For Real (6 page)

Not every guy who looks at you wants to screw you over
, I
want to tell her.
Not every guy is like Samir
. But I can’t help being a little bit pleased that Miranda thinks Will was looking at me the same way he was looking at her.

“I thought he was really nice,” I say.

“His name is
Will Divine
. It’s ridiculous.”

“His
name
isn’t his fault. He didn’t make it up. I saw his driver’s license.”

Miranda sighs. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. He’s just some random stranger.”

“Don’t think about anyone else here,” I say. “Focus on us. Yeah, you’ve had the worst week ever, but we have an awesome story to tell the casting people, and we’re going to rock this audition. And you don’t look like a ball of angst. So don’t worry, okay?”

“I’m not
worried
.”

“Think of what Samir’s face is going to look like when he gets eliminated because of us,” I say, and she finally smiles.

We settle in to wait. I try to look engrossed in filling out my application, but really I’m scanning the crowd for Will. I finally spot him with a group of girls across the ballroom, his hand resting casually on one of their arms as he talks. I tell myself she could be a friend, but that doesn’t make me feel any better. If Miranda hadn’t acted so standoffish, that could have been me. That could have been my arm.

As if he can feel me looking, Will turns in my direction, raises an eyebrow, and shoots me a smile. I feel a tingle in my wrist, where his number is inscribed on my skin.

I smile back and make myself a promise: no matter what my sister thinks, I am not finished with Will Divine.

SAMPLE QUESTIONS FROM OUR

AROUND THE WORLD

APPLICATIONS

What is your greatest fear?

MIRANDA:
Never becoming a successful writer

ME:
Cockroaches

Name three (3) things you love.

MIRANDA:
Books, traveling, and my friends/family

ME:
Trivia, television, and my sister

Name three (3) things you hate
.

MIRANDA:
Cheating, my ex-boyfriend, and the other woman

ME:
Genocide, dancing in public, and cockroaches

What are you best at?

MIRANDA:
Writing

ME:
Pop culture trivia

What are you worst at?

MIRANDA:
Pop culture trivia

ME:
Schmoozing with strangers

Name three (3) adjectives that best describe you
.

MIRANDA:
Creative, adventurous, outgoing

ME:
Intelligent, logical, motivated

Name three (3) adjectives that best describe your partner
.

MIRANDA:
Shy, smart, loyal

ME:
Charismatic, strong, talented

Describe your relationship with your partner
.

MIRANDA:
Excellent

ME:
Excellent

Name something that drives you crazy about your partner
.

MIRANDA:
She acts like I’m an idiot for not knowing anything about pop culture
.

ME:
She knows nothing about pop culture. It’s embarrassing.

Is there anything you will not do under any circumstances? Please explain
.

MIRANDA:
Eat bugs. Get pregnant. Undergo plastic surgery. None of that requires an explanation, I hope
.

ME:
Anything that involves cockroaches. Because they are disgusting.

Why do you want to be on this show (besides the million-dollar prize)?

MIRANDA:
I spent the last year dating a self-involved, cheating asshole who wants to be famous. He’s on your show. I’m here to keep him from succeeding
.

ME:
I’m here to support my sister. Letting her loose in the world of reality TV on her own would be like tossing a baby into a swimming pool without water wings.

Three hours later, someone finally calls our number, and Miranda and I struggle to our feet. The production assistant who takes our applications has so much product in his hair that his head is probably a fire hazard, and I have a strong urge to poke at the sculpted curl on his forehead to see if it snaps off. On one side of the private room are a couple of empty folding chairs, and facing them is a small camera flanked by two casting directors. The woman is wearing a leopard-print blouse and shoes, and her arm is tattooed with a formation of flying birds. The guy has one of those incredibly annoying pencil-thin beards. Seriously, just have a beard or don’t.

“Hi,” says the woman. “I’m Charlotte, and this is Jim. We’re in charge of
Around the World
casting for the Northeast region.” They each extend a hand, and I wonder if this is some kind of test—which hand am I supposed to shake first? My Internet research on auditions said to go straight for the highest-ranked person, but I can’t tell which one that is. While I’m debating what to do, Miranda gives the woman’s hand a firm shake, then approaches the man. I follow
her lead, and then I’m immediately furious with myself.
I’m
supposed to be the one leading today.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” Miranda says, her voice totally calm and confident, like she’s done this a hundred times. “I’m Miranda Henderson.”

“And I’m Claire,” I say. “Henderson. I mean, obviously. ’Cause we’re sisters.” I sound so stupid that I want to slap myself in the face.

Charlotte looks less than thrilled by us. “Great. Why don’t you have a seat, and we’ll get started.”

We sit, and I stare into the steady red light of the camera. Oh God, it’s been on this entire time, which means my awkward introduction has been immortalized for posterity. I smile into the lens, as if that’ll somehow undo the damage.

Charlotte flips through our applications. “Miranda and Claire,” she says. “Why don’t you tell us a little bit about why you want to be on our show.”

For a second, Miranda doesn’t say anything, and before I know it, I’m babbling. “Well, Miranda just graduated from Middlebury, up in Vermont, and the other night we were at this graduation party, and her boyfriend—who was a total fame whore, by the way—well, Miranda couldn’t find him, and …”

It’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience—half of me is spewing verbal garbage, and the other half is hovering six feet in the air, dying of embarrassment. Last night, I’d made a huge deal to Miranda about keeping our answers succinct in order to make the most of our time with the casting
directors. And here I am, not even a minute into our audition, making their eyes glaze over.

Fortunately, Miranda cuts me off. “We’re here for revenge,” she says. Short and sweet; a perfect little sound bite. Maybe she was listening to my instructions after all.

The producers perk right back up. “Revenge?” Charlotte says, making a note on her legal pad. “Revenge on whom, exactly?”

“My cheating ex-boyfriend. Three days ago, I found him in bed with another girl right before we were supposed to move in together.”

“Ouch,” Jim says appreciatively.

Charlotte looks confused. “Sorry, I’m not sure I understand. How will being on
Around the World
allow you to get revenge on your ex-boyfriend?”

“Well, here’s the thing,” I say. I’m starting to calm down a little, and I want to give this talking thing another shot. “We’re pretty sure you know Miranda’s ex-boyfriend.”

“His name is Samir Singh,” she cuts in before I can screw up the punch line. “He’s a contestant on your show.”

Charlotte’s and Jim’s eyes widen simultaneously, like it’s a choreographed dance. They look at each other behind the camera and exchange a series of barely discernible nods. “Get Keith in here,” Charlotte calls to the production assistant. “He’s going to want to see this.” The PA nods his shellacked head and leaves the room.

When he’s gone, Jim says, “How do you know about Samir’s participation in the race? If he broke the nondisclosure agreement, that’s a serious violation.”

For a second, I’m afraid this might be enough to get Samir kicked off the show—that would be pretty good revenge in and of itself, but nobody would get to
see
us humiliate him. Fortunately, Miranda just shrugs. “He never explicitly told me anything, but I knew he was auditioning, and now he’s suddenly going to be gone for a month. It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together.”

This seems to satisfy Jim. “And why did you choose Claire to be your partner for the race?”

I’m about to say, “The whole thing was my idea, actually,” but Miranda chimes in first. “Claire’s completely obsessed with reality TV. You wouldn’t believe how much time she spends watching it, and she remembers everything she sees—she has an amazing mind for trivia. She may not be your typical charismatic contestant, but I think it’ll be good to have a partner with that kind of encyclopedic knowledge.”

That isn’t how I expected her to spin things, and I feel a stab of disappointment. Of course my store of TV trivia will come in handy, but I had hoped Miranda wanted me on the race with her because of who I am, not what I know.

Before I can respond, the PA comes back with a bearded man in a gray suit who’s carrying a cell phone in each hand. “Hold on, okay?” he says into one of them. Then, to Charlotte and Jim: “Make it quick. I’ve got a location scout on hold.”

“Keith,” Charlotte says, “I’d like you to meet Miranda Henderson, Samir Singh’s ex-girlfriend.” She doesn’t introduce me, which seems unfair.

Keith looks Miranda up and down, like she’s a show pony
he’s thinking about buying, then turns and addresses Charlotte like we’re not even here. “
Our
Samir Singh?”

“That’s right.”

“
Ex
-girlfriend? Not girlfriend?”

“Yes, ex-girlfriend.”

“Recent breakup?”

“Three days ago.”

“Amicable?”

“No.”

“I hate Samir,” Miranda pipes up. “I swear, I’ll do anything to keep him from winning a million dollars.” It’s exactly the right thing to say. I shoot her a smile that says
you’re doing great
, but she doesn’t seem to notice.

Keith nods slowly. “Love it,” he says to Charlotte. “Good find.” Then he puts one of the phones back to his ear and leaves the room. “Where is the damn permit?” I hear him bark as the door shuts behind him. “The goats are nonnegotiable.”

“Keith Childs, one of our producers,” Charlotte explains.

“He’s a little ray of sunshine,” Jim adds, totally deadpan, and I giggle before I can help myself.

“So, Miranda and Claire, you’ve got a compelling reason for being here,” Charlotte says. “We obviously like your story. But we need to know if you’re serious about the race in addition to the revenge. It’s pretty challenging, both physically and mentally. Are you up for the adventure?”

“Definitely,” Miranda says. “I have tons of travel experience, and I’ve dealt with some pretty crazy stuff abroad. And Claire … well, she tends to play things a little safer, but I’m
prepared to help her through and teach her everything I know.”

I feel my face going hot. For a minute, I struggle to think up a response other than
I’m the only reason you’re even here. Why are you treating me like I’m five?
But I can’t fight with my sister in front of Charlotte and Jim—we have to present a united front or they might think we’re problematic.

I finally find my voice again. “Fortunately, it, um, works both ways,” I say. “I’ve watched a lot of shows like
Culture Shock
and
Supersonic Safari
, so I’m the one who understands how the strategy of a race works. I have a lot to teach Miranda, too.”
For example, don’t throw your partner under the bus in front of the casting team
.

“Well, good,” Jim says. “You’re both bringing unique strengths to the table. That’s important.”

“That’s all we have time for right now, but we’d love to have you fill out some more extensive paperwork,” Charlotte says. “Can you stick around for a little while?”

“Absolutely,” I say. “We’d love to.”

“It was really good to meet you,” Miranda says. “We hope to see more of you soon.”