Forgive and Forget (31 page)

‘Aye, I have,’ Polly said grimly. ‘But you just want to be thankful I haven’t pawned ’em yet. Nearly everything else has gone.’

He stared at her. ‘You’ve never been tekin’ our stuff to the pop shop?’

Now she rounded on him in fury. ‘How else d’you think I’ve managed? There’s been very little money coming into this house for nearly a year – ’ she couldn’t resist the barb – ‘in case you’d forgotten.’

Now, for a brief moment, William had the grace to look ashamed and for the rest of the day his sense of shame only grew worse. He returned home from the railway offices, defeat in every line of his thin, hunched shoulders.

‘You were right,’ he told Polly. ‘I’m sacked.’

She sighed. ‘I’m sorry, Dad, but it’s no more than I expected. Have you seen the union man? Can he help?’

William sat down heavily. ‘Doubt he’ll want to. But I’ll try him tomorrow. Looks like I’m being made a scapegoat.’

‘Dad, a lot of people got hurt that night and two men died in a fire that folks say were started by rioters. How’re their families going to feel for the rest of their lives, eh? Can’t you think about other folks for once?’

‘We were only standing up for our rights.’

‘Oh aye, your rights! What about those poor fellers that died? What about their rights, eh? They had a right to live, but they lost that because of you and your like.’

‘I didn’t start any fires, Poll, I—’

‘Only because I stopped you.’

He glared at her. ‘I didn’t start the one at the brewery offices and I was banged up by the time the other one happened. Thanks to your precious boyfriend.’

‘He was only doing his duty . . .’ Polly stopped in surprise. The words had come out of her mouth of their own volition, as if she’d had no will to stop them.

‘Duty, was it? Was it duty to arrest innocent folks and bang ’em up for nine months?’

‘You were no innocent. You’ve brought shame on our family and on our lovely city. It’ll be a long time before any of us forget this.’ She turned away before he should see the tears in her eyes. ‘If we ever do.’

Silent now, Polly dished up the meal she’d made from the half-rotten vegetables which Stevie had brought home the previous Saturday, and, unrepentant, all William said was, ‘We got better grub in prison.’

‘Hello, Roland, what brings you here?’ William greeted him as he opened the door to a knock. Then he paused and looked closer at Roland’s face. ‘Summat up, lad? Come away in.’

He ushered their visitor into the kitchen. ‘Sit down.’

‘Is – is Polly at home?’

William pursed his mouth and shook his head. ‘No, she’s out job hunting.’

Roland sat down in the chair near the range. ‘That’s the reason I’ve come. Well, one of ’em.’

‘Oh? Have you got something for her then?’

Roland nodded. ‘I’ve always told Polly that there’d be a job for her back at the factory if ever she—’. He took a deep breath. ‘Of course, I haven’t mentioned it before because I thought she’d be getting wed.’ His voice trailed away and William noticed the anguish in his eyes.

‘Well, she’s not now,’ he said grimly. ‘And you know why.’

‘Yes.’ He paused and bit his lip. ‘Mr Longden, I’ve been coming round here quite a lot while you’ve been – away. And I’ve tried to get some work for her at the glue factory when I found out how tough things were for – for the family, but Mr Wainwright wouldn’t hear of employing her.’

‘Because of me, you mean?’

Roland nodded miserably.

‘So has he changed his mind?’

‘No, but Mr Wainwright’s retired and – and I’ve been promoted to manager.’

William beamed and slapped him on the back. ‘By, this calls for a celebration. We’ll have to go to the George and Dragon tonight.’ He paused and then asked, ‘So now you can employ who you like?’

‘That’s why I thought I’d come and ask her if she’s still looking for work.’

‘That’s very good of you, Roland. I’m sure she’ll jump at the chance. She’s been asking round, but there doesn’t seem much going at the moment – at least, not what she could do. I suppose she could go into service – she’s got a lot of experience in that.’ He pulled a wry face. ‘But it’d probably mean her living in and we’d miss her here.’

There was silence between them for several moments before William prompted, ‘You said that was one of the reasons you’d come round. What’s the other?’

‘It’s my mother. She’s in hospital. They don’t think it’ll be long.’

‘Aw lad, I’m sorry.’

Roland tried to smile. ‘Thank you, Mr Longden.’ Another pause, then he asked, ‘Do you think Polly will be home soon?’

William glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘I reckon so. The youngsters’ll be coming out of school soon and she always likes to be home then.’

On cue, the door rattled and Polly came in like a whirlwind. ‘By heck, but it’s blowy today. And it’s supposed to be summer. Hello, Roland.’ Her face sobered. ‘I’ve just heard about your mam. I am sorry.’

Roland nodded, acknowledging her sympathy but saying nothing. William heaved himself up out of the chair. ‘I think Roland wants to talk to you, Poll, so I’ll mek mesen scarce.’

Once alone with Polly, Roland explained swiftly about his promotion and added, ‘There’s a job going at the factory, if – if you want it.’

Polly’s face lit up. ‘Really? Oh, Roland, how wonderful.’

‘I’m so sorry I couldn’t manage it before, but old Wainwright . . .’

‘It’s all right. I understand.’ Then Polly put her head on one side. ‘Roland, you’re not
making
a place for me, are you?’

‘Well—’

‘Roland, I don’t want to take someone else’s place. I don’t want you sacking someone—’

‘Oh no,’ he said swiftly. ‘I wouldn’t. I mean – I know you wouldn’t want me to do that. But I can make a case for an extra pair of hands. Luckily, we’re busy just now. And then, when there is a vacancy, I just won’t fill it, if you see what I mean.’

Polly wasn’t sure she did, but she was grateful to be offered a job. She’d tramped the city all morning and the only offer had been scrubbing floors at a pittance of a wage.

‘When do I start?’

‘Monday, if you like.’

‘I do like. And thank you, Roland. Thank you very much.’

The silence lengthened between them when he made no move to leave.

‘Polly,’ he said hesitantly at last, ‘maybe I shouldn’t be saying this now and – and it’s just between us. But my mother’s not going to live – they’ve said so. It’s only a matter of time and – and when she’s gone – I mean, after a suitable time, would you – could you consider marrying me?’

Suddenly he leapt out of his chair and almost threw himself to his knees in front of her. He grasped her hands and looked up beseechingly into her face. ‘Polly, I’ve always loved you. You must know that. I’d do anything to make you happy. And once we were married, you wouldn’t have to work. I’d take care of you, I promise. I know – I know you don’t love me, but – we’re friends, aren’t we? And – and I love you so much, Polly.’ It was a long speech, probably the longest Polly had ever heard him make, and an impassioned one. But it was one that shocked and embarrassed her. And yet she’d always known that he was fond of her. His eyes had followed her around the room and she would have been stupid not to have noticed the adoration in them. And just lately, when he’d taken her out for a meal each week, she’d seen it more and more. But Roland had always known that it was Leo she loved. Things were different now, though, and Roland was offering her a respectable marriage.

The silence had been so long between them that he prompted, ‘Polly, will you at least think about it? Maybe I shouldn’t have just blurted it out like that and before my poor mother’s even gone. What must you think of me?’ Suddenly, he looked embarrassed and ashamed of his own impetuosity. But she couldn’t blame him. She could see things from his point of view.

When she’d worked at the factory for the short time before her own mother had died, she’d heard the women talking about the young man who was their foreman.

‘Poor old Roland,’ they’d said, in their kinder moments. ‘Such a dull life he’s always had.’

‘Why? What d’you mean?’ Polly had asked, for even then he’d been some kind of benefactor to her. And this hadn’t gone unnoticed by the other women.

‘You could liven his life up for him, Polly. He’s got his eye on you and no mistake.’

‘His father died young and he’s been a mother’s boy for years,’ Nelly Rawdon, a kinder soul than some of the other women at the factory, had told her. ‘Even as a little lad, he wasn’t allowed to play out in the street with the other lads. And now she’s an invalid, he’s no life at all.’

‘Wish he’d got his eye on me,’ one woman had grumbled. ‘She always gets the easy jobs.’

‘Now, now, Ida. No sour grapes.’ Raucous laughter had followed the admonishment, but at only thirteen Polly’s face had burned at the suggestion that she was being favoured by the foreman, who seemed, then, to be so much older than she was.

But now, sitting with her hands held tightly in his, her overriding instinct was to pull away. She was angry with Leo, could never forgive him, but she still loved him and was heart-sore at their broken romance. But, she asked herself, though she would never marry Leo, was it fair to marry someone she didn’t love just to get a husband, a family and a home of her own? Was it fair on Roland, who was a lovely man? Was it even being fair to her? She needed time to think.

Polly swallowed and made herself squeeze his hands in return. The spark of hope that lit his eyes humbled her.

‘Roland, this is so sudden – ’. She laughed nervously, realizing she was sounding like some foolish heroine from a romantic novel.

‘I know, I’m sorry.’ He gave her hands one final squeeze and then pulled away. Standing up, he picked up his cap. ‘I’ve sprung it on you. But, Polly, whatever you decide, I shall understand. I shall always be your friend, if I can’t be anything else.’ He smiled and then, pulling on his cap, he said with a forced brightness, ‘See you on Monday morning, then.’

She nodded as he turned towards the door and left her sitting there, staring into space.

‘Dad, I don’t know what to do.’

‘What about, lass?’

William was sitting in his chair near the range, where he spent most of his time now. He had given up even the pretence of trying to seek work.

‘Roland has asked me to marry him.’

‘Ah.’ He bit down on his empty pipe. There was no money now for tobacco. ‘I thought as much when he came the other day.’ He paused and then prompted, ‘And?’

‘Well . . .’ She avoided meeting his gaze. ‘I – I’m fond of him. He’s a nice man, but . . .’

William’s tone hardened and he couldn’t hide the bitterness as he said, ‘But you’re still carrying a torch for that copper. Look, Poll, I didn’t want any of this to happen, but it has, and we’ve all got to live with it.’

Polly’s head shot up. ‘I know, Dad, I know. I’d never marry Leo. Not now, but . . .’

William’s eyes softened a little. ‘But you can’t help how you still feel about him, is that it?’

Miserably, she nodded. ‘I hate him –
hate
him – for what he did, but I still can’t stop thinking about him, remembering the good times before all the trouble started.’ She didn’t add, though she was thinking it: and I hate you for your part in it all.

Her father sighed heavily. ‘You can’t turn your feelings off like a tap, I suppose. Oh, I’m no good at all this sort of talk. You need a woman to talk to.’

The thought lay unspoken between them; you need a mother. But her own mam was gone and now the only other woman who’d been a shoulder to lean on in troubled times, Bertha Halliday, was lost to her too.

‘All I know is,’ William went on, ‘Leo’s different to us. Seems to me, he’ll always put his job and what he sees as his position, his duty, if you like, before anything else. Before you, before his family – before anything. He’s already proved as much, hasn’t he?’

‘Yes,’ she whispered. ‘He has.’

‘And Roland’s a good bloke. He’d be kind to you. He’d look after you.’

‘I know, but I don’t love him, Dad.’

‘I can’t help you on that one, Poll. You’ll have to make up your own mind.’

‘And what about here? Violet’s not exactly . . .’ She bit her lip, not wanting to tell tales on her sister, yet the girl was showing signs of restlessness already, even though it was only a year since her baby had been born.

‘What about Violet?’ William snapped. ‘She’ll have to toe the line. She’s brought enough trouble on this house already. Besides, you’ll not be far away. Roland only lives in the next street – just round the corner.’

Polly opened her mouth to argue that she might be at work, but Roland had already said she wouldn’t need to be. She’d have plenty of time in the day to keep an eye on Violet and the rest of the family.

Then she shook herself. Whatever was she doing? Already, she was planning her life as Roland’s wife when she hadn’t even decided to marry him. But his offer was tempting. The man she loved was lost to her; she had to face that. So could she really hope to meet someone else whom she would love like she’d loved Leo? Still loved, if she was honest.