Forced Out of the Darkness (19 page)

Monti wiped himself
with the napkins he had in his pocket and gave one to the guy so that he could
do the same.

“How did you know my
name?”

“Don’t worry about that
right now.” He said as he pulled his pants up. He reached into his pocket and
pulled out a piece of paper with a number written on it and said, “Call me
sometimes. We have some business to handle.”  He then walked away and
disappeared into the darkness. Monti pulled out his cell phone and opened it to
get some more light. He saw the phone number with the name
Calvin
written under it. “Who the hell was Calvin?” He thought as he put the number in
his back pocket.

Chapter
Twenty-Three

An Uncomfortable Proposition

Cameron called Monti as
he got to his car at the employee parking lot. They agreed to meet at Monti’s
place at 4:30 pm. Cameron he looked at his watch to see that it was about 3:45 pm
so he would have to go straight to out to Monti’s because rush hour was about
to start.

Cameron made it to
Monti’s house at 4:30 sharp.

“So, how was your
trip?” Monti asked.

“It was cool. I had a
lot of time to think about this situation.”

“I know Cam…I messed
up. I have been thinking about this too.”

“That is what you seem
to do all the time. You never take my feelings into consideration. You have got
to be one of the most selfish people that I have met.”

“I deserve that. All I
can say is I’m sorry.”

“Well you got that
right. You are sorry and you are a coward. If you have an issue with me or
something you should talk about it. No, you choose to run away from the
situation.”

“Cameron, I am going to
take this because you mean something to me. I just want you to know that I
apologize for being selfish and thinking of only me. I want to show you that I
can be the man that you want. I can be the one that makes you happy and that
you can depend on. I know I have gotten chance after chance but that is what
building a relationship is about. Learning about your other half. I am learning
that you are a breath of fresh air. You are sexy. I love how your eyes sparkle
when you smile. I love how you seem to have your life all together. I just hope
that together we can be something that other people want to model their
relationship after.”

 “If you want to try to
make this work then tell me what was going on with you. Tell me what are your
thoughts about this situation.”

“I don’t know how to
explain it to you. It is hard for me to explain it to you because it is
difficult for me to understand it. What I do know is that I want to be with
you. I am not perfect…I have my flaws but I am trying my hardest to address
them so they do not keep causing problems in our relationship.”

“What are the issues?”

“My insecurities. The
last four relationships I have been in, my exes cheated on me right in front of
my face and I was just stupid and didn’t see it. Since this happened, I keep
having this sinking feeling that the same thing is going to happen to me this
time too.”

“When I am in a
relationship, I am in it to win it. I like full transparency and honesty. I can
deal with most things. One of my exes was a crack head and stole my car. I
stayed with him until I was tired of the antics. A person only has so much
patience dealing with stupidity. I just don’t deal well with liars. If a guy
will lie to you then he will cheat on you. If he will cheat on you, then there
is no way to know where he will draw the line. I am not trying to be caught up
in some crazy stuff.”

“Baby, I am going to be
straight up with you.”

“I really hope that you
are not playing a game on me.”

“No, I am good baby. I
promise that I am going to do what I have to do to prove to you that I am here
for you. What I did the other day was some straight up bullshit. You know after
I thought about it…I even had a panic attack because I thought you were not
going to give me another chance. I am willing to do what I have to do to show
you that I am serious about this relationship.”

“Oh, are you serious
Monti? You said this before. How am I supposed to trust what you are saying
this time?”

“Cameron, yes I am very
serious. What is it that I can do to prove to you that I am serious about this
relationship?”

“If you are serious
about this, then I need to meet your family and friends. If this is going to be
a viable relationship, we need to integrate. I can’t be a secret to the people
that are special to you. You keep your flings secret from those you care about.
If you love me like you say you do, you would not want to keep it a secret.”

“Cam…baby, that puts me
in a very uncomfortable situation. My family is not down with the whole gay
thing. I don’t have anything to hide or stuff like that. I just don’t know.”

“What about your
friends?”

“They don’t know about
me either.”

“That’s a problem for
me Monti. How can those people be your friends if they don’t know the essence
of who you are? Friends are the ones you tell everything to and they love you
in spite of it all.”

Monti exhaled in defeat
because he wasn’t selling this point to Cameron. He was not ready to be out and
open like Cameron and his friends were. Inside, Monti wanted to be free from
the bondage and hurts of his past and present, but he was scared of
transparency. He settled into the normal down low life, but his whole world was
abruptly changed when he heard Cameron’s next statement.

“I refuse to be
someone’s secret. I respect your decision and where you are in your life. I am
not there and because of that, I can’t continue in this relationship. I had a
very nice time with you.” Cameron stood up and walked over to Monti. “I’ll take
my keys back now.” Monti felt as if Cameron had punched him in his stomach and
knocked the wind out of him.

“Wait Baby!” Monti panicked.
“It’s just like that? You just end it with no thought about it?”

“No thought? Monti. No,
I spent the last two days thinking about this relationship and how it was
going.” Cameron said calmly. “I didn’t sign up for this and I am not going to
stay in this situation. If you are not the one, that gives me what I need from
a partner, I am not going to waste your time and I am surely not going to waste
my time going through the motions when it is only destined to fail. I have no
hard feelings for you. I wish you well and hope that you find what you are
truly looking for.”

Monti could see in
Cameron’s eyes that he was serious. He knew that there was no changing
Cameron’s mind so he quickly acquiesced to Cameron’s stipulations. He handed
Cameron back the house key and asked, “Cameron, what are you doing on
Saturday?”

“I’m off and I have not
made any plans yet.”

“Give me till Saturday
before you make your final decision, ok?” Monti asked. He felt defeat at this
moment. He finally found something that he wanted in his life more than he
wanted to prove himself right. He knew that there was something in Cameron that
he needed and he knew it was time that he tried to make his journey out of his
darkness.

“What happens in three
days, Monti? I have given you the last couple months. Why do you think I should
give you another minute? You got some fucked up shit going on in your life. You
are in the closet, you hold all these secrets and you avoid dealing with you
insecurities.”

“I graduate in three
days, Cameron. I want you to be there with me when I walk across the stage. My
kids and my mom will be there and I thought that I could show you how serious I
am about making this work with you.”

“I can do that, it is
only three days away, but I am not settling for anything less than we talked
about.”

“Thanks sexy.” Monti
said as he pulled Cameron into him and gave him a smothering hug. Cameron loved
that feeling of being in Monti’s strong arms. It made him feel comfortable and
safe. Would he be able to be safe in these arms for the long haul? Would Monti
be able to address the demons? “Are you hungry, Cam?”

“Yes, I could do with
something to eat. I don’t want to stay out late tonight because I had an early
start today.”

“No problem. Will you
do me the honor of treating you to dinner?”

“Sure. Let me change
out of this uniform and I will be ready.”

Cameron went to his car
to get his flight bag. He always took and extra set of clothes with him on a
trip because he did not know if his trip would be extended due to the airlines
operational needs. He changed his clothes and washed his face so that he could
get some of the airplane off.

“Do you want to ride
with me?” Monti asked.

“I would rather drive
so that when we are done I can head home, if you don’t mind.”

“Alright, just follow
me and stay up. You know how slow you like to drive.”

“Me…that is you who
drives like an old man.” Cameron joked.

“Whatever boy…come on
let’s go. I have a great place in mind.”

“Oh Lord, you thinking
is a scary thing.”

Monti had two places in mind
where he wanted to take Cameron. He thought about going to Capers but quickly
dismissed that notion, as he knew that Michael was going to be working. So he
decided to go to Greek town. He wanted to go to a local Cajun/creole favorite
called Fishbone’s. The two of them had a great time, great food, good
conversation and some strong Hurricane drinks. The Hurricanes in Fishbone’s
were the best outside of New Orleans.

Once dinner was over, Monti
walked Cameron to his car. He felt a sense of accomplishment. He wanted this
relationship because Cameron was different from most of the other guys that he
met. Most of the guys were into Monti because of his physique and wanted a
superficial situation. Cameron was different. He wanted more than just a sexual
relationship and he was willing to call it quits if he was not getting what he
wanted in the relationship. Cameron was not a selfish man but one with a big
heart. Monti knew that and felt that he needed someone to love the hurt away
from him. Cameron did not participate in the drama that most guys Monti met. He
also did not run the gay circuit in Detroit, so it was easy for Monti to keep
his extracurricular activities a secret. Maybe this was his opportunity to
leave this lifestyle and have something substantial in his life for once. Monti’s
problem was that he felt he could hold on to the substantial and the
unessential at the same time.

Chapter
Twenty-Four

Holding No Punches

“Good Morning.” Monti
said with excitement.

“Hey Monti. Good
morning.”

“How are you feeling
this morning?”

“I’m ok. Are you
excited to be graduating today?”

“Yes, I am glad it is
over.” Monti replied. “Here is the game plan for the day. I will be there to
pick you up in an hour. I am planning to spend the entire day and night with
you, if you know what I mean.”

“Sure thing Monti. Let
me get up and get dressed so that I am ready. I don’t want to put you behind
schedule.”

“See you soon.”

“Bye”

Monti was both excited
and nervous today. He was excited to be graduating and getting one step closer
to his doctorate degree; however he was nervous to bring Cameron to meet some
of his family. He was not ashamed of Cameron at all but he was concerned with
how his kids and more importantly his mom, Mrs. Burroughs, would act when she
met Cameron. Monti had to get through the day and he needed some supernatural
strength, so he stopped what he was doing to say a prayer of thanks and one of
peace.

Father God, Thank you
for this day. Thank you for seeing me through this degree. God as you have
blessed me before, I humbly ask you to send peace to this meeting between
Cameron and my Mother. Please don’t let her act up and completely embarrass me
today. Amen.

Monti was on his way to
Cameron’s house when he thought that he should call Yolanda to make sure that
the boys were going to be ready. Yolanda had a way of pulling stunts, like
leaving the house with the kids thirty minutes before he was supposed to come
pick them up. This was her way of showing Monti that he was not in control. She
used these moments to make Monti’s life hard because he left her with two kids
to fend for herself while he was out chasing dick and ass.

She was bitter because
she could not compete with men for her husband’s affection. She did not have
the equipment that Monti desired. She was mad at herself for marrying a gay
man. She was stuck in the betrayal and could not climb out of that inadequate
hole. Her pain was just as real today as it was four years ago when she found
out her husband wanted dick, muscles and facial hair more than the softness of
her skin and the warmth and wetness of her pussy.