FOOTBALL ROMANCE: Tight (Bad Boy Alpha Male College Football Player and First Time Virgin) (Contemporary New Adult Athlete Sports Romance) (17 page)

Heather sat luxuriating in the warm breeze, watching a hawk swoop, dip and soar across the sky as if putting on a performance for the diners. She was seated on the patio of The Rusty Parrot Lodge, Jackson Hole’s one and only four-star restaurant. The view was breathtakingly beautiful; the patio looked out onto the Grand Teton mountain range, the snowy peaks glittering in the sun which was rapidly making its descent as the evening approached.

Tanner had gone to speak to the chef, an old friend of his. Heather had been amazed at how many people he knew in Jackson Hole, everywhere they went he was greeted enthusiastically – many going out of their way to show him fresh produce at the various groceries they’d past, new stock at the hunting store, or mothers who wanted to show-off their new born babies and enquire after Chloe. Tanner was always patient and warm in these exchanges, and Heather was pleasantly surprised to see him so relaxed and at ease.

When she’d woken up this morning she’d come downstairs to discover a different man from the one she kissed last night. She’d been dreading seeing him again, so embarrassed about the kiss they’d shared, and his swift exit from the house straight after. She needn’t have worried; he had been making pancakes for her and Chloe when she saw him, and he treated her with warmth and grace. He’d asked her if she wanted to come and see the town with him, she’d hesitated but ultimately complied when Chloe had joined in and insisted that she went. It was only later, when Tanner had left the room, and Josiah came in asking where Tanner was because they had a busy day ahead, did she realize that he was going out of his way to make her feel at home. Whatever she felt for him, and whatever he didn’t feel for her, she appreciated the sacrifice and happily climbed into his Chevy Silverado pick-up truck, ready to spend the day in his company.

“Okay, so – the chef’s doing something special for us, no idea what it’s going to be, but I know it’s going to be good.” Tanner smiled down at her, and took his seat.

“Great. How do you know him?” she enquired, politely. Heather suddenly felt nervous; they had spent the entire day in one another’s company, but it had been full of sightseeing and activity. Now it was just the two of them, and Heather couldn’t help but notice once again how broad his chest was, how ripped his arms were in the t-shirt he wore, and how attracted she was to him.

“Actually, he tried to teach me how to cook.” Tanner grinned, “not that any of it stuck.”

“What? You had a chef teach you, and you still didn’t learn anything?” Heather had to laugh, “okay – there’s really no help for you, Tanner Holt.”

The atmosphere changed as she finished her words. Tanner looked at her intently, his eyes soft on hers, and she felt her stomach flip over in response.

“I like the way my name sounds on your lips.” He leaned forward and with his thumb he gently skated her bottom lip. Slowly removing his hand, he leaned back in his chair again, watching her. Heather blushed and looked down at her napkin and cutlery, trying to hide a small smile spreading across her face.

On sensing her obvious discomfort, Tanner changed tack. “How do you like Jackson Hole so far?”

“I love it!” Heather exclaimed, “It’s so beautiful, so wild and peaceful all at the same time. You’re so lucky to live here. Is it where you grew up?”

The spark that had been in Tanner’s eyes dimmed, and there was a pause before he responded. “No. I grew up in Wilkes, my brother and I moved here a while ago.”

Heather perceptively realized that she should drop the subject, but she was amazed there had been no mention of a brother, especially considering his brother lived in Jackson Hole.

“Are you close with him, your brother?” she asked tentatively.

“Yeah, we’re close. I saw him last night.”

The night after they’d kissed. She’d wondered where he’d gone, but it certainly hadn’t been her place to ask.

“Oh.” She could feel herself reddening.

“He plays at a bar in town – he’s good. Talented guy.” Tanner tried to put her back at ease, he knew family was going to come up, he just never felt prepared to talk too much about them.

“Does he get along with Chloe?” Heather asked, feeling that this would be more comfortable territory. She was right, Tanner imperceptibly relaxed.

“Yeah, she loves him. He doesn’t come around to the house too often, but they get along great when he does.”

A waiter arrived with a bottle of red wine and proceeded to fill up their glasses. Heather was glad for the drink; her nerves weren’t receding in the slightest.

“What about her mom? Where is she, if you don’t mind me asking?” Heather took a fortifying sip of the wine.

“No – I don’t. Sadly, she passed away. Chloe never met her – she died in childbirth.”

“I’m so sorry Tanner. That’s awful.” Heather felt a wave of compassion for the man, what a horrible thing to happen. It would explain why he’d never re-married. How could anyone ever recover from that kind of heartbreak? She could imagine the two of them, excited to start a family and raise it in that beautiful ranch. It also explained his reluctance to let the kiss continue last night; it may have been years since she passed away, but some people never let go – they held on forever. Her own father had done the same thing, unable to find comfort in the arms of another woman after her mother died.

“Yeah, Chloe’s found it difficult without a mom. Clearly.” He smiled at Heather, sharing the humor around her arrival. “What about you, what about your life in New York?”

Heather sighed, and smiled at Tanner. She honestly didn’t know where to begin. None of it seemed to paint her in a particularly attractive light.

“Well, I was engaged to a man. My father’s business partner. The relationship ended when my father passed away, a few months ago.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Tanner interjected.

“Thank you. Well, I guess there’s nothing much to say, really. Before I met Bertram – my ex-fiancé, I’d wanted to open a patisserie, but Bertram really needed someone to support him. I suppose in the same way my mother supported my father. Anyway, it wasn’t to be. I was at a loose end, so in a moment of madness I thought I’d try the bridal mail order and see where life led me. And here I am.” Heather took a gulp of wine this time, she sounded pathetic to her own ears. She couldn’t imagine what he thought of her.  She smiled brightly, but when she met Tanner’s eyes, she just saw understanding, not pity.

“Sounds like you had to get back on your feet pretty quick. That must have been tough. You’re brave – it must have taken a lot of courage to get on that plane.” Tanner could see the hurt she was trying to hide, and his heart went out to her. It sounded like she’d given a lot to a man that had clearly been using her for the connections. Tanner hoped he never ran into the guy.

“Anyway, I’m glad I met you and Chloe, it’s been lovely getting to know you both.” Heather wanted to change the subject, and to her relief the food arrived. It smelt absolutely mouth-watering. 

“Sweet pepper crab cakes, pheasant breast, bison short rips and Wagyu beef” announced the waiter, “the chef insisted you have a taste of the best dishes on the menu.” He smiled at the couple, “enjoy. And please let me know if I can get you anything else.”

“My goodness.” Heather surveyed the table. It was full of delectable dishes, the sweet aroma of roasted chestnuts, pine nuts and the various spices that flavored the meat filled her senses. 

“I hope you’re hungry,” Tanner grinned at her, “I’m just warning you now, that I’m violently opposed to women that don’t have an appetite – so don’t leave me hanging.”

Heather laughed out loud, “There’s no chance of that. This all looks absolutely amazing.”

Tanner raised a glass, “a toast. To you, Heather Ayer, thank you for coming to our home.” They clinked glasses, and Heather met Tanner’s eyes across the table. She suddenly decided to put her reservations about Tanner aside, he might not entirely return her feeling of lust and desire, but he was a good and honest man. She could enjoy being in his company this evening; let her problems vanish off into the horizon, enjoy being on a patio with a drop dead gorgeous man, about to share a delicious meal.

They drove through the town in silence. The sunset had disappeared and the sky was washed in navy blue, the mountain pines appearing as black paper cut-out silhouettes. Heather had opened her window and the sweet air filled the car, making her feel drowsy and peaceful.

“Heather?” Tanner’s voice sounded strange. She glanced over at him, but he kept his eyes on the road. “I want you to stay.”

She didn’t respond. She didn’t really know what she wanted anymore, her original ideas of being a companion to Tanner had started to seem unrealistic given her constant and unrelenting attraction to him. He also seemed to blow hot and cold – and she really didn’t understand the dynamics of their relationship anymore. Maybe she could stay a few weeks and help him out for a bit, and then carry on trying to pick up the pieces of her life back in New York.

“I don’t know Tanner. It’s been lovely,” she hesitated, “but maybe it’s not the best idea.”

“I know this, our situation, is unconventional, but I think we could make it work. If we both wanted it to.” Tanner kept his eyes on the road, not daring to look over at Heather – he knew there was a big chance that he could lose her, and that was unthinkable. He knew he’d given her the initial impression that he didn’t want her around, and had spent the day and evening trying to subtly hint otherwise.

Heather looked over at him. Watching his profile in the dim light, she became aware of how manly and warm he seemed to her in that moment. And how much she longed to be curled up in his arms. Would it always be like this? Would she be happy to stay with him if she were to become a surrogate mother to Chloe, but without having anything other than a professional and distant relationship with Tanner? The best she could hope for would be friendship, and she wasn’t sure she could handle that. What if another woman came into the picture? What if he someday found a woman he had feelings for, then what? Heather would be nothing more than a ball and chain around his ankle.

“I don’t know, Tanner.” She repeated the words softly, and with sorrow.

“I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay with me, with us. Not just for Chloe’s sake.” His jaw clenched, he couldn’t be too raw with his feelings – not yet. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but the stakes were too high, there was too much at risk if she rejected him completely.

“Why don’t you want me to leave?” Heather asked. She instantly regretted the question, and hardly dared to breathe as she waited for his response.

“I… I…” He paused for a long moment. “I don’t know what to say right now.” He mumbled. He had turned up the driveway to the ranch, and was changing gears to get the wheels through the soft ground. Heather felt waves of crashing disappointment throughout her body. She berated herself sternly; of course it wasn’t going to be the answer she wanted. Other than being perfect, pleasant, and polite today, he’d given no indication of stronger or romantic feelings toward her. Apart from the kiss. Her body tingled at the memory – but that had been a mistake, clearly.

Tanner turned off the engine and jumped down from the driver’s seat. He crossed the front of the car, over to Heather’s side and opened the door for her. He held out his hand for her to take as she stepped down. As her small hand closed in his, she felt the warmth emanating from his body, smelled his musky male scent mixed with fresh soap.

She followed him in silence, staying close. The ranch was in complete darkness; Chloe and Josiah must have already gone to bed. She stumbled on a patch of uneven grass, and Tanner spun around and caught her.

“I’m sorry Heather, I was going too fast – are you okay?” She was pressed up against his torso, feeling it’s smooth hardness beneath his cotton t-shirt.

“I’m fine, thanks.” She removed herself slowly from his body. Trying to steady her breathing as they proceeded to walk side-by-side. Tanner walked with her up to the front door.

“I’ll see you inside then I need to tend to some things in the barn before bed. I hope you had a good time tonight. You deserve it.”

Before she could say anything, Tanner moved closer to her and bent his head downward, and the words stuck in her mouth. Her throat ran dry as she became consumed by the desire to be wrapped in his arms, to move her head up an inch to meet his waiting lips. His lips were close enough to her face that they tickled her ears, and sent a shiver running down her spine. She could only nod in return, hardly able to breathe, let alone speak.

She reached up and stroked his jaw with her fingers, her eyes looking deep into his, “Thank you for tonight, Tanner. I had a very good time with you.” The words were hoarsely and breathlessly whispered into his ear, but he felt them deep in his soul.

“Watch this one, Heather!” Chloe was on the back of a pony, practicing jumps with the help of Josiah. She leapt cleanly over the wooden jump bar, and the horse landed neatly on the other side, before cantering around the yard to complete the jump a second time. Heather applauded enthusiastically from beneath the shade of the ranch out building.

Tanner was standing a few yards off, tirelessly removing rocks from the earth; his aim was to create a soft, fertile area in which Heather could have her own herb or vegetable garden. He’d kept his plan private, telling them all that he was extending the chicken run, but the conspiratorial wink Josiah gave him told Tanner the old man knew differently.

That morning Heather had set up a make shift easel and bought out some paints, intending to capture the beautiful Wyoming scenery. She had started to do just that, but the moment Tanner had begun work she’d been unable to take her eyes of him, and so the page now captured his muscular form, shirtless in the heat.

She watched as his back and biceps rippled as he moved, lugging rocks back and forth over the soft earth. As she watched, she noticed that when his body stood under direct sunlight, she could see faint markings all over his chest and back. It looked like long strips of his flesh had been carved out of him, and Heather wondered what sort of horror had caused those scars. A wild animal attack? A car accident?

Heather caught Tanner’s eye, and gestured toward the pitcher of ice tea sat on the table next to her. She rose to carry it over to him, but instead he made his way toward her, wiping away his sweat with a spare rag as he did so.

“You are a good woman, Heather Ayer. My mouth feels like the desert.” Tanner came and sat down next to her, emitting a sigh of relief as he did so. Heather poured him the tea.

“What are you – oh, that’s me.” Tanner’s eyes had alighted on her half-finished drawing, and raised his eyebrows in respectful acknowledgement at how good it was, “you’ve got a talent. That’s impressive.”

Heather blushed, “It’s not finished yet. You got in the way of the mountains.” Tanner gave a short bark of laughter, “yeah, sorry about that.” They smiled at each other, and then Heather’s eyes drew back to his chest. The scars weren’t as noticeable in the shade, but she could still see very subtle outlines of their grooves marking his skin.

“Tanner, what are those marks on your body? They look pretty ferocious…I thought maybe a wild animal had hurt you?” Heather was tentative approaching the subject; she didn’t want him to think she was prying.

Tanner smirked; it was not a happy look. His bright mood seemed to have immediately vanished. There was silence for a few moments before he spoke, “not an animal exactly.” Tanner took a gulp of the ice tea and then rand his hands through his hair. “I guess there’s a couple of things I still need to tell you.”

“Not if you don’t want to, Tanner. You can keep whatever you want private.” Heather replied, meaning it. She didn’t want to pry into his life, he knew without a doubt that Tanner was a good, honest man – and whatever he wanted to keep private he could do so. She trusted him.

“No, there’s stuff you should know. It’s about Chloe, too. But I guess I’ll start with the scars. As I said yesterday, my father died when I was young. He was crazy in love with my mom, and she with him. She never really recovered from his death.”

Heather nodded in understanding, a loss of a loved one was always painful, but if his father had been anything like Tanner, it would have been unbearable.

“I don’t remember much of him. Which is a shame, but just the way it is. Anyway, my mom married again – not so well this time. He was a nasty junkie, beat her up something rotten. He hated me and my brother. He would lock us up in cages. Whip us with chains and whatever was lying around. Starve us.” Tanner shrugged, “like I said, a mean scumbag.”

Heather looked away. Her vision had started to blur as tears welled up in the corners of her eyes, but she didn’t want Tanner to see her crying. Where would be the benefit in her tears? There weren’t tears enough in her body for the sorrow of a child being treated that way.

Tanner hadn’t noticed that she’d turned away. He wasn’t able to look at her. Still, after all these years, the subject of his stepfather brought up nothing but shame. Shame that he had never been able to protect his brother, that he couldn’t save his mom from her eventual fate and her bad choices. Ashamed that he let himself be treated that way, ashamed that he’d spent the whole of his life believing he’d deserved every whip, every slice of flesh ripped from his body, every hour that he spent in starvation, closing his eyes as he drank stagnant water left for them in a dog bowl.

“Anyway, my mom couldn’t cope. She got hooked on heroin. Didn’t know whether she was coming or going. My brother and I ran away. I was sixteen - he was fourteen. I worked down in Arizona. Mining. It was good, better than we had it at home. After a year we found out that she’d died. We went back briefly to pay our respects, but then we never went back again.” 

Heather couldn’t find the words to express herself. The tears were streaming down her face now, and she kept her eyes fixed on her hands, clasped together tightly on her lap. She couldn’t take the thought of Tanner going through so much pain. How lonely he must have been, how neglected. She knew about men who worked as miners. It wasn’t an easy life. Not by a long shot.

Tanner glanced over at her, half dreading Heather’s response. Seeing his bear was one thing, knowing how he’d let himself be so dehumanized was another. On seeing her tears, he rushed to comfort her.

“Oh – Heather, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for you to get upset.” He placed his hand on her back, finding a comfort in her warm sun-heated skin.

“You’re sorry?!” Heather was half-hysterical at his apology, “what have you to be sorry about? Oh God, Tanner – what happened to you is awful, it’s appalling. I want to rip that man apart with my bare hands. But it’s me who should be sorry, I don’t mean to cry, I’m sorry I am, it’s just…” She couldn’t finish. A fresh set of tears erupted from her, and she hastily wiped at her cheeks. Aware that Chloe wasn’t far away, and she didn’t want her to see her like this. 

“You’re amazing.” Tanner’s voice was horse with unshed emotion. He hadn’t expected this kind of reaction, hadn’t expected her to care so deeply about him – he should have known better. He desperately wanted to drag her into his arms, take her upstairs and make love to her again. She was unbelievably beautiful to him in that moment, her eyes red-rimmed from crying, her rose bud lips swollen from bites as she anxiously tried to repress her emotions.

Tanner steeled himself; he needed to tell her about Chloe as well. It was important that she knew everything.

“Are you okay to talk about Chloe?” Tanner asked, gently caressing her back.

“Of course,” Heather tried to smile, “just ignore the crazy weeping woman over here.”

“You’re not crazy – Heather, I can’t tell you what it means to me that you’d have that kind of reaction. I really appreciate it. More than I can say.” 

Heather nodded, trying to shake off the tears and return to normality. “Go on, about Chloe – what is it you need to tell me?”

“Chloe isn’t mine – biologically speaking.” Heather raised her eyebrows at Tanner’s words. It was the last thing she’d expected him to say.

“Chloe’s mom and I, well… we knew each other as kids. When she turned up pregnant, I was just getting the ranch up and running, and she was…” Tanner looked down again, he knew it wasn’t his finest hour. But he took a breath and continued, “She was in delicate health, and when she gave birth to Chloe, she died, as you know. But, Chloe…. In my heart she’s always been mine.”

Heather looked over at Chloe, now brushing down her horse, guided by Josiah. She felt sorry for the girl who had grown up without a mother, so like herself. She also knew absolutely that Tanner had raised her loving her as much or more than any biological father could. She also knew, without a doubt in her mind that she was absolutely, unconditionally in love with him.  

“I can’t have children,” She smiled at him, and took his hand in hers. “But Chloe has brought so much love into my life – she’s all I would ever need or want.”

Tanner exhaled in relief. Her small hand over his made him smile; Chloe may have brought love to her life, but she had brought it to both of theirs.

Now for the hardest part. Wyatt’s advice played through his head.
Tell her how you feel about her
. “I need to tell you something else. I don’t know how to say this because I’ve never said it before. I’ve had many women in my life, but they’ve meant nothing. I’m not proud of it, but I was lonely, I suppose. Looking for companionship. But you need to know something.” He cleared his throat and kept his eyes trained on the ground. Whatever he was about to say clearly wasn’t easy for him. “There’s only been one woman who has ever made me feel this head over heels, butterflies in my stomach kind of feeling.” He paused and when he resumed, his eyes stared directly into hers. “Do you understand what I mean?”

Heather nodded and tried to smile. She suddenly felt cold. She understood completely, and a few days ago being Tanner’s companion would have made her content and happy. Now, she wasn’t sure. It almost seemed like a gentler and kinder parallel to her and Bertram – a man who just couldn’t truly love her. But this would be worse, because what she felt for Tanner made her old feelings for Bertram pale to insignificant in comparison.

It was as if the universe had played a cruel trick on her; gifting Heather the one man she could be herself with and love completely, but then having that man forever bonded with a ghost, unable to love her the way she needed.

Tanner rose from his chair. He hated how awkward he could be with words, what had meant to sound romantic had probably come out too cheesy and ridiculous. The smile she’d given him in return hadn’t quite reached her eyes. Though, Tanner reflected, he had just dumped a lot of information on her. Maybe she just needed some time. It wouldn’t put a halt on his afternoon plans, whatever she felt; he knew he was doing the right thing.

“Chloe and I need to go into town this afternoon. Just for a couple of hours. Can I get you anything when I’m there?” Tanner asked her. 

Heather tried to pull herself out of her mood, and smiled brightly back at him. Shaking her head in a ‘no’, not trusting herself to speak. She watched as he walked toward the main body of the ranch, and felt a knot of misery form in her stomach.