Flutter (28 page)

“I hadn’t had a chance to change.” Jane dropped her
eyes.

“Girls!” Mae said. “You really need to calm down!
Jane doesn’t need all this excitement.”

“Whatever.” Jane rubbed her eyes. “Can I just get my
clothes and get out of here?”

“You can’t go anywhere, love,” Mae told her gently.
“You’re sick. You need to get well first.”

“And I can’t get well at home?” Jane tried to sound
angry, but she was already relenting and leaning back in the bed.
“Does Jonathan know I’m here?”

“Um, kinda.” I exchanged a look with Mae. “Did you
tell her how she got here?”

“I told her that you found her at the club, and she
was in bad shape.” Mae once again deftly avoided the truth, and I
wondered how often she lied to us.

“He won’t be happy when he finds out I’m here.” Jane
wasn’t threatening us, and from the look she gave Mae, I’d say she
was actually just trying to protect us. Her “boyfriend” definitely
had an anger management problem.

“We know, but we wanted you to be safe,” I said.

I didn’t really understand the animosity between us.
She had been living a reckless, dangerous life, and I wanted to
help her change that, and maybe get back to being friends again. It
would be neat to be friends with someone that didn’t live in the
same house as me. Although, she probably would be living here, at
least for a little while.

“I understand.” Jane picked at her chipped nail
polish and stared down at it for a minute. “You look really good.
Your hair is longer.”

“Yeah, our hair grows really fast.” I played with a
strand of my hair and smiled at her. “You look… Okay, I can’t lie.
You look pretty bad right now.”

“I know.” She shrugged her bony shoulders. “But I’m
here now. So I guess that’s something, right?”

We talked for a few more minutes, but she was
obviously getting tired. Mae sent me away, saying that Jane needed
her rest. It had been awhile since I had been bit, but I remembered
being exhausted for days afterward. Jane had to be stronger than I
was just to be able to sit up and talk.

As soon as the sun set, I enlisted Milo to make a run
to the store with me. We picked up groceries for Jane, namely
things heavy in fat and red meat, and energy boosters, like Red
Bull and vitamins. Before we left I went to see if there was
anything in particular she’d like to eat, and she said no, but
requested we get her some hair dye.

When we got back, Milo made her food, and she came
downstairs to eat it. Bobby joined her, and she seemed
semi-interested in him until she found out that he was gay and
dating Milo. Then he became almost a nonentity to her. It was good
to see the old Jane back in action.

Half-way through her steak (which seemed
unnecessarily rare, even by my standards, but Milo was the chef),
Peter decided to make an appearance. It wasn’t really intentional.
He had been back in the den, working with Ezra on something, and he
wanted to go up to his room to grab a shower.

As soon as Jane saw him, she locked her lasers on
him. Naturally, he ignored her, but she almost tripped over herself
trying to get up after him. Milo managed to assure her that Peter
was completely off limits, but that probably only made her want him
more. She realized that she wasn’t up to getting a new suitor just
yet, so she let him go without chasing him down.

Jane downed about ten Red Bulls, then went upstairs.
I finally convinced Mae that Jane would be safe in my hands, even
though I felt a bit thirsty. Jane wasn’t appetizing because she
didn’t have healthy blood, and what she did have was tainted by
another vampire’s scent. But I knew I’d have to eat before I went
to bed.

“So, I don’t really understand,” Jane said. She
strolled through my closet, looking for clothes to borrow since I
hadn’t thought to stop and pick hers up. I had a new and improved
wardrobe, and for the first time in our friendship, I had clothes
that she actually approved of.

“What’s not to understand about clothes?” I sat down
on the small bench by the shoe rack.

It was overwhelming being in the closet, surrounded
by all of Jack’s things. I had to go in here every day to get
clothes, but I hurried out as quickly as I could. I lay back on the
bench so I could stare up at the ceiling instead of Jack’s
stuff.

“Half of this closet is Jack’s stuff,” Jane touched
one of his shirts. “But nobody’s made any mention of him since I’ve
been here. Where is he?”

“I don’t know.” My phone was in my hand, and I looked
down at the screen, willing him to call me.. I hadn’t tried calling
or texting him today, but I hoped giving him some space would make
him come home. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all
that.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jane had moved on
to leafing through my clothes, and she looked at me sharply.
“Aren’t you two like in love or something ridiculous like
that?”

“Something like that,” I muttered and lay my phone
face down on my belly, so it couldn’t taunt me anymore. “We got in
a fight, and he left.”

“What’d you fight about? Who left the lid off the
toothpaste?” Jane asked dryly.

When she found something she liked, she just took off
her top. She’d just been wearing an oversized tee shirt, having
kicked off the pants a long time ago. While she straightened out my
dress before putting it on, she stood there, dressed only in lime
green panties, but at least they were bikini cut and not a thong.
Her spine stood out rigidly, but I looked away before I could think
too much of it.

“No. It was a little more serious than that,” I
sighed. Peter’s emerald eyes flashed in my mind, and I shook my
head.

“I can’t imagine you doing anything serious,” she
said absently.

Her focus was on her reflection in the mirror,
modeling the strapless cocktail dress she’d slipped on. Even though
I had lost weight, so had she, so my clothes were still too big on
her. I’d say they were too short too, since Jane was still two
inches taller than me and the hem fell way above her knee, but that
was probably just right for her.

“What do you think of the dress?”

“It’s great,” I lied. For once, I’d look better in
something than she did. Her shoulder blades stuck out like wings,
and the top was made for a larger chest, so it was drooping weird
in the front.

“Do you have any heels to go with this?” Jane turned,
admiring herself from a different angle in the mirror. “Every good
dress needs a good shoe.”

“Somewhere, probably. Dig around.” I gestured to the
expansive shoe racks.

“So what did you do that made Prince Charming run
away?” Jane wasn’t quite ready to get shoes yet and returned to the
task of stealing my clothes.

“Kissed Peter.” I closed my eyes and grimaced.

Instantly after I said it, I don’t know why I told
her the truth. It wasn’t something I was proud of, but since it had
happened, I hadn’t really been able to talk to anyone about it.

Milo had said very little on the subject, mostly
because he’d been too wrapped up in Bobby drama, and Mae and Ezra
had never mentioned it. Besides that, Jane was really the only
friend I had. Everyone else was family. Or Bobby.

“What?” Jane wheeled on me, her
eyes wide. “You kissed Peter? That really incredibly foxy guy I saw
earlier? You
kissed
him? I didn’t even realize that was an option!”

“It’s not.” I shook my head. “It was just a stupid
mistake. I don’t even really know why I did it.”

“I do. That boy is irresistible.” Jane looked wistful
thinking of him. “If I were you, I’d say good riddance to Jack and
move on to Peter.”

“I don’t want to move on to him!” Too late, I
realized that telling Jane was a really bad idea. I sat up and
shook my head again. “I love Jack, and I want to be with him. Peter
was an accident.”

“Okay. Fine, I believe you,” Jane said dubiously. She
kept staring at me though, chewing her lip. “So… does that mean
he’s single?”

“Jane!” I groaned. “Peter is bad news! And you need
to stay away from vampires for awhile. Look what they’ve done to
you.”

“Yeah,” Jane shrugged, “but look
what they’ve done to
you
.”

She had a point. Vampires were literally sucking the
life out of her, but me, they had given immortality, beauty, power,
and money. In fairness, those were all things that Jane already
had, except for the immortality part.

“But I’m still miserable. So there.” I stuck my
tongue out at her, and she shook her head.

“Oh, Alice, you’ll always be miserable no matter what
you have.” Jane turned back to my clothes, picking out something
hot pink and skimpy that I had never worn. “That’s your lot in
life.”

“Maybe,” I exhaled resignedly. “But what’s
yours?”

“My lot in life is looking beautiful.” She held the
dress up in front of her and looked at herself in the mirror. “Do
you have any accessories?”

Sure, Jane was irritating and self-absorbed, but it
was oddly comforting having her around. I always knew exactly what
I was getting with her. Despite myself, I actually sort of enjoyed
her.

For the hour I spent with her, I didn’t check my
phone at all to see if I missed a call from Jack. I didn’t forget
about him, exactly. The dull ache in my chest wouldn’t let me, but
I wasn’t quite as obsessive as I had been.

After Jane went to bed, I went downstairs to get
something to eat. The slow burning spread from my stomach, and soon
it’d gnaw all over me. Jane didn’t entice me at all, but Bobby was
starting to, so it was time to eat. I gulped down the bag of blood,
then went back to my room and curled up in bed.

I was having a dream about this incredible warmth
growing inside me. It wasn’t a burning, like a fire, but something
different and more wonderful. Like a bright white light spreading
out over me, until it became so much I couldn’t stand it, and I
opened my eyes.

When I woke up, my breath was ragged, but the feeling
from the dream hadn’t dissipated. I sat up, and I nearly screamed.
Someone stood at the end of my bed, but when I saw who it was, I
couldn’t even speak.

“I didn’t mean to wake you,” Jack said quietly.

- 28 –

I couldn’t breathe. Jack was pensive, his lips
pressed tightly together.

The more alert I became, the more his emotions washed
over me, and they were nothing pleasant either. Mostly, he felt
nervous and hurt, and I didn’t blame him. After apologizing for
waking me, Jack just stood there, arms crossed over his chest and
stared at me. I sat up farther in bed and tried to think of
something to say, but my mouth refused to work.

“I have to admit, I was a little surprised I didn’t
find you in Peter’s room,” Jack said finally.

His words were cutting, and all the more so because
they were from him. He never said things to hurt people, but he
wanted to hurt me now.

“I was never with him.” My mouth worked numbly, and
my heart hammered in my chest. “What happened was a stupid mistake.
It didn’t mean anything.”

“What exactly did happen?” Jack’s normally soft blue
eyes were like ice, and they pierced straight through me.“I don’t
know.” All the rehearsed speeches I had explaining the kiss
completely vanished. I had nothing except a blank expression.

“You don’t know what happened?” He gritted his teeth
and took a deep breath. “How do you not know what happened when you
kissed Peter? Kissing really isn’t that hard! I’m sure it started
with you putting your lips on his-”

“No, I know what happened!” I held up my hand.
Rubbing my forehead, I exhaled shakily. “I just don’t really know
why it happened.”

“Well, maybe if you start telling me what exactly
happened, I can help with the why,” he suggested coldly.

“We kissed!” I shouted, feeling exasperated already.
I just wanted to get to the part where I sobbed and apologized, and
eventually, he forgave me.

“Who kissed whom?”

“I-I don’t know,” I stammered and looked down. I
pulled my knees up my chest, and I wanted to bury my face in my
hands.

“Really? You have no idea? Just one minute you’re
standing there and then next you’re making out with him? That seems
pretty spontaneous.”

“Nobody was making out.” I couldn’t even look at him.
This was much harder than I thought it would be.

“So… who kissed whom?” Jack repeated, and when I
still didn’t answer, he got louder. “Alice?”

“I think… I-I might’ve,” I mumbled and swallowed
hard.

I could’ve lied but I knew he’d see it on me, and
that would just make things worse. I rested my hand on my forehead
and leaned on my knees. He had to take a few moments to process
what I’d told him, and his hurt was even rawer now.

“Are you in love with him?” His voice was so low I
could barely hear it.

“God, no!” I shouted fiercely and looked at him. “No!
I love you, Jack! And that’s all!” A wayward tear slid down my
cheek. I wanted to crawl over to him and kiss him, but I knew he’d
push me away.

“So why would you kiss him? After everything we’ve
been through!” He was almost pleading with me now, and it made me
cry.

“I don’t know! Honestly, Jack! I wish I did!” I wiped
at my cheeks. “I was really thirsty, and I was trying to hold off
on eating so I could get more self-control. And I just went into
his room to talk, to distract myself, and … I don’t know. We were
talking, and I just… I just kissed him. It was only for a second,
and then I stopped it and I said that I couldn’t do it.

“And I am so sorry, Jack! I am so sorry! If I could
take it back I would! I never wanted to do anything to hurt
you!”

“I’ve just been thinking about it over and over in my
head.” He rubbed his temples and looked at the ground. His eyes
were moist, but he wasn’t crying. “I kept thinking, if you kissed
him, could I forgive you? And if you slept with him, could I
forgive you?”