Forever Distraction (Distraction #3) (17 page)

D
id we really have to talk
? “I followed my father. He was inside.” I bit my lips together, thinking about the kissing I also did inside.

“So you used my name to get in
?”

I pulled away from him
, wondering how he knew that. My brain thought of all the things I did with Crew, wondering if he saw, if he freaking saw I had my tongue in some other man’s mouth. Nerves and anxiety coursed through my every cell and I laughed. I wasn’t sure why, but I laughed and it made me feel better.

Jason
squeezed his eyes shut and stood, carefully helping me to my feet. I wasn’t ready to leave him, so the moment my feet hit the ground, I grabbed his hand. The little bit of light in the room we were in reflected off his face, creating black shadows around his eyes. He appeared different, his hair longer, now shaggy, and he had facial hair, giving him a rugged lumberjack appearance. The hair was sexy, but his skin was pasty white and his eyes sunken in, as if he hadn’t slept in two weeks. I wanted to hold him close to me and make his world better, because he looked like misery…sexy misery.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to laugh. Please…” It wasn’t that I was scared
…well, maybe it was
because
I was scared, but for the first time, I liked the closed, locked door. I was terrified of what was waiting on the other side.

“It’s
okay, princess. I am not ready to let you go either.” He pulled me toward the door and leaned out, glancing down both ways. “We need a word, a word that’ll alert me you’re about to run.”

“Nuts.” I smiled at my
witty self, thinking of our walk from the waterfall, remembering nuts was my answer to one of his questions. Then, he tugged me along behind him. We stepped into another room, lights blazing. He closed the door behind us and led me to a bathroom located against the far wall. He reached in the cupboard and pulled out a towel. He let go of my hand to turn the faucet water on.

“So
, do you come here often?” They were the words I used during our first conversation, and then I giggled, because it was obvious he knew his way around, maneuvering like it was second nature.

“Very funny,
rabbit.”

I scrunched up my nose
, preferring he called me princess. I hated when he thought I was scared about anything. I wanted him to see me as brave. He ran the towel under the water and turned to me slowly. His hand lifted the towel to my face; he was studying my movements, as if he really saw me as a silly rabbit. “I’m not scared of you, Jason.” I looked at him through my lashes, mentally challenging him.

“I’
m just being cautious. Who knows what sets you off? One minute, you’re here; the next, you’ve vanished. Talk about magic tricks.” He didn’t address me with his eyes as he spoke, but I got what he was getting at; he was oh-so subtle.

I grew defensive.
“I said goodbye; I just didn’t tell you it wasn’t your home I was going to. Besides, you had your hands full with what’s-her-name…J-something.” I watched him carefully and he didn’t respond at all, and I wasn’t sure why, but it bothered me. “Did your revenge for your girlfriend pay off? Did it resolve all of your hurt and loss like you thought it would?”

T
hat was when it happened...he challenged me back. We were in a silent dual; he glared directly into my eyes, and his greens warned me not to continue on this path, but all I could think was,
Why the hell not?

“I didn’t lie to you
,” I said as I held his stare. “I really loved you. That should be worth more points, right? If it was a game and you were keeping score, one point for if she feels it, and ten if she admits to it. At least, that’s how I would make it…if I was a game player.” He gritted his teeth and the sound caused me to rethink my words, but still, I taunted, “You shouldn’t clench your teeth; it could cause fractures and break them. It can also cause other conditions, like headaches, earaches, jaw pain…and it can wear your teeth down to nubs. And you know what they say?”

His face was hard
, and his jaw under his light beard flexed. He was turned on, and the thought made me blush and grin at the same time. I finished, “They’re jewels…not tools.” I ran my tongue over my teeth, showing off my jewels, and his right eye twitched.
Okay, so maybe he wasn’t turned on
. He threw the towel in the sink and stormed out of the bathroom. I picked up the towel, walking a few steps to toss it into the hamper. Moody man, he probably didn’t like the saying.

“Are you done?”

Okay, what? Was he kicking me out?
His phone started ringing, and it broke the tension between us momentarily. “Yes,” he literally growled into the phone. His stare was fixated on me and I gave him a bright smile to lighten his mood. “Okay, thanks for your help,” he continued barking into the phone, and then finished his conversation with a few more words before he hung up.

“You’re a busy man
,” I stated. Thick silence pressed down on me. “Are you on duty?” I attempted a one-armed shrug, trying for casual talk after my emotional breakdown. I could tell by his harsh voice and his caveman stance that he was very annoyed with me.

He stood there for a while in an eye lock with me before running his hands through his hair and looking around the room. I closed my eyes
, feeling the waves of disappointment rolling off him. When I squeezed them shut trying not to let his disappointment affect me, I saw visions of my father whipping the blonde, and then visions of him whipping me. His words,
You’re a troublemaker,
echoed in my head and I shivered.

I
shook myself, wanting the image and his voice to vanish. I was damaged by my thoughts. My skin crawled, and I was going to peel it off if I stood still any longer. My eyes popped open and I began slipping the red dress down my body until it pooled at my bare feet. My lacey panties were next, and I topped the pile with my stockings. I turned around, and Jason was inches from me observing everything I did. “What are you doing?” His eyes held lust, but I wasn’t quite there.

“I want you to whip me. You do that
, right? I can take it.” It was the only thing that made sense. Jason’s whipping would erase all the memories. He was my magical eraser.

He laughed loud
ly, and it hurt more than anything else, more than the lying, more than the cheating; his laughter at that precise moment hurt like someone poured acid all over me. I used my arms to shield my chest and stood there. If there was a way I could leave, sneak out the door, and cower away unnoticed, I would have. I looked away, hating the game he was playing with me. He was a colossal asshole.

When he stopped his laughing fit
, I glanced back. He seemed bigger, stronger, and his long, intimidating stare made him feel like a stranger.
Who was this man?
His eyes roamed my entire body; his stance was powerful, and I could see his muscles flex in his upper arms as they remained crossed over his chest.

“It doesn’t work like that. You don’t get to order what you want. You don’t get to order anything.”
Jason’s voice was so large I almost didn’t recognize him for a second. My gaze dropped, and I felt like I was naked in front of my pediatrician. I started to count numbers in my head. I saw his feet approach me, but could no longer hear his voice over my numbers.

He grabbed my chin and tilted my face up to his. I stopped the counting
, but I couldn’t look him in the eyes. “Do you hear me?” he asked and waited, but I had nothing to say, nothing helpful anyway. “Look at me.” My eyes shifted over and met his dead-on. “There are rules, Katarina.” I cringed and glanced away at my name. My name left a sour taste in my mouth. I didn’t like Katarina anymore; I didn’t like anything about her. He waited patiently for me to look back at him.

“I am assuming you know the rules or you would
n’t be in a club built for domination,” he mused. I glanced away again, completely out of my element with this strange man I thought I loved. “Okay, let me refresh for you, assuming I am the one you want to be your master.” I smiled and held back a giggle at the word ‘master’. He smiled back, but it was much more sinister, like he held a pocketful of secrets. “Can I assume, because you are standing in front of me naked, you want me, and not the previous man you were kissing?” That made my smile drop and my eyes widen in shock. I gradually nodded, my eyes never leaving his. “Say it.”

“Yes
, you can assume that.” I kept my answer brief. I felt like I knew this game already; I just never expected it from him, someone I saw as my protector. This was definitely a head down, speak-when-you’re-spoken-to kind of moment.

“You will do what I ask of you.
You will not speak unless I ask you to, not to anyone. Do you understand? It’s about trust, Katarina.” When he said my name again, I looked away feeling nauseated. He was quietly waiting for me and didn’t continue until my eyes were tied to his. “You will not look at anyone else in the eyes except for me, head down always, unless I say otherwise.” Silence filled the room for long, drawn-out moments, and all I could think about was how warm I felt in his arms when he held me in the dark room.

“I am going
to call you Josephine.” I was confused by his words. Why would he call me by my middle name? “It’s only for in the bedroom and for when I want to get your attention. You can call me Sir in here, only in here. Do not use it sarcastically. Do you understand, Josephine?” I smiled when he said my middle name and a nice warmth spread through my body. He winked at me and I wanted to lick the crease in his cheek. This was my Jason.

“Yes
, I understand…Sir.” He smiled at my answer and closed his eyes, like he was relishing the feel of a breeze. He never touched me; his gaze traveled slowly over my body and I got goose bumps. The sudden excitement of having someone look at me that way was addictive.

“Why the whip?”
He studied me and I couldn’t speak. My heart dropped into my stomach and the sexual rush I just had was immediately gone, replaced by visions of my father whipping and his awful voice. “Josephine, I asked a question,” he persisted, and I opened my mouth, but couldn’t find the right words. I attempted to swallow instead. His dark green eyes waited patiently.

“I want to leave
.” I changed my mind. I stood completely motionless, waiting for him to say it was okay to leave. I knew it was silly, but years of programming told me I better not move.

Jason’s eyes lightened only slightly, but he didn’t back down. “Tell me
. I decide when we leave.”

My head fell forward
in defeat, not wanting to be there, but not wanting to be anywhere else. I thought Jason was different, but he was the same, and I felt the loss of him all over again. My heart was being torn from my body. I closed my eyes, attempting to get into character, but I couldn’t pretend any longer. I opened my eyes and tears began overflowing. I tried to make them stop, but it hurt, like I was swallowing a large rock. He didn’t move, just watched impassively, waiting for my answer.

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks
, rolling down my neck and over my breasts, and I didn’t want to tell him why I was crying. I knew he wouldn’t believe me, and that would hurt more than a broken heart. I thought he would think I was a liar, an attention seeker. I pleaded with my eyes for him to drop it, but it didn’t work, so I confessed, “I see him whipping me, whipping me with his belt.” I had to look away, because I knew he was going to say something nasty, but he didn’t. I peeked up nervously.

“I watched him whip the blond
e and now it’s all I see, but it’s not her; it’s me.” Tears continued streaming down my face, because even if by some miracle he believed what I was saying, I would be flawed and broken in his eyes, and not perfect, but Jason said nothing. “If you whip me, the visions will change and I won’t be scared to sleep.” I let out a deep breath and suddenly felt really cold; my body began to shiver. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to make my body numb, and started counting…multiplying.

Jason’s
arms were suddenly around me, and then he was cradling me. His hold was so tight I couldn’t breathe, but it was welcomed. His passionate touch was always welcomed; he freed me from my thoughts, from my demons. I relaxed in his arms and laid my head against his chest, straining to hear his heart. He started to move; I didn’t know where he was taking me, but it didn’t matter. My back hit a firm mattress and I opened my eyes. Jason was on top of me, caging me underneath him. “Thank you for trusting me.” I felt more tears prickle my eyes at his words. He believed me. Jason began kissing my body. He was intense, unleashed, and I relaxed into the bed and enjoyed every touch, every kiss, and every hair on his head that tickled my sensitive skin.

“Oh
, Katarina, I have missed you.” His voice was soft, and I wasn’t sure if it was meant for me to hear.

I ran a h
and through his hair very gently, just wanting to feel him, confirming he was real and not some sort of dream. When he peered up at me from my stomach because of the contact, I whispered back, “Please, it’s Josephine.” He flashed his sexy grin and it made my belly tremble, and in that moment, I relinquished all my control, serving it up on a flesh-covered platter. “I missed you…more.”