Forbidden Highlander (28 page)

“I’m surprised to see you here,” he said.

Larena blew out a shaky breath. She had never been so scared in her life as she was at that moment. “I need to talk to you.” She paused, unsure now that she faced him. “Why are you here?”

“I come here to think,” he said as his gaze once more returned to the water. “My father used to bring me and my brothers down here to fish. We would talk of nothing or of important things. Always the sea has given me peace.”

She looked at his profile and swallowed. “I can see that it does. You belong here, Fallon.”

He turned his eyes to her. “And you, Larena? Where do you belong?”

“Nowhere. Everywhere. I have no home.”

“You could have a home. Here. With me.”

Her heart fluttered at his words. Unable to meet his gaze, she lowered her eyes to the ground and released his hand. “I have something to tell you. You won’t like it.”

“Tell me anyway.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and pulled the ring off her finger. “This ring was given to me the day the goddess was unbound in me. It has been in my family since the first Warriors came into being.”

When he said nothing Larena looked up. Fallon’s face was impassive, his gaze fixed on her face.

“I made a vow that night that I would not speak of the ring … or why I wore it for any reason. For over a hundred years I’ve never taken it off. Until now.”

She held out the ring and waited for him to take it. His fingers grasped it and brought it closer to his face to inspect it.

“Do you see the dark spot inside the stone?”

Fallon nodded. “I do.”

Larena’s hands shook as she raised them over the ring. She whispered the words Robena had taught her, words she thought she’d never use. There was a flash of light, and then the Scroll rested in her hands.

She brushed away a tear that fell onto her cheek and held out the Scroll to Fallon. “I should have told you. You trusted me.”

He didn’t take the Scroll as she expected. Instead, he handed her back the ring. “Put the Scroll away, Larena.”

“You don’t want to see it?” It was the one thing he had sought for the release of his brother. She didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to look at it. “You will need it for Quinn.”

“I’ve known what the ring was, as well as what was in it, since the day I brought you here.”

Larena stumbled backward, his words like a fist to her stomach. Her hands clenched the ring and Scroll. “What?”

“Sonya recognized the ring. She told me.”

Larena returned the Scroll to the stone before she slid her finger between the gold confines of the ring. She wasn’t sure what to say as her mind reeled from his words. He had known.
He had known!
“I see. You never asked me about it.”

“The decision to tell me was yours. I couldn’t push you into it, just as I can’t make you stay in my bed with the rising of the sun.”

“That’s not fair, Fallon.” She had come to him to release her heart only to learn he had known what she hid from him. He had still opened his arms to her, still marked her as his. He should hate her.

He grunted and raked a hand through his hair. “Life isn’t fair. I’ve lived three hundred years alone, and most of those years are a blur thanks to the wine. It wasna until I met you that I truly lived. Can’t you see how much I want you?”

“I do see it. It’s the reason I came to tell you of the ring. I want to be with you too, Fallon.”

“Nay, you don’t.”

He said the words so softly, that for a moment she wasn’t sure she heard him correctly.

“But I do.”

He shook his head, his eyes so full of sadness that it made her chest ache. “You want me when you need me, but the rest of the time I’m not worthy. I doona blame you. I’m not worthy. Not yet anyway. You’ve been alone for so long that you’ve gotten used to keeping everyone at a distance, and I’m … well, I’m a drunk who still fights the call of the wine. And I’ve got a lot to make up for.”

His words stung more than she cared to admit. “You think you know me, but you don’t.”

“I know you better than you realize. You say you want me, but how much, Larena? How much do you desire to be with me? Will you be my wife so that we can spend the rest of our lives together? Or is it just enough that I share my bed with you each night?”

A lifetime with Fallon. The thought brought a thrill racing through her veins, but once the delight ebbed, she couldn’t stop the worry of one day being alone again.

“Why can’t what we have right now be enough?”

He took a step toward her, his face lined with grief. “Because I want more. I
need
more.”

All her dreams of sharing time with Fallon crumbled around her. “I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you need.” She started back toward the castle, craving some time alone to mourn the love she had found … and lost.

“You can,” he shouted after her. “You’re just too scared!”

She spun around to face him. “You know nothing.”

“Oh, but I do, Larena Monroe.” He stalked toward her. His lips were pressed in a flat line and his jaw was clenched. Anger replaced his grief and gave his face a hard edge. “You’re scared of being alone, afraid that there might be someone you can count on. You’re terrified of putting your heart and soul in my hands for fear that I will leave you.”

Her knees threatened to buckle. Each word was like a slap in the face, worse because they were true. She turned and ran away, ignoring Fallon as he shouted her name. Larena didn’t stop until she found herself in a tower. She huddled on the floor in the small chamber and let the tears come.

No longer did she hold back the misery and loneliness she had ignored for too long. Fallon had ripped open her despair and it stared at her, demanding she acknowledge it.

But she couldn’t.

Fallon cursed himself for ten kinds of a fool. He shouldn’t have said those things to Larena. He knew he would have to handle her with care, but his temper had got the best of him when she said she couldn’t give him what he needed.

He watched her race away from him, his heart breaking into a million pieces. He knew then he had lost her for good. The pain that ripped through him was worse than when he had lost his family and his clan.

Fallon fell to his knees from the weight of it. He threw back his head and spread his arms wide as he bellowed his anguish.

But even that didn’t help.

He dropped his chin to his chest and covered his face with his hands. Everything he tried to fix, he only made worse. Look what had happened to Quinn. And now Larena.

He wasn’t fit to lead himself, much less an army of Warriors if he couldn’t win Larena. The rage that came over him was swift. His skin tingled with the change, but he didn’t try to stop it. There was no stopping it now.

Mayhap not ever.

“Fallon?”

He jumped to his knees when he heard Lucan speak his name, but he didn’t face his brother. “Leave me.”

“I doona think so.” Lucan continued to approach him. “What happened? I saw Larena run into the castle.”

Fallon threw back his head and laughed, the sound hollow even to his own ears. “I’ve lost her, if she was ever mine to have.”

“Tell me,” Lucan urged, as he came to stand in front of him.

Fallon shook his head. “I need to be alone right now.”

“We need you.”

“Don’t,” Fallon bellowed. He turned his back to his brother. “You doona need me. You can lead these men, Lucan.”

“Nay, Fallon. Please don’t leave. I’ve already lost Quinn. I cannot lose you as well.”

Fallon looked at the cliffs before him. He had failed Lucan too many times before, he wouldn’t do it again even though every fiber of his being demanded he disappear and never return. “I’ll be back, Lucan.”

He bounded up the cliffs, not wanting to hear what his brother said in response. His heart hammered with exertion as he leaped from cliff to cliff and then raced over the rolling hills. He didn’t rest or stop until his feet could no longer carry him.

Fallon fell to the ground and rolled onto his back, his rapid breaths burning his lungs. He used his arm to shield his eyes from the setting sun and gazed into the vivid blue of the sky.

He wished he knew where he had gone wrong with Larena. He wanted her back in his arms again, wanted to hold her sweet body and smell her delicious scent of lilies.

But he had lost her.

He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to erase the image of Larena’s beautiful face from his mind. But Fallon knew that not even death could expunge her.

She was a part of him, just as his god was. Now and forever.

When Larena cracked open her lids the sky was gray. She wiped at eyes that were itchy and swollen from her tears, but she didn’t care. Nothing mattered anymore.

She climbed to her feet and walked to the window. She hadn’t cried so much since her father had been murdered and she had been truly alone for the first time in her life.

Hours had gone by while she was sunk in her misery. She was supposed to relieve Cara to look after Malcolm, but she had forgotten her promise while her heart mourned.

Just thinking of Fallon brought a renewed wash of pain in her chest. She wasn’t sure how she was going to continue day after day with such anguish. She didn’t know if she could. The pain she had felt at her father’s murder was nothing compared to the ache within her now. This pain could never be soothed and would never leave her. Time might dim it, but all she would have to do was look at Fallon to see what could have been.

I cannot stay here. But I cannot leave. What am I to do now?

Larena blinked as her vision blurred with more tears. She would face one thing at a time. Right now she would concentrate on Malcolm. He needed her.

She hurried from the tower. She was tempted to use her power so no one could see her, but she had been a coward for too long. Fallon had made her see that.

As she descended the stairs into the great hall she saw Ramsey and Hayden still bent over the parchment. Without a second thought, Larena extracted the Scroll from the ring and walked over to the men.

“Here,” she said, and handed the Scroll to Ramsey. “This will help.”

Ramsey’s gray eyes narrowed as he looked from her hand to her face. “What is that?”

“The Scroll. I’m its keeper. I trust you will guard it with your life.”

Hayden swore beneath his breath, and Larena felt the tears threaten again.

“I’m sorry. I should have told everyone, but I had taken an oath that I would never speak of it.”

Ramsey reached for the Scroll and held it reverently between his hands. “There’s no need for you to apologize, Larena. You can trust us.”

“Just make sure our scroll is authentic enough to fool Deirdre. We need to get Quinn back. Fallon needs him.”

“We won’t let it out of our sight,” Hayden promised. “You have our word.”

She blinked her eyes to stop the seemingly constant tears and hurried from the castle. Every instinct within her told her not to trust Ramsey and Hayden, but she had to learn to do just that.

By the time she reached the cottage where Malcolm was, she had dried her tears and gotten her emotions under control.

Larena opened the door to find Cara sitting next to Malcolm’s bed with her sewing in her lap. The Druid looked up and beamed. The smile faded as she looked into Larena’s face.

“Is everything all right?” Cara asked as she rose to her feet.

Larena forced a grin she didn’t feel. Cara had always been so kind. Larena didn’t wish to burden her with problems that weren’t hers. “Everything is as it should be. I will sit with my cousin now.”

Cara watched her for a few tense moments before she gathered her sewing. She paused as she opened the door. “If you ever need to talk to someone, Larena, I’m here for you.”

The hated tears pricked her eyes. Larena hadn’t intended to speak, but suddenly words poured out of her mouth. “It’s been a long time since I’ve had a friend. Thank you, Cara.”

“It is I who should thank you. You’ve helped Fallon in ways Lucan and I could never dream. I don’t know what happened between you and Fallon while in Edinburgh, but he came back a changed man. Lucan says he’s the man he was before their god was unbound.”

Larena sank into the chair, her breath lodged in her throat. Had she helped Fallon? She didn’t think so. Fallon would have become that man again without her. “I wish I could take credit, but Fallon has always been that man. He just needed to see that he could do it. He’s a natural leader.”

“You care for him a great deal, don’t you?”

“I’m afraid it’s much more than that.”

Cara closed the door and hurried to her. She dropped down on her knees and took Larena’s hands in her own. “You love him?”

“Aye, and I fear I’ve lost him.”

Cara smiled gently, her dark brown eyes full of genuine warmth. “The MacLeod brothers are unusual, I’ll give you that, but they are good men. Fallon cares for you, that much is obvious. You didn’t see the look on his face when he arrived here with you in his arms. He had thought you were gone. He was like a madman, Larena. I’ve never seen such desolation before.”

“Really?”

“He stayed with you the entire time Sonya healed you. His hand never left yours.”

Larena glanced at the ceiling, praying Cara was telling her the truth. “He wasn’t there when I woke. I thought…”

“There is something I’m going to tell you, something that Fallon doesn’t want you to know. If Lucan knows I told you, he’ll be very angry with me.”

“What is it?” Larena had to know now. “I won’t tell them.”

Cara stood and blew out a breath. “Do you remember us telling you that you needed blood?”

“Aye.”

“Fallon is the one that gave it to you. He wouldn’t allow Lucan or any of the other Warriors to give you their blood. He wanted only his in your veins.”

Larena’s composure crumbled. Cara’s image swam with the tears that filled Larena’s eyes, and the agony of exactly what she had lost. “I’ve been such a fool. Why didn’t he tell me?”

Cara reached down and ran a finger over the milky-white stone on Larena’s hand. “Because of this. He was hurt deeply that you hadn’t told him.”