For Love or Money (24 page)

Balance
and BFF’s

Lana

James
looks back at me from the microphone before he leans in, speaking softly, “Hope
y’all are having an awesome time. We were supposed to sing American Authors but
I think we’re gonna go with the song that hits a little closer to home right
now.” He turns and mutters, “Counting Stars by One Republic.”

We
all nod and he turns back to the mike. “This song goes out to the girl who has
my heart.”

When
the song slows, he leans in, making love to every person there but when the
song comes to life, so does he. He’s animated and dancing around, performing
his heart out. My pulse is racing from my song but watching him come to life
and bleed his emotions for the crowd is something entirely different.

His
eyes are closed and the guitar in his hands is part of his body. It’s the
sexiest thing I have ever seen, and yet I am unable to completely enjoy it. I
have visions of bleaching my feet and legs and even just joining a convent.

That
disgusting man is a serial rapist and I let him have sex with me and then he
violated me. I can’t believe I was so stupid.

The
song ends and I realize Nance’s dad has stolen this moment from me and I let
him, again. The crowd is going insane with cheering and clapping, and some
girls in the front are crying.

When
I see the response from the people, I know he did it.

James
rocked the show so hard, he made them proverbially take their panties off and
toss them at the stage.

He
turns and smiles. “Me and you!”

I
nod, lowering my violin and waving at the people cheering us on.

Michelle
comes over to me, of course, and holds the microphone in my face and smiles as
she speaks like she’s Miss Universe, “Lana, I don’t think any one in America
was prepared for this moment. You are an amazingly talented performer on
several instruments, if I’m not mistaken.”

I
force a smile, trying hard to think on the other things in my life. I see
James’ face from the other side of the line of us and point at him. “I am just
so grateful for the chance to play with musicians like these guys. They really
gave me an opportunity to prove myself. But the stars of this group are the
guys who let me in.” I hold my hands out at them.

She
turns and saunters over to James, like a little minx instead of a grunge
singer. “James, we hear you and Lana have quite the relationship already going,
even before the band started. Do you find it intimidating dating Lana Webber?”

He
smiles and lays his country accent on thick. “No ma’am. She is the complete
opposite of what you expect in every way.”

The
guys all nod and smile at me.

Michelle
holds the mike back. “Really? No spoilt rich-girl antics?” She laughs at me but
I just shake my head, looking down.”

James
shrugs. “Girls are girls, rich or poor. They all want the moon and the stars.”
He winks at me. “The secret is finding one you want to work that hard for.”

Michelle
fans herself. “Dang, Lana. You got yourself a good one.” She hugs him and
squishes her chest into my man, teasingly. My face is still on fire as she
makes her way to the other band members, kissing Nick on the cheek and slipping
him her number. She clearly remembers him.

Gross.

When
we finally get offstage I’m near tears. My dad wraps himself around me and
whispers, “The police have him in custody. Nance is in your hotel room. Her
mother called and said she had gone missing. We thought maybe she had hurt
herself but the hotel called and she was there. So Geoff is heading there to be
with her. He left when you went on stage. Are you okay?”

I
shake my head. “No. But I will be. I feel worse for Nance.”

He
nods. “Apparently, they’re pretty broke too. Hensley lost a ton of money recently
in bad investments.”

I
wince and look back at James. “Dad, if they’re cash poor I need to sell off
those apartments, before he has to liquidate everything and the value of my
apartments is nothing. I owe James half for the condos.” I glance back at my
father as he starts to put two and two together.

He
looks at me, pausing. “You bribed him to join the band?”

“It
was the only way.” I laugh.

“You
belong in this business, Lana. I want you to go back to Harvard and take your
MBA and take it seriously.” He smiles and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him more
proud. He sees my face and rolls his eyes. “It’s a thought, not a command. Do
what you want but contemplate it. A lot.” He nods at James. “You swear whatever
was going on in the video of last night was nothing?”

I
nod. “For reals, nothing. He would never hurt me. Trust me. He kicked Andy’s
ass for me.”

He
purses his lips. “That does make me like him more. Go and tell him I said
amazing performance. Him and all the guys. You were spectacular. We should see
about pissing James off before every performance. But I need to go have a
drink. This has been the worst day ever. I feel like a wretched father.”

I
hug him. “Yeah well, I’m not a saintly daughter so we match, dad.”

He
kisses my head. “That we do, kid.” He looks down. “You quitting Ron?”

“Yeah.
I don’t need to talk about my feelings with a stranger. I just need to talk
about them with the people who make me feel them.”

His
eyebrows lift. “Whoa. That was deep.”

I
wink. “I’m full of those lately.”

He
chuckles and walks off.

Leo
comes and hugs me, whispering. “I’m headed to your hotel room. Geoff says it’s
bad.”

I
scowl. “What—
does
everyone know
each other now? You’re texting Este and Geoff?”

He
laughs, kissing me and walking away.

The
guys are standing in a corner, talking. I walk up and kiss Brandon and Simon
both on the cheek. “My dad said to tell you, you were amazing.” I walk to Nick
and hug him, letting him hug too hard like he always does to girls—little
perve. He lets me go and I turn to James and kiss his cheek. “He said we should
piss you off more often before a show.”

He
doesn’t smile with everyone else. I know we need to have a major talk. I look
at the other guys. “See you back at the hotel?”

“After
I snag me a other one of the pussy cats.” Nick gives me the thumbs up.

Simon
and Brandon are about to leave when three of Bryce’s girls come strolling over,
looking like hookers.

“I
got this covered.” Nick beams and winks at me.

I
roll my eyes and walk out with James. “The start of this show is beginning to
feel like the end of it.”

He
wraps an arm around me and kisses my head. “It’s the end of a lot of things.”

I
glance up into his dark-green eyes. “Yah, like Mr. Hensley’s freedom. They
caught him, huh?”

His
eyebrows lift. “Really?”

I
nod.

He
sighs. “That is the best news ever. He’s behind bars where I can’t hurt him.”

I
laugh bitterly, knowing it’s true.

When
we get to the hotel I try to make him go to his room so I can talk to Nance alone.
He refuses, of course, and comes with me, insisting he will sit in the hallway.

It’s
ridiculous but I need to see her. Even after everything she did to me. When I
get inside, my heart breaks. She’s sobbing into Leo’s arms and shaking. She’s
saying things but I can’t understand them. I pause at the edge of the bed where
they’re cuddling but when she looks up and I start to cry immediately.

She
shakes her head, crying more sentences I don’t understand. I sit on the bed
next to her and let her cry. I don’t know what else to do and I can tell Leo is
traumatized, so we snuggle into each other and hold her until she passes out. I
lift my head from the heap the three of us have become and glance over at Leo.
“Is she asleep?”

He
nods. “Thank God. She’s so upset. Her dad told her he slept with you—you
seduced him was what he said when she called with the problem of Weaver being
passed out in the penthouse.”

“So
she had no problem blaming me. Thinking I was a seductress whore?” It all makes
sense.

He
shrugs. “She didn’t know he was a pervert.”

I
make a duck-lips face and think about it. “We should have known though. What
forty-five-year-old man has sex with an eighteen-year-old?”

“That
is nasty. When you say it like that, it’s nasty. He looks good for an older dude,
but not THAT good!” Leo wrinkles his nose.

“Whatever.”
I roll my eyes.

He
nods at the door. “Is James still outside?”

I
glance at the door and grimace. “Oh snap. Text me when she wakes up, and we can
try to have a conversation again.”

“Bitch
isn’t going to talk right for months. We are going to have to learn to speak
squeaky code.”

“That’s
probably true. Okay, well, I’ll crash with James if you want to stay here.”

He
nods and pats sleeping Nance.

I
stumble out to the hall where James is asleep against the wall next to my door.

God, he’s perfect.

I
lean down and grab one of his hands. “Come on, cowboy. Let’s get you to bed.”
He mumbles something, as he gets up, bleary-eyed and half asleep. I drape him
over me and struggle down the hall to his room. When we get to the door I fish
the room key from his pocket and smile at how tired he is. The jet lag is
murder.

Once
inside, I push him on the bed and help him take off his clothes and pull mine
off. He sleeps naked but I’m finding the air conditioning cold so I grab one of
his tee shirts and drag it on before getting into bed with him.

He
lays there, spooning me, and I think it hits him then that he’s in bed with me.
He moans and mutters. “You know, when I met you, you were a broken socialite.
But that’s not who you are anymore. Now you’re the light that brightens every
room and every heart. You’re the girl I always prayed I would find.” He kisses
my cheek and falls into a deep sleep. It’s probably the greatest thing that
anyone has ever said to me.

I
lay next to James, listening to him sleeping as I process it all. Everything
has fallen apart, but I don’t care. Mr. Hensley can’t hurt me. Andy can’t have
me. Nance can either be my friend for reals or she can hit the road, but I
deserve good friends. I want to be a good friend.

I
guess it boils down to the positives in my life outweighing the negatives. I
have the best boyfriend ever. My dad and me are fully cool, even if we make
poor choices trying to protect each other. Leo and me are BFFs. I have the best
band in the competition, if I’m honest with myself. And I’m not high anymore.
Everything is a genuine emotion and I am strong enough to cope with the bad
stuff.

Even
when I was beside myself this morning when Geoff told me about Nance’s dad, I
still found my way on stage and gave the best performance I could.

I
climb from the bed and tiptoe onto the balcony, looking up at the hazy sky. You
can’t really ever see the stars in LA, but I know she’s there. So I slink into
the night and stand there, in my tee shirt and underwear.

I
look up at the hazy sky and smile. I know she’s smiling back. The loss of her
almost ended every good thing. But thanks to James, instead I have learned to
savor the sweet and suffer through the sour with the balance I spoke to Nance
about once upon a time.

Love
is the balance in our lives.

Mistress
Lana

Lana

Nance
blinks and nods as we walk out of the courthouse. She leans on me for support, but
we don’t talk about the four counts of sexual assault or the assault causing
bodily harm, or the few other charges no one wants to talk about, that her
father just got convicted of. We don’t ever talk about the disturbing shit that
was found in her house. Things like naked pictures of me or locks of hair from
the other girls. Some of it is from the girls who came forward in California,
after I went on national TV as a spokesperson for sexual assault, haven’t even
been dealt with. I didn’t ant to but the trial has been so publicized that I
didn’t have much choice.

Finally,
she says something as we walk down the massive steps. “My mom filed yesterday.”

“I’m
so sorry, Nance.” And it’s the truth. I am sorry for her. We catch a ride back
to Harvard where the people still give me their best attempt at pompous-ass
scowls, instead of smiles or waves.

Fuck them.

I’m
mid glare at a girl when I notice Nance is still nattering on. “So, I decided
that after everything sells and I’m done my degree, I’m moving to Europe.” She
smiles. “I have already been checking places out and you should so come with
me.”

“I
can’t. The band is signed. We all agreed that we are recording this fall here
in Boston, and we’ll do a fast tour in the summer so we don’t mess with
school.” I shake my head and try to grasp the last five months of my life. What
a ride. The ups and downs have been epic in both directions.

“I
still can’t believe your dad talked you into coming back here.” She teases.

It
makes me laugh. “I’m lucky they took me back.”

“Girl,
when you guys won the show everyone in America fell in love with you. Ignore
the pretentious assholes at this place. Haters.” She points at a girl sneering
at us as she walks by. Nance raises her voice, “Haters.” I laugh harder until
she turns my face the way she’s looking. “Kid with no deodorant.”

I
wince. “Oh God. Let’s go this way.”

“I’m
glad you aren’t too different.”

“I’m
different but I’m still me. I think James and my dad still expect me to be some
grownup but I’m like—dudes, it’s been five months. I think I’m doing
pretty good for five months.”

“You’re
doing awesome. You aren’t even humping Andy anymore. That’s huge.” We enter a
bathroom where she leans into the mirror and reapplies her lip gloss. I don’t
want to do mine, because I have to go back to the room. I’m meeting James. Her
bright-blue eyes glance at me in the mirror. “You aren’t humping Andy right?”

I
almost choke. “Gross. No. He wishes, trust me. He’s still texting non-stop. But
I always ignore or send a fuck you meme.”

“Awesome.”
She laughs and then sighs. “I miss Leo. Is he ever coming back here?”

I
shake my head. “No. Just when we’re recording, he says he’ll pop in. Boooo.
He’s in LA now for good. My dad loves him though, so it’s cool. His dad sort of
has to accept him because my dad does. They still took away his trust fund
though. He has to marry a female to be allowed to have. He’s seeing my dad’s
meanest lawyer about using human rights acts to get the money. I don’t even
know.”

“Our
parents are fucking insane.” She shakes her head.

“Amen.”

“Except
yours.” She heads for the door, giving me an earnest look. “Your dad is pretty
cool.”

I
nod. “He is pretty cool. Him and Rach
are
pretty decent.”

“He’s
still with Rachel?”

“Yeah.
They’ve made it work. I hope she is the one who just makes him happy or he just
dates. I don’t get the getting married every couple of years. It’s crazy.” I
walk through the door behind her.

“I’m
never getting married,” she laments before waving and walking across the hall
for the door to the class she’s going to. “See you after. Soccer game later?”

I
wink. “You know it.”

She
has changed so much too.

I
wish we could have changed the normal way and not needed something so terrible
to make it happen.

I
leave the building, answering Este with a message about meeting at the soccer
game to watch James and Nick. I suspect something is going on with her and
Nick, but she doesn’t want to talk about it and he’s a man ho—he doesn’t
kiss and tell ‘cause he’s kissing too much. At any rate, it appears his family
is not too white. She still hasn’t clarified that one for me, but did tell me
I’m too white. I think it’s bad but I cat be sure.

I
hurry across campus to my dorm. I’m not even ten feet from the door when Andy
crosses my path, propositioning me with his smug look.

“No.
The answer is still no.” I roll my eyes.

He
shouts after me as I enter the dorm. “I still miss you! Just come to Europe
with me for a week. Let’s just get away and see if this can work. You need me
as much as I need you. We match.”

I
hold my middle finger up so he can see it through the glass and run to my room.
He’s been begging for all five of the months since we last got together. Like I
would break up with THE James Holland for Andy Saint Clare. Pshh, as if.

I
change quickly and hide in the bathroom as James comes running in and calling
for me. “Lana? You here?”

I
open the door with my serious business face on and a riding crop in my hand.
“That’s Mistress Lana to you.”

His
jaw drops at my high boots, bustier, and silk underwear. “Yes, ma’am.” He’s
been begging me for the whole four months we’ve been dating, but I refused. I
wanted it to be a surprise. His fingers come alive, undoing his pants and
earning a strike on his hand from the crop.

“I
didn’t tell you to do that.”

He
grins wide and gives pause. “Yes, Mistress Lana.” He glances at the clock and
raises his hand.

I
cock an eyebrow and sigh impatiently. “What? This isn’t second grade, Mr.
Holland.”

“I
have two hours till my first game against Yale. Can you just keep that in mind
please, Mistress Lana?” He licks his lips and smiles.

A
sinister look crosses my face “All depends on you and how happy you make me.”

He
laughs but only for a second. Then he cries out as the riding crop connects
with his legs.

“Hurry
up and get undressed, all the way.”

He
hurries as I take my time, grabbing my secret weapon. He is tugging at his
clothes, part scared and part excited. His raging erection gives him away.

I
squirt lube into my secret little toy that makes all the boys cry—with
joy, and walk over to him. I love the sound of my thigh-high boots clicking on
the hardwood floors.

He
is naked and waiting for commands. I strike his fine ass with the crop. “Hands
on the bed.” He puts his hands there, looking back nervously and maybe with a
little curiosity. I whip him across the ass cheeks again but connecting better
because he’s bent over.

He
growls, making me giggle nervously. He’s not like other boys, he’s only going
to take so much of this, and then I’m going to get the riding crop across the
ass.

God, I wish.

I
reach around, grabbing his cock and sliding my little friend down it. He
shudders and moans as I strike him across the ass and jerk him off with it.

My
secret weapon is called an egg. It’s made entirely for pleasuring men and it’s
surprisingly good at its job.

He
moans, almost making the bleating noise. I strike him across the ass cheeks in
intervals with the stroking. His body is tense and rigid. He’s bucking and
trying to fuck my hand, but that earns him another strike. He groans into the
bed but before he realizes this is actually hurting too much, I stroke his cock
with the lubed up egg.

“Fuck
me, Lana. What is that?”

I
jerk him off fast, I feel him getting close and stop, striking his ass with my
bare hand. “Mistress Lana!” He jerks forward, moaning again.

I
pull the egg off his cock and push him onto the bed. “Lie on your back.”

His
ass is red and sore. He doesn’t hurry so I bite gently on his side, making him
flip over and lie on the chafed and pained ass cheeks. I step up onto the bed,
standing above him in my boots on the bed. He’s looking straight up at my
pussy. I’m wearing crotchless underwear, and he hasn’t had a chance to notice
until now.

I
lower my self to his face, letting him pleasure me. I’m rough with him, using
him for my own indulgence but at the same time, ensuring he doesn’t stand a
chance at it as I reach back and slide the egg over his rock-hard cock.

He
moans into my clit, trying his best to keep sucking.

“You
have two minutes to make me come or you won’t at all.” I smile, moaning at his
pathetic attempt at pleasuring me.

He’s
working harder than I expected but my knees are on his arms, pinning them to
him. It’s harder to make me come without his fingers even when I’m not jerking
him to the point of orgasm and then stopping.

Every
time his body tenses, I stop, giving him a couple seconds and then start again.

His
focus just isn’t there. But I hoped it wouldn’t be.

The
two minutes pass and I get up, sliding down his body to where I’m sitting on
his erection and grinning mercilessly at the desperate look on his face. I’m
soaked from being turned on and tongue fucked so when I prop up his cock and
position it, he nestles between my wet lips with ease. I rotate my hips, slowly
sliding up and down him.

He
groans in pleasure so I grab the nipple clamps stuck to the back of my garter
belt. Running my hands up and down his chest, I distract him before I clamp
them on at the exact same time. He sucks his breath, like he’s uncomfortable.

I
ignore him, putting my hands on his ribs and riding him until I am at my peak.
My breaths are lost and ragged I build my orgasm.

He
continues to try to come but the pain is stopping him. Every time I feel him
get close, I squeeze one of the clamps down and his orgasm is gone whereas mine
is enhanced. I come all over him, clenching down on his cock and gyrating like
I’m getting paid to do it—no pun intended.

I’m
satisfied and sort of thirsty as I finish but his eyes are wild as he tries to
keep moving us both. I unclamp one of the nipples, slide off of his cock and
unclamp the other.

I
get up off the bed, but he’s stunned and confused. “Come back.”

“Nope.”
I flick him across the stomach with the crop. “You have to say Mistress Lana
and you didn’t make me come when I told you to.”

He
blinks, taking a second to get it all in his thick head. “Please, Mistress
Lana?”

“No.”
I fold my arms across myself and cock my head.

“Please,
Mistress Lana.” He gets down on the floor and tries to lick me, on his hands
and knees.

I
flick my leg. “No. Go.”

His
eyes narrow, and where Andy always obeyed, I can see he won’t.

He’s
paused contemplating it all for seconds before I’m lifted into the air and
flopped, face down on the mattress with my legs spreads.

I’m
instantly intrigued and giggling.

He
undoes my bustier and drags it out from under me roughly. He licks up my back,
rubbing his cock between my ass cheeks. “You want to play games, Lana, let’s
play games. I fucking took every whip of that goddamned crop. You owe me and
I’m collecting.”

He
shoves his cock into my pussy, making me breathe heavily into the bed. He fucks
hard for a minute or two before he pulls out and steps back, bringing his hand
down on my ass cheeks. “How do you like? Huh? I don’t even need that riding
crop.”

I
yip into the sheets but he doesn’t stop until he wants to. Then he positions
himself between my thighs again an drives his cock into me again, thrusting
hard and fast with his hands digging into my hips, lifting them back to meet
his pelvis pounding of my ass.

He
runs his hands up and down my back, massaging almost, as he fucks just as he
likes, until he comes, completely using me like I had done to him.

When
he’s done, he collapses on top of me, staying inside. “Guess you’ll have to try
harder to dominate me next time.”

I
turn to face him, grinning from ear to ear. “Why? You played right into my
hands.”

“Oh.”
He’s confused for a second before grinning.

I
make duck lips. “Yeah.”

“Did
I mention this week that I fucking love you?”

I
shake my head feigning like I’m trying to remember the past week, but it’s a
blur. “No, I don’t think so. You sure you don’t mean love fucking me?”

“Well,
I do love both, but I love you enough to make vanilla love to you.” He smiles
and plants a kiss on my nose.

I
act excited. “Ohhhh. Later?”