Forever Is Over (104 page)

Dear Richie,

I expect you will recognise my handwriting straight away. If you
can get through this whole letter without tearing it into a million tiny
pieces, it will mean everything to me. This is about my thirtieth attempt at writing, the previous twenty nine all ended up in the bin, as I wanted
to write you the perfect letter, but I think I am beginning to realise,
no matter how many times I write this, I will never get it right. It is
impossible to justify a six year absence from someone you love. I hope
sending this to your Mum and Dad
’
s was the right thing to do and that
it has arrived with you safely.

So how are you? It
’
s been so long since we saw each other, it
’
s
difficult to know what to say. Over the last six years, I have seen more
of the world than I ever dreamed I would. I appreciate more than I
ever have before what a wonderful planet we live in, but places don
’
t
make lives special Richie, people do. I came back hoping for a miracle.
Hoping you are in a position to give me another chance. Do you remember the promise we made each other on the
‘
Sunny
Road
’
? I desperately hope you can. We said we would meet, every year,
on the 4
th
July, at midday, as long as the sun was shining. I am hoping 
it has been wet and miserable on the 4
th
July for the last six years, but
I know now, this year on 4
th
July, the sun will be bursting out over the
hills.

I am sure by now you have realised I am single! I
’
ve never been
married nor have I had the children we always talked about having
together. Truthfully, no-one has ever matched up to you, so every
romance has been fleeting. I have loved too many, probably because deep
down I loved one person too much. You are the person I loved too much,
Richie. I just worry that my chance has gone though. I want to be with
you and for it to be like heaven on earth, but perhaps after everything
that has happened, that is more than I deserve.

I know you may have a girlfriend these days or even a wife, but if
you haven
’
t Richie, please take a chance, meet me back on the
‘
Sunny
Road
’
.

Well Richie, I haven
’
t got much paper left, so I will have to leave it there. I cannot tell you how much I hope to see you on the 4
th
July.
Our recent past has been apart, but I very much hope that our future
is together.

Love

Kelly. xxx

The following day, I popped the letter in the post and then on 4
th
July, I headed up to Ormskirk, hoping, after six years, to meet Richie
again, on the
‘
Sunny Road
’
.

At this stage in our relationship, Jemma and I had become very poor
at finding the positives in our relationship but excellent at pinpointing
each other
’
s flaws. One day, a disagreement about unwashed dishes had
become an argument, once again, about sex. I felt harshly treated sexually,
so as soon as an argument began, I would use it as an opportunity to
highlight my frustrations. Admittedly, I did labour the point. Jemma
’
s
counter argument was that we were normal sexually but I was irritating
her by constantly absconding from household chores, despite promising
change. I remember one particular argument took place on a Saturday
afternoon in our kitchen. I was suited and booted, as I was having to
work one in every two Saturday mornings in the branch, so had not long
returned from my morning shift. Jemma was still in her dressing gown, Melissa was having an afternoon nap and Jamie was in his high chair,
smearing rusks everywhere he could possibly get to. Blood pressure and
speaking volumes had already been raised.

“
That
’
s bollocks, Jemma! Count myself lucky?
”

“
Ask him then!
”

“
I am not asking my brother when he last had sex!
”

“
Why not? You said Jim used to tell you all the time when he was
having sex, why not just ask him if he
’
s getting much these days?
”

             
“
I
’
m not asking him.
”

“
Because you know he
’
ll say he
’
s not getting any! Amy told me that
they have not had sex for ages!
”

“
How does that make me lucky?
”

“
You get more than your brother!
”

“
So what! Just because you have managed to find one couple who
have had sex less than us, that does not mean I do alright! If I ran the
London Marathon against 30 000 other people and I came second last,
would you say I
’
d done alright?
”

Jemma gave me a look that indicated all frying pans needed to be
hidden.

“
So, Richie, what you are telling me is that you have conducted a
sexual survey amongst 30 000 women, each with two pre-school kids,
each with a husband who does bugger all to help around the house and
you are telling me 29 998 of them said they had sex more than once a
month?
”

“
Of course I haven
’
t, but I bet they do! Dogger was saying him and
Sandra are at it like rabbits!
”

Jemma sighed.

Well, why does that not surprise me? Have you ever thought there is a correlation between dull women and active sex lives?
”

             
I was tempted to remind Jemma of her hypocrisy. When Jemma
and I were regular partners in nocturnal dips, I doubt she would have found herself dull.

“
Sandra probably uses sex to make up for her personality, looks and
intellectual deficiencies.
”
Jemma continued,
“
Would you rather I was as
dull as dishwater and attached to you like a leech, like Sandra is with
Dogger?
”

“
No!
”

“
And now answer this honestly! Would you rather have sex with
me once a month or sex with Sandra every day? Don
’
t just think about
how you would feel during the sex, think about how you would feel the
second after you finished when you had to cuddle up to Sandra with an
empty sack!
”

“
Sex with you once a month!
”

I answered immediately and emphatically.

“
See!
”

Give Jemma her due she was smart. If she had not tagged on the
final sentence, my answer would have been debatable. The most common
sexual phrase I had heard from friends whilst I was growing up, normally
from friends justifying a dalliance with a less than beautiful woman,
was,

‘
You do not look at the mantelpiece when you are poking the fire
’
.

             
If I had sex with Sandra every night, I could close my eyes and
pretend it was Jemma or Nastassja Kinski or Anna Friel or whoever I
wanted it to be. At least the fire would be on. Once the fire has burnt
out though, you want someone you love to keep you warm. I loved
Jemma, I never stopped loving her, but I wanted the physical side of our
relationship to be an important aspect of our bond and these constant
digs about housework were annoying me.

“
Anyway, I do help around the house, Jemma! We
’
ve talked this
through before and I promised I would help more and I have!
”

             
“
Richie, you haven
’
t! You went out this morning and I came down
with the kids and I thought you had thrown a party whilst we slept.
There were breadcrumbs everywhere, cereal packets out, a half empty
bowl of cereal, a banana skin, a plate with a crust on!
”

             
“
I was rushing!
”

“
Clear up as you go then! Anyway, it
’
s not just that. When did you
last clean anything in this house?
”

“
I wash the car and mow the lawn.
”

“
Not exactly
‘
in
’
the house, Richie. I do appreciate you doing those
jobs, but when you think about it, it isn
’
t all that much, is it? The garden
’
s
tiny and it
’
s your car! Even if you washed your own dishes, it would be
a help.
”

“
I
’
ll do it!
”

“
Seeing is believing. You could play a bit less golf as well.
”

This was pissing me off now!

“
Hang on a minute, Jemma, when did you turn into my mother?
”

Jemma gave me a look.

“
I hope the frustrations you have with your mother are a little
different to the ones you have with me, otherwise Sigmund Freud was
right!
”

“
You know what I mean, Jemma. Clean up after yourself! Stop
playing golf. You
’
ll be telling me to tidy my room in a minute!
”

             
Jemma smiled.

“
Well, you could tidy your side of the bed and your wardrobe!
”

“
Are we not on an equal footing in this marriage any more?
”

“
To be honest, Richie, I don
’
t think we are. Only one of us has
grown up.
”

“
Don
’
t be ridiculous!
”

Jemma started pottering around the kitchen doing insignificant
jobs as she spoke.

“
Show me you
’
re a grown up then. Sacrifice something for this
family.
”

“
Like what? A chicken!
”

“
Like golf.
”

“
I need to play golf, Jemma, it
’
s good for business.
”

“
What? Playing golf on a Sunday morning with Jim and Dogger
helps business, how?
”

“
It improves my golf, so when I play with business contacts I can get round without making a fool of myself.
”

I had only taken up golf since Jemma and I had married. Jemma
hated me playing. Before the children, I had tried to involve Jemma,
but she said she could not see the point in a game where you just hit the
ball as far away from you as you possibly can and then spend the next
few minutes walking after it.

“
OK. Give up watching Everton then! How does your Everton
season ticket help business?
”

“
It improves my social interaction skills!
”