Forever With You (Silver State Series) (15 page)

My eyes snap up to meet his.  “No, I want to,” I say pleadingly, suddenly terrified he’ll back out before I’ve had a chance to explain.  “It’s just, you should know I haven’t…done this before.”  I catch my bottom lip between my teeth to keep it from quivering as I search his face for any sign of repugnance.

I sigh in relief when a sexy half-smile forms slowly on his face.  He brings his hand up and lays his palm against my cheek.  “You’ve never had sex before?” he asks.  I shake my head, and the smile fades as his brow furrows in earnestness.  “Are you one hundred percent certain this is what you want?” he says.  “Because it’s kind of a big deal.  You need to be sure.”

“I’m sure,” I tell him, knowing it’s true, yearning to express it in a way that will make him believe it.  “I want to.  Trust me.”

Slowly he nods.  “Okay,” he says, back to whispering.  “Just promise you’ll tell me if you want me to stop.  This may hurt.”

“I will,” I assure him – then a thought occurs to me.  “Kyle?  Will it hurt you, too?”

His same sexy grin is back, only wider this time.  “No, babe.  Don’t worry about me – it’s gonna feel fucking amazing.”

My mouth twitches into a coy smile.  That was all I needed to hear.

Kyle

C
hrist
.  My brain is a muddle of emotions – I’ve never taken anyone’s virginity before.  I’m fucking terrified of hurting her…but I’m also as turned on as I’ve ever been.  My cock has a mind all its own – it pulses in anticipation of what will likely be the most mind-blowing sex I’ve ever had.  This is counterbalanced, though, by the need to take care of Tawny.  I say a little prayer to all that’s holy I’ll be able to resist temptation and
calm the fuck down
so I can give her what she needs and keep myself from doing any irreparable damage, physical or otherwise.
 

Tawny sits down with her legs bent in front of her, and I sink down over her, my muscles tensed as I move in slow motion.  I wrap my arm around the back of her shoulders, cradling her as I lower her flat on her back.  I’m planning it out in my head… I’ll be on top so Tawny doesn’t have to do the work this time.  The only challenge will be stopping myself from going too fast.  I’ll have to give her time to adjust to my size.

I position myself at her entrance, poised to push inside.  She holds on tightly to my neck, like she’s afraid a rift will open in the earth and swallow her whole if she lets go.  “You ready?” I ask.

“Ready,” she replies.

I close my eyes as I exhale. 
3…2…1—

Tawny

O
ooooh
no.  Oh God that hurts.  I hold my breath as I dig my fingernails into Kyle’s back.  He pauses, then quickly slips back out.  “Are you okay?” he asks breathlessly.

I open my eyes just a crack and peer up at him.  His face is masked with concern.  “I’m okay,” I say, my voice shaky.  “Just – keep going.”

“Tawny—“

“Please, Kyle.  Just please try again.”

He winces, and I curse the absurdity of the situation.  If I was any other girl, we’d already be in the throes of passion by now.  Suddenly I feel sorry for Kyle having to baby me like this.  I grit my teeth and steel myself to endure the pain this time.  I also work to relax my features so my discomfort won’t be quite so obvious.

This time isn’t quite as bad.  Kyle gets as far as he did the first time, maybe only a couple of inches, then stops again.  “I’m gonna go a little deeper, okay?” he says.

“Yes,” I breathe.

I slide my hands to grasp his biceps; I can feel him trembling with the effort of keeping his movements controlled.  He pushes in further, inch by inch.  I can feel myself stretching, and
God almighty
it’s painful, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.  I lay my head back and try to concentrate on something other than the pain; I find my happy place when I think of the fact I’m having sex with
Kyle Freeman
.  There’s simply
no way
this won’t end up being worth it, right?  I mean, it’s like the culmination of
years
of fantasies and daydreams, crashing down on me in
this moment.

He eases in until he reaches my natural barrier, then stops again and pulls back slightly.  He drops down on his elbows and kisses my lips, then my temple, and whispers in my ear, “I have to go a little faster now.  I’ll stop as soon as I break through, give you some time to get used to it.”

“Go ahead,” I say, sounding braver than I feel.

Kyle

H
oly.  Fuck.  I can’t begin to describe the way her pussy feels, so I won’t even try.  It’s like my cock has finally found its home – it’s un-fucking-believable.  I’d be in Heaven if it wasn’t for Tawny clearly being in so much pain – my excitement is tempered with anxiety over what I’m doing to the poor girl.

I rear back, preparing to deal her the most excruciating blow yet.  She gazes up at me intently, obviously dead-set on surviving this one way or the other.  So far she’s tolerating it like a champ.

I take a deep breath and plunge in, pushing past the resistance and burying myself deep inside until I’m completely swallowed up by her.  Tawny gasps, and I still my hips.  The anguished expression on her face would’ve made me go soft a long time ago were it not for my dick’s own selfish motives.

I watch her as she slowly re-opens her eyes.  I’m surprised when a smile blooms over her flushed face, and I smile back in spite of myself.

“You’re in,” she whispers.

“I’m in,” I agree.

“And I’m okay,” she says.  I can’t tell from her tone whether she’s trying to convince herself, or if she really means it.

“You want me to keep going?” I ask, my body begging for her to say yes.

“Yes.”

I flash her one more smile, then lean down to kiss her forehead.  I pull back, then push in again, careful to maintain a slow pace.  Again.  Again.  I study Tawny’s face – she winces a little each time I push in, but she doesn’t ask me to stop.  After a minute she raises her head and looks down, watching as I move into her.

“Do you wanna go faster?” she asks me quietly, lifting her eyes to look at me again.

“This isn’t about me,” I say.  “It’s all about you.”

“I want it to feel good for you,” she says.  “I want you to go faster…just a little bit.”

“It already feels good to me,” I tell her, but I do as she asks – I speed up.  I rock into her, finding my rhythm.  It’s still slower than I’m used to, but even so it feels ten times better than it typically does.

Tawny grabs my ass and pulls me to her, goading me to move faster.  I can feel her clamping down around me, but I can also tell she’s putting forth extraordinary effort to force the troubled expression from her eyes.

“Fuck, Tawny, this has to be hurting you,” I say, smoothing her hair off her forehead.  “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

She shakes her head.  “It doesn’t hurt anymore,” she says quietly.  “Just keep going.”

Tawny

I
t’s true it doesn’t hurt – it’s just
uncomfortable
is all.  When I’ve pictured having sex with Kyle, my imagination has tended to lead me in the direction of tantric,
Cosmo
-worthy positions – bending myself into a pretzel while Kyle penetrates me from behind being just one possible scenario.  It occurs to me this may be a tad ambitious for my first time.  Still, if I can make it through this, I have no doubt it will be better the next time.

Kyle increases his tempo again, just slightly.  He’s covered with a sheen of sweat – suddenly I feel guilty for making him do all the work.  “Kyle,” I say, pressing against his chest until he grinds to a halt.

He looks at me anxiously.  “Are you hurt?” he asks.

“No,” I say.  “I just wondered… Will you let me be on top?”

He cocks his head to the side.  “Yeah, of course,” he says.  “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure,” I reply.  He pulls out and smoothly switches places with me, then positions me on top of him.  I feel so exposed up here; it hadn’t really fully occurred to me until just now that we’re in a public place, for all the world to see.  Thankfully the barn keeps us hidden from passersby out on the road.

I rise up on my knees and take Kyle’s cock in my hand, guiding it back to my center.  “Hold on,” he says.  He lets some saliva pool in his fingers, then slides them over my opening.  I shiver from the tingly feeling I get when he touches me.

Kyle groans as I lower myself around him.  He watches as I slide over him, concealing his full length inside of me.  I’m tempted to ask what I should do next, but I bite my tongue –
as if he needs another reminder of
how inexperienced I am at all this
.  So instead, I let my body feel the way ahead.  I lift up again, repeating the same movements – lift and lower, lift and lower – until I reach a steady pace.  Kyle gazes up at me, his hands wrapped around my waist as he gently pushes and pulls against me.

A minute later he sits up, shifting us so he’s penetrating me at a different angle.  He wraps his legs around behind me while I continue the same motions – and something amazing happens.  It begins to feel…
good
.  At first it’s just a faint glimmer of something entirely detached from the discomfort I’ve experienced since we began, but a moment later it blossoms into something else altogether.  I throw my head back in abandon, determined to hold on to this feeling.

Kyle

I
’m about to blow, any second.  My entire body quakes from exertion as I put herculean effort into fighting off my orgasm.  Tawny actually seems to be enjoying herself now, and watching her feel her way through, discovering what feels good to her, is enough to drive me over the edge.  At the same time, I don’t want to come before she’s had a chance to finish exploring.  Ideally I want to time my release to coincide with hers, but since I’ve never had sex with a virgin before I have no idea what the chances are she’ll actually come her first time.

“I’m gonna come soon, Tawny,” I tell her.

“I want you to,” she says.  She reaches up and gathers her hair on top of her head with both hands, bowing toward me –
oh God
, that’s it.  She looks fucking beautiful as hell with her back arched like that and her arms raised, lengthening her body while her tits bounce with every rise and fall.  It’s my undoing.

“
Fuuuuck.
”  I bury my head in her chest as I contract and let loose inside her.

Tawny – 4:15 PM

T
he exhilaration I feel as I watch Kyle orgasm at my behest is truly incomparable.  My muscles involuntarily clench in response to his display of ecstasy, and suddenly Kyle howls softly, as if he’s in pain.  He grips my shoulders to lift me off of him, and I crouch beside him, fearful I’ve done something to hurt him.  Seeing the worried expression on my face, he brushes my hair off my forehead and plants a kiss over my eyebrow, then on my lips.  When he draws back he’s chuckling.

“Don’t worry, you didn’t do anything wrong,” he explains.  “It’s just super sensitive, and you’re really tight – that’s all.”

Relieved, I draw my knees up to my chest and cross my ankles, clasping my hands around my shins.  I watch as Kyle rolls the condom off and lays it to the side, then uses one of his socks to mop up the remaining mess. 

I want to ask how it felt, whether I was any good, but I’m afraid of the answer I’ll get.  It isn’t easy comparing myself with the other faceless girls Kyle has most assuredly slept with, all of whom are likely to have been far more skillful than I am.  I force the thought from my mind, redoubling my effort to focus on the here and now.

Evidently Kyle has deemed himself sufficiently clean – he’s pulling his boxers back on – but his eyes are on me.  He seems intent on watching me as I scoot back into my own underwear, but intercepts me before I can pick up my dress.  He laces his fingers with mine and gives my hands a squeeze, then leans in to kiss a line from my collarbone up to my lips.  “You were amazing, just like I thought you’d be,” he whispers in response to my unasked question.  “Don’t even think for a second you weren’t.”

4:30 PM

W
e’re fully clothed and headed back to Reno.  I watch Kyle with interest as he drums his fingers against the steering wheel, occasionally looking over and beaming at me.  He seems to be in an indomitably good mood, and this realization does my heart good.

It’s as if my mind is determined to outweigh the lightness of my heart, though.  Soon enough the wheels in my brain begin to turn, and doubt comes creeping back in.  I shift and gaze out at the passing desert, suddenly feeling conflicted.

Harumi had made everything seem so clear and so simple – but it
isn’t
simple.  Forget the fact I was a virgin until today.  The trouble is, I actually
like
Kyle.  I’ve known that for a while – so what possessed me to think
just sex
could ever be enough for me?  I mean, let’s face it – in truth I’m nothing more than a pathetic, hopeless romantic, and try as I may, I’m having trouble separating my feelings for Kyle from the fact I just shared
all
of myself with him, in a way I never have with anyone before him.  This changed things for me; it elevated my perception of our relationship to new, insurmountable heights. 
Not good
.

I sigh in spite of myself. 
Just sex,
I remind myself. 
Just sex
.  I just need to change my mindset, that’s all – I can’t get my hopes up.  The fact remains, having
any
part of Kyle is better than having none of him…right?  So I’ll suppress these feelings and try my hardest to embody the disinterest of a casual lover, ignoring the fact it’s so much more.