For Keeps (Aggie's Inheritance) (85 page)

I am sorry that you are put in this position, but as difficult as it is, I do think your sister made a wise provision.

Sincerely,

Robert Moss Attorney at Law

The trepidation Aggie felt was evident in her demeanor and even the rigid way she gripped the other envelope. He pried her hand from the source of her unease and began praying. That familiar gesture, always his first course of action in any unfamiliar, unpleasant, and even joyful situation, brought her more comfort than she could have expected. She loved the way Luke’s heart was not only attuned to prayer but also how quick he was to include her in it.

Once finished asking for the Lord’s strength and wisdom, Luke unclasped the envelope with Allie’s letter and pulled the sheets of paper from it, handing them to her. Aggie smiled.
“
You knew that was the worst part for me, didn’t you?
”

“
I knew you’d be less reluctant if it was already opened, yes.
”

Grateful for his insight, Aggie read the letter, reread sections, and tried to digest the contents. Her face was devoid of all emotion, something so unusual in Aggie that Luke grew visibly alarmed. When she passed him the letter, Luke gave her one more glance before reading the words that had clearly upset her even if it didn’t show.

Dearest Aggie,

I promise I won’t start with,
“
I guess I’ve gone to glory if you’re reading this.
”
Are you relieved? Somehow, I think you are. I can almost see your face as you’re reading this.

First, I need to apologize. I know I never asked you if you’d be willing to take on such a huge responsibility. I know you never really understood what the paperwork was that we had you sign every now and then. You trusted me, and even as I write this, I feel like I’m abusing that trust, but it’s for my children. You’ve lived with them for nearly a year. Have you learned what the love of one’s children can do to a mother yet? Somehow, I think you have.

I deliberately chose not to tell you about our plans for their care, because I knew you’d fret over it. You’d make decisions for your life based on
“
what ifs
”
that might never happen. I look forward to burning these letters the day our older children are old enough to take over this responsibility for us.

It is unfair of me not to have given you a choice. For that, I am so very sorry. Leaving my children motherless is a horrible thought, but not providing for their welfare in that event is worse. I’ve rewritten this letter three times now. The day you turned eighteen, after Cari and Lorna were born, and then now as Ian is here. I had to have a plan in place that provided for their welfare immediately in order to prevent Mother Stuart from gaining access to them. While Doug and I have made sure it is clear that she is unfit to take them, she is capable of causing more grief on top of an already terrible time for the children, so we wanted some way to keep their lives steady during those first few months.

Losing their parents is going to be difficult enough without them losing their home, their church, their friends, and each other. We have named alternate guardians in a codicil to the will which is filed at Mr. Moss’ office. These couples have willingly agreed to take the children and raise them for us in the event that this year has been too much for you, or you do not believe God wants you to continue. All I hoped for was a year of stability before changing up their lives further. They’ve always been so close. I hate the idea of splitting them up, but I realize that sometimes that can’t be helped.

I did consider telling you up front about these other couples, but I confess, I was afraid you wouldn’t allow yourself to embrace your role as their mother if you knew that you only had a year to invest in it. If that was too unkind of me, I beg your forgiveness. I’m not very good at this dying thing. Unfortunately, it’s not something we get to practice.

If you choose to relinquish your guardianship of our children, all you need to do is go to Mr. Moss’ office and sign papers he will have prepared for you. Please keep the children until after that first anniversary of our death, and then arrange for the transfer if that is what you decide to do. Remember, the other couples have been in a state of limbo for a year, wondering if you’ll keep them or if they now have more responsibility, so please do make your decision quickly. The longer you take, the more likely something is to happen that will make one or more unable to do as they’d planned and then the children would be at the mercy of the courts. I can’t stand the thought of my children in foster care.

Aggie, I love you. I have never been very good at telling you that, but you are always such a bright spot in my memories. If you can find it in your heart to continue to love and care for my children so that they can stay together, I know it would mean the world to them. But please, Aggie, please do not give up your life for this if you are not absolutely certain that it is what you and the Lord wants you to do.

Waiting with Jesus to welcome you,

Allie

Watching the emotions flicker over Luke’s face unleashed Aggie’s feelings, and tears began pouring down her face. Luke fluctuated between empathy for Aggie’s loss and raw anger at Allie for not seeing the impossible situation her letter would create for Aggie. He couldn’t imagine the turmoil in Aggie’s heart as she’d read that letter.

“
Come on, Mibs. Let’s find somewhere a little more private. We can go to Mom’s house, the church office, even the park
--”

“
Your mom’s house. I think I’m going to need her advice.
”

All the way to his mother’s house, Luke prayed. Hearing Aggie admit she needed advice worried him. Would she really consider giving up the children? He’d been certain sh
e wouldn’t, but now he wasn’t
sure.

The moment they entered Libby’s living room, Aggie collapsed in tears in the woman’s arms. Libby led her to the couch, patted her knee, passed her Kleenex, and then slipped from the room so Luke and Aggie could talk. Each wave of tears was less intense, until at last, she was able to speak.
“
What did Allie think I’d do? Did she really think I’d tear up their lives again?
”

Relief washed over him, but Luke tried not to show it.
“
I think she had to at least try to give you an out for her own peace of mind. Deep down, she probably knew you’d never give them up.
”

“
I don’t know, Luke. Allie has never been the kind of person to play those kinds of games. She put this in here because some part of her thought that I might actually do it. I keep wondering why she thought it was possible when I can’t imagine it. What am I missing?
”

“
I assume you’ll talk it over with your parents before you decide?
”
Something in Luke’s tone made her forget his question.

“
What’s wrong, Luke?
”

Aggie heard the raw emotion in Luke’s voice as he asked about her conferring with her parents, and her heart sank. Did he hope she’d turn the children over to the other families mentioned in the letters in order for her to be free to begin a fresh new life with him? As much as she didn’t believe it possible, a niggling doubt created new tears that threatened to overtake her. She’d give up all hope of becoming Luke’s wife before even considering handing over her children to strangers.

“
I
--”
His characteristic trouble with expressing himself was oddly comforting.
“
I can’t help but fear that someone will convince you that you need to release the children. I don’t know what I’d do if you did that.
”
Though Luke’s conversational pauses were longer than usual, they did manage to give Aggie’s heart time to heal from the beating she’d given it.
“
I love your kids, Aggie. I know it’s still presumptive, but I have dreams of taking the boys camping, sitting on that wonderful porch with a shotgun, keeping away the droves of boys who will descend on us someday, seeing the little ones give their hearts to Jesus…
”
He sagged against the cushions.
“
I’ve been premature, haven’t I?
”

In the kitchen, Libby overheard snippets of the conversation, her heart growing heavier as each minute passed. Hearing her son’s love and dreams for the children made her heart break for him, and she began praying in earnest. So lost was she in her prayers, that she jumped when Luke’s voice spoke from her elbow.
“
Well, Mom, it appears that Aggie has the option of rescinding her guardianship of the children if she chooses.
”

Though she’d heard enough of the conversation to know about the codicil to the will, Libby was stunned at the matter-of-fact tone in her son’s voice.
“
You won’t do it, will you, Aggie?
”
Overcome by the thought of the loss of the children in her life, Libby excused herself and fled.

Luke glanced at the stove, making sure that nothing would ruin in his mother’s absence saying,
“
Go to her, Mibs. Mom needs you right now.
”
He wrapped his arms around her for a moment, swallowing her in a bear hug that left her breathless.
“
I love you. We’ll get through this.
”

Libby sat in a rocking chair in her bedroom, struggling to staunch the flow of tears. Seeing Aggie in the doorway, she beckoned for her to enter.
“
I’m sorry, Aggie. I know this isn’t about me and what I want, but I couldn’t help myself.
”

“
I know. It’s exactly how I felt.
”

“
What are you going to do? I assume you’ll talk with your parents?
”

The young woman shook her head.
“
I can’t, Libby. It’d kill mom to think that I’d do it, and it’d kill her to see me ‘give up so much.’ It’s best to take care of it, and then tell her about it when it’s all settled.
”

“
So you’ve decided?
”

“
It’s so weird. I feel as if I’m supposed to feel like a prisoner who has been pardoned, but I didn’t feel like a prisoner, and I don’t want that pardon.
”

“
You know the family will do anything to help you and Luke raise those children. If it gets to be too much at times, we’ll take them for a week or three. That’s what family does.
”

Aggie’s heart swelled at the sound of her name coupled with Luke’s. She didn’t have to run the mothering race alone.
“
It’s so strange. I’ve felt so often as if I was running a marathon all alone, but it’s more like a relay race, isn’t it?
”

Libby’s face showed that she didn’t understand.
“
Why a relay?
”

“
Well, I just realized that sometimes I pass the baton to someone else while I rest. Is that what marriage is like? One person carrying the load while the other rests sometimes?
”

“
That’s a good way of putting it. Sometimes you carry it together, others you take turns so the other can rest.
”