Forbidden Broadway: Behind the Mylar Curtain (76 page)

GIULIANI

I'm Mayor Rudolph Giuliani! And you're in violation
of NewYork City's new zoning laws for adult
entertainment. No parody lyrics within fifty feet of the
nearest church or public school.

ACTOR

Oh no! You can't close us down! What do we have to do
to keep from having our door bolted?

GIULIANI

From now on, this show will have to be more than 60
percent family entertainment. From now on, I don't
want to see anything on this stage dirtier than ...
than ... Mary Poppins.

ACTOR

Okay, Your Honor. I think we can comply.

[Calling backstage. I

Julie! Oh, Julie!

[JULIE ANDREWS, dressed as Mary Poppins, enters. The
ACTOR exits. I

GIULIANI

Julie Andrews! What are you doing here?

JULIE

Julie Andrews, Giuli-ani; we're a practically perfect pair.

GIULIANI

Julie Andrews, Giuli-ani. I love the way that sounds!

JULIE

And I love the way you've made the Broadway district
safe and lovely again for Disney ingenues. Thank you!

[She begins singing.[

RUDY

JULIE

RUDY

It's changed quite a bit.

JULIE

RUDY

The crime rate has plummeted! What's wrong with
that?

JULIE

RUDY

They obstruct the flow of pedestrians.

JULIE

Come along, Rudy. Spit spot!

RUDY

JULIE

RUDY

JULIE

BOTH

RUDY