For Now (Forever Book 1) (15 page)

Camden

              My head is pounding and it tastes like a cat pissed in my mouth, but the stupid, annoying buzzing won’t go away. The fog clears a little and I realize that it is my phone. I turned it back on before I passed out. I thought about calling Elaina but couldn’t do it.

              I answer. “What?” I mumble into the phone.

              “You need to get up here. She’s freaking out. She woke up screaming, now she’s crying. You’re the one with the sister. I don’t know how to do deal with women,” Ryder says.

              “On my way,” I say, now more alert. I jump out of bed and throw on some pants, not taking the time to find a shirt or shoes.

              I take the stairs by my room, not bothering with the elevator at the end of the hall. Ryder is standing with the door open when I get to their floor.

              “I think she just had a nightmare, but she won’t stop crying. Tell me you can stop it.”

              I nod. “Yeah, I’ve got her, you can go back to bed.”
Don’t need him around for the conversation we are probably about to have.

              I knock lightly on her door. “Elaina baby, can I come in?”

             
I don’t hear a response, but I open the door anyways. She’s curled up on the bed, her face in the pillow. Her shoulders are shaking a bit with the force of her crying.

              After closing the door, I walk to the bed, climb in and pull her to me.

              She burrows her face into me and talks into my chest. “I’m so sorry, Cam. I wanted to tell you. I didn’t because I didn’t want to cause any problems between you and Ryder. He’s your best friend, if you knew that he pushed me against the wall and kissed me while I pushed him away, I knew you would freak out. I pushed him away because I only want you.”

              “He what?” I growl, “I’ll kill him. I knew he was a womanizer, but to force himself on a girl.” I start to rise from the bed, but Elaina grabs my hand. I stop.

              “He was really upset about something and very drunk. I don’t think he even remembered it the next morning. Caleb had to remind him.”

              “Caleb knew about this?”
How could she confide in Caleb and not me?

              “Caleb came out to check on Ryder and pulled him away.”

              “Just because he doesn’t remember it, that doesn’t excuse him.”

              “Cam, it’s fine. He has apologized profusely and I’ve accepted his apology.”

              “You should have told me.”

              “I knew that you would be pissed at him and like it or not, he’s your best friend and your boss. I couldn’t let the rest of the tour be uncomfortable with the two of you at each other throats. Besides, don’t you think he would be suspicious about you being so pissed about it? Please Cam, I’m sorry. I should have told you and explained it to you. This can‘t be the end, we can get through this.” She’s crying again.

              I kiss her forehead. “Shhh,” I soothe her. “I’m hurt that you didn’t tell me, but you thought that what you were doing was best. Next time, please just share with me. I don‘t care who it is, if someone does something to you, I need to know about it.”

              “I will. I’m sorry. I promise I will share everything with you going forward.”

              We lie in silence for a few minutes. I run my hand down her arm, trying to calm her.

              “I’m sorry, I wasn’t here for your nightmare. Do you want to talk about it?”

              I can see some of her features with the light shining in through the window. She’s biting her lip to keep from sobbing. “You were in the SUV, Cam.” She didn’t have to explain this, the crash is a common theme in her nightmares. “I just had to stand on the side of the road and watch as the sedan came up over that hill. I screamed for you, but car struck you and the SUV flipped and landed in the ditch. The sedan stopped and the driver stepped out. It was me, I was driving that car. It was all my fault. It has always been my fault.”

              “What? That crash wasn’t your fault. Is that why you have nightmares? You think you caused it?”

              “It
is
my fault. My mom had been planning to make my dress for this stupid dance for school, but none of my other friends were going to have homemade dresses, so I begged my mom to take me to the mall to get a dress. Mom insisted that we all go as a family and Braden was pissed about it because he was late to meet his friends. We were fighting about that right before the accident. If I would have just allowed her to make the dress, we wouldn’t have been on that road at that time.”

              She has been living with this unnecessary guilt for years. “You were thirteen and wanted a dress, that’s hardly something to feel guilty about. And that could have happened anytime. It isn’t your fault. The driver of that car is at fault. Do you think your parents and brother would blame you for the crash?”

              “No, but it doesn’t mean I don’t still feel responsible for it,” she sniffles.

              “They loved you and would want you to be happy. You survived a horrible accident, they would want you to live that life to the fullest and let go of anything that is holding you back. Have you talked to anyone about this?”

              “No, can’t you see? I don’t want to get over it to live my life. I deserve this guilt. Three people that I love don’t get the chance to keep living their lives,” she shouts.

              I take her hand and intertwine our fingers. “That is why you need to live an extraordinary life. Live for all of you. That’s what they would want. They loved you.”

              “I guess.” She was starting to calm down, I wiped away the last few remaining tears. I know that she isn’t going to believe me tonight, but maybe someday soon, she will see the truth.

              “Do you think you could go back to sleep, if I stayed here? I’ll just explain to Ryder that you were too upset to be alone.”

              She nods. “Cam, I don’t know what I could have done in a past life to deserve you, but I don’t want to question it. You have given me protection, understanding, friendship, laughs and I know about Karen‘s bills. I can’t believe that you would do that.  All that I can offer you is my love.”

              “You love me?” I whisper in awe.

              “I mean, um…” she stammers.

              I stop her sentence by pressing my lips to hers. I whisper against her lips, “That is all that I need from you. I consider it my job to protect you and do what it takes to make you happy. I love you too.” I whisper into her hair and pull her closer to me. She sighs, contentedly and within a minute, she’s asleep again.

Elaina

              “Oh Ellie, it’s so nice to see you again.” Cam’s mom, Beverly is walking towards me with her arms extended. She pulls me in for a tight hug.

              I laugh as I hug her back. “You too, Beverly.” I’m already sad that I don’t know when I’ll see her again. She’s an amazing woman, who kind reminds me of my mom.

              We have made it to LA after doing a few shows in northern California. Beverly is making us all lunch before the final U.S. show. There’s one night left then I’ll be going back home to Chicago. I’m still not sure what will happen between Cam and me. I don’t think I could move here and be so far away from Karen, Jackson and Amy, but Cam can’t really do his job from anywhere, he has to be with Ryder. Cam says we will get though and we will. I asked him to come and visit me in Chicago for a week when he gets back from the world tour. I’ve also promised to call and text every day.

              Isabel is the next person to come out of the house and give me a hug. “I’m glad I got to see you before you went home. We will have to keep in touch.”

              “Of course and you’ll have to come visit sometime.” I really like her, though I don’t know if I could handle her and Amy at the same time. That would be a lot of crazy for one room.

              She nods then screams as Caleb lifts her up for a huge bear hug.

              “Did you see that? I think my family likes you more than me. My mom hugged you first,” Cam says with a playful pout.

              “What can I say? She has good taste,” I tease.

              “I can’t argue with that.”

              I look around to see if anyone else is listening to us. They are all talking about the tour, so no one was paying attention, though I see Isabel eyeing me. “Cam, do you think they will hate me when they find out about us?” I can’t stand the thought of any degree of hatred from them.

              “No, they may be upset at
me
for keeping this from them. My dad will be mad about the risk I took being with you while you were supposed to be with Ryder, but they won’t be mad at you.”

              “Ugh, this is a hard situation. I don’t want to cause problems for you.”

              “Any problems that I have are my own doing and I’d do it again. Just one more night of this facade. It’s just for now, then we can tell my family and face whatever comes next. Together.”

              Before I have a chance to respond to him, Isabel loops her arm though mine and is pulling me inside. “If you don’t want the parentals to know about you and Cam, you might want to cool it with the intense gazes,” she whispers in my ear. I blush.

              “Do you think they suspect anything?” I whisper.

              “Mom might, but dad is oblivious. So are you two going to tell them after the show tomorrow?”

              “I think Cam might. I don’t want to cause problems in your family.” I frown.

              “I know Cam. He wouldn’t be doing this if he didn’t feel strongly about you, he never goes against Dad’s wishes, but you have given him a reason to. He loves you enough to take whatever Dad is going to say.”

              She opens the door to the house and gestures for me to go in first. The house is beautiful. When you first walk in, there’s a curved, marble staircase on either side of the entrance. Off to the left is a sitting room and to the right a study. And a chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Yes, a freaking chandelier.

              “Wow,” is all I can say as Isabel comes in behind me. This is nothing like the way I grew up. I feel very much like a fish out of water.

              Beverly enters and leads me to a large formal dining room and urges me to sit and tells Cam to sit down in the seat next to me. Isabel might be right, she might suspect something. She obviously isn’t upset about it, if she’s seating us next to each other.

              Everyone else files into the room and has a seat. Beverly has made a lot of food, there is chicken parmesan, potatoes, gravy and spaghetti. I look over to Cam and smile, this was the first meal, we attempted to make together. He’s smiling to, he obviously had the same thoughts. He must have told her about that night.

              “Who are you trying to impress?” Ryder asks Beverly. “We never sit in the formal dining room when we come over.”

              “Oh, you’ve eaten in here before. I wanted to have a nice night with Ellie since I didn’t know when she would be back.”

              Cam’s dad, Mitch seems confused. I can tell that he just assumed, that I’d go back home to my life Chicago. Having a pretend ex-girlfriend of your son’s best friend stick around, wouldn’t really make much sense.

              From across the table, Alex pulls the bowl of potatoes away from me. “Sorry, Ellie, I won’t have you ruining this dinner too,” he teases. I blush and everyone laughs.

              “Hey, Cam is the one that started it by leaving the mixer on as he took it out of the bowl and getting potatoes all over my face.” Cam is laughing hard now and clutching his side.

              “I knew I should have taught him more in the kitchen when he was younger. How is he going to make a good husband someday, if he can’t even help his wife cook?” She shakes her head regretfully.

              “I don’t help you cook and you still keep me around,” Mitch says. “Besides, he was with me, learning valuable life lessons.”

              After dinner, Isabel slides up beside me. “Want a tour of the house?”

              “I should really help your mother with the dishes.”

              “I’ve got it, you’re the guest. You two go on and have fun.”

              My jaw drops a little when Alex, Eric, Caleb, and Ryder all stand up and help her carry dishes to the kitchen. They obviously have a lot of love and respect for this woman if they are cleaning up. I had a hard time just getting them to clean up their dirty clothes lying around the bus.

              Isabel leads me up the staircase to the right. She opens the first door. “Mom set this room up for you, if you want to stay here after the show tonight. She didn’t know if you’d want to go back to one of the guys’ houses or if you’d be more comfortable here.”

              “This room is amazing.” Three of my bedrooms at home would fit in here. There’s a very inviting, four post, king size bed on one wall with huge, fluffy pillows. In front of the window there is a seat with build-in book shelves surrounding it. She leads me to the attached bathroom that is bigger than my room. In there, everything is granite. There’s a Jacuzzi tub and a shower large enough to fit four people. “I think I may just live in this room.”

              “Don’t tell my mom that, or she will hold you to it. She loves having guests in the house.”

              “Come on, there’s more to see.” She leads me to the room across the hall and pulls me in.

              “He might kill me for brining you in here.”

              “This was Cam’s room?” I guess.

              “Yep.”

              I walk around the room taking everything in. It looks like nothing has been touched since he left for college. Pictures of Cam from high school are on the shelves, along with several trophies.

              “He was good, wasn’t he?” I say pointing to a picture of him on the football field; ball in his hands, running down the field.

              “He was; football was all he ever talked about. It drove my dad crazy.”

              “Why?”

              “Dad wanted Cam with him after school, learning more about the music industry.”

              “I would have loved to have known him back then. Though, I didn’t hang out with football players in high school, we would have probably been in two different social circles.”

              “Who did you hang out with?”

              “I kept to myself a lot. When I first moved to Chicago, I wanted nothing to do with anyone and I guess it kind of stuck. I had a few close friends, but I mostly read, did homework and help my Aunt Karen in the kitchen of her bar. In college, I made more friends and met my best friend, Amy. She is nothing like me, but we have a great time together. You remind me of her a little.”

              “Come on, let’s get out of here before Cam sees us.”

              We tour the rest of the house, each room, even more staggering than the last. As we get back to the front entrance, Isabel goes to find her mom to see if she needs help and I want to find Cam. I hear Cam and his father talking in the study.

              “What you do mean, you need some time off, Cam?”

              “I just need a few weeks off. Can’t Isabel tour with the band for a week until I can get there? She has been wanting to learn more about the industry.”

              “Cam,
you
are Ryder’s PA, not Isabel, this is
your
job. You can’t just pass it off onto your sister whenever you feel like you need some time off. You signed up for this, you need to do your job.”

              “Hey, want to go get ready with me? I’m coming to the show tonight.” I jump, when I hear Isabel behind me, afraid that she caught me eavesdropping, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

              “Um sure. I noticed that you and Ryder still aren’t talking; I’m surprised that you want to go. And you seem a little sad tonight Are you okay?” We start up the stairs towards her room.

              “I’m fine and I’m not going for Ryder. My brother is heading overseas and you are leaving to go back home. I want to spend a little more time with you two before you both leave.”

              “We’re both leaving,” I whisper. “We’re leaving. That’s what we have, we have one more night.” I look to Isabel with panic in my eyes. She pulls me into her room and sits me down on her bed. She wraps her arms around me.

              “Hey, it’ll be okay. He loves you. You two will find a way to make it work.”

              I shake my head. “Even if I moved here to be near him, he wouldn’t be here. Would he?”

              Isabel doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t have to. I already know the answer.

**********

              “Are you happy that this is your last night on duty?” Alex asks me as we all sit in the dressing room before the show. Ryder is giving a few interviews in another room.

              “Um, yeah, I guess. I’m ready to be home. I’m sorry, I need to use the restroom.” I get up and head out into the hallway. I’m having a hard time keeping it together in front of everyone. I find a quiet hallway and give myself a few minutes to calm down. I know what I need to do, but this is going to kill me.

              “Elaina.” Cam is behind me now.

              “Cam, please don’t.”

              “Don’t what Elaina?”

              “Don’t do this, we both know what is coming for us and what needs to happen now. I love you and I’m thankful for the time that we spent but…”

              “No!” Cam interrupts. I flinch at his tone.  He hurries towards me and wraps his arms around me. “We can’t leave it like this. I want to be with you. I love you. I had something that I wanted to tell you.”

              “You love her?” Cam stiffens at Ryder’s voice.

              “Ryder, I…” Cam starts.

              “I trusted you to tell me everything. You were supposed to be there for me,” Ryder yells.

             
Oh god.
A few members of the press who was interviewing Ryder, heard the commotion and are now standing at the end of the hall, open-mouthed. A few start taking photographs. Cam lets go of me and turns to Ryder.

              Ryder shoves Cam back into the wall. Cam doesn’t fight back though. Security is now pulling the press away, but it doesn’t matter, they got their pictures and they already heard everything. The rest of the band must have heard something and came out of the dressing room. Caleb pulls Ryder away from Cam.

              “Okay, I think we need to take a few minutes to calm down.” Caleb tells everyone.

              Isabel is looking at me with pity in her eyes.

              “Elaina, we still need to talk about this,” Cam says.

              “I’m sorry, Cam. We can talk in the morning, but I just need to get out of here.”

              I start down the hallway. “Want me to drive?” Isabel asks.

              “Please.” Tears are now streaming down my face.

              She leads me out of the stage door and toward her car. The press must have called people outside the stadium because there’s lot of paparazzi waiting for us at the gate trying to ask us questions as we pull out. They work fast.

              “Why did you do it? You had one of the hottest rockers in the world right now and you cheat on him with his PA?” one person asks.

              “Were you just using him for his money?” another asks.