Forever Is Over (31 page)

“
What sort of things?
”

Dad must have been interested, he even got up and switched his radio off.

“
Just things, Dad.
”

I didn
’
t want to tell him.

“
Legal things? She hasn
’
t had you out robbing cars for her, has she?
”

Dad smiled. He knew the last thing I would be doing was robbing
cars. He had taken me driving once on Southport beach. I was hopeless,
I kept stalling the bloody thing! Obviously, he had promised we
’
d keep
going until I got the hang of it, but we never went back!

“
Of course legal things! Silly things that
’
s all. Silly things that made
a mug of me.
”

“
Why did you do them then?
”

“
Because I thought I loved her.
”

As soon as these words came out, they seemed very strange. It
seemed OK to tell Kelly I loved her, but it seemed wrong to be disclosing
this fact to my Dad, a man who shared very little with me. Anyway,
how could I love Kelly? This wasn
’
t love, for two years I had just longed
for her, from afar.

“
Does she not love you then, Richard?
”

“
No, she just loves me to look stupid!
”

“
So you don
’
t think she
’
d like to go to the cinema with you tomorrow
night, then?
”

“
Unless I was naked, probably not.
”

I think my Dad was trying to do the confusing, but now he was the
one that was confused.

“
What?
”

“
Kelly just likes to see me make a fool of myself, if I went naked,
I
’
d be making a fool of myself. She
’
d like that.
”

“
Well, as I said, she sounds very nice to me and she told me she wants you to know she
’
d love to go to the cinema with you tomorrow night, if you
’
ll find it in your heart to forgive her.
”

My heart started pounding. It would just be my luck to have a heart
attack now, I thought to myself.

“
She told you?
”

“
She just telephoned five minutes ag
o! Got me out of bed, she did,
but as I say she sounded very nice so I
’
ll let her off!
”

             
This was one of those moments when I didn
’
t know whether to
laugh or cry. I had pursued Kelly Watkinson for two years and just
when I had decided enough was enough, she had decided to reciprocate.

Whoever said the chase is always better than the kill, had obviously not
spent two years chasing Kelly! Wild horses would not stop me going on
that date! I felt euphoric! I managed a smile. A big, fat smile.

“
Thanks Dad!
”

Dad grinned right back at me. This was a novelty in itself, sharing
smiles with my father.

“
She said something else too.
”

“
What?
”

Here
came the catch! Kelly had
said
two weeks ago that I would
have to apologise to Jemma. Bad news was on its way, I was sure of it, I
bet Kelly had insisted that I had to make a grovelling apology to Jemma.
No chance! I wasn
’
t going to! Typical, I thought, just when I thought I
ha
d finally cracked it, here came
the bad news!

“
She said to tell you she
’
d wash your Mum
’
s bra and bring it with her! Best not tell your mother that one, son! She might start worrying
about you!
”

Fair play to my Dad. He could tell when I walked in, that I was
upset, knew he had been given the power to put everything right and
had delivered his lines to perfection, even managing to share a joke with
me to finish off. As I was getting older, I was growing to like him more
and more. He still had all the same faults and bad habits he had had
when I was a child, but as I grew older, I was learning to accept them.

“
Is the hot water on, Dad?
”

“
It is.
”

“
I think I
’
ll go and jump in the bath.
”

“
Good lad. You look like you need a good, hot bath!
”

“
And thanks, Dad.
”

“
What for?
”

“
For being a good Dad.
”

Dad and I didn
’
t hug. We didn
’
t kiss. We didn
’
t generally tell each
other how much we meant to each other, so it felt good praising him
and I knew it would mean a lot to him receiving praise from me.

I jumped in the bath, feeling back on top of the world again. As
I sat there though, warming back up, thinking how life could change
from bad to good in an instant, I felt something. Something odd. I was
just there, messing with the soap, slipping it up my left groin, across
my stomach and then down the other side, under my testicles and back
around. I just felt something wasn
’
t right. I dropped the soap and felt
with my hands. It was on my left testicle. Was it a lump? I wasn
’
t sure.
What did my balls normally feel like? I wasn
’
t sure.
Was it something to worry about? No, of course it bloody wasn
’
t!
I worried too much about everything. It was probably nothing. Life
was on the up and I needed to keep smiling, a sunny disposition, that
’
s
what I needed. Tomorrow, I would be going out with the most beautiful
woman in the world and I was the luckiest lad alive.

The doorbell rang. I opened it almost instantly and there stood Ray
brandishing a small bouquet of flowers.

“
For your Mum!
”
he explained before
I had the chance to thank him.

             
Ray had obviously not heeded my warnings about Vomit Breath.
Arriving with flowers was a daft move, she was about as interested as
flowers as she was interested in poetry.

Vomit Breath wandered into the hallway to see who had arrived.

“
For you, Mrs. Watkinson!
”
said Ray, extending his arm out and
passing Vomit Breath the flowers. If he had passed her a plastic bag, full
to the brim with dog poo, she could
not have looked less enthused.

             
“
What am I supposed to do with these?
”

“
I
’
m sorry
”
, Ray said in his upper middle class tones,
“
do you not
like flowers?
”

“
Say that again!
”
Vomit Breath urged.

“
I
’
m sorry, did you not hear me? I said, do you not like flowers?
”

             
“
I heard you first time, love, I just wanted to hear your voice! You
’
re
dead posh, aren
’
t you? Pity you
’
re so ugly, you could have been a James
Bond if you hadn
’
t been so bloody ugly!
”

I gave Ray one of my
“
told you so
”
looks. I told him to expect a
barrage of insults. Vomit Breath was not letting me down. Not unusually,
she was also drunk.

“
Take a look in the mirror before you start calling people ugly, Mum!
”

Vomit Breath ignored me.

“
Come through
”
. I said to Ray, we were s
till standing in the hallway.

“
I
’
m going to make Ray something for tea. Can you make everyone
’
s
life easier by clearing off to the Ropers?
”

When I spoke about my mother to anyone, I referred to her as
Vomit Breath but for about five years, in her company, I refused to call
her a name. Mum was a term of endearment that Vomit Breath did not
deserve. Vomit Breath looked at Ray as though I had just cut her nipples
off with a pair of scissors.

“
That
’
s charming, isn
’
t it? Do you speak to your mother like that,
lad?
”

Ray shuffled uncomfortably.

“
No
”
.

“
Ray
’
s mother isn
’
t a drunken
troublemaker.
”
I added.

“
Is that your name is it? Ray?
”

“
No, his name
’
s Simon. I just call him Ray for a laugh!
”

Again Vomit Breath ignored me.

“
I
’
ve met a few nice fellas called Ray. Better looking than you, mind!
Always good in bed, Ray
’
s are. Big dicks normally! Last fella I had
called Ray had a dick so big, I called him Sting Ray!
”

“
Go away, will you?
”
I begged.

“
Are you good in the sack, Ray? Does Jemma close her eyes?
Wouldn
’
t want that ugly mug of yours looking down at me!
”

             
I
’
d had enough. I dragged Ray up the stairs to the sanctuary of my
bedroom. He
’
d been at our house less than two minutes. I slammed the
door behind us.

“
She
’
s a bit of a character, like you said!
”
Ray commented.

“
A character! I didn
’
t say she was a character, Ray! I said she was a
total nightmare and she is!
”

“
Surely she
’
s not as bad as that when she
’
s sober?
”

I thought about that.

“
Probably not actually, no. She doesn
’
t tend to do sober though,
just drunk or hungover. When she
’
s hungover, she just stomps around
angrily. Its better though as she hardly opens that big, fat gob of hers.
Gives us some peace.
”

“
Does Kelly not get on with her either?
”

“
No, Kelly tolerates her better than me, but we both hate her. What
is there not to hate?
”

“
Is Kelly in?
”

“
Yes, she
’
s in. Hang on! KELLY!
”
I shouted,
“
Kelly! Come in here!
”