’re pretty sure Ms. Sparks is a double-agent superspy who wants to take over the hotel, hit it with a wrecking ball, and build a fur coat factory in its place.”

This was, in a word, brilliant. There wasn’t a six-year-old in Manhattan who didn’t hate the idea of fur coats, given that they always came from cuddly animals.

Jane Yancey looked them both over carefully, searching for signs of deceit. Finding none, she put out her hand.

“Partners.”

Remi shook Jane Yancey’s sticky little hand, then gave her a mission.

“Keep an eye on Ms. Sparks,” he said. “If she tries to follow us, you’ll know we’re in trouble, since we’re the good guys.”

“
Obviously
,” said Leo. “We’re the good guys.”

Jane scowled at Leo, then returned her gaze to Remi. “I’m good at following people around and shin-kicking.”

“I bet you are,” said Leo.

Jane Yancey hauled off and kicked Leo in the shin, which felt about the same as being whacked with a baseball bat.

“See, told you so.”

She laughed at Leo as he jumped around the cave, then she crawled away in search of Ms. Sparks.

Remi laughed at Leo, but only a little.

“She’ll follow you around all the time,” said Leo, rubbing the sting out of his shin. “Getting kicked was a better deal.”

Remi agreed Leo was probably right, then looked up at the ceiling, expecting to see the Flying Farm key card.

“Already got it,” said Leo, holding the cow-patterned card out for Remi to see. “Let’s get out of here before she comes back with a weapon. I have a feeling we’ve created a monster.”

L
eo had a feeling about needing a duck. He couldn’t say why, other than the fact that Merganzer had always believed that a journey with a duck was safer than a journey without one. But it was more than that. They were exploring the higher levels of the Whippet Hotel, which had always seemed more unpredictable than the lower levels. And Leo had a bad feeling about the Flying Farm Room, a notoriously confusing place. He needed all the backup he could get.