Forever Fae (13 page)

“I love you
.
”

I close my eyes because
th
e
words
are
what I feared I would hear.  I
d
on’t
want
him to see the pain in my eyes because he means so much to me
.
To
hurt him in that way is going to break my heart.
  I just wish I could love him.

“I heard that, Calista
,
”
He says this wit
h an arrogant smirk on his face, but the hurt is clearly hidden underneath all that armor.

“Dammit, now do you see why I shield?  I didn’t want you to hear that,” I say as I turn and walk away.  He grabs my arm before I have a chance and turns me
back
to face him.

He holds me in place and stares into my eyes.

“I’m going to say th
is again.  I love you, Calista, and
I always have. You can’t tell me you didn’t know.”

I look at him with tears in my eyes and my voice shakes when I speak
.

“I assumed you did, but I didn’t want to face it.  I do love you, but not in th
at way. You’re my
g
uardian
now and w
e can’t complicate things like this.”

He takes both m
y hands and kisses the
palm he had to slash in the ceremony. 

“If you would just let me love you,”
he says as
he moves closer so our bodies are touching
.
“
I
t
would make me the best
g
uardian
in history.  I could watch over your body day,” he lifts my chin and moves his lips closer to mine, “and night.”

His lips close over mine in
a gentle caress. 
I’m shocked by
it
and I’m not sure what I should be feeling.  I feel no passion to reciprocate the kiss so I stand there hoping he will pull back, but h
e pulls me closer to him and I
begin to
feel trapped.  His kiss be
comes frantic and possessive and h
is emotions are coming at me full force.  The love and longing he has felt for me all these years are blasting
through my mind.  It’s too much and it’s making me dizzy with all of his thoughts plaguing my mind.
  He doesn’t let me go
and his lips are aggressively taking over mine.
I try to pull away, but he holds on tighter.
  It’s getting hard to
breathe and I start to panic.
Anger is starting to settle in my gut and I know he would never intentionally hurt me, but this is going too far.

“Merrick! P
le
ase let me go.  I don’t want to do this.
  I do love
you, but you have to let me go
.
NOW!”

My pleading
and angry outburst
br
eaks
the trance and he
pull
s
away from me abruptly
then
bows
his head
,
ashamed of his actions.  He kneels and apologizes over and over.

“Cali
sta
, I’m so sorry.  Please forgive me.  Our connection is so strong
and the emotions just got too much to handle.
I thought
there could be a chance for us now that I’m your
g
uardian
.”  He pauses.
 
“
Please tell me you’ll at least give me a chance,” he pleads.  A tear escapes his eye and my heart goes out
to
him.  I
felt the love he feels and i
t’s a genuinely pure emotion he feels for me.  I kneel to him and put his face in my hands.
My anger dissolves and I try to lighten the mood by using my smart ass ways to break the tension.

“Don’t worry, Merrick.  We still have training tomorrow morning.  I can kick your ass to pay you back,” I say
with a smile
, hoping he will cheer up.  He
tries to
smile
back,
but I can tell it’s forced.  He gets back on his feet and wipes the tears off his face with the back of his hand.

“Yes, you can.  I am so sorry about tonight. 
All I ask is
that you
p
lease think about what I’ve said.” Before I can comment he puts his finger to my lips to stop me. “Please, don’t say it.  I know you don’t feel as strongly for me as I do for you, but one day you might.
” His expression looks hopeful and I can’t help but feel guilty because I know my feelings won’t change.
 
“
We are going to be together for hundreds of years, well, if nothing happens during that time.  But we’ll be side by side.  If you don’t choose me, I’ll eventually get over it, but please give me a chance.”

He lets his
finger slowly leave my lips and h
e kisses
my cheek before walking to the door to open it.
  I am
speechless and I have no clue how to break it to him gently that giving him a chance will never happen.
  He t
urns to look at me once more and w
ithout saying the words I hear them.

“Goodnight
,
Calista.  I’ll
see you in the morning and
will
not
bother you any more tonight.  Remember, I’m just across the hall if you need me.  Sweet dreams, Cali.”

I smile warmly at him and say,
“Sweet dreams, Merrick
,
my
g
uardian.”

He gives me one last smile, opens the door and
then
shuts it silently
.  I
walk to the door and lean against it, totally confused as to what
has
happened.
  I
had
actually let Merrick kiss me. 
I did try to pull away, but I also know I didn’t put any full force into it.
  I don’t want to give him the wrong idea, but I just blew the hell out of that one.  What am I going to tell Ryder? 
Or better yet
,
s
hould I tell him? 
The kiss didn’t mean anything to me and I can honestly say I didn’t kiss him back.  I just stood there
in
shock.

A knock on the door bre
aks me from my silent scolding and
I open the door to find Xylia there jumping up and down with excitement.  She rushes in my room without an invite and I look at her like she’s lost her mind.

“What are you so happy for?” I ask.

Prancing around my room she says in a sing song voice, “Guess what I found out tonight?  I found out that my best friend is having a se
cret rendezvous with a certain Winter
Court
P
rince.  Am I right on that?”

I shut the door quickly.

“Be quiet or Merrick will hear you, and yes I am meeting Ryder tonight,” I hiss. “How did you find out about that?”

“Ryder pulled me aside and told me.  He said he might need my help for a distraction, but it looks like you might not need me
.  What happened to Merrick
?”
S
he
asks.

I groan and flop onto my bed.  Xylia joins me and we lay in silence for a few minutes.

             
“Was it that bad?” Xylia asks.

             
“You have no idea.  He finally confessed his feelings tonight and told me he loved me.” I look over at Xylia and she doesn’t seem surprised.  I should have known she wouldn’t be. 

“He kissed me
,
to
o.  I mean he really kissed me and I had to make him stop,” I say sadly.

             
Xylia jumps
off the bed
and
goes
straight for the door. 

“How dare he do that to
you
.
 
What the hell was he thinking?  I’m going to take his greasy lips and yank them over his fucking head,” she screams.  I grab her before she gets to the door and turn her around.

             
“It wasn’t like that, I promise,” I say as I try to calm her down.  “You know very well I can take care of myself.  I’m stronger than you, Xylia, remember
?
”
I stand up straight and lift my chin high in the air.  In a mock exaggerated voice, I joke,
“I a
m the
all
-
powerful P
rincess.  Nothing can take me down.” 

This gets her to laugh and
she comes back to the bed to
lie
beside
me. 
I sigh heavily and explain the situation to her.

“He had so many
emotions built up inside of him and
he just let them go
.  The passion was unbelievable and it was overwhelming.
  I just wish I felt that way in return
.” 

Xylia interrupts me and asks curiously, “Is he a good kisser?” I knew she would ask something like this, so I sit up and hit her upside the head with my pillow.

“Ah!”
S
he
cries,
flip
ping
off the bed and
land
ing
with a loud thump
,
laughing the whole way.  She sits up rubbing the side of her head and hiccupping from laughing so hard. 

“Ow
,
you’re supposed to beat up on Merrick, not me.”

I bend over the side of the bed and smile at her. 

“See, I told you I could take care of myself,” I tease.

Xylia smirks and replies, “Yeah, yeah, I’ll get you back for that.”

I wink at her and lie back on the bed
.
She
climbs back up to join me.

I say,
“I don’t know what to do.  I don’t want to hurt him.  He’s going to be with me for as long as we live and if I choose another man, he’s going to be right there witnessing it all.  I’ll feel guilty, always.”

Xylia reaches over and grabs my hand, “Merrick will move on one day.  It may take a while, but eventually, he w
ill.  I’ve seen you with Ryder and
I watched you two dancing
tonight
.  I can visibly see the connection between you.”

I sigh remembering what it felt like to be in his arms.
I loved dancing with him because it gave me the chance to get close to him.  I really can’t wait to see him without all the prying eyes
later
.

I look at Xylia sheepishly
.

“There’s something I need to tell you.” She looks at me excited and urges me to continue.  “When Ryder and I touched tonight, I
had
a vision….and I remember it.”

“I thought you said you couldn’t remember what you saw
?
”
S
he
says in disbelief. 

“Oh no, Xylia, I remember everything I saw and so does Ryder.”  She waves her hand for me to continue so I do. 

“When he told me he remembered what he saw, we both decided to meet in private to discuss it.  We haven’t even t
alked about it with each other yet.
In the vision the leaves are all different shades of color.  Not green like it is here and definitely no other place I have bee
n.  The air is breezy and cool and
I’m with somebody.  I’m holding his hand, bu
t I can’t really see his face
.
I’m almost positive it’s Ryder.  The land f
eels different when I touch it, but it also feels familiar
,
like it’s mine.
The love I feel for th
e man in my vision is beyond anything you could ever imagine.
  His power matches mi
ne and the land belongs to us.”

I look over at Xylia, and her mouth is wide open.  I think she is just as shocked with my vision as I am.

“You have to talk to Elvena about this.  Do you think this has something to do with the
p
rophecy
?
”  I shrug my shoulders and she continues
.

“
I hear my parents talking about the Black Forest all the time.  The evil grows and if we don’t have the magic and stren
gth to fight back
,
we’re doomed. We all know you are the start of saving our land and it looks like Ryder is the one who helps you.  The
p
rophecy
says you will be drawn to another.  Ryder has to be the one.”