Forever. (This. Is. Not. Over. Book 3) (13 page)

“No, it doesn’t.” We stand in silence and watch the girls continue to argue over the star. The old me would have flown up those steps, yanked that star out of their hands, threw it in a box and been the only house on the block that went star-less for Christmas. The new me is just too tired to even care.

“Can I ask you a question?” I ask Malcolm.

“Of course.”

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at once? Or do you think that I really love one man more than the other, but I just haven’t admitted it to myself yet? Do you think that I really love Jacob more and that I’m just playing house with Marlon?”

             
“What do you think?”

             
“Well, I know it sounds strange but I think I love Marlon and Jacob with the same intensity.”

“I can see that
,” he says with a nod. “From what I’ve noticed with my other clients, men seldom want to leave their wives for their mistresses. Women will seldom leave their husbands for the milkman. In fact, when it comes down to having to choose, wives and husbands normally come out on top. But the mistresses and milkmen are never forgotten. I can only come up with one answer for this: love is a lot like people; no matter how different each experience is, it’s all equal. Thomas Jefferson said,
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness
.  Substitute the word
love
in place of
men
and what you have is,
All love is created equal
. It’s gifted by God and is full of incentives. The greatest of love’s perks are life, freedom and the ability to find happiness. As are the rights of people, so are the rights of love. It’s universal; the same from one person to the next. So the givers may vary, but the gift is the same. The gift should give you life, freedom and the opportunity to enjoy them both. But that’s just the advice of an attorney. Go to a priest and I’m sure he’ll tell you different.”

“Is that the speech you give to all your clients?”

He smiles. “It is.”

“Malcolm, I feel love for both Marlon and Jacob. Equally.”

“It happens,” he says frankly.

“It’s just that at my very core, I’m not Mrs. Jasmine Kyles. I’m Jasmine Harlow and I love to hop on the back of Jacob’s
Beemer and go cruising down 95. I just felt so free with him. I’d gladly surrender my dignity if I could just feel like that once again. Yes, Jacob was dangerous but for some reason I felt safe. Yes, he was rotten but for some reason I’ve never felt more special than when I was with him. I was connected to the earth, right there in my own body when I was with him. I was recklessly living for the day. I was right there at St. Bernadette’s, Princeton and Yale with the man I loved and there were no bedtimes to think about, no weather updates to concern myself with, no traffic jams to consider. I was just this free soul having this human experience with this electrifying guy and I felt So. Fucking. Free. I just felt so good with him. Just
so
good.”

             
“I get that.” He shrugs. “Jacob may wear a suit and tie but he’s a free spirit. His energy is contagious at times,” he looks at me and says, “it can also be tragic.”

             
“I just feel like if I were married to Jacob, he wouldn’t be so tragic. I’m sorry but I just think that he’d be a better person with me.” Malcolm lets out a light laugh.

             
“Oh yeah?” he asks. “Red’s a feminist so I can seldom pull weight but I have forbidden her to touch two things: a matchbook and a postage stamp. Long story. Anyway, there’s normally nothing I can do to stop Red from anything; she, unfortunately, has freewill. So I can try to make her different but chances are my efforts will always fail. I submitted to the fact that I have to love her
as is
. No returns. No take backs. When Red expresses herself, all I can do is pick up the pieces afterwards. Would you have been willing to be a cleanup woman?”

             
“I’m not sure. I guess if you love someone, that’s what you do.”

             
“You love Jacob and I love Red. But let’s be honest here, it’s not easy sharing your life with a loose cannon. It’s not easy sharing your life with a free spirit. It’s not easy sharing your life with someone who acts first and thinks later. Yes, it’s fun at times but it’s also tormenting. You’re always worried that they’ve done some shit that you won’t be able to get them out of. And then when you add kids to the mix—well, shit, everything changes. Sometimes you feel as though you’re spending half of your existence, keeping their asses out of trouble, jail or a coffin.”

“But
you
do it effortlessly.”

“I’m built for it.” He slides his hands in his pockets. The flash of Marlon’s office light draws
our attention. We both look towards the home office as Marlon comes into view wearing his wool coat, loosening his tie and holding onto his briefcase and a cup of coffee. He places the briefcase and coffee on a nearby end table and slides his coat off before placing it on a gold post near the door.

             
“He just came back from the office?” I ask in astonishment.

             
“Must have.”

             
“Well, what time is it?”

             
“It’s …” Malcolm checks his watch, “almost ten.”

             
“Is he
mad
! How dare he come in from the office that late and leave the girls with Gertrude. Just look at them now, fighting over that star while Gertrude is still clapping her hands for them to stop.”

“What would you have done?”

              “Put the darn thing back in the box! No one gets to put it up, so there.” Malcolm and I watch Marlon as he settles in his chair behind his desk, presses a button on his office phone and places his briefcase on his desk. “What! He just came in from the office and he’s checking messages and doing
work
?”

“Yes
, Red, I mean, Jasmine. The thing about working for a living is that it never ends.”

             
“Oh, please! Does he not hear the girls in there arguing over that star?”

“Well, Gertrude’s in there.”

              “But look now. Tiffany has just licked Pearl’s hand, now Pearl’s gonna get grossed out and start crying.” And sure enough, Pearl drops the star, and starts crying. Meanwhile, with her tongue hanging out of her mouth, like she’s accomplishing some great feat, Tiffany walks up a small ladder to place the star on the tree. “Why isn’t Gertrude stopping Tiffany?”

             
“She looks like she’s reprimanding her. She has her finger up and she’s waving it.”

             
“Please! Look at Tiffany; as happy as a lark. Oh look, Pearl just ran from the room. I bet you …” I wait to see if Marlon looks up, and sure enough, he does. I then watch Pearl jump on his lap and cry profusely into his chest as he rubs her head while looking over it at the files on his desk. “Oh, will you look at him? No, I can’t take it. He’s allowing the entire house to crumble around him. First Tiffany’s licking hands, next thing you know she’ll be into adult entertainment. I already have a lewd picture of me out there so surely they’ll blame me. They always blame the mother who has a naked picture already out.”

             
“I can see why you’re worried,” Malcolm says as his phone rings. “We don’t want the hand licking thing to lead to a career in pornography.”

             
“Oh, hush, Malcolm.” He takes his phone out of his pocket and looks at the caller.

“Shit, what now
? Hold on, Jasmine … Nat, what’s going on? Dena told her? … Where is she? … I’m on my way.” He ends the call.

“Everything okay?”

              “Did you want to go up there? Settle things with your girls?” He points to my condo.

             
I do, but …

I watch Marlon as he rubs Pearl
’s hand on his shirt, kisses the top of her head and then looks back down at his papers.

             
“No.”

             
“Okay.”

“And don’t you
dare
judge me. You’re married to Danielle Rouge.”

             
“No judgment here.” He puts his hands up in defense. “I think you should come along with me on a bonus ride.”

             
“Sure, why not?” I say as I turn and walk back towards the truck. “I’m already in love with another woman’s husband—why not drive around town with a third woman’s husband?”

             
“There’s the spirit.”

             
“After all, I lost my best friend, my boyfriend married another woman and my oldest daughter is on the road to sexual promiscuity.”

             
“Here, let me help you in,” Malcolm says as he opens the door for me.

             
“I’m exhausted … where are we going?” I just feel so defeated right now.

             
“Blair House.”

             
“Where?”

             
“Oh, my parents’ home.”

Jacob

(
the
.
promise
.)

“What? Jacob, you’re kidding!”
she says as she straddles me. “When did you find this out? Why are they expecting you to marry her?” Now, I can tell Jasmine the truth. I can tell her that Winnie and I have been casually fucking for about two years now and our families are getting all goo-goo eyed over it. Or, I can tell her that I barely know Winnie and it’s just a match that her parents and my parents orchestrated without Winnie’s or my participation, and that I’m actually quite stunned by it all myself. Damn. I’m just going to go and tell Jasmine the truth. She deserves that.

“I’m just as surprised as you
, Jazz.” But I can’t.

             
“But why her? No offense, but isn’t she a floozy? The society column of
The Globe
is always mentioning how she’s ‘hanging out’ with this senator’s son or the next. I just don’t get why your parents would choose Gwyneth Yates.”

I try and think about that question as the sound of crickets and the glare of moonlight seeps into the room. I lean my back against my headboard and close my eyes
. Just tell her the truth Jacob. Just tell her that you met Winnie, she was a hookup, you like her because she’s got heart and she’s funny and she’s quick and she’s both smart and sarcastic as hell. Tell her you like Winnie’s edge, her sly smiles, her cool ass attitude. Tell her that you like that nothing rattles her, she doesn’t expect much from you. Tell her that you like how Winnie isn’t trying to change you and for once you’ve found a woman who isn’t trying to make you better. For once you’ve found a woman who isn’t thinking up baby names and talking about wedding dresses. She isn’t giving you funny looks when you notice a badass woman right in front of you at the movie theatre. In fact, she’s looking at the date of the badass woman at the movie theatre. Tell her you like this. Tell her you think that shit is sexy as hell. But tell her that there’s no way in hell that you want to marry Winnie, or any other woman, right now. Not even Queen Jasmine.

“She comes from a good family
,” I say to Jasmine, my eyes still closed.

             
“A good
white
family.” I let out a deep breath.

“Yeah, baby.”

“And why don’t you just tell them no, Jacob?” She leans over and gives me a kiss on the lips. I slide my hands over her waist and pull her completely against me. Skin on skin.

             
“I will, Jazz.” I won’t.

             
“Are you sure?”

             
“Yeah.” No. My eyes still closed, I inhale deeply and then breathe it out.

             
“When are you going to tell them?” She gives me another kiss on the lips.

             
“Soon.” Never.

             
“But when?”

             
“Before the wedding, Jazz.”

             
“Well no kidding, Jacob.”

             
“Just let me just figure this out. All I need to do is figure this out.”

             
“Jacob, just say you won’t marry her. Why can’t you just say that?”

Because I need a wife for where I’m headed. A connected wife. One who has an Old Boston family name. One that has her own set of connects and associates. One who can walk me into circles that I’m not yet a part of. One who can help me expand this law firm I plan on starting. One who can help get me some clients just because she’s my wife and they’re in her network. One who can be of use to me. I love you
, Jasmine, but I’m sorry; you can’t be of use to me. I respect your circle, I really do, but your circle doesn’t turn to white boys for help; they turn to each other. I’ve gotta bring my own set of clients into this business that Mac, Cadence, Nat and I are trying to start in two years.