Forgotten Dreams (15 page)

"Oh, don't be such a grouch," Susie snapped. "I've a sneaking suspicion it's not just tired feet that's making you such a sorehead."

My, my," Toni said grumpily as they began to weave their way through the crowded store. "Do tell me what you see in your crystal ball."

It was the first of November, and already people were starting to do their Christmas shopping.

"It's simple, cousin dear. You've been seeing more of your handsome neighbor these last few days. Per sonally I think you've fallen for the man."

Toni stopped dead in her tracks and leveled a quel-ling stare at her relative. "How would you like to walk back to Natchez?"

"I don't think I'd care for it at all," Susie said with a grin. "Even if I do need the exercise."

"Then I suggest you keep all comments regarding Christian Barr to yourself," Toni advised. "I'm not in the mood for a cozy exchange of confidences between girls."

"Shades of Aunt Sara," Susie murmured disgustedly as they again headed for the exit. "You are determined to carry on the family tradition, aren't you?"

Toni gave an indifferent shrug of one shoulder. " I could do worse."

By the time they reached the car, Toni's feet felt like two pieces of lead. She waited while Susie unlocked the trunk of the smart Mercedes coupe, then stepped forward and unceremoniously dumped her packages inside.

"You are terrible," Susie said. She frowned and im-mediately leaned forward to straighten the bundles "That lovely blouse you bought will be full of wrinkle by the time we get home."

"So will I," Toni remarked acidly.

"Honestly," the blonde woman said, and laughed "I've never seen you in such a dark mood. Wouldn't you like to share just a teeny bit of what's botherning you?"

"You're unbelievably nosy." Toni frowned as she waited for Susie to unlock the door and then got into the car.

Susie walked around and got in on the driver's side

"Of course I am," she said with complete candor. "How else will I know what's going on if I don't ask?"

"That's one way of looking at it, I suppose," said Toni, a rueful smile on her lips. "Unfortunately, I'm not in the mood to humor you." Susie gave up after that, and for the next few min- utes or so a companionable silence filled the car. Toni's thoghts automatically turned to Christian. It had been three days since that evening they'd made love, thres days during which she'd spent countless hours attempting to sort out her feelings for him. It angered her to admit that she was no closer to figuring out the attraction he held for her than she'd been at their first

meeting.

Rather than feeling at ease in his presence, she often found herself nervous and tense. Their relationship wasn't at all like the one she'd known with Steven.

Toni remembered how, after she and Steven had gotten to know each other, they'd settled into a nice,pleasant routine. There'd never been that thrill, that

certain breathlessness with him, that she now felt with Christian. But then, Steven had become a part of her life during her lengthy convalescence, leaving Toni to regard him in some ways as being part of that period. That wasn't the case with Christian. Each time she saw him she felt excited and confused.

What had Toni baffled, she decided as she stared out the window of the car, was her inability to decide whether it was purely a sexual attraction she felt for Christian or something deeper, more intense.

Her dilemma wasn't helped at all by Mrs. D and Susie, who constantly harped on the subject. Added to this was also the little problem of what to do with Steven when he came to Natchez. Toni now wished that she'd been more inquisitive as to his time of arrival.

"Are you sure you won't change your mind about the Nesbitts' party this evening?" Susie asked, break ing into Toni's tangled thoughts. "There are still number of my friends I'd like to introduce you to."

"I'm sure the party will be fantastic, but I'll meet your friends another time. I'd really like an evening in for a change."

"I suppose Christian and I have been keeping you on the go, haven't we?"

"Of course not," Toni replied airily. "Not being home in the evening for nearly two weeks is just what every woman needs." She chuckled as her sense of humor took over. Not only was Susie eager to push her into Christian's arms, but she also wasn't about introducing Toni to every unmarried man within a hundred miles in order to make Christian jealous.

There'd been moments in the last week when Toni had been amused, surprised, and angered by the ridic ulous antics of her neighbor and her cousin.

Christian's latest attempt at sabotaging her plans for a pleasant few hours with one of Susie's more interest ing candidates had occurred the evening before. He'll just happened to be out front when her date arrived

As they drove on in silence Toni remembered that evening. She had heard the car arrive, picked up her wrap and purse, then went to tell Mrs. D she was leaving. She walked on through to the front hall, ex-pecting any second to hear the doorbell ring.

When almost five minutes had passed and there -was still no sign of her escort, she walked to the door, opened it, and stepped out onto the front porch.

"Looking for someone, Antonia?"

She turned and saw Christian, comfortably scrawled in the old-fashioned porch swing. "I thought I heard my date arrive. Perhaps I was mistaken."

"No, you weren't mistaken," Christian had said calmly. "The lawyer did arrive, but I told him you weren't feeling well."

"You did what?" she had asked quietly. She closed the door and walked over to stand directly in front of him, bringing his slow, swinging motion to a halt. Her dark eyes flashed with anger, clear warning to anyone who knew her that all definitely wasn't well.

Christian, after narrowly observing her solid stance and the taut set of her lips, had thought it more pru-dent to face her sitting rather than reclining. "He didn't strike me as reliable, Antonia," he had told her with a straight face, "so naturally I couldn't allow you to go out with him."

At first Toni had found herself speechless, unable to do anything but stare at him as though she hadn't heard correctly. But as the seconds ticked by and she felt her anger rising, she knew he had done exactly what he had claimed to have done. He had actually dsmissed her date!

I think it only fair to warn you, Christian," she had said in a low, tight voice, "that I'm going to kill you."

"Now? Here?"

"Oh, no," Toni had murmured in a hard, menacing voice as she moved closer, the soft material of her dress caressing his jeans-clad knee. Suddenly she reached out and pushed hard against his chest. The unexpected move and the unsteadiness of the swing had rocked a surprised Christian backward.

She quickly glanced at Susie as she smiled, remembering the shock that had registered on Christian's face. Turning her head to look out the window, she thought back to what she had done.

She had stood over him, a tiny, dark-haired bundle of rage, one hand clutching her wrap and purse, the other clenched into a tight fist which she waved be neath his nose. "Oh, no," she had repeated in an un-steady voice, her chest rising and falling with fury. "I'll get you when I'm good and ready, and when I do you'll be sorry you were ever born, let alone set foot in Natchez."

"Really, Antonia," the object of her full attention had said in a subdued voice. "I never dreamed you were so anxious to be alone with that weak-chinned weasel. He can't have gotten very far. Do you want me to get in the car and go after him?"

"No, you interfering bastard, I don't want you to do anything for me. Anything. Understand?" she had yelled at him.

"Ah, Antonia." He had smiled, then grabbed her wrist. With a quick jerk of his powerful arm, Toni felt herself tumbling forward, landing in a silken heap in his lap. "How can you say such awful things about me when you know you don't mean them?"

Knowing perfectly well that she was angry enough to hit him if given the chance, he had been careful to keep her hands in a tight grip. Toni raised her head her hair tumbling about her face, and glared at him. "I hate you," she said through clenched teeth. "You're despicable."

Christian slowly shook his head as he stared at her "I don't think so, honey. Angry . . . yes. But hate! No."

"And just what makes you an authority on how I feel?" The harsh words fell effortlessly from her lips.

Damn him! She was angry, and he wasn't about to get off with a few clever words and a display of caveman tactics. She wanted to inflict pain and suffering, and if

she could only get her hands free, she could accomplish both goals in record time.

It's simple, Antonia. Each time I hold you in my arms your heart beats like crazy. When I kiss you, you respond as warmly and naturally as a flower exposing

its petals to the sun."

"Is that all?" she had asked stonily.

"Not on your life, sweetheart." Christian had chuckled as he touched his lips to the mutinous line of her mouth. "My ultimate weapon against your mulishness is the way you responded so beautifully to my lovemaking the other night."

A ragged sigh escaped Toni as she dragged her thoughts back to the present and tried not to remember the evening he had made love to her. She turned and stared at Susie, who was chattering away like crazy, seemingly unconcerned that her passenger wasn't hearing a word she was saying.

"Do you know if he's started?" Susie asked.

A puzzled frown settled over Toni's face as she tried to sort out the question. "I'm sorry, Susie, I'm afraid I was daydreaming. What are you talking about?"

"Christian, you nut. When I first met him, he mentioned something about doing some writing while he's there in Natchez. I was just wondering if he'd gotten

started," Susie explained.

If he has, then he's keeping it a secret." Toni frowned. "The latest form of excitement in his life is to play warden."

"So I've heard." Susie chuckled. "Personally I think it's hilarious. I adore my husband, as you well know But every once in a while I would appreciate some thing wild and crazy."

"What a pity you didn't wait a few years before marrying. If you had, then it could easily be you being driven to insanity by a madman roaming the grounds and ordering your friends away."

"Do you really mind all that much, Toni? Or are you frightened that if you do give in, you'll wind up in the same situation you did with Steven?"

"You know something, Susie? Sometimes I almost believe you understand me better than I do myself"

"Now, don't get angry with me again. I'm only try-ing to help."

"I'm not angry," Toni said quietly. "It's simply that you have this uncanny knack for bringing things into perspective for me. Perhaps I am afraid of turning from Steven to Christian without giving myself ttime to know my true feelings." She chewed at her bottom lip "At least it's as good an excuse or reason as I've been able to come up with."

"Then would you like me to tone down my Cupid routine?" Susie said quietly. "Anyway, from Christian's reactions, it's beginning to look as though I might need to start making sure my men friends have adequate insurance coverage before I introduce them to you."

"Not yet," Toni remarked with a hint of revenge. "I don't like having my life run by someone else, espe-cially Christian. I'll decide when and if I want to stop seeing other men." She gave her cousin a cheeky grin.

"Besides, in this day and time, how can a poor girl be certain of who or what she wants if she's only allowed one choice?"

By the time they reached Cartlaigne it was dark. Susie ran in only long enough to check on her aunt, then hurried home.

Toni took her packages to her bedroom and put away the new underwear she'd bought as well as a blouse and a dress. She stared at the dress, wondering what Christian would think of it. For whether or not she cared to admit it, he'd been in her thoughts the entire time she'd been trying it on.

And that, my girl, she told herself, is asure sign of total idiocy or love. When a woman starts buying clothes with a certain man in mind, then I'm afraid

she's got a problem. "So what else is new?" Toni muttered, and slammed

the doors of the armoire. She felt confused and completely uncertain of which way to turn. She'd taken refuge in Steven's arms after her parents' death and her own lengthy illness. Now she seemed to be teeter-ing on the very edge of committing the same mistake with Christian.

But affairs of the heart can't be regulated by tragedy

or time or convenience, her conscience warned her. With a thoughtful expression on her face, Toni walked over to the dresser. She picked up the brush and ran it through her hair, then turned and left the room. As she neared the kitchen, she caught the sound of Mrs. D's voice. Was Aunt Sara feeling strong enough to join them for dinner after all? For the last two days her aunt had taken a tray in her room and had been asleep by six o'clock. But when she paused in the doorway of the kitchen, it wasn't Sara Cartlaigne the housekeeper was chatting with, but Christian. He was sitting at the long work table, a mug of steaming coffee within easy reach.

Not now, was Toni's first thought. I need time space. But before she could slip quietly back into the hall and seek the security of her room, Chistian turned his head, his blue gaze pinning her with com-pelling force.

Without taking his eyes off her he rose to his feet resting his large, capable hands on the back of the chair. "You gals were rather late getting back from New Orleans, weren't you?" he asked in a calm voice.

Toni braced herself for what she hoped would be a short visit and walked into the room.

"If you'd ever gone shopping with my cousin, you wouldn't ask such a question." She crossed to where the housekeeper was busily preparing dinner. "Can I help, Mrs. D?"

"Everything is under control, Toni." The older woman smiled over her shoulder. "Christian's agreed to eat with us, so why don't you entertain him while I finish up? Oh, I meant to ask when you first came in Do you want to eat in the dining room or here in the kitchen?"