Forever Is Over (60 page)

Helen had recently become engage
d to her boyfriend, Tristan, a
fellow Lancaster University graduate and was living down in Henley-
on-Thames, with his parents, as they both looked for Graduate Trainee
roles.

Caroline had been spending less and less time in the house. She
was working in H.Samuel in Ormskirk, but her weekends were spent
in North Yorkshire at her mysterious new boyfriend, Don
’
s hou
se.
Unbeknown to the rest of the family, I knew a little bit more about
“
Don
”
, than they did. Don was in fact Donna! It transpired that
Caroline
’
s boyfriend was a girlfriend. It was all hush hush. Donna was
a student at Edge Hill College, in Ormskirk, on a teacher training
course, but had returned to her home town of Boroughbridge for the
summer. Caroline and Donna had met in the Golden Lion on a Monday
night. Donna had been on a student pub crawl, Caroline had just been
out for a few drinks with a couple of friends. Caroline told me she had
always been
“
bi-curious
”
and once Donna approached her in the
“
Lion
”
,
she knew almost immediately that her first same-sex relationship was
about to begin.

“
Don
’
t tell Mum and Dad!
”
she demanded of me one night in July,

“
Dad would have a heart attack and I have no idea what Mum would
do. Probably have a panic attack about telling Grandma!
”

After the revelation, I met Donna. From the start, we hit it off. She
was only a small girl, slightly overweight with short bleach blonde hair
and dark roots. She was reserved but had a dry wit similar to my own.
Musically, she was into Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen,
so if there was ever a hint of an uncomfortable silence, we could always
fall back on music.

Jim was still screwing his way around Ormskirk. I joked that he
would have to move soon as there were not many single women he had
not been with! I was shocked what confidence and perseverance could
get you, as he was not blessed with the greatest of looks.

The conversation that day was originally all about the events of
the night before on the River Thames. A pleasure boat had been hit by
a dredger and the boat, the Marchioness, had been sunk. The people
on the boat had been on the River celebrating a birthday and it was
uncertain how many people were still unaccounted for, but many of the
hundred plus on board had drowned.

“
Those poor families!
”
Mum commented,
“
I don
’
t know how I
would cope if something happened to any of you.
”

             
This comment made me shudder. I had already concluded, this was
the time to break my news. It didn
’
t deter me, though. They needed to
know and with my cancer battle about to begin in earnest, there was no
way it could remain a secret.

I let the meal pass in jovial fashion. Mum did her speciality starter
(prawn cocktail) and speciality dessert (trifle) as well as a Roast Turkey
main accompanied by all the trimmings, ham, stuffing, roast potatoes,
sprouts, carrots, the works. It was only once dessert was finished that I
decided to say my piece.

Jim and Dad were sat next to each other, with me opposite Dad,
Caroline opposite Jim and Helen and Mum at the two ends. Helen
and Caroline were chatting about something, I couldn
’
t hear what as
the conversation between Jim and Dad was far louder. Jim had never
really been a sportsman, but he had followed in his father
’
s footsteps
and developed a love for horse racing. They were arguing over which
was the horse of the year.

“
It has to be Nashwan, Dad. Won the 2,000 Guineas, won the
Derby. What more could it do to persuade you? Horse racing is all about
speed and Nashwan
’
s top speed is not fast, it
’
s
“
whoosh!
”

Dad loved it that Jim was now into the horses. They suddenly had
a common interest.

“
I know what you
’
re saying son, don
’
t get me wrong, I love Nashwan,
that horse has won me a few quid, I can tell you. I backed it when when
it won its maiden at Newbury, last August.
”

Mum interrupted.

“
I beg your pardon! I thought you didn
’
t bet any more!
”

“
I don
’
t at the bookies, love, just the odd fiver against the guys at
work, that
’
s all. If they say a horse won
’
t win and I say it will, I
’
ll bet
them a couple of quid that I
’
m right. More often than not, I am!
”

“
Well, you were wrong more often than not when you used to bet
at the bookmakers, so I hope that
’
s all it is!
”

“
It is love! It is!
”

When Mum wasn
’
t looking, Dad winked at Jim.

“
But the greatest horse of the year, Jim, has to be our Dessie! Just
for pure emotion and the race that had the whole nation talking, not just the racing world, the whole nation, it was Desert Orchid
’
s win in
the Gold Cup! When Yahoo took it up three out, I thought Dessie had
no chance and even at the last, when Yahoo and Dessie were alongside
each other, I didn
’
t think for a second that Dessie would outstay him!
Yahoo
’
s a mudlark! Out stay him he did though, I wish I
’
d been at
Cheltenham for that! It wasn
’
t just the highlight of the year, it
’
s up there
as the highlight of the century!
”

“
Up there with what?
”
Mum asked,
“
Your wedding and the birth
of your four children?
”

“
Absolutely,
”
Dad said with a smile,
“
sixth behind those five!
”

“
My vote
’
s still with Nashwan.
”
Jim said.

“
Come off it, Jim! I
’
ve got Dessies win on video, after tea, I
’
ll put it on!
”

“
His name is James.
”
Mum angrily stated.

“
Yours is Dorothy. We call you, Dot. Name
’
s get shortened, love.
No point fretting about that. You don
’
t
mind our Richard, being called
Richie
”

“
I just don
’
t like the name, Jim. It
’
s common! If I
’
d have known our
James would get called Jim, I
’
d have called him something else.
”

“
Like what, Dot?
”

“
Like William.
”

“
He
’
d have got called Bill then, or Willie, like Nashwan
’
s winning jockey, Willie Carson!
”

Horses! They had been the reason why Jim had always had to wear
my hand-me-downs as we had grown up and yet he was still prepared
to go down that wallet emptying route. Right, the four legged friend
debate was obviously finishing, this was my cue.

“
Dad, before you retire to the lounge to watch Desert Orchid,
”
I
began,
“
there
’
s something I want to say.
”

You would expect a bit of hush. What you expected and what you
got from my family tended to differ.

“
Listen up everyone, Richie
’
s going to tell us he
’
s pregnant!
”

Dad
joked in that
‘
I
’
m a Dad so I
’
m automatically not funny
’
kind of way.

             
“
No, that
’
s not possible, Kelly
’
s not around to provide the sperm!
”

Caroline added.

“
Maybe she froze the sperm and sent it over in a freezing test tube
from the Bermuda triangle!
”
Helen added.

My family had found Kelly
’
s disappearance concerning at first,
but after a while, they had just seen it as an opportunity to make fun
of me. They all continued taking pot shots. Well, the three of them
did anyway. Mum didn
’
t because Mum wasn
’
t the type to poke fun at
anyone, especially one of her sons, and Jim didn
’
t join in either. Under
normal circumstances, Jim would have been there, handing the stick
out with the rest of them, but not this time. This time, he had a faint
awareness of my situation, so he refrained from joining in. In fact, he
did the opposite. He quietened everybody down.

“
Listen you lot! Just hush a minute will you! Let Richie speak!
”

“
If you are pregnant, Richie, remember to run the babies name past
your mother first! Don
’
t be choosing anything common!
”

             
“
Dad!
”
Jim chastened,
“
Just shut up, will you!
”

“
When did you get so bossy?
”
Caroline wanted to know of Jim.

“
Just be quiet! Please.
”
Jim repeated in a serious tone.

Silence. There was silence. I cleared my throat.

“
I need to tell you all something
…”
I started.

“
I told you, he
’
s pregnant!
”
Dad added. It wasn
’
t even funny the first time.

“
Let him speak, Dad!
”
Jim demanded.

“
Sorry!
”

“
Right. Where do I start?
”

“
At the very beginning.
”
Helen chipped in and then by way of
explanation added,
“
Sound of Music! Do-re-mi!
”

I continued unabated.

“
OK. You all know Kelly
’
s gone away, don
’
t you?
”

There was a collective nodding of heads.

“
But you don
’
t know why? Do you?
”

Collective shaking of heads.

“
It was partially down to me.
”
I explained.
“
You see, Kelly saw me
with her sister in Coronation Park
…
.
”